Painful memories

It was a normal training day for Team 7. It was early in the morning when Naruto and Sakura waited for their sensei to arrive. What was unusual was not the fact that Kakashi was late. No, it was the fact that Sasuke still wasn't there. Normally the young Uchiha was the first person who arrived on the training ground. One and a half hour later, Kakashi finally made it to the training ground. He looked at his two students and worry showed in his eye, when he noticed that Sasuke wasn't there.

He was sensei for team 7 since four months ago. And in this short amount of time, he had formed a bond with his little genins. But what he would never admit was that he had a special affection for Sasuke. This young Uchiha had a really big place in his heart and Kakashi felt absolutely responsible for the boy. Sasuke had no family, while Naruto had Iruka and Sakura had her parents. Sometimes Kakashi felt like a father for the little raven haired boy. He wanted to make sure that Sasuke would choose the right path in his life. But sometimes he was really worried about Sasuke. That day was such a day.

"Sensei..." Sakura said and brought Kakashi out of his trance. "Where is Sasuke?"

"Yeah!" Naruto cried with his loud voice. "That bastard never shows up late!"

"Naruto, don't swear!" Kakashi scolded. "We'll wait for a couple of minutes. Maybe he'll show up."

Honestly, Kakashi didn't believe that Sasuke would come. He knew what day that day meant for Sasuke. Sakura and Naruto didn't know it, so he couldn't blame the two of them. But he knew and he understood perfectly why Sasuke would not come that day. That day was the fourth anniversary of the Uchiha massacre and Kakashi could understand that Sasuke was not alright. Sure, the young Uchiha was a very talented child and he was good with controlling his emotions, but Kakashi knew the boy would not be fine that day. After all, Sasuke was only twelve, a child who desperately needed someone to look out for him. Kakashi had no problem to be that person. He had a soft spot for Sasuke and he wanted to make sure Sasuke was alright. But nevertheless he had to train Naruto and Sakura first. Both of them would be confused if he stopped their training that day and he didn't want them to be worried about Sasuke too. Of course Sasuke was their teammate but they couldn't possibly understand his pain. But Kakashi could.

"Sensei, he didn't come." Sakura said and Kakashi knew the little kunoichi was sad about the fact that her crush didn't show up.

"Okay, then we'll start today's lesson!" Kakashi commanded. "Naruto, Sakura, go in position!"

The two did as they were told. Kakashi gave further instructions, while his thoughts went to Sasuke. He hoped the boy was alright. He would look for him later.

When the training finally finished, Kakashi wasted no time and went to Sasuke's apartment. He was surprised when he found it empty. He was sure the boy would be there. His worry grew because he didn't know where the boy could be. He decided to check on the cemetery. Maybe Sasuke would be there. But no, Sasuke wasn't there. Slowly Kakashi grew more worried. It was clear that Sasuke would be emotionally down that day. And that was exactly the reason why Sasuke shouldn't be alone that day. Kakashi felt guilty, because he hadn't looked after his raven haired student at once. It seemed that Sasuke took it harder than he thought.

Kakashi began to think about places where Sasuke could be. He got an idea, but he wasn't sure that Sasuke would be there. Kakashi hurried to one of the many training grounds in Konoha. He knew Sasuke very well, and he was certain that Sasuke was frustrated. Maybe the boy would train to calm himself down a bit.

Kakashi finally made it to Training Ground Ten and he felt relieved as he saw Sasuke. Sasuke was fighting against a shadow clone of himself. But that boy didn't take it easy. He could see how Sasuke was trying to catch his breath. Sasuke looked pale and his face was completely covered in sweat. The boy blocked an attack from his shadow clone, as he lost his balance and fell to the ground. Kakashi instantly knew that the little Uchiha was at his limits. He decided to stop Sasuke's irresponsible behaviour. He sent a flying kunai at the shadow clone and in the next moment, the clone disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Kakashi landed in front of his student and gave the boy a stern look. "Why did you overdo it again? You could hurt yourself!"

Sasuke gave his sensei a glare. "Leave me alone! I know exactly how much I can take!"

"I can see that." Kakashi said sarcastically. "You're at your limit, Sasuke and I don't want you to end up in the hospital. Enough for today."

"Tch. You don't understand anything." The young Uchiha replied and looked away from his sensei.

"Do you really believe that?" Kakashi asked. "Trust me, I do know how you feel. Today your memories torments you and you only want to forget everything. That's why you're training yourself to a wreck. Because you don't need to think and it helps you to forget. Even it is only for a little while."

