LOVENADO: THE FINAL CHAPTER

FINISHED

He'd found love and lost, fell to despair and was slapped out of it, and now… there was only path left to him.

Shulk had one goal.

He needed to find Hades again. Hades, who used him. Hades, who left him. With his Lovenado, he'd show Hades how he felt. Probably through sex.

Which was why Shulk needed her help.

"You want to go to Hell, dear? I know much quicker ways than what you're proposing," Bayonetta said with a smirk as she sexily posed for literally no reason. Shulk shook his head and almost choked on his own hair.

"I need to be able to come back. You're the only person here who's been there and back. You must take me," Shulk answered, filled with determination and cheap references.

"Well then, you'll need us too," a voice said from the doorway.

Shulk turned to see…

And it was . . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

That cocky son of a bitch Cloud surrounded by his waifus and Waluigi. He had followed Cloud because he, too, was a cold and a broken Waluigi.

Cloud smirked and flipped his dick in a fabulous manner. It had taken a long, long time for him to procure this treasure, involving a deal with Kyuubey and Kars with a razor.

"What a pain…"

Following behind Cloud was Shulk's childhood friend and sandwich making extraordinaire, Fiora! Who was only hot when she was robotic. Who was she again? Anyway, Fiora entered the room with another robotic girl.

"Shulk, we'll help. Don't worry, my girlfriend KOS-MOS and I can be of assistance!" Fiora said cheerily before suddenly making out with KOS-MOS. Shulk's Buster grew three sizes that day as his Robo-waifu fetish raged silently into the night. Bayonetta, upon noticing this situation, got bored and left to kill a disappointing final boss in Bayonetta 2. Then the room suddenly shook and a loud beat began to play.

This was…

This could only be...

Something was either incredibly wrong or incredibly right. It was . . . Phoenix Wright!

...No, no it wasn't.

He

HAS NO STYLE

HE HAS NO GRACE

THIS MONADONG

HAS A METAL FACE

Upon hearing this mysterious chant, Shulk looked up into the sky to see a giant Mumkhadicksonban, the trifusion of the ultimate gods of sex.

"WE HAVE HEARD YOUR REQUEST! AND SHALL GRANT YOU SAFE PASSAGE INTO HADES' DOMAIN, YOUNGADO BOY!"

The world fell away.

And Shulk found himself before his one true love; Riki.

"HEROPON BEAT MEAT GOOD!" He exclaimed in a joyful manner as he removed his soft vest.

"UH, SORRY. WRONG DOMAIN," Mumkhadicksonban apologized as the world fell away onto its face again.

Now, standing there, looking cocky as ever… was Hades.

"Ah, Shulky-Shulk. I thought I left you with that oh so self-righteous goddess of light."

Shulk didn't say a word. He pulled his Lovenado out of his pants and pressed a button.

It began to vibrate.

Hades' eyes narrowed. Was this it? Was this the extent of his determination? No, he saw something great growing within Shulk's eyes, within his pants. The young boy was serious.

"Hades… You know where this is going, right?" Shulk asked. Hades smiled viciously.

"Oh? Where exactly?"

Shulk suddenly charged forward and screamed his battle cry.

"UP YOUR AAAAAAAAAAASS!"

Hades reeled back in surprise, but as he did, he tripped on a conveniently-placed Waluigi. As he fell backwards, limbs flailing, his legs spread, one sticking straight up in the air. For a single moment, his godly buttocks were exposed.

That one moment was all Shulk needed.

He closed the distance between them in a single bound, and before the God of the Underworld could even twitch his finger, the young Homs engineer rammed the Hypnozapper up the anal cavity of the deity in a single smooth, strong motion.

The howls of pain could be heard from across the multiverse, and some swore that there were cries of ecstasy mixed therein.

For a brief moment, there was peace. Wars stopped. Robbers paused. Even the worst serial killers felt remorse. This single feeling of happiness spread through everyone and most hugged one another or at least humped each others' legs.

Shulk pulled out.

"Now, do you understand?" He asked the defeated god. "This was my True Monado all along."

Hades merely whimpered in pain, curled up in a fetal position on the floor.

As Shulk took a step towards him, the world shifted.

No.

Something was wrong with all of this.

He felt something akin to a bolt of electricity shoot through his mind.

Why was he here? How did he get here? Hades? He pegged Hades? What the bloody hell? Wa? That was too far from whom he really was. It was too much out of character. How did this whole sexventure even start?

Shulk realized he had no answers.

Then, he noticed something off about the Lovenado.

It was glowing with a dark energy.

'Don't you see, Shulk? See how he whimpers? Truly… I'm the only one for you…'

The Lovenado electrocuted him suddenly, causing him to drop it before it rose to float in the air before him.

'This world. This reality. This… story. IT'S ALL MINE.'

And the Lovenado twisted and turned, shifting into a fusion between two gods.

"I AM ZANZA. I AM HADES. I AM…. ZANZADES!"

Shulk suppressed a laugh… but I slapped him.

Nobody makes fun of MY new name.

Shulk laughed anyways.

He didn't need any god-author telling him what to do.

