A/N Guess who is back from the dead m'dudes. Well, James is but so am I *woooo!* Yeah so, I'm sorry about disappearing, I got my life together though! Ok enjoy, I didn't realise how much I missed this omg. I love you all! Xx

Tessa's heart was ringing in her ears as she held her son in her arms, silence. That's all there was in the room, silence. Will had tried speaking, tried shouting, tried everything to create a response from her but she hadn't responded. Silence, that was all she wanted. She wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere, where it was dark, where it was silent. The only music she wanted to hear was the heart beat of James, or a gurgle, or a cry, or something. Something that implied that he wasn't at deaths grips. Tessa did not feel real, she felt as though she was submerged in water, a glass sheet covering her and reality.

Tessa leaned over to her small child, touching his cheek and then his chin. She tried not cry, she was sick of crying. She was sick of feeling defeated even though there wasn't a war she was fighting, she had to be strong. She was Tessa Herondale, wife to William Herondale, fiancé to James Carstairs.

Survivor of the Magister.

Tessa was a mother now too, and that ripped her apart in more ways than she could've possibly imagined. What was peace and quiet again? It was not this.

She stood up, pressing her hands to her back and stretching, sitting too long was making her back ache. But nothing ached more than her heart, Magnus had said he had to get past the next 48 hours to be safe.

Tessa hadn't slept in 20.

Will was worried, apparently, When was he not worried? All he ever did was worry. She looked around the room, glancing at her reflection in the mirror. When had her face looked so pale and strained? When had she stopped crying? She didn't really register the world going on around her. She didn't register Will, she wanted too. But her focus was completely on her son, completely on his tiny little heart beats.

"We can't go on in silence," Will said to her, Tessa looked at him, then looked away.

"You speak as if we haven't spoken in years, it's only been a few hours"

"Tessa, you are my wife. Please, don't make this situation harder than it has to be. Don't isolate yourself, don't guard yourself away from me! Christ I have been with you from the start, I'm not a stranger. I'm Will, your Will" Tessa looked back at him now. Curse him and those big blue eyes. Curse him for making her heart melt.

"I know you're not a stranger"

"Then why do act like it?"

"I really don't think is now the time for an argument, William. Not when our son is barely clinging onto life!"

"Tessa, please. Listen to me. He is fine, look at him! He is fine. There is colour in his cheeks, he's breathing fine! Please, tell me why you can't see that" he whispered. James hadn't stirred in Will's talking, he was too still in Tessa's opinion. Why could Will not see something was wrong with their son? Why?

"Tessa. I am speaking to you now as your husband, the man who married you. Who took vows never to lie to you. James is fine" Tessa felt a lump claw at her throat. "You can't know that," she whispered back.

"I do. I do Tessa, come on, listen to me. Everything is fine" Tessa felt herself deflate, succumbing to something deep inside her, like a void of darkness. "Everything is fine" she repeated, then she glanced at her son, and he was dead.

Tessa awoke with a gasp, like the air had been stolen from her lungs. She coughed, trying to compose herself. "Tess?" a sleepy voice came from the nest of blankets and pillows, she glanced and saw a tuff of black hair, lined with grey. She swallowed, forcing herself to breathe. "Will"

"Mm, Tessa? What's wrong my love?" he said softly, sitting up and looking at her with sleepy eyes, rubbing them to try and wake himself up. "Are you ok?" Tessa moved over, hugging Will close to her, he didn't ask questions. He never did. They understood each other well enough now to not need words, instead he embraced, pressing a kiss to her head. "Bad dream?"

"Jamie died," she whispered, Will sighed next to her, the air he exhaled tickled her skin.

"Tess, he's fine. We got there in time, Magnus cleared it, he's fine" he soothed softly. Tessa believed it this time. For she could feel his heart beat, loud and steady as always.

"I feel we need a holiday" Will snorted, moving to pull her onto his lap, wrapping his arms around her and just laying with her. They treasured these moments, being safe in each other's embrace. "Where do you wish to go, my heart?"

"I think Paris"

"Paris, hmm?" Will mused, kissed her temple softly, resting his head against hers then nodding. "I agree, I think a trip to Paris is long overdue. It can be for 'diplomatic' reasons" he chuckled, making Tessa smile up at him. "And what would they be, Mr. Herondale?"

"I haven't quiet thought, Mrs Herondale" he teased, he glanced at her face then sighed. "You can go see him, I know you're still nervous. Go see him, Tess" he encouraged gently, she nodded, kissing him and getting out of the bed, grabbing a shawl and walking to James's room, and true to Will's word, her son was sound asleep, cuddling his toy horse and sucking his thumb. Tessa sighed, walking over and pressing a kiss to his head. He was warm, his little rosy cheeks were puffed from his sleeping, and his hair in tossles.

"I would never lie to you Tess, I know you were scared. We both were" Will said gently, "He's fine. We got to him in time, we always will"

"I never knew being a parent would be so hard," she chuckled weakly, Will smiled a warm smile, wrapping an arm around her and tucking her close to him. "We can't be there every time he falls, we can put a bandage on the cut and read him a story though. I know you were scared, I know he choked, but think of how quickly we sorted it? A bit of colic was all. It took us all by shock, but he's fine now. We got to him in time"

"Just like you got to me," Tessa whispered making Will laugh

"I have very good timing," he teased back, he glanced at their son then back to his wife. "Always, Tessa. We'll always be there for him and for each other."

"Always"