Author's note: So I started watching Switched At Birth a few months ago and just recently caught up with season 4 and really wanted to delve into the whole Bay/Tank thing. The story will deal with Bay's assault and the fallout of that. While I keep some things canon and even use some dialogue lifted from the episodes, this is really my own telling of the aftermath loosely inspired by the episodes. This is obviously my first crack at writing SAB fiction.

I'm not going to use different font effects to represent speaking vs. signing because I honestly find that a little confusing visually. So while I'll do my best to make it clear in the text, just assume everyone communicates how they would on the show, i.e. Bay speaks and signs when talking to a Deaf person but just uses her voice when she's talking to someone who isn't deaf, Emmett signs, Daphne speaks and signs, Regina just uses her voice, etc. So even though I might just use the word "said" in certain spots, if applicable I mean "said and signed".

For the first time ever Bay felt uncomfortable lying in bed with Emmett. He had flown all the way back to Kansas City with Daphne after hearing about the "Tank incident", as she had been referring to it in her head, but he had hardly said two words to her since stepping foot inside her house. She had been so happy to see him when he walked in that she felt like crying. And when he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her close to his chest, she had felt such relief. They would be okay, she thought. He was with her and they would be okay. She was safe again.

But they weren't okay. Bay had been terrified that she had lost Emmett for good when she told him what happened, but she didn't lose him. He was in her room with her, lying next to her on her bed, and yet she couldn't remember ever feeling so far away from him. He refused to talk about the Tank incident with her. Every time she tried to bring it up, he'd shut the conversation down and Bay was too afraid to force the issue and risk pissing him off again. But she needed to talk about it. All the things she wanted to say were building up, clawing at her insides in an attempt to escape, but Emmett wouldn't listen and she could feel her skin crawling with all the things left unsaid between them.

Bay was a talker. She talked a lot, rambled mostly, especially when she was nervous, but she didn't always want to talk, not about everything, not about the difficult things, not about the Tank incident, not just to anyone. But she couldn't not talk about something when she needed to talk about it and she needed to talk to Emmett about the Tank incident. She needed him to know the truth and be okay with it. The whole truth, not the truth he had made up in his mind where Tank was the monster rapist and she was the fragile victim. She just needed him to understand that she had played a part in it too. She couldn't live with the guilt of letting Emmett think of her as an innocent victim because she wasn't a victim and she didn't feel innocent. She felt responsible and she didn't think she should be absolved of that responsibility just because it was easier for Emmett to blame Tank.

Bay couldn't help but marvel at Emmett and his ability to simplify things. In Emmett's mind, the Tank incident was black and white, open and shut. Tank was bad and she was good and that was that. She was actually jealous of Emmett for being able to see things so clearly, because all she saw was a big gray mess and she didn't know how to feel about it. She knew how everyone else felt, because everyone had made their opinions abundantly clear, but she still hadn't been able to commit to an opinion of her own. It was all just too confusing.

Emmett turned to show her the apartments in L.A. he was looking at for them on his laptop. His expression was so relaxed, like he hadn't a care in the world, and Bay's guilt stabbed deeper at her. How could she let him think she was innocent just because it was easier?

Bay sighed, she couldn't pretend nothing was wrong. "Emmett, I think we're skipping a step here. We need to talk about what happened. We can't just move past it like everything's okay. I'm not going to be ready to talk about L.A. till we do."

"What are you saying? You don't want to go to L.A. now?" Emmett signed.

"No, I'm not saying that," Bay said in frustration. "I just want to talk."

Emmett rolled away from her and shot up from the bed. "I told you we don't need to talk. You were raped. What else is there to say?" Emmett signed emphatically.

Bay felt her insides twist at Emmett's use of the "R word". She couldn't help but have a visceral reaction to the word whenever someone used it in relation to her. When she had told Regina her story using Tess as a cover and Regina rattled off the "R word" like it was the simplest thing in the world, Bay's stomach had dropped. That wasn't what happened. Not to her. There was no way in hell she'd ever think of herself as a rape victim. She may not have wanted to have sex with Tank and she certainly wasn't okay with him just going ahead with it while she was too drunk to stop him, but she wasn't raped. Not in her mind at least.

"Emmett, it is not that simple," Bay said hesitantly. It was clear to Bay that Emmett had made up his own mind about what had happened to her in that dorm room with Tank, but how could he be so sure when she was so confused.

Emmett grew angry, like he always seemed to do when she said something he didn't like. "The only thing we should be talking about is why Tank isn't in jail right now."

"Emmett!"

Emmett was undeterred by her interruption. "Seriously, why is he allowed to just roam free and do it again? What I wouldn't give for just five minutes with that guy. Just me, a baseball bat, and-"

"Emmett!" Bay screamed again.

Emmett huffed and turned away, waving her off. She didn't know what else she could say to convince him that she wasn't some delicate flower who had been taken advantage of by the big beer-guzzling jock, so she let the conversation drop. How was she supposed to tell Emmett the truth when he refused to listen to it? Maybe it would be best to hit pause and try again another time. They were both too keyed up to have a rational discussion anyway.

