Finn's party started late, so I was forced to lie to my mom; I left her thinking that I was going to sleep over at a friend's house instead. It was the first night I would ever spend with Finn, so I spent the entire drive to his house emotionally conflicted. I drove a bit recklessly that night, with excitement and guilt tied together around my heart, which beat nervously through my blouse.

Only a few hours later, though, the only thing I could feel was the burning in my chest – the anger. Anger at the world, at myself, at Raven Reyes, at Finn, and at myself again.

Tan skin on white, clutching onto each other fiercely, desperately – and all I could do was stare, frozen in disbelief as they rocked back and forth against his desk, knocking over a lamp and a framed picture of us. They hadn't notice me and they probably would not had noticed me, but Raven moaned and the sound of it snapped me awake.

"What the fuck?" I hadn't realized I had spoken until I realized that it was my voice that pierced the air between the ex-couple and myself. Finn's eyes grew large and he stumbled backwards, pulling up his jeans and heading towards me. I shook my head in disgust, backing away from him.

"Clarke," he pleaded, chasing me through his house, but I couldn't stop moving. Maybe I didn't want to. Maybe I was afraid to. Eventually I did, though, as I was met with a crowd of drunk party-goers, dancing clumsily around me. Finn caught up to me, then, turned me around, still shirtless. He spoke to me, but I couldn't hear him either because the music was too loud or because the red scratches across his skin were – I never knew which.

"I have to go," I whispered and my voice cracked and his eyes turned sad. "Great party, though," I smiled sarcastically, but tears streamed down to my lips.

"Come on, Clarke," he wouldn't let me go – his grip on my arm becoming almost painful. "Let's just talk about this."

"I don't want to talk, Finn," I snapped back, trying to pull away but his hold on my only grew tighter. "Let me go!"

"Hey," I heard her say and the pieces of my broken heart beat a bit less painfully. "Finn, right?" She stood next to us, thick black eyeliner and smokey eyes staring defiantly at him. He barely turned to look at her and for a moment I wondered how he could deprive himself of that. My teary eyes found solace in her beauty, if only for a moment. She was wearing a black leather jacket over a white ARKtic Monkeys shirt and black skinny jeans in just as black combat boots. "Some guys are smoking weed in your parents' room," she informed him, "Thought you should know."

"What?" Finn's eyes grew worried and he turned to me as if to say I'm sorry, but he didn't say it. He just left. I felt the ache of his absence immediately and hated myself for it. Wiping my last tears from my face with the back of my hand, I turn to Lexa.

"Thanks," I sighed. She simply nodded, letting her eyes speak to me instead. Green under the light of the living room, they called out to me in sweet foreign despair. I smiled sadly at her, as I noticed her tilting her head and silently absorbing some of my sadness.

"Hey!" she exclaimed, suddenly excited, confusing me. "Let's get out of here." She reached out for my hand and pulled me along and out of the door. I went along without resisting, but staying behind and admiring her hair as it danced with the air. So mesmerized by it, I almost didn't notice how my skin burned almost pleasantly at her touch, shielding me from the coldness of the night. Once we reached the driveway, though, she let go, awaking me from my temporary daze and bringing me back to the real world, as the cool air finally hit me.

"Where are we going?" I asked, as I caught up with her. "Don'tcha wanna take the car?"

"We're not going far," she said, "Plus, the night is nice for a walk, don't you think?" I shrugged, but followed close behind. We walked silently for a while, and I found comfort and distraction in her sight. It helped. It was better than going home and crying over Finn. It was better than a lot of things. "This is it," she finally broke the silence.

The moon, now protector of the sky, shone its glow proudly on her, as if she were another one of its stars. I looked around us, wondering what neighborhood this was. Hardly any cars were found parked in the driveways, and there wasn't anyone in the gloomy street – aside from us. "Where are we?" I finally asked.

"I used to live here," she replied with a hint of sadness clinging to her voice. I stood next to her, enveloped by the warmth that her beauty alone gave birth to. After a few seconds of silence, she turned to me, a warm smile forming on her lips. "Come on." She stepped forward towards a dark, possibly abandoned house. The wind, making its way effortlessly through the clouds, the trees, and the cracks on the wooden walls of the dozens of homes around us, carried with it an eerie whistle, tightening my nerves. The shadows, creeping beneath every step we took and teasing to reach out to us, mocked us as we approached the house. Suddenly, I felt myself become submerged in a deep pool of anxiety.

"What're we going to do?" I asked, my voice revealing my evident uneasiness. She turned to me with reassuring eyes, reaching out to hold my hand as we stepped in. Hesitantly and suspiciously, I placed my hand in hers, again engulfing myself in the painful pleasures of her burning skin on mine.

"Trust me," she whispered, guiding me into the darkness of the house, and I nodded slowly – more so because I felt a need to please her than because I had agreed to whatever we were getting ourselves into. Panic began to rise in me, but her soothing voice echoing back and forth through the walls, gave me reason to remain at ease. And yet… I didn't really trust her, did I? I didn't know her. Not at all. And for a moment, I am ashamed to say, that I wondered not whether her beautiful nature came from the gods in the heavens, but from the demons living below us. I wondered, even if it was ever so briefly, whether she was not a descendant from the angels in paradise, but instead from the sirens in the dangerous open seas.

