Tag to 10.19, The Werther Project

I glance over at Sam and he's clutching the book we retrieved from the Werther box close to his chest. Either he's taking this legacy thing a bit too seriously or something else is going on…..something he doesn't want me to know about. I'm worried about him. I know he's not sleeping a lot lately. I'm pretty sure he's still researching the Mark even though I've asked him numerous times to stop. He's not going to find anything to help me. He's only going to run himself into the ground and I can't let him do that. The Mark is my responsibility. I'm the one who agreed to bear it and I'm the one who will have to figure a way out of this…..one way or the other.

I'd do it, if I really had to, I would.

I hadn't been lying to Benny…..or myself….whatever. If a bullet through my head would stop this madness….would keep me from hurting Sam or Cas…..I'd do it in a heartbeat but I know the Mark isn't going to let me. It wants me alive…..for what purpose…..I don't know….and if, for some crazy reason, I end up dead like I did last time, the Mark will find a way to be reunited with the Blade. Wherever Cas hid it won't be good enough. Somehow we'll be reunited and then….well, I can't think about that. If I do, it might send me spiraling over the edge…..and I'm barely hanging on these days, as it is.

I pull into the parking lot of the first Gas-N-Sip we come across and Sam raises his head, giving me a bleary look. He'd almost been asleep.

"I'll be right back." I nod toward the book cradled in his arms. "I'll give you two some alone time."

Sam frowns and then forces a smile onto his face. He's hiding something. My instinct had been correct. Dammit, Sam.

After finding what I'm looking for in the store, I return to the car and dump a six pack of juice boxes and a package of chocolate chip cookies into my brother's lap.

"Um….I'm not hungry, Dean, but thanks?" Sam gives me a questioning look as he places the juice and food on the seat between us while keeping one hand wrapped around the book.

"You lost a lot of blood, Sammy."

"Dude, I'm fine." I can see his bitchface starting to show.

"Yes, I know, you're fine, but humor me, okay?"

"Dean…."

"Sam, can you just eat a damn cookie….for me?" I can do a mean bitchface of my own when I need to but decide on the puppy dog eyes this time. Sam may be my younger brother, but I've learned a trick or two from him over the years. Puppy dog eyes win every time.

Sam gives me a long look and then opens the cookies, taking a small bite from one. "Happy now?"

"Ecstatic."

Score one for diseased killer puppy dog eyes.

I start the car and head toward home. Sam eats three cookies and drinks a juice box before falling asleep beside me. I reach over and snatch the book from his lap, tossing it into the back seat. Whatever is in that book…..it makes my skin crawl just by touching it. We need to lock it up and throw away the key before something bad happens. Just the thought makes me shiver and I realize that as bad as things may seem right now, they could always be worse. I glance over at my sleeping brother and a lump forms in my throat.

I'm not letting anything happen to you, Sammy. I'm still the big brother here. It's my job to keep you safe…always.

When we reach the bunker, Sam stirs from his nap and seems almost frantic when he finds the book missing from his grasp.

"What's wrong, Sammy?"

"Nothing…I just….." He glances into the back seat and spots the book. "Bad dream….I guess."

"Yeah, okay."

But I'm not buying it. What the hell is he hiding from me?

Sam grabs the book from the back seat and heads toward his room with me right on his heels. I stop long enough to retrieve the first aid kit and then push my way into Sam's room before he can close the door in my face.

"Dean, what are you doing?"

"Let's have a look at that arm, Sammy."

"It's fine, Dean." Sam pulls up his sleeve to reveal the hastily tied handkerchief still wrapped around his forearm.

"Yeah, that was fine for a few miles but it needs to be dressed properly. Sit down."

With an exasperated sigh, Sam plops down on the edge of his bed and holds his arm out toward me. I remove the bloody handkerchief and take my time cleaning the wound, wrapping it with a fresh bandage. I frown as Sam rolls his sleeve back down.

"What?" asks Sam.

"What do you think is in that book?" I motion toward the bedside table where he has placed the book.

His eyes shift sideways. "No idea. Can't be anything good."

"My thoughts exactly." I grab the book and shove it inside my jacket.

"What are you doing?" He's trying to keep his voice steady but I hear the panic just beneath the surface.

"I'm going to lock it up so it doesn't hurt anyone else."

"But I wanted to study it…..to see what makes it tick."

"Sam, you almost died because of this book. I think whatever makes it tick is nothing we need to be messing with. Don't you agree?"

"But….."

"Don't you agree?" I ask him again, this time with more force.

"Yeah, you're right, Dean. Sure. We should lock it up." He jumps up and heads toward the door.

"Where are you going?"

"To find somewhere safe to stash it."

"No, you're not. You need to rest."

Sam throws his hands up in frustration. "Dean, how many times do I have to tell you I'm fine?"

"As many as it takes for me to believe it."

"Dean…."

"Sammy, don't make me put you in that bed."

He gives me a defiant look, as if he dares me to try and then his eyes soften. He knows I'm worried about him, same as he is about me and he can't stay mad. "Okay, fine."

"Good. I'll be back to check on you in a minute."

I head down to the storage rooms and find somewhere to tuck the book away until we have time to deal with it. Right now I don't want it anywhere near my brother or me. When I return to Sam's room, he's changed into sweats and is stumbling toward the bed. Whether he wants to admit it or not, he's beat. As he tumbles into bed, I pull the blankets up to his chin.

"Thanks, bro," he whispers sleepily, his eyes already closed.

I stand there watching him for a moment, thinking how much effort he has put into finding a cure for the Mark and the toll this last year has taken on him. I should have never agreed to bear the Mark but as usual, I wasn't thinking when I did. It was a means to an end and I never considered for one minute what it would do to me…..or to him. And now, after what Cain said…..I can't let that happen. If I lose control and something happens to him…

"Dude, are you going to stand there and watch me all night?" Sam is staring up at me.

"I thought you were asleep."

"How can I sleep with you watching me?"

I can't help but smile as this brings back a memory from our childhood. "You used to all the time."

"I'm not five anymore, Dean." But Sam manages a smile of his own and I know he's remembering the times he would crawl into my bed and tell me to watch him until he fell asleep, to make sure the monsters didn't get him. Even at such a young age, Sam had known something wasn't right about our life…..even before he found out the truth. But he'd also known that I would always take care of him…..and I will.

Sam's breathing is deep and even and I know he's finally drifted off to sleep. I reach down and brush a stray hair from his face. It's my job to protect you, Sammy, but what are you hiding from me?

SAM

Sam finds the book nestled between two boxes of old porn and he can't help but smile. Of course, Dean would stash the book somewhere he could find it easily. Sam pulls the book from its hiding place and stuffs it into his bag, while pulling out another book that looks nothing like the codex and placing it on the floor. He opens a small pouch, pouring the contents over the second book. After reciting a short spell, Sam picks up the book and examines it. He pulls out the codex and holds it next to the other book. They look identical. Sam places the fake codex back in the spot where Dean had hidden the real one. When Dean decides to deal with the book, he'll never know the difference.

Sam hadn't planned on Dean finding out about the book because he'd known Dean would be suspicious. Dean may have thwarted those plans when he showed up unannounced in St. Louis but Sam had been prepared. He wasn't willing to take any chances and had asked Rowena for the transfiguration spell ahead of time, anticipating his brother's possible reactions. Sam knows the codex contains what he needs to save Dean and nothing or nobody is going to stand in his way…...not even his own brother.

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