Naruto woke up to a black-haired, green-eyed toddler sitting on his chest. The accompanying letter claimed that the kid was family. What other choice did he have but to take the child in? Fifteen year old genin, saddled with a kid, and still a virgin. God, Ero-Sennin was never going to let him live this down. A Naruto adopts Harry story.

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A loud cracking sound hovered briefly in the air before the magic that created it disappeared. Surprisingly, the sound didn't wake up the young toddler sleeping on the doorstep. Dark, tousled hair covered the round face of a gently dozing child. He was clad in dark blue pajamas and bundled into a red and gold blanket. The blanket was embroidered with four animals: a stag, a dog, a wolf, and a rat. The most striking part of his appearance was the jagged star- red and pulsating- on his smooth forehead.

That boy was Harry Potter, and fortunately for him, he would not be staying on that doorstep for long.

Another creature appeared at the end of the street. Much like his Human, this beautiful creature of red and gold was unwelcome here at Private Drive. Fawkes had actually arrived at the area far earlier in the day, but had waited for his Human to bring the boy over here. He gave a soft, mournful trill.

This newly orphaned boy was being left to Muggles with some of the most petty souls Fawkes had ever encountered. Sometimes, Albus was an idiot.

Fawkes gave another trill, before flying down to land besides the sleeping wizard-child. With his beak, he nudged away the part of the blanket that covered the boy's face. The slimy, cold feeling of Dark Magic on the boy made him cringe, before Fawkes regained control of himself and moved closer. A few tears ran down the wizard-child's face, making Harry squirm in discomfort from the odd sensation. The darkness faded a little, but the scar remained, much to Fawkes' annoyance.

The immortal creature of light flew back to his previous spot to pick up a piece of parchment he'd stolen from Albus and left in the bushes. Carefully lifting a claw, he dipped it in a bottle of ink also nicked from Albus, and slowly sketched a few of those shapes that he was familiar with. He waited for the ink to dry- impatient because it was chilly, and the night was terrible, and he wouldn't have even had to do this had Albus simply thought the situation through first. Once the ink had dried to his satisfaction, Fawkes delicately picked it up and nestled it in between the boy and his blanket.

The next part, Fawkes knew, would be tricky. He was banking on that odd energy source he'd felt on Lily-witch some five or six years ago. That energy wasn't the type that he was familiar with, the one that wizards termed "magic". This was also "magic", but it was not wizard-magic. Wizard-magic centered around a core, a wellspring of power that resided in the naval area and pulsed with a steady, comforting light. It was a wizard's second heartbeat.

This wizard-child had very strong wizard-magic, but he had very strong other-magic too. Other-magic was different from wizard-magic; it ran all over the body with no center. Other-magic hummed, and spun, and danced; it flitted across the boy's body like a cloak, a protector, a friend. It was playful magic, rich in power and reckless abandon. He could see tendrils of it wafting over the boy's skin, coiling and uncoiling to form ever more complex swirls in the shape of whirlpools. Then the energy would crescend, and a wave of other-magic would slam the whirlpools and scatter them into tendrils again, making the entire process start over again.

This was something Fawkes could see and he gazed at it in wonder. Hesitantly, the phoenix closed it's eyes and employed one of the greatest powers its' species possessed. He extended his consciousness and "touched" the magic.

Fawkes had been a little concerned about how the other-magic would react. He had never "touched" the other-magic before, and unlike wizard-magic, this energy might react in a negative manner. He need not have worried, for the magic embraced him with all of the eagerness and warmth of a child. The other-magic was lonely. It's only other source of other-magic had disappeared.

Fawkes resisted being pulled into the allure of the other-magic. This was the danger that "touching" magic provided. It was addictive and enticing, especially if it was held by a strong magic user like this wizard-child. It held an imprint of the caster- and this wizard-child was summer rain, and green moss, and raspberries, and pine needles. He rather liked the little boy who came from the James-wizard of the hazelnuts, and wet grass, and sunshine and broomstick polish. He had never felt Lily-witch's magic before- unlike her husband, she wasn't a prankster and had never been called up to the Headmaster's office- but he assumed that she also had nice magic.

