ETWentHome, thank you so much, I really appreciate your kind words. I hope he gets through it too, in my story and in the TV series!

CBloom2, thank you for your review. It makes me so happy that you're looking forward to the next chapter. I really hope it won't disappoint you!

Chapter Five

The journey home passed in silence. Zoe had told Cal he might as well go home as it was so nearly the end of his shift. Cal thought she was probably well aware there was a good forty minutes to go, but he hadn't argued. He also hadn't argued when Ethan had said he'd drive him home. Ethan hadn't finished his shift yet and wouldn't for a couple of hours, but Zoe had said he was due a break.

Cal knew that Zoe's sensitivity meant he hadn't hidden his emotions as well as he'd wanted to, but he couldn't bring himself to feel annoyed, either with her or with himself. It didn't seem to matter. He'd lost Taylor again, just when he'd finally believed he'd got her back – only to discover he'd never really had her at all.

Ethan kept giving him concerned looks and several times seemed on the point of speaking, but in the end he said nothing. It was just starting to rain and Cal watched the droplets trickling down the windscreen as he thought about Taylor. Both Taylors. Or perhaps there were three of them. The girl he'd loved, the girl she'd turned out to be, and the girl who really did bear her name.

"I did love her, you know," Cal said as Ethan parked the car. He wasn't sure if he was talking to Ethan or himself, but he knew which Taylor he meant. The one he'd loved all along.

"Yes, I know," said Ethan gently.

Cal stayed where he was for a few moments, listening to the sound of the rain hitting the roof of the car and trying to find the strength to get out. There didn't seem to be much point in moving. He wondered if there was any point in anything. He'd managed to keep his dreams of Taylor alive for so long, but finally they had crumbled and Cal didn't think even he could reawaken them this time.

But that didn't mean he didn't want her back.

"Are you coming?" said Ethan. "We'll have to run for it. It's raining pretty hard."

"Yeah, I'm not quite so heartbroken I didn't notice that," said Cal.

He hadn't meant to use the word 'heartbroken'. It had just slipped out. He also hadn't meant to look at Ethan. He wished he hadn't when he saw the look on Ethan's face. If he'd been looking at Cal with pity, he could have hated him for it. If it had been a look of contempt, Cal would have tried to return it with one of his own. But Ethan looked almost heartbroken himself.

"I'm sorry," said Ethan helplessly.

"It's okay," said Cal as he got out of the car. "I don't hold you responsible for the weather."

Ethan ran for shelter, but Cal walked slowly, uncaring of the rain. He felt the drops running down his face like tears. Perhaps some of them were.

"Cal, come on." Ethan had come back for him. Cal still didn't run, but he found he was moving quite a lot faster with Ethan to propel him along. Ethan didn't speak again until they were inside. "Go and sit down and I'll make some tea."

"I'm not your patient, Ethan," Cal said tiredly. "I can make my own tea."

"But you've just finished a shift and I'm only halfway through mine," said Ethan. He left the room before Cal could argue. Cal sat with his head in his hands and wondered what he would do now. As long as a future with Taylor had seemed a possibility, however distant, he'd always had something to keep him going. Through the toughest shifts and the longest, darkest nights. Even when the thought of Taylor hadn't been enough, there had always been other girls out there who could keep him company. Ideally blonde girls. He'd held them in his arms and looked down at their hair and let himself believe they were Taylor.

He didn't hear Ethan come in. The first clue to his presence was a hand on Cal's back. Then he heard a gentle voice. "Are you okay?"

Cal lifted his head and tried to smile. "I suppose losing two fiancées in the space of a minute does take it out of you a bit."

Ethan smiled slightly. "I think you're bearing up quite well, considering."

Cal told himself that this was true; that he was coping really well, but then the emotion hit him again and the words came tumbling out. "I thought she was Taylor. I really believed it, but she wasn't really like her at all. She was too small. She had blonde hair but even that was different. But I still believed it was her. Even when you proved it wasn't her, I was still trying to believe it." His eyes filled with tears. "Ethan, what's wrong with me?"

"You just wanted to believe it." Ethan's voice was kind. "You wanted to believe it so badly, you kind of lost perspective a little bit. You wanted her back and you thought you could make her come back by finding a substitute. It didn't work. It never does. But you'll get over her. I'm sure you will."

"I just wanted everything to be okay," said Cal as he fought to stop his tears from falling. "Taylor always made me feel like it would be okay. She made me happy. She said all the things I wanted to hear. At least, I convinced myself she did. I just needed someone to hold me and tell me everything was going to be all right."

Ethan turned Cal's face towards his. "Everything's going to be all right, Cal."

Cal's sigh was almost a sob. "I'm just so tired, Ethan. So, so tired. Of everything. Of running from the pain. I don't think I can run anymore."

"Then don't run," said Ethan. "Just feel it."

