I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU EVERYTHING I'VE GOT

"We have gone through so much than this before. Please just save me from this darkness" Meredith and Derek travel to New York, Owen and Amelia in tow to handle a family crisis, while each of them deal with the repercussions of the prospect of loss, something they all now too well. Previously called "LOVE LIKE CRAZY"

A/N: Hey guys! So, I decided to redesign this story, throwing Amelia and Owen in the mix of the family dynamic, and having a lot of family moments because, admit it, life is to fragile, to instantaneous, like it was for Derek, rest his soul who wasn't even given a proper send off.

I don't own anything but my mistakes, that I apologize in advance for.

Chapter 1

"Tell me again why we agreed to this?" Meredith Grey turned back at her husband. He sighed. They had been over this more than enough times.

"Because, my mother and sisters asked us to." Derek said calmly. "It's just a few days Meredith."

"A few days with the Shepherd women is…a lot more of what I can handle." She frowned.

"Light up mom!" Zola smirked excitedly as she dragged her bag over to the front door where Derek had begun to pile up the luggage. "It's New York!" Right, said the 13 year old girl who was obsessed with fashion. No doctor bone in this one.

"You're only happy because Kate promised you an arranged tour.."

"She did not! She said we could all go." Zola bantered on.

"She bribed our child..." Derek smiled. "She did!"

"So.. That's one less kid for us worry about breaking things..."

"Boys! What's the hold up?!" Let's go!"

"Casey lost his shoe, again." Bailey said putting on a bag over his shoulder.

"Uncle Owen will be here any minute!" Meredith frustration over the overload of boys at her home got to her every time they were supposed to make it out the door in the mornings. "Help your dad with the bags" Bailey did as he was told and got a hold of the bags before they heard a horn. Wes, bolted out towards the door as soon as he heard the door. They really didn't need a dog.

"Hey." Owen said noticing the despair in Derek's face.

"Don't ask..." Derek smiled as Owen shrugged. "Come on Wes, we've got to go..."

"My toys! Daddy, are we taking my toys?" The 3 year old asked, clearly concerned.

"Yes." Derek said as he picked up the little boy. "Come on…"

By the time Meredith made it out with Casey, the boys and Zola had loaded Owen's truck. Amelia had gone on ahead with their own kids a few days back.

"Mamma, I don't want the blue sneakers, I want the black ones!"

"You've already changed them twice Case, it's this or nothing!"

"Then noting!" The little boy began to pull back towards the house. Derek and Owen shared a glance, Derek climbed off the truck to get Casey while his wife locked the house.

Yes, they were going to be a very long few days.

"Mom?" Bailey asked Meredith as they sat on the plane. His messy black hair getting messier by the minute. "Do I really have to bunk with my cousins, they are so..."

"Yes you have to, we've talked about this, everyone in this family is making sacrifices so we get to survive..." Yes well, out of all of Derek's sisters, Meredith had only bonded with Amelia after she had moved to Seattle for good, she was already in New York much to her dismay.

"You are such a drama queen Bailey." Zola said annoyed. "I have to share with all the girls and you don't see me complaining."

"You're now." The boy sank on his seat.

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!" It all went down from there as the kids began to argue until the flight attendant asked for their composure. Derek and Meredith sighed. Both the younger boys had fallen asleep and it all became quiet once more.

"Tell me again why we are doing this?"

They had not spent hardly 24 hours inside his mother's house when everyone had experience firsthand the mischief of the youngest of the clan. You see, grandma had set out a cake for dessert and Casey and Wes had made it their mission to get desert before dinner. Derek's sisters, well except for Lizzie and Amy who had spent a long time with the children, shot Meredith quite the reproachful look. "I'm sorry 'bout desert grandma." Casey said as soon as he made eye contact with Carolyn.

"Oh well, I guess we'll just have to make tonight without desert, won't we?" she said sweetly.

"Don't worry mom, the boys will help repair the damage as tomorrow it will be us making a cake, you worked too hard on yours. We should make it up to you, right boys?" the little boys nodded awkwardly.

"Wait, you will be making the cake?" Lizzie laughed. "That's something I've got to see."

"It isn't that hard sis, you should try it someday." Derek bantered on with a smile.

"I cook!" she said defensively. "You on the other hand..."

"He's quite a hand on now, if I may say so." Amy added in Derek's defense.

"Oh right, side with him, he's your favorite one after all." Kate said. Meredith watched as the siblings somehow behaved like children. This happened every time they would come visit and by the looks of it, even the kids had began to enjoy themselves as creamy covered Casey and Wes, giggled along, until Meredith told them it was time to take a bath and get ready for dinner.

"You don't think they've noticed, do you?" Meredith asked as she knelt down in front of the bathtub, she was rubbing Casey's back gently as Derek dried Wes's hair with a towel.

"About?" Meredith muttered something and her husband understood. "No, I don't think so Meredith, but you have to relax, I mean this isn't about us, this is about my mom and she's just glad we get to spend some time with her."

"Yes, I know but if they find out..."

"They won't, not if you don't actually tell them, listen I just want to spend some time here and have a good few days." He sighed.

"Daddy?" Casey asked "was grandma real mad?" the little boy looked at him in all seriousness biting his lip. "I'm really sorry,' bout the cake, honest."

"No, I don't think she was too mad buddy, in fact, I think she smiled a little." Derek winked at him with a smile.