Ignoring the urge to drown himself in the other-magic, Fawkes drew up all of the feelings and memories and "magic" he associated with the idea of family. He pushed it towards the other-magic and waited patiently. He did not have to wait for long as the other-magic immediately responded. A wave of childish anger and childish tears and childish frustration hit him, bringing with it three murky pictures. One was a beautiful red-haired woman, then a man with messy hair and glasses, and finally the dog-man with the laughing grey eyes.

Fawkes reeled from the emotions, before focusing on the third picture. He sent it back with a feeling that basically boiled down to "what the fuck?". The message back was prompt: a chubby man with the face of a rat, a tendril of soul magic around his core, and a poisonous green snake wrapped around his arm. Fawkes was stunned. Stunned.

The bird was about to withdraw when the other-magic "spoke" again. This time it was an even murkier picture, but Fawkes could make out a few details. Foxes and spring breezes and salty water and morning dew. Blonde hair and blue eyes. A touch of prophecy. Laughter. Hope. And other-magic that leapt and danced like a whirlpool. Jackpot.

Fawkes clutched the image tightly and squawked in triumph. Then, with a flash of fire, both the bird and the boy disappeared from Private Drive forever.

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Harry was, surprisingly enough, the first person to wake up. The fifteen-month toddler had been a little disconcerted when he found himself in new surroundings. Trees and rocks and pretty flowers that were like mummy's hair... Mummy! Where was Harry's mummy?

The little boy had been placed safely on the ground, beneath a tree, and he struggled to wiggle himself out of his too-warm blanket. The boy shakily stood on two chubby legs and looked around for his Mummy. He couldn't find her! Harry was just about to plop himself down for a good cry when his eyes caught sight of Naruto.

Now, some part of Harry recognized that this man was a stranger. A stronger part- the Magical part- realized that the person had the same "feel" as Mummy. And Daddy Pwongs and Unca Pafoo could look different too. So in Harry's childish mind...

"Mummy!" Harry shouted exuberantly, as he toddled up to the sleeping blonde. The baby threw his hands around the blonde's neck and stumbled onto the side of his body, "Mummy! Mummy!"

The happy shouts awakened the other two people in the clearing. The first man, a tall, big-shouldered man with long, white hair, merely propped himself up on one arm and stared. He had been awake ever since the toddler starting wiggling in his blanket, but didn't make a move yet as he wanted to see what the child would do.

As for the other man, Naruto didn't react as gracefully.

Blue eyes opened in alarm to find a teary-eyed midget pressing his face so close to Naruto's that their noses were touching.

"Aaah!" Naruto screamed, bolting upright and dislodging the toddler. Harry fell to the ground, landing harshly on his butt, and started to cry.

The sound gave Naruto pause, as he stopped and took in the details of his assaulter. Messy black hair, bright green eyes, a sharp cut that looked recently acquired, and mini-people pajamas. And tears. There were a lot of tears and some snot too. The midget wasn't the neatest of criers.

"Hey... um... don't cry," Naruto offered, tentatively patting the boy on the back, "You don't need to cry? It's okay?"

"M-mummy," Harry whimpered, reaching out his arms again. The blonde hesitantly picked the child up and half-cradled him from nearly a foot away. Harry made motions to get closer, so, resigned, Naruto brought the child closer to his chest.

"Listen kid, I'm not really your mommy," Naruto tried to explain, "I'm a guy, see? Hey, are you lost? Do you know where your mom is?"

Harry started up at him, with big green eyes. He clearly had no idea what Naruto had just said. The toddler merely raised a chubby little fist and solemnly put it in his mouth. Naruto sweat dropped.

The ninja jutted his thumb out and pointed it at himself. "Na-ru-to," he enunciated, carefully. Then he stared at the nonplussed child until the boy stopped sucking on his fist.

"Ha-rry," the boy, apparently Harry, announced loudly.

"Ha-rri," Naruto repeated, mimicking the oddly foreign world, "Okay Harri, what are you doing here?"