They spent the next couple hours sitting in awkward silence in Bay's room. Emmett continued his online L.A. apartment hunt while Bay laid next to him starring up at the ceiling thinking about how badly she had managed to screw up her life. She didn't know why she consistently made such stupid choices but she told herself she needed to stop. She needed to stop jumping into situations blind and think things through instead. Maybe if she had thought a little more carefully before she decided to take the blame for Daphne, or if she had been smarter and not taken that sandwich to Robbie at community service, or if she hadn't drank so much at the party, then maybe she wouldn't be in this mess with Tank and Emmett.

Finally Emmett put the laptop down on her nightstand and turned to Bay, tapping her arm to get her attention.

"I'm sorry," he signed sincerely. "I don't want to fight. I just want to be here for you."

Bay nodded. "I'm sorry too. No more fighting," she agreed with a smile. As she said the words she couldn't shake her feeling of unease. Was it right to just let the issue die because it was easier? She still felt guilty about Emmett not knowing the whole truth but she didn't want to keep fighting for him to hear her. She just wanted things to be better.

"Good. Let's do something other than fighting," Emmett signed, smirking suggestively at her.

Bay laughed and leaned up to meet his lips as he went in for a kiss. Emmett covered her body with his, one hand combing through her hair while the other wrapped around her stomach, pulling her up against him. His legs slipped between hers, their limbs intertwining in a tangled mess on her bed as they rolled around till Bay fell back with Emmett on top of her.

They kissed slowly at first, Bay savoring the taste of Emmett's mouth and the gentle touch of his hands. But then his tongue dipped further into her mouth and his weight pressed her deeper into the mattress, and Bay began to panic. Her mind flashed back to a thick tongue tasting of alcohol forcing it's way into her mouth and the feeling of someone heavy moving on top of her, trapping her beneath him. She shuddered at the hazy memory and tried to think of Emmett. Only Emmett. Emmett's mouth working against hers, Emmett's hands stroking her skin, Emmett's body moving on top of her. But it wasn't just Emmett she felt. Bits and pieces of that night were rushing back to her and she could feel Tank on her skin. She tried to push the memories back down to where they came from, but her mind was at war with her body and the memories continued to wash over her. She wanted to be with Emmett, but she couldn't shake the feeling of Tank.

Emmett's lips moved to her neck, sucking gently on her exposed skin, and Bay did her best to clamp down the rising feelings of panic and breathe through it. Closing her eyes, she started to count to ten, just like Daphne had guided her to do in the quad the day they ran into Tank and she freaked out. But by time she reached the number 7 Emmett had already kissed his way down her neck, past her chest and to her stomach. He was now working open the fly on her jeans with one hand while the other stretched upward, sliding under her shirt and over her bra.

Bay's breathing grew heavier and she felt her chest tightening, making it difficult to breathe. "No, no, no," she muttered to herself. This couldn't be happening to her, not now. This wasn't going to be one more thing in her life that got screwed up. She squirmed uncomfortably beneath Emmett, a sick feeling creeping up on her.

"Emmett," she tried to say but he cut her off with a hard passionate kiss. Bay was completely overwhelmed with anxiety now. His body felt heavy on top of hers. His tongue in her mouth was making her nauseated. And the hand he was currently slipping into her underwear made her want to shake and scream out in something other than pleasure.

"Emmett," she repeated breathlessly, breaking their kiss. "Hold on, let's just go slow," she added, but he couldn't see her mouth and she couldn't use her hands. Him not being able to understand what she needed compounded her anxiety and she felt her heart race faster. She needed him to stop, she needed him to listen. She placed a hand on his chest and pushed, forcing him to look at her. "Emmett... Emmett, stop! Stop! Get off of me!" she screamed.

Emmett drew back suddenly, confused and hurt. "What's wrong?" he signed in question, rolling off her onto his side.

Bay didn't turn on her side to face him right away. Instead she remained on her back, her eyes shut tight as she tried to catch her breath.

Emmett noticed his girlfriend's chest rising and falling rapidly as she gasped for air and trembled on the bed. He gabbed her arm shook her worriedly. "Are you okay?" he asked, but she couldn't see his hand and his holding her was only making matters worse.

She turned her body sharply and yanked her arm out of his grasp, muttering something he couldn't make out.

"Bay!" Emmett said out loud. The sound of his voice was enough to startle her out of her haze and cause her to look back and focus on him. "Breathe," he instructed with his hands now that her eyes were on him.

Bay nodded, grabbing hold of his hand and holding it to her chest to try to ground herself. She continued to count till her breathing evened out. Emmett could feel Bay's heart pounding as she took deep ragged breaths. When her panic finally subsided it was quickly replaced with embarrassment.

"Oh God," Bay groaned, scrambling off the bed once her head cleared. "Emmett, I'm so sorry," she said before buttoning up her pants. "I don't know what happened. I didn't... it wasn't. I wanted to, I promise."

Emmett shook his head. "No. It's okay. I understand. I shouldn't have pushed so soon. I wasn't thinking straight."

"No you didn't do anything wrong. It's me. I've been having these... panic attacks. That's what Daphne called them at least. It wasn't about you," she said in a rush. "We could try again if you want," she added uneasily, secretly hoping he wouldn't take her up on her offer.

Emmett shook his head. "No. You don't have to do that. I should go."

"Emmett... I'm sorry," Bay said guiltily.