here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)
- e.e cummings

After she's untied both Rick and his mother, helping the latter stand up, she tells him that his daughter is outside the bank, but before he can leave she snags his sleeve, keeps him there for a minute.

His questioning eyes meet hers, as if he doesn't know what more there is to say, but god- she has so many words for him. Words that she is almost positive will only fall on deaf ears because he seems to be moving on without her and she isn't sure why. She thought they were almost there, so close to crossing the line she so quickly drew between them back in the fall, and even before. She's been getting better for him, but part of her wonders why she made him wait so long in the first place. She knows he'd take her as she is, even if she's not completely whole, and now she thinks she only went to therapy for all these months to accept that, not to put herself together enough to be what she thinks he deserves.

"I really am glad you're okay, Rick," she tells him, voice rough with emotion. His eyes fall to where her hand is holding the fabric of his jacket, lingering there a minute before they snap back up to hers.

He pulls his arm away slowly, manages to get out the words me too before he walks away.

She lets out a shaky breath, grinds her teeth in an attempt to keep the tears from blurring her vision as she watches him leave, but it's not working. She feels a hand on her shoulder, twists around to see his mother - of all people, his mother is witnessing her heartbreak - giving her a condoling smile.

"Martha, I-"

The redhead interrupts, and Kate doesn't mind. She wasn't really sure what she was going to say anyways.

"Do you love him, Katherine?"

"What?" she breathes, swipes at the tear that escapes. The question is so forward, but Kate takes it to mean that Martha knows what's wrong with Rick, and if someone could just clue her in so she can get her partner back, that would be great.

"Do you love him? Honestly."

"Yes," Kate whispers, can't really lie about it. Not anymore. It feels so freeing to admit it out loud, instead of the words constantly bouncing around in her head.

"Oh, darling. You two have the absolute worst communication," Martha admonishes. Kate chokes on a laugh, hand covering her mouth. It's not funny, it's not. The redhead is already talking again. "He has been walking around for two weeks thinking you've been lying to him all this time because you don't love him. But could he have asked you instead of just assuming? No. Could you have told the poor boy that you remember? Of course not. You both-"

"Wait, Martha," Kate stops her, needs her to back up a second, "How does he know?"

"He heard you. During that big bombing case you two worked on."

Kate's eyes slam shut. Bobby Lopez's interrogation. How did she not put the puzzle pieces together before?

"So, what?" Kate asks, opening her eyes, "He's trying to move on? Is that why he's been acting so strange?"

Martha nods in affirmation, but then-

"Come over for dinner tonight."

"Oh, no, Martha, I can't just-"

"Of course you can! I'm inviting you. I think it's the perfect opportunity to sort out your problems with Richard. I'm cooking. Be there at seven."

She presses a kiss to Kate's cheek, leaving the remains of the bank in a flurry of color. The detective sighs, bowing her head. How the hell is she supposed to show up at Rick's loft when he's been trying to get over her? She feels like she's blindsiding him.

But, on the contrary, she has the chance to fix them. And that is exactly what she's going to do.

She gets to his loft a few hours later, after they've solved the murder of Agnes and figured out the reason behind the bank robbery. She spends a few minutes pacing outside his front door, palms sweaty and heart nearly beating out of her chest, because this is it. Either she fixes things between them tonight, or she loses her partner for good. Her confidence from earlier is gone, left behind is the insecure woman who feels she isn't good enough for him even still.

She lifts her hand up to knock, raps a few times on the door and waits. Martha is the one to answer, pulls her in for a warm hug.

Kate hugs the woman back, meets Rick's eyes from across the room. His brow is furrowed. He looks a little betrayed, no doubt wondering why she's in his home and why his mother invited her. Alexis is beside him, bright blue eyes flicking between the two of them. Martha lets her go, but grabs her wrist and pulls her into the kitchen as she goes on about how facing death demands celebrating life.

Kate doesn't take her eyes off of Rick, briefly registers Alexis backing away from him to take silverware to the table. Martha lets go of her hand to help her granddaughter set the table, muttering directions to the girl as they finish preparing dinner.

"Hey," Kate says quietly, searching Rick's face for something to give her a read on what he's thinking.

"Hey," he returns, breaking eye contact.

"Do you think we could talk?"

"Why?" he asks too quickly. He's chopping vegetables and she winces when the knife hits the cutting board a little too hard.

"Castle-" she starts, preparing to argue, but he sets the knife down. Kate's mouth snaps shut, teeth bothering her bottom lip.

"Fine," he utters, waving his arm towards his office. She spins around and leads him there, tries to steady her breathing that really can't be steadied at all. Not when she's in his home, his family just mere yards away, preparing to explain herself to a man who has already made up his mind on what he thinks she feels.

But she's willing to fix it. And if he'll just hear her out, forget his own assumptions for a moment, she hopes that he will be willing too.

The second half will be posted within the next couple of days.

Thanks to Alex for being my beta, and also a wonderful friend. You're a rockstar.