The boy babbled some type of answer, that Naruto expected were actual words, but had no idea as to their meaning. When Harri was finished with his nonsensical explanation, he stuck his fist back into his mouth, content.

"Hey gaki, stop chatting with the kid and come check this out," Jiraiya said, from where he'd stood up and found the dirty blanket. There was a small scorch mark on the corner that disfigured one of the animals. The other three- a stag, a dog, and a wolf- all posed proudly in golden thread against a crimson background.

Naruto clambered to his feet, somewhat clumsily as he was holding Harri at the same time, and had little to no knowledge of how to maneuver a child. By the time he reached the Pervy Sage, Jiraiya had already fished out a piece of paper and began reading it. He had paled significantly.

"Ero-Sennin, what's that?" Naruto demanded, anxiously, as he pressed Harri closer to him. The boy seemed delighted with this and used his free arm to cling to the blonde's neck like a monkey of some sort. Naruto peered at the oddly thick paper, and blinked, confused.

"What language is that, sensei?" he pointed to the paper, "I don't recognize it."

Jiraiya nodded. "I would be surprised if you did, gaki. This is a strange Western script that is mostly used for sending coded messages between the monks. I can decipher a little of it."

"So what does it say?" Naruto asked impatiently.

"Just a few words," Jiraiya scrutinized the paper briefly, "Orphan. Family. And... whirlpool." Naruto stared at the paper, wide-eyed.

Whirlpool? Like the name of his fallen clan? Jiraiya had told the boy a little of his heritage, excluding the identity of his parents. Naruto didn't begrudge his sensei- at least, not too much- since he could accept that some things were too dangerous to know. He had just been thrilled to know that he came from somewhere, and while saddened by the news of his clan's destruction, he was relieved that they had not rejected him.

Absently, Naruto's eyes fell on the toddler clutching at his body. Was this another Uzumaki? He didn't have the customary red hair, but then, neither did Naruto. He scrutinized the boy further, trying to look for more signs of similarity. The chin was a little too pointed, but the nose was the same- and so were the shape of the eyes. The bright green colour of his irises were also reassuring. Hadn't that been a common shade among the Uzumaki? Was he really not alone?

"Do you think this kid's part of the Uzumaki Clan, sensei?" Naruto asked, returning his hopeful gaze to his teacher.

Jiraiya was slow to reply. "Anything's possible, gaki. What I'm more concerned about though is how he was dropped between us in the middle of the night without either of us having noticed. And, as far as I can sense, we're completely alone now."

"I don't think he or she meant any harm, sensei," Naruto suggested, "No one attacked us, and our packs look undisturbed."

Jiraiya raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Alright, but I want to test his blood first. It could tell us if you two are related or not."

Naruto brightened and nodded, before smiling down at the toddler. Harri smiled back at him, mouth filled with small, developing teeth. This smile disappeared as the child's stomach rumbled, causing Harri to look at it in a mixture of confusion and crankiness.

Naruto was suddenly worried. "Ero-Sennin, we don't have anything to feed a baby! Harri's only one; what are we going to give him?"

Jiraiya waved his hands through the air in a nonchalant manner. "Second scroll to the right. Four pumps."

Naruto wandered over to the appropriate scroll, picked it up wearily, and added four spikes of chakra. He was pleasantly surprised when- with a small puff of smoke- a baby bottle, three packs of baby formula, two changes of clothing, two dozen diapers, and a sling appeared.

"Ero-Sennin, why do you have baby stuff with you?" Naruto asked, suspiciously. "Is there something that I should know?"

"Eh, the chicks dig a guy who's good with kids!" Jiraiya replied merrily, "Don't worry about how long its' been sealed there. I've put stasis seals on them."

In truth, Jiraiya had prepared that scroll a few days after Naruto was born. He had been so excited to raise the little tyke. Then Sarutobi-Sensei explained to him how taking a defenseless newborn into the wilds to spy on Hidden Villages was a Bad Idea. Jiraiya had acquiesced to the rule of his Kage- and logic- but didn't have the heart to unpack the scroll.

Not that he could tell Naruto this. It would lead to uncomfortable questions like "why would anyone give you custody a child"?

