I was staring at the water, salty breeze caressing my skin at the shore. It was a windy and dark evening at the beach a few minutes down from the house we were staying at. Lissa got the beach house from the Queen as a graduation present for a few weeks to stay here before having to go back to court. So right after the graduation ceremony we took off and got here to party and rest for a week.

But I knew life will never be this easy for me after the graduation. I was officially a guardian now, I had responsibility, I had to protect Lissa. Of course I had free time, as Lissa had other guardians too but I somehow gave up on wanting to have everything. I had to let Dimitri go. I had to accept that the moroi always come first. And I have to do my best and work hard every single minute to be enough.

I was so deep in my thoughts I only heard the approaching footsteps when they got really close to me. I turned around and saw Christian walking barefoot in the sand toward me. He stopped for a second, hesitating as if he didn't know if it was okay to get closer to me, but then resumed to walking.

Christian slowly moved closer to me, never taking his eyes off mine. I didn't even realize I was so cold until he took his jacket off and put it on my shoulders.

'Romantic much, Ozera?' I tried to joke but he just shrugged.

'You were shivering' he still stood only inches away from me but never fully closed the distance. His eyes were piercing through mine but remained the oh-so-cold blue they always have been.

It wasn't so long ago when I realized he had this side of him. He always remained the cool and closed guy he was but sometimes I felt like there was more to it. Something more between us. Like he felt something toward me I couldn't put my finger on. But these thoughts… I shouldn't be having them. He's my best friends's boyfriend. The boyfriend of a queen-to-be.

'We should probably go' I said and took off the beach.

He remained behind me for a few seconds before starting to follow me, like he had something to say that I prevented him in by leaving.

'Come on, I don't want you killed by a strigoi on my conscience' I knew it was almost impossible as the place was secured well and even if one strigoi got through the guardians Christian could take on his share pretty well. He had been training for quite long now having a lot of spare time, and to be honest he was good. He asked me to spar with him on some occasions and I had to admit he got fast, strong and well-toned for a moroi. He was always well built but he also got on some muscle – which I only noticed because we trained together sometimes. Besides, he was getting better and better using his magic for defensive purposes.

'I'd rather get killed by a strigoi then go back to that dull party'

'Maybe you haven't had enough to drink'

'Maybe I'm heavily drunk already'

'You seem to hold your liquor well'

'I take that as a compliment. But really, I think we should just stay here. Nobody's gonna be missing us anytime soon'

'Well, what about Lissa?'

'She's overly excited with all the esquire moroi around' he spat sarcastically.

'I sense some bitterness in your voice' I knew I should have had this conversation stopped already but I needed to know so much where it was headed.

'I don't know what to say'

'Anyway it's not my business' I said feeling like we really should get going. I turned around and started walking again.

'I think it's over' he said from behind me.

I stopped instantly but just couldn't bring myself to face him.

'I mean she must have told you something'

I was frozen. I couldn't answer him. I couldn't even move. What? Vasilisa Dragomir and Christian Ozera were the greatest couple I have ever seen. They were head over heels in love with each other. Maybe he was just too drunk. Yes, that's the only possible explanation – he was drunk, he had no idea what he was talking about.

'I'm sorry I brought it up. I just don't really have