Sasuke couldn't deny that his sensei was right. He was so damn right that it hurt. Who the hell Kakashi thought he was? To tell him about his feelings! He knew best how he felt and he didn't need Kakashi's pity! This entire day, Sasuke had tried to ignore this awful feeling. But after Kakashi's speech, he felt the pain in his chest grew stronger and together with this pain, he saw images from his past flashed before his eyes. His lovely mother, so beautiful and kind and his strict and pride father. And he saw his brother... His soft and understanding eyes, his calm and reasonable behaviour... And then he saw this terrible night. He lost his childhood that night. He lost happiness that night. He lost everything he loved that night. And since that night happened exactly four years ago, Sasukecould still remember everything. He saw his parents' dead and bloody bodies on the floor and his brother's cold and hateful eyes. The eyes of a murderer.

And he never could forget any detail, but on that day, he saw it for every second. He wanted to scream and cry but he felt ashamed about his own weakness and he hated himself for that. That was why he felt so angry. He was angry about everything but he was too proud to cry.

Unfortunately Kakashi's appearance made him only angrier. "Go away, Kakashi! You know nothing about me! So stop acting like you understand!"

"Sasuke, do you really believe I know nothing about you? Do you think I don't know what day today is?" Kakashi gave Sasuke a concerned look.

"I don't care what day it is!" Sasuke yelled, his cheeks were flushed red in anger. "Mind your own business and leave me alone!"

Kakashi could see through Sasuke's mask of anger. This boy reminded him so much of himself at that age. The little Uchiha tried to hide his true feelings behind his angry and determine mask, but on that day, this mask crumbled. An outsider wouldn't see this for sure, but Kakashi was no stranger to the boy. And he had learned to love and care deeply for this young Uchiha. His feelings were almost fatherly and he was always concerned about the boy's wellbeing. Like now, especially now. Sasuke didn't need to tell him his feelings; he could already see it in the boy's black eyes. His eyes reflected such pain and grief that he knew at once that the boy was not okay. But simultaneously he knew Sasuke wouldn't talk with him openly. For Sasuke, admitting his own weakness was an impossible thing. The little raven haired boy was so lonely because he wouldn't allow anyone to get close and see his emotions. Kakashi could remember that he used to be exactly like Sasuke. But now, Sasuke was no longer alone. He had his team. Both Naruto and Sakura cared for him. Nevertheless they couldn't possible understand Sasuke's true feelings. But Kakashi could and maybe this was the reason why he and the Uchiha boy had connected so fast and so deeply. He really liked and cared for all his students, but his connection and affection for Sasuke was stronger. He saw himself in that boy and he had to admit that Sasuke was his favourite student. Kakashi had a soft spot for Sasuke.

His proud student wasn't fine that day. The boy missed his family and it was clear that the massacre would haunt him especially hard on that day. Sasuke tried his best to hide all his problems and feelings from Kakashi. But Kakashi wouldn't allow that. Sasuke was not alone and the boy would never be alone anymore. Because he was here now and he would grieve with Sasuke together. He knew that words wouldn't reach Sasuke, so he decided to show the boy instead.

Kakashi went to the boy and grabbed both of Sasuke's arms. Sasuke began yelling and fighting at once - he wasn't used to be touched and all what he wanted that day was to be alone. Sasuke pulled and tried to free his arms from Kakashi's grip.

"Let me go!" The boy yelled and fought against his sensei. "I don't know what you want from me! Go away!"

But Kakashi didn't let go. Sasuke grew desperate. The pain in his chest grew and he noticed that tears started to sting his eyes. Sasuke didn't know why but he wanted to cry all of a sudden. Just because Kakashi held his arms in a firm grip? That was pathetic! He would not begin to cry and especially not in front of his Sensei. In his desperation, Sasuke kicked Kakashi. But Kakshi turned him around, so that he could hold the boy's arms behind his back. But suddenly Sasuke felt Kakashi's strong arms wrapped around his waist and he found himself in a firm hug. Kakashi's chest was pushed against his back and this was too much for Sasuke, for a child who wasn't hugged since four years ago! Sasuke felt more tears came to his eyes but he refused to let them fall.

"It's okay, Sasuke." Kakashi said in a soft and soothing voice. "Let it go. You have to let go of your emotions or else it will eat you up and I can't let this happen."

"Shut up! You don't know anything!" Sasuke cried but his voice was cracking. He was slowly breaking and all he wanted was that Kakashi would let him go. He wanted to be left alone. Kakashi's grip was gentle but firm and he couldn't break free no matter how much he fought.