Fortunately for him, Naruto didn't appear all that interested in pursuing this line of thought. Instead Naruto had wandered over to their packs, a dubious look on his face as he attempted to mix the baby formula with some water from his canteen. The task was made more difficult by the dark-haired maybe-Uzumaki, who was gripping onto him without any intention of letting go.

"You're adding too much formula," Jiraiya said, snatching the bottle from the blonde's hands, "Do you want the milk to clump up?"

Naruto scowled. "Well, why don't you do it then, if you're such an expert?"

"I will," Jiraiya snorted, "Honestly, what do they teach you in those D-ranked babysitting missions? Kids, these days, so clueless…" Naruto was still scowling, but he did watch attentively, as Jiraiya neatly and efficiently prepared a bottle.

"Only a quarter of it should be formula… shake it thoroughly… wait for the foam to settle… now the trick, gaki, is to channel a little bit of chakra around the bottle, to heat up the milk… and ta-da!" When he was done, the white-haired Sannin, capped the bottle and offered it little Harri with a flourish. The toddler giggled, having been amused by the minor theatrics.

"At least, he's old enough to hold his own bottle," Jiraiya commented, as Harri curled up in Naruto's arms, looking perfectly content to be drinking his milk, while watching them with wide green-green eyes. To Jiraiya, who had been old enough to have been personally acquainted with Uzushiogakure, it was surreal.

"He's a mainliner," the older man muttered to himself.

"Huh? What the hell's that supposed to mean, Ero-Sennin?" Naruto asked, his keen ears having picked it up.

"Nothing too important, kiddo," Jiraiya said sheepishly, laughing a little at his student's thoroughly unimpressed look. Jeesh, he may have Kushina's personality, but there are moments when he's definitely channeling you, Minato.

"Ero-Sennin…" the boy repeated, a hint of a whine entering his voice. Jiraiya rolled his eyes. Accusing eyes and bitten lips, and he'd be the very reincarnation of Minato.

"The eyes of our new guest are a distinctive green, Naruto," the Sannin elaborated, "Specifically, they belong to the Main Branch of the Uzumaki, who dealt mostly with Fuuinjutsu. The other two branches were Healing and Kenjutsu oriented respectively, though all were above-average in Suiton Ninjutsu."

"Oh," Naruto perked up, as he always did when information about his family was presented. He looked down curiously at the bundle in his arms, only for guileless green eyes to look back. "Are we closely related than?"

"You could say that," Jiraiya responded evasively, "Your Uzumaki parent was from the same Branch." And she was the heiress, but that's information for another day.

"So he's my cousin then!" Naruto said, a note of triumph in his voice. Harri didn't understand the words exchanged between the two shinobi, but he could hear the excited tone of voice, and let go of his bottle, to gleefully clap along. Jiraiya snatched the bottle from the air before it could fall.

"Did you hear that, Harri?" Naruto beamed, "We're family!" He lifted the boy up, and spun him around, his happy laughter mixing with Harri's delighted squeals.

"Spin more! Spin more!" Harri ordered, his new cousin unknowingly complying. Jiraiya allowed them to cheer for a moment longer, before he stopped the blonde.

"Don't get too excited, Naruto," he warned, "We're still not sure if Harri's an Uzumaki."

"But you think he is." Blue eyes were focused on him, tense and confident all at once.

"Yes… I do," Jiraiya admitted, "His parents are most likely dead. I wonder how he got here."

Naruto's eyes darkened. When he spoke, his voice held the low timber of the Kyuubi. "Someone tried to kill Harri. They killed his parents… my cousins."

"That someone is beyond our grasp for now," Jiraiya said sharply, "Naruto, stop. You're scaring the kid."

The growls stopped instantly, and Naruto made an apologetic look towards the whimpering boy. "Hey, it's okay," he muttered, one hand running down Harri's back comfortingly, "I won't hurt you, Harri."

"Scary voice," Harri hiccuped miserably, looking up at the blonde with accusing eyes, "Scary…"

"Is he speaking that Western script, sensei?"