Cal realised Ethan had moved closer to him. The hand on his back was almost a hug now. A hug he felt he really needed.

Ethan stroked his back wordlessly. His face seemed to reflect all Cal's pain and sadness back to him. Cal closed his eyes and the minutes passed. He felt tears crowding behind his eyelids, but he tried not to let him fall. Once he started, he wasn't sure when he'd be able to stop again.

At last Ethan broke the silence. His voice was soft but firm. "You will get over this, Cal. I know you will. You haven't got to do it on your own. You've got me. And I'm very experienced in relationships that don't work out."

Cal almost smiled. "I suppose you are." He blinked hard and sat up. "You should go, Ethan. Your break must be nearly over."

Ethan didn't move. "I could stay. If you need me."

"I'll be fine. I'll go out, get drunk, sleep with a blonde…." Cal sighed. "Or maybe a brunette would be better. No more Taylor substitutes."

"Even a brunette would be a Taylor substitute," said Ethan. "She'd still be a way of forgetting the pain."

Cal raised his voice. "What else am I going to do? Sit at home and cry?"

"You could get an early night." Ethan spoke hesitantly. "All this going out and drinking and meeting girls… it's not an alternative to feeling sad, Cal. It just postpones it."

"But it helps," said Cal simply.

"Only in the short-term."

Cal's throat ached with the effort of not crying as he admitted: "But sometimes the short-term is all I can think about."

Ethan started stroking his back again. "I know. I can understand that. But sleep can help in the short-term too. It'll give you a break from all the pain, but without the hangover in the morning."

Cal considered. It all seemed so easy. Just fall into bed and let the dreams take hold. Maybe in his dreams, he could be with Taylor.

Or maybe in his dreams, he could learn to be without her.

"I… I suppose an early night wouldn't hurt me," said Cal. "I have got a bit of a headache."

Ethan smiled. "Well, you've given me lots of insults in your time, but I don't think you've ever called me that before."

Cal laughed shakily. "I must be slipping."

"I'll get you a paracetamol and something to help you sleep," said Ethan.

Cal let him go, grateful for the opportunity to get himself together again. He was even grateful that Ethan had made the decision for him. He was right: finding another Taylor replacement wouldn't help him to get over her. He'd tried it enough times. Even today, he'd known deep down inside him that marrying the true Taylor wouldn't be enough. It wouldn't have made him happy and that would have ruined her life too.

So why did I do it?

It was a question that could be applied to many of his recent actions and he didn't know the answer. At this point, he wasn't sure he wanted to.

"Here you are," said Ethan. He sat back down beside Cal and handed him two tablets and a glass of water. He waited until Cal had swallowed the tablets. "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"I'll be fine once I'm asleep." Cal paused for a moment. He spoke without looking at his brother, but he hoped he'd realise he was sincere. "But thanks, Ethan. For being here."

Ethan leaned closer. "I always will be here when you need me, Cal. I'll help you get through this. And when you're ready to talk about it, I'll be listening."

Ethan didn't want to leave him.

There were times when all he wanted were a few hours when he was guaranteed not to lay eyes on his brother (assuming he didn't drink himself into a coma and end up in the ED, which Ethan had feared was a real possibility), but he didn't want to leave him now.

Cal had had such a horrible day, and it seemed to Ethan that he was finally starting to face up to the truths he'd been denying for so long. Was this really a good time to leave him on his own?

But he knew Cal wanted to be alone. He wouldn't enjoy it, but it was what he wanted. To start the process of getting over Taylor without his little brother watching him cry.

Ethan had almost closed the door when he heard the sound of Cal bursting into tears. A noisy explosion of sadness and pain as Cal finally gave in to the anguish inside him.

Ethan opened the door again and put one foot back into the house, but then he stopped. Cal would be mortified if he knew that Ethan was standing in the doorway, listening to him sob his heart out. He wouldn't be doing that if he'd known Ethan hadn't left. Maybe in time, Cal would accept Ethan's comfort as he cried, but he wasn't ready for that yet. Ethan needed to gain his trust first and that meant respecting his wishes now.

Ethan removed his foot from the doorway and closed the door as quietly as he could. It hurt him to walk away, even though Cal had often walked away from him, but he knew he had no choice. Ethan would go back to work, look after the people who were ready to accept his help, and worry about his brother later.

But I will help him get over it, Ethan vowed as he drove away. I will.

This is the final chapter of Face the Truth, but I have started writing another story that's kind of like a sequel - I think it's going to be more focused on Ethan, who has his own problems to deal with, but Cal will be in it a lot too as he tries to get over Taylor. I'm writing a couple of other Cal and Ethan stories too, but I think I'll be focusing on the sequel for now.

Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed this story - it's been so lovely reading your reviews and it's really encouraged me to keep writing. I hope I'll be able to start posting the sequel soon. Thanks again and lots of love, Abby x