"Is she really sick, like if she going to die? Like the people in the hospital?" Derek looked into Casey's eyes and in the mist of that innocent question was an irrational fear of the fact of having upset his grandma to the point he could have made her sicker, yes Casey and Wes were quite a handful, especially since Casey had been diagnosed with being on the spectrum, he was sweet but quite a handful and sadly, Wes was in tow for all the mischief., but even so with his diagnosis, Casey was a pretty empathetic child and he suffered most when he saw his actions had hurt someone.

"Umm... well we are all done here, why don't we go eat and then we'll talk some more about what happened?" Meredith smiled at her boys, still Derek could see his wife was trying to help him by avoiding the simplest truth of his mother dying.

"I have to say it, although it tastes like vinegar coming from my mouth." Kate said. "You surprise me little brother, this is actually a very good cake."

"Well thank you, the boys did most of the work, I just supervised them." He said as they ate. With 20 kids or so in the house, it wasn't hard for it to be noisy but they had managed to make it work.

"Like you supervise your interns at the hospital dad?" Zola asked playfully. "They are either terrified of you or mom"

"Well they call your mother Medusa, so you tell me." Derek saw Meredith glare at him across the table as they were separated by their four children, Bailey and Zola sat next to Derek while Meredith had Wes and Casey.

"And they call you McDreamy Uncle Derek, what's up with that?" One of Kate's children said. Derek saw his mother smile at the nickname, one she wasn't unfamiliar with, Derek could see his mother was awfully quiet as they ate. She'd watch her grandchildren, of all ages really, interact. And that made her happy.

"So..." Meredith found herself sitting on the swing at the Shepherd old home as Amy walked up to her with a beer in hand. Only , for her of course.

"So..." her sister in law answered with a long pause. Amelia handed Meredith the beer which she declined.

"How far along are you?" she inquired. Meredith sighed. "Oh come on. I'm a doctor and also the one Shepherd who is been there with when you found out you were having the rest of them. So?"

"I'm not even sure that I even am pregnant, I mean ten years ago it was almost impossible for me to conceive and now it seems that maybe my husband's sperm might be magical." Amy gagged. "Oh right, sorry, well, I don't even know for sure, and I am too old to be having a child now. I was too old when I had the last one."

" Does Derek know?"

"Of course he does, but a lot of stuff has been going on so we haven't really talked about it..."

"Oh yeah , how are things going with Casey?" He really hadn't been diagnosed yet, but his father was a neurosurgeon so, he was pretty sure he at least was on the spectrum, although he was extremely functional.

"They are fine, we are just getting used to the idea and he's you know, I don't know, I think he feels guilty or something. He asked me if it had been because of something he'd done and I froze... of course, after a moment I reacted and told him no, but..."

"How are you meant to bring another baby into the world now huh?" Amelia understood. She had a life now too, a husband and children so she understood where she was coming from."That's what you are thinking about?"

"Exactly, I've never been able to carry on pregnancies effectively, they always have some kind of risk and now, it's riskier than ever." Meredith glanced at the beer bottle. "Do you miss it?" Meredith suddenly asked. Amelia glanced at the liquid and smiled.

"Used to, not anymore. I have more important things to keep me wanting to, wanting to be alive." Amelia had made quite the milestones since moving to Seattle with her brother. She and Owen had really hit it off from the get go, he was miserable about Cristina, quite hurt and really vulnerable, so Amelia was that who mirrored him the most. A pregnancy and a lot of fights later, they had 3 children, all of them adorable to say the least, and although it was quite a handful while they both worked at the hospital, like Meredith and Derek, they somehow made it work.

"They you are" Derek and Owen came outside for a moment, clearly looking for them. "Everything okay?"

"You tell me." Meredith told Derek sternly, she knew he wasn't really processing what was going on with him; he'd rather just focus on the kids and the secret pregnancy, than dealing with the harsh truth of not Carolyn's condition.

"Meredith, I think you better come" Lizzie said, rushing to where they were all standing. Dr. Grey looked at her husband.

"Mommy!" A crying Casey was inconsolable as they reached the living room, a pool of blood was at his feet as he'd hit his nose and it was now bleeding. Matt, Owen and Amelia's eldest explained the situation the best he could, Derek picked the boy up and carried him to the bathroom as the rest of the crowd cleared, kids getting ready for bed.

"Amy knows?" Derek asked curiously as they got ready for bed that night.

"Yes, she has a sixth sense or something, I'm surprised your other sisters didn't ask me about it too." His wife smiled. "Those years she worked in LA really made her sneaky." Derek smirked.

"Well, to be fair, she is the one who you know better and so she knows you better too." Derek smiled.

"I just, I don't want to steal the spotlight from your mom or anything..."

"Meredith, that's not even possible and plus we said we wouldn't say anything if we weren't sure…"

"You really do want another one, don't you?" She said accusingly. "Oh My God! You do! You're a baby maniac!"

"And why not? We do make pretty cute babies" He pointed out as a matter of facty. "What's one more?"

"Tuition, that's what" Meredith sighed. "Fine, as soon as we get back home, we´ll do a checkup, until then, we won't tell anyone. Deal?"

"Deal"

So I decided to re upload this and make some changes! Particularly of course, not making Derek dead or anything because that's the cheapest I've seen a character I've invested 11 years of my life in go, just like that… boom.

He deserved better.

We deserved better.

Also I love Owen and Amelia so much so I just want Owen to be a part of that family as well, I've always wanted him to be actually…

I do hope you like this, it's a bit angsty and a bit sad but also has a lot of family moments which are my favorite and the ones I will miss the most. Anyways, please tell me what you thought if you get the chance. :)