Wutai Girl
By Charles Xavier
(Parody of 'Uptown Girl' by Billy Joel)
Vincent lurched towards his bed, after his long hard day trying to get away from the ninja girl known as Yuffie.
"I hope I don't have to do this again." Vincent sighed as he settled onto his bed and fell asleep.
…
"WAKE UP!"
Vincent suddenly jumped form his bed in shock and lifted his eyes to find Chaos, Hellmasker, Death Gigas and the Galian Beast blowing trumpets and hitting drums to wake the tired Turk up.
"Stop playing that music." Vincent moaned. "What are you trying to do? Wake up all the neighbors?"
They stopped.
"Gee, Vince, we only wanted to help you out." Chaos sighed.
"At one in the morning?" Vincent looked at his clock. "Just go away. I want to sleep."
"Not until you tell us you tell us your problem!"
"Now?"
"YES!" The monsters answered back.
"Please, not now." Vincent dropped back to his bed. "I'll tell you later."
"No, now!" They shouted again.
"Go away."
"No."
"Go away!"
"No!"
"I SAID GO AWAY!" Vincent took out his Death Penalty gun. But before he knew it, he found the monsters dancing round his bed.
NOOOOOOO-AAAAAAA-OOOOOOO-OH!
NOOOOOOO-AAAAAAA-OOOOOOO-OH!
"Fine. I'll tell you."
Wutai Girl.
She's been living in her Wutainese world.
That teenage girl is such a spoiled brat.
I bet Lord Godo never told her that.
I just can't stand that Wutai Girl.
She's obsessed with her own Materia world.
She steals from anyone 'cause she's a thief.
And she always brings the people grief.
I'm her fresh meat.
'Cause when she saw what
I was, she went so berserk.
She said she loved me.
She hugged me, the lone ex-Turk.
Why does she adore me so?
I don't know,
I run away from that Wutai Girl.
You know I've seen her in her Wutainese world.
She's getting fed up with her old best friends.
And now she wants me until the end,
Which I can't stand.
WHOOOOO-A-OH-A-OH-OOOOOO-A-OH-A-OH-OH-OH!
WHOOOOO-A-OH-A-OH-OOOOOO-A-OH-A-OH-OH-OH!
Wutai Girl.
Why don't you blast her with your shotgun shells?
She is so tiresome and immature.
She's like a big disease that has no cure.
Are you so sure?
When she's so lonely,
She tells me she's sad.
That ninja wants me,
She haunts me, so bad.
She's grown a crush on me,
That's why I,
Had to flee from that Wutai Girl.
She's been bugging me that Wutainese girl.
Why can't she get a life with someone else?
Rather than chasing me from coast to coast?
She loves me most.
WHOOOOO-A-OH-A-OH-OOOOOO-A-OH-A-OH-OH-OH!
WHOOOOO-A-OH-A-OH-OOOOOO-A-OH-A-OH-OH-OH!
"VINNIE!" Yuffie suddenly came crashing through Vincent's window. "Why did you run away from me back in that Sakura Festival in Wutai?"
Vincent didn't answer and bolted from his bed, running away.
"YAY! I love playing cops and robbers!" Yuffie jumped in excitement and chased after Vincent round the mansion. "You're so funny, Vince!"
Wutai Girl!
That Vincent's Wutai Girl!
You know, he's in love,
With that Wutai Girl.
"That's a lie."
His Wutai Girl!
You know he's attached
To that Wutai Girl.
His Wutai Girl!
You know, he's got a crush,
With that Wutai Girl.
That Wutai Girl!
"No. It isn't true."
"Here I come, Vinnie!"
"NO!"
Fin
Author's Note: I though I'd have Vincent sing this time.