Mel

He never told her he loved her, but she never caught on. If she did, she didn't say anything, and he often wondered if she was going to throw it in his face one day and demand to know what was wrong. Nothing was wrong. He was perfectly happy to be with her. Wasn't it enough that he showered her with affection: kisses on the nose and cuddles on the couch? From the way she went on sometimes, perhaps that was enough.

He often had to ask himself if he loved her. In his mind, he always said yes. Of course he loved her! Why else would be with her if he didn't love her? She was a beautiful woman—a bit eccentric at times—with the class and sophistication he always respected. She made a name for herself, and he admired that. He admired her.

One afternoon, they were sitting on the couch. Her head was against his chest, and his arm was wrapped around her small frame. He could feel her heartbeat against his body. Why would he hold her this close if he didn't love her with everything in him?

"You know, we should go out," Mel said softly.

"Mmm… yeah, maybe we should."

"Shopping, maybe? Downtown Seattle."

"That sounds nice."

She sighed. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Just thinking about stuff."

"I'd ask, but it's probably patients," she chuckled. "You can't tell me that stuff."

He didn't say anything. He just smiled softly and shook his head in agreement that if it was about his patients, he definitely couldn't tell her anything. He wasn't thinking about them, though, but why would he tell her what he was really thinking? Niles was having one of those moments again; he was questioning his affection for her.

His mind was screaming, yes, you love her! And yet, he couldn't help but feel conflicted. Somehow, it felt so strange having her in his arms. He brushed his fingertips against her forearm in an attempt for things to make sense. Her skin prickled, but it did nothing for him.

His brain was muddled. Everything was happening so fast. Had it really been almost six months since they started dating? Had it really been that long since he went to her office — thinking he would run into some old man — running into an attractive woman? Had it really been that long since Donny and Daphne got engaged? Somehow, it seemed like just yesterday he was sitting in Frasier's living room, watching as Daphne was slowly being taken away from him.

Oh, what did he expect? He never made his feelings known, so there was no chance for them to get together. He had no right to feel jealous, even now. Especially now! He had a wonderful woman in his life, and he was over it. He was over Daphne. She was moving on with her life, and he was happy for her; he really was.

"You should stop being so pensive," Mel said in a teasing tone. "Because I'm here, and I think I can get your mind off all that."

Niles hoped she would. She was always doing that, and he was grateful. He turned to her and offered a smile. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah." She shifted in his arms, forcing him to readjust as well. She gazed up at him, and he could see she loved him; he hated that. "Niles Crane, I am so lucky to be with you." She gave him a little smirk as she craned her neck upwards and met his lips. "I love you."

He couldn't say it back. Lord knows he wanted to say it back. He needed to say it back before he lapsed into madness over everything that had happened in the last year.

His mouth was dry as he tried to open it. He just couldn't do it. Before she could question him, Niles put his hands on her cheeks and kissed her. He could only give her affection, and through that, she had to know… She just had to know.

He pulled away from her and stroked her cheekbone. She was smiling. His mind was still buzzing with questions, and he finally had an answer.

I don't love her.