"I think so," Jiraiya looked bewildered. "I had no idea people even spoke this anymore in the Elemental Nations. He's probably from across the oceans. Whoever transported him here would have had to use a lot of chakra."

"But you would have sensed that," Naruto pointed out.

"I know, and that's what worries me," Jiraiya grunted, looking thoughtful, "You know, there are a lot of types of chakra. There's the chakra humans use, nature chakra, bijuu chakra, divine chakra… this could be something I've never come across before!"

"You're not experimenting on Harri-chan, sensei."

"Bah! I'm not going to do anything to hurt the brat. You sure got attached quickly, gaki."

Naruto looked back down at the child trustingly curled up in his arms, even as a blush suffused his cheeks. "Well, he's an orphan too, sensei, just like me," he said, defensively, "And Harri's probably the only other Uzumaki out there. We're family! And family sticks together."

"We can't drag a baby with us for your training trip, Naruto," Jiraiya groaned.

"Are you suggesting I give him away?" Naruto shouted, "HELL NO! He's my cousin!"

"It was worth a try," the white-haired man shrugged, ignoring the poisonous glare his apprentice sent with ease borne of long practice, "In that case, we'll need to build an identity for him."

"Can't we just say that he was an Uzumaki we found along the way?" Naruto asked, warily.

"Too risky," Jiraiya shook his head, "The village will need to do a background sweep, and the flash byway he arrived would gain too much of the wrong kind of interest. Now, tell me, how do you feel about becoming an underaged father?"

Naruto's eyes bugged out. "What?" he choked, "I can't- you can't- I don't believe- Ero-Sennin!"

"How else do you expect to keep the brat?" Jiraiya asked, with steel in his tone. "They'll take custody away from you, the second you step into Konoha."

"We're family!"

"You're a fifteen year old genin!" Jiraiya snapped, "You have a history of irresponsible decision-making! And this brat's at least a half-blooded mainline Uzumaki! Those are some valuable genes."

"Are you saying that some old geezer would take custody to take advantage of Harri's heritage?" Naruto demanded. Jiraiya sighed.

"That's exactly what I'm saying, gaki. It could have happened to you. It almost did happen to you, but the Sandaime stopped the papers from going through in time."

"Ero-Sennin… I can't be a father…" Naruto mumbled, "I don't know anything about raising children!"

"Most men don't, at the beginning," Jiraiya agreed, "But you had better learn quick. That brat doesn't look like he's letting go of you anytime soon."

Naruto cringed as another thought occurred to him. "Sakura's going to kill me. Iruka-sensei's going to kill me. Baa-chan's going to kill me."

"Well, they probably suspected that I'd corrupt you in some way during our journey."

"Not funny, Ero-Sensei!"

"Please, gaki, this is hilarious!" Jiraiya laughed.

"They're going to blame you for all this," Naruto added. The Sannin sobered up pretty quickly at that.

"We all do what we have to do, gaki," he winced, "But as for the backstory… we'll need a woman with darker colouring, cute of course, preferably a ninja, and with a reason to give you custody of Harri."

"I doubt we'll find a woman with those qualifications sensei," Naruto groused, "And don't you think that this is wrong? We're stealing Harri-chan's actual parents from him!"

"Yes, we are, but we're doing it to protect him," Jiraiya replied, suddenly serious, "I've known many Uzumaki in my life, Naruto, and if even one of his parents held the family's traits, than they would be grateful to us for doing this. They would want Harri to be protected in the best way possible, and right now, that's making sure that no one has any reason to suspect his true background."

Seeing that Naruto still held some doubt in his face, he added. "And you can always tell Harri the truth when he gets older, Naruto. Keep the blanket and the letter. We might be able to use those clues to find out more about Harri's history."

Naruto bit his lip. "You're right, sensei…" I would have wanted someone to take care of my child too.

"Of course I am!" Jiraiya boomed, "And you're going to be even happier now, gaki. I've just decided on the perfect candidate for Harri's mother!"

"I don't think I want to know?" Naruto said, warily.

"Nonsense," Jiraiya replied merrily. "Now, have you ever considered visiting Nadeshiko Village?"

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