But then he fell down a hole. Because plot.

No, Shulk didn't. He has just as much a say in this story as anybody else.

Yes, Shulk did. Because Alvis said so.

Shut up, Reyn.

You shut up first, Melia.

No, we have to tell this story to the littlepons. We can at least try to make it more coherent.

Fine, fine. He didn't fall down a hole. He fell into a spike pit.

REYN!

"Now it's Reyn time!" came a mighty shout, as Shulk's huge, muscular friend stood behind him in the spike pit. Almost entirely naked, except for a sock covering his little Reyn.

Shulk, annoyed by the presence of Reyn and… Reyn junior, began to dig in the wall frantically. He wanted out of this hell hole as soon as possible.

But he was too slow.

"Wild Down!" shouted Reyn, toppling Shulk. "BONE UPPER!" he shouted, plunging his Reyn Jr. into Shulk's Rho Oasis. "HAMMER BEAT!" Reyn continued. Tears began to run down the Wielder of the Monado III's face, but he had to do it to please the two Reyns. "MAGNUM CHARGE!" shouted Reyn as he equipped a Haste VI gem on the smaller Reyn.

At this point, Zanzadong or whatever looked down in the spiked pit to see butt sex. In his rage, he ASSumed his final form.

"DON'T YOU SEE, FOOLS?! MY BUTT IS BIGGER, FASTER AND STRONGER TOO!"

And he grew and shifted as mustard and mayonnaise coated his nude body. Then the succulent MEAT and bread covered him and they all saw him for what he truly was.

The Sandwionis. The god made of infinite sandwiches.

Reyn and Shulk ceased their love-making to observe the reappearance of the legendary Sandwionis.

Butt just then, they heard it:

"BESTEST!" It was the Noponis. Could he have arrived to do battle with the Sandwionis? Maybe even a little… more? "RAISE YOUR DONGER" the god demanded as it began to show its 'littlepon.'

"NOPONIS," the Sandwionis began, "MY LOAF HAS RISEN. PERHAPS YOUR LITTLEPON IS INSUFFICIENT!"

Using this distraction, Shulk and Reyn got on each others' shoulders and climbed out of the glory hole.

The Sandwionis fired salami out of its nipples at the approaching giant Nopon titan that could only be described as Oka's fetish. Still remaining from the previous fight, Waluigi began to devour the hot juicy meat that missed its target. He then removed his shirt, his sculpted abs glistening in the sunlight. Even the Sandwionis and Noponis had to stop what they were doing to stare in awe and the sex god that had revealed himself before them. Waluigi, with a seductive "Waa...!" removed his tight leather overalls, showing the world his warp pipe in all its glory.

"I'M NUMBER ONE!" He murmured with bedroom eyes.

The god of desire in Geek mythology; Waluigi knew damn well he was good looking. After spending minutes appreciating his own body, he exclaimed a hearty "WA!"

Shulk and Reyn were left below the titanic nipplami fight and steathily sneaked past Waluigi, distracting him temporarily with shiny pocket change. This however was only temporary, as the WAA can never be truly avoided. With the sounds of giant battle sex in the distance, the two sat on the ground and watched the folly of man.

"Hey, Reyn?" Shulk asked. "How did it ever come to this?"

Reyn shrugged.

"I fucked your mum," he replied with a smirk. Shulk playfully punched him back because he knew all along that Reyn was his father.

"I think. I think we should go home. Back to Melia and Sharla. And to that other girl that's not a robot; Fiorump. Oh, and Dunban too. Things got too weird," Shulk said.

"What about Riki?" Reyn asked as he slowly caressed Shulk's carrot with his Scrap Driver. The man had an excellent vegetable garden.

Shulk smiled as "Heropon beat meat good!" echoed in his head repeatedly.

"I think he's the one driving the Noponis. Let him have Hades and Zanzadong. Besides, everyone in Smash all still wants to go back to Melee anyways, and I wasn't a part of that. At least back home, every butt has a name attached to it," Shulk said with a grin.

Reyn sighed.

"You're right on that. Let's go home."

And then they jumped into a portal and went home.

But when they got home, they saw two similarly robed strategists standing before them.

"Robins…" Shulk said. "Do you not want this to end already? This... madness? I'm sure you both have places to go home to."

The strategists lifted their robes, revealing that they wore nothing underneath.

"Shulk," the female Robin said as she took a step towards him. "I need your child. Chrom is impotent. He's not Lucina's real father."

The male robin stepped forward.

"Shulk," the male Batman and Robin said, "I want to touch your butt."

Shulk looked towards Reyn and the beautiful mass of muscle nodded in approval.

One last time. One last ride.

Together, they dyed the world white.

The end.

Reyn finished his story with Melia after what felt like at least a year, but he couldn't be happier. Well, the littlepon they were telling it to either committed suicide, suffered permanent scarring, or simply became as mad as the story itself, but Reyn felt the entire thing to be a success.

When he told Shulk of his "Lovenado Chronicles" story, the blond haired animu protagonist simply shook his head and said one, single sentence.

"What the fuck, Reyn?"

THE END