Epilogue

Regrets

The furs were soft against my fingertips, warm around my body. That was about all the comfort I seemed to be allowed, though. Sure, there was a bed of sorts under me, but it could have been the universe's most luxurious mattress and I still would be miserable and full of pain.

When considering the alternative, I knew that I really had jack shit to be complaining about.

I hadn't left Wolf's bed since I'd woken up on it. Those first few seconds of consciousness had been terrifying—waking up in a strange place with a strange face staring down at me . . . it had been Wolf's servant, in the end, and Wolf had shown up soon after and chased them away.

A weird, insect-like alien staring at you was not the greatest way to come back into the world.

Though I was still somewhat mobile, moving only made everything worse so I didn't. Nothing he fed me would stay down unless it was a liquid. All I could do was sleep in fits and starts and lie on my side curled in the fetal position.

Every last part of me hurt.

Mostly it was my abdomen, but my legs weren't up to snuff either. There were minimal surgical marks, but a myriad of bruises littered the operation sites. I still didn't know what they'd done to me, but I had figured it out by looking at my body.

Wolf hadn't euthanized me. Waking up was enough of a clue for that. I wasn't wearing a whole lot, but my clothes were piled up in the corner, still dirty and ripped. There was a huge, stitched-up incision down the center of my chest like I had been vivisected. Then the marks on my legs, like they'd tried to rectify that . . . .

They had operated. Or tried to. For the most part, they'd succeeded: I was alive and no longer had those things inside me. The way they had left me, I almost wished they hadn't succeeded.

They clearly hadn't quite known what they were doing or just didn't care enough to put in their best effort.

Why would they? I'm only human.

Painkillers would have been nice, but these people were of the belief that pain was weakness leaving the body. I wished sometimes that I was back in that cell and on ice, but I didn't think I was even on his ship anymore. It didn't feel like we were moving. Well . . . mostly. Sometimes it felt like the whole room was spinning.

I hadn't seen any more predators, and it had been . . . quite a while since Wolf had left. Every now and again I was visited by that strange mantoid aliens with four arms, bright eyes, and seal-like skin the color of decaying leaves. They freaked me out, but I wasn't in any condition to keep them from doing their thing. Which was feed me and help me walk to and from the facilities, which had taken some getting used to.

They made me walk, made me move. Probably to keep my muscles from becoming atrophied.

And I hated them for it.

There wasn't even any way for me to know how long it had been. The weird mantis-things occasionally opened up the shutter to what I assumed was a window to let in some light, so I kept time that way. I had to wager a guess of around four days since he'd surreptitiously left.

Who knows how long the days are here.

My time outside of bathroom breaks was spent nearly catatonic, curled up in Wolf's bed and cocooned in his furs. I'd fucked everything up. This wasn't how any of this was supposed to work. I should have been . . . out, killing things with Wolf.

Yet, there I was—moping in the dark. Lamenting my lot in life. Whimpering quietly when I shifted the wrong way and exacerbated the healing internal damage.

Finally, though, Wolf returned. It was a tiny bit of light in my otherwise bleak non-life. I wanted to be mad at him for ditching me, but I couldn't summon enough energy to feel anything even resembling anger.

He probably has better things to do than babysit me.

I only knew it was him entering because the footsteps were different. The mantids were graceful and quiet and Wolf's were heavier, like he wasn't trying to tip-toe around me. I refused to turn and look at him, but I did at least acknowledge he was there with a whisper and a cough.

He chittered something at me, but I respond outside of kind of shift my shoulder toward him. I was still wrapped up in the furs, trying hard not to be seen. Not until I was 100% better.

When I wasn't so disappointed in myself.

"Where's Nichole?"

My eyes shot open at the sound of that voice. I stirred, gritting my teeth, and struggled to roll over. When I'd managed that, I propped myself up on my hands and let the furs fall down my waist—only barely aware that I was practically naked.

"Why isn't she with you?"

Wolf was a few paces away, looking down at me with his head cocked. He was wearing his mask, as the room was set up so I could breathe fine. The mantid servants seemed to be fine in either atmosphere.

Though my mouth and throat were dry, I swallowed anymore and searched Wolf for answers. He played more of the recording and my heart almost burst.

"Is she okay?"

Tears pricked the corner of my eyes and I tried to wet my mouth so that I could speak. At last, I managed to. "You saw Devon?" I asked, my throat full of sand and voice only a whisper.

"Please just let Devon know that I'm okay." My voice, from inside the cell. "So long as one person at least thinks that I'm okay, then I'll be alright."

"Where is she?" Devon's voice again. I realized that he was going through his entire interaction with Devon. Or most of it.

"I'll be alright." Wolf had repeated for him.

Oh, how much I wanted to see his face, to see firsthand how that conversation had gone. What I would've given to have had the conversation with him myself.

I sank back to the bed again and lifted my heavy arms to press my hands against my head as if I could squeeze hard enough to keep the tears from falling down my cheeks. I was in no condition to fight my emotions anymore.

All this time I'd spent in bitter reprieve over my mistakes, marinating in my resentment, Wolf had been out delivering my message because I couldn't. At this point, it was better I hadn't gone because I might not have left because of Devon. Wolf would have had to kidnap me.

He'd done so much for me and I didn't deserve any of it. I'd made him wait five years and inserted a third wheel into our reunion. I'd complained, I'd inconvenienced him I'd . . . I'd become this hollow shell of what he'd seen in that crashed ship. From the moment he'd pulled the Hybrid off of me, I'd been a wreck. A complete and utter mess.

And now I was a broken shell. A bruised, barely-recovering burden in his bed.

"Why?" I asked aloud, wondering if he could hear me with my face pressed into the mattress. "Why are you doing all of this for me?"

Wolf regarded me for a moment, then played more of the recording from his time with Devon. "You take care of her, you hear me? I don't care if I have to build a rocket ship myself, I'll find you and I'll kick your ass if you don't!"

If it wouldn't have hurt so much, I might have laughed.

"You'll watch out for her?"

When I looked up at him, he straightened up and nodded his head once with a stalwart growl. I bit my lip to keep it from quivering and looked away again, touched by his gesture. I knew he wouldn't do it just because Devon asked him to. Not if he didn't want to already.

The bed sank in as Wolf sat next to me. He put a hand on top of my head and I reached up to take it in my own hand, rolling onto my side. He gripped my fingers and I held his rough, warm hand against my bruised and swollen chest.

It was a comfort, holding his hand in both of mine. He didn't move away even as I quietly cried in equal parts despair, relief, and pain.

I didn't deserve his generosity or his attention. I didn't serve this moment of affection.

Not yet.

But I would. I was going to make sure of it.

Hello, readers!

Welp! Finally, we're at the end. This is it . . . Nightmare is over. I'm done with my revisions, and it's been one hell of a journey. Almost as intricate as when I'd first written it. That's the reality of drafts, though. I'm much more satisfied with how this reads, now, and I hope you guys enjoyed it. I didn't want to completely ruin the bleak note we'd ended on in the last chapter, but I also wanted to make sure there was some sort of closure and so, this epilogue exists. Let me know if you guys think the ending is better or worse with it because I could probably remove it if enough people think it's unnecessary. I love hearing feedback!

Now we just have to wait until I finish Ask Not the Sparrow, and then I'll start writing chapters. You guys can always head over there and give that a read in the meantime, or keep an eye on my Patron for when I start working on the chapters! I'll post the chapters (first draft) there before I edit and post them over here. Let me know if you want the link!

I'll work hard to finish my HTTYD fic, guys. I'm hoping that, since I'm not going to make it for February like I originally planned, that I can shoot for March. Cheer me on!

~ Crayola