As I was guided through the maze of darkness by both the mysterious Lexa and my over-powering, sense-dulling curiosity, I thought of nothing but the guilt that had weighed over me only a few hours ago. Had my sins, my lies, been the cause of unfortunate events? Had my falling into sinful temptations been the reason of my misfortune? I shook my head, refusing to become sucked in to my parent's mind.

I heard a door creak open, as light shone clearly from it, blinding me for several moments. Several voices reached my ears before my eyes regained their full sight. And even then, I could hardly make out any faces because of the thick smoke that escaped through the now opened door and broke its flow against my face.

My view became clearer and I was able to identify a few people– Indra, Lincoln, Anya. They all sat on the floor, in a circle with others I didn't know, their eyes drowsy, and eyeing me suspiciously.

"Ignore them," Lexa whispered back to me, leaning in, and I came closer too, wanting to feel safe again. "Do you smoke?" she asked.

"Um no," I replied shyly.

"Not even weed?" one of the people on the ground asked, making Lexa snap her head back at him, revealing those dangerously intimidating eyes. Eyes she seemed to have for everyone, but me.

"Like I said," she spat more a him than at me, "ignore them."

"I… uh," I stumbled for words, to which Lexa turned her kind green eyes back to me. "There's a firs time for everything, right?" I half smiled, to which the grounders all began to cheer playfully, but I thought of Finn and how that night was supposed to be our first.

After Lexa rolled up a couple of joints for us, she nodded me over to follow out the back door. We were met by a waterless pool with scratches on the sides left there by skateboards and roller-skates and a mattress at the bottom. Lexa shoved the joints in her jacket's pocket and climbed as far down the ladder as she could and then hopped to the bottom.

"Come on," She smiled up at me. "I'll be here to catch you, if you fall," she said playfully. I felt my face turn hot, but did as I was told. Once we were both at the bottom, she went over and laid on the mattress, staring up into the sky. I laid beside her, staring into her. "This is my favorite place," she said to the stars, before turning to face me. I froze, embarrassed at having her catch me looking at her, but she didn't seem to notice.

She just looked intently at me, as if she were studying me, analyzing me. Without taking her eyes off of me, she placed a joint between her lips and lit it with a lighter she took out of an inside pocket. I parted my lips as she slipped the other joint in between my teeth. We were so close. Fuck, my mind was clouded by that word – that word and Lexa. She leaned in closer and I held my breath as I watched her light my joint with hers, both still in our mouths. Smiling, as if she knew (she had to know) what she had done to me, she turned back to admire the stars.

I still don't know how much time passed. I just know it did. And I still don't know what I was thinking or why it happened, but I know it did. Maybe it was out of vengeance or excitement or lust. Or maybe it was already because in the deepest part of me, in the darkest, most unreachable and forbidden part of my soul, sinful love had already been born. Maybe. I still don't know.

All I know is that when her lips reached mine, I felt myself slowly become untangled from the spiderweb that was my life. No. Not untangled. Ripped apart. Ripped apart, torn apart. I felt myself become consumed by her warmth, felt myself become set free from my heavy chains only to fly into a cage.

She was the one to lean in to me. So close. Torturously close. But she didn't kiss me first. I did – as if I had had a choice. I tangled my hand in her hair and pulled her in, desperately, to me. Our lips met a bit clumsily and I felt her laugh into my mouth. Embarrassed, I was about to pull away and apologize, but then I felt her shift on top of me, straddling me, and giving me slow and gentle kisses – her hands wandering down my sides and mine down hers.

"Clarke," she breathed into me and my head spun. Why did she feel too far away from me? I gave a quiet moan in response, pulling at her jacket, urging her to take it off. She laughed again and pulled back, taking it off and throwing it to the side before coming in again. "Clarke," she said my name again at the end of a kiss, and my mouth ached expectantly, but her lips didn't come back to me. She just hovered above me, inches away, her eyes kind and soft and analyzing.

"What?" I asked and the annoyance and desperation in my voice was a little too obvious, making her laugh again. Her laugh was so beautiful.

"We can't do this," she said and her breath was sweet. I think I must have been pouting because she smiled at me, before reminding me "You and Finn…" His name rung in my head and everything came flooding back, filling me guilt and anger and jealousy and disgust.

"He deserves this," I whispered, though more as comfort for myself than anything else. It didn't work.

"You're beautiful, Clarke," Lexa's voice softened the sharp edges that stabbed at my heart, "but I can't just be someone you fuck out of spite." My eyes grew guiltily – I hadn't meant it like that. I think she noticed my worry at offending her because she added, "But I can be your friend, if you'd like me to. I don't really know many people in Polis High, and well you seem like you could need someone to talk to… or, you know," she smiled that beautiful smile at me, "…someone to beat up Finn for you."

I laughed and nodded, a single tear streaming down my face. Feeling the warmth of her hand as she brushed it off, I sighed and wondered why exactly I was crying. She rolled over, off of me and we stared into the night sky together.