"I know everything about this pain, Sasuke." Kakashi continued. "Believe me. I've been through the same. All my family and friends are dead. I was not older than you when it happened. So I understand everything about your feelings."

This was the point when Sasuke stopped to struggle. He couldn't believe what Kakashi had just told him. He was alone too? Was that why his sensei was by his side and tried to support him so often, because he knew how it feels?

Kakashi noticed that he had gotten Sasuke's attention. "It hurts so terrible that you think it will break you, destroy you. And sometimes it gets better, but then the memories come back and the pain begins again."

Sasuke bit his lips. He was on the edge to cry. He balled his fists and tried to be strong, but Kakashi didn't stop talking and every word from his sensei got to him.

"It will never go away, but in time, the pain will be weaker. I'm no longer alone and neither are you. We both have new bonds in our lives. We both have our team now - Naruto and Sakura. And we both have each other - we will help each other make the pain go away. Sasuke, from now on, I will always be there for you. I don't care how much I annoy you. I'm here to comfort you."

This was it. Finally Sasuke couldn't hold back his tears any longer. At first, only one or two drop of tears escaped from his eyes, but soon, tears began to stream down his cheeks. He began to sob. First, quietly but it got louder and louder. Sasuke lost his balance on his feet and he slowly sank to his knees. Kakashi followed suit, still wrapping his arms firmly around the boy's body. Sasuke began crying and screaming and Kakashi knew it was all the pain the boy tried to hide for such a long time. Finally Sasuke released his grief and Kakashi's heart ached by this scenario.

"Shh. Hush." Kakashi said soothingly and he put his head on Sasuke's shoulder and hugged the boy firmer than ever. "It's alright. Everything will be alright."

It took the boy a long time to finally calm down a bit. Kakashi sat on the ground and positioned himself so that the boy was sitting on his lap while letting Sasuke's head rest against his chest. He slowly rocked Sasuke and ruffled the boy's hair.

"I know it's extremely hard for you today. And such day will always come again, but like I said before, it will be easier some day. Until then, let me be by your side and help you to shoulder that heavy burden." Kakashi wiped the tears away from Sasuke's cheeks.

"It's just that... It hurts too much..." Sasuke suddenly spoke, but his voice was quiet and filled with pain. "And I ask myself again, why must this happen? Sometimes I think it's only a bad dream or a terrible genjutsu and all I have to do is to finally wake up... But then again... I know this is the reality..."

"I understand that well." Kakashi said.

"All I want is my parents to be here... I want my family back..." Sasuke sobbed again and fresh tears streamed down his cheeks.

Kakashi hugged Sasuke tightly and said in a reassured voice. "This wish will always stay. Believe me, I have the same wish. But it's impossible. But do you know what else I believe?"

Sasuke shook his head.

"I believe that all the people that we have lost are always with us." Kakashi continued. "My friend. Your family. I think as long as we continue to think about them, they will always live in our hearts and someday we'll reunite with them again in the afterlife. I like to think that they are in a better place now. And they're watching us."

"Do you really think so?" Sasuke asked.

"Of course. If your parents can see you now, they will not want to see you being so hurt and sad." Kakashi answered. "But I think they are really proud of you."

"Why?" Sasuke asked, confused.

"Because you never forget them. And you continue to remember them. Your parents know that you'll always love them." Kakashi said. "You'll grow up to be an exceptional shinobi, Sasuke. You are truly a good child. I'm very proud of you and I'm sure that your parents would feel the same too."

A small smile appeared on Sasuke's face as he closed his eyes and leaned against Kakashi. It was a wonderful feeling that he wasn't alone and someone was there for him. Maybe Kakashi was right. Maybe his parents would always be with him, as long as he didn't forget them. And that would never happen.

Kakashi continued rocking Sasuke. After a long time, he noticed that his student had fallen asleep when he heard Sasuke's even breathing. Kakashi smiled. It was nearly sundown. So he lifted Sasuke in his arms and brought the boy home. He sat by Sasuke's side for the whole night. He wouldn't leave the boy alone that night. He hoped for a better future for Sasuke. Kakashi wanted Sasuke to be on the right path and he wished with all his heart that Sasuke would be happy again someday. He would try his best to support that boy this way.

Especial thanks to een nihc. She overworked this story as my beta and she did a great job :) Now, the story is so much better :) Plus the title from this chapters was her idea too.

Please let me know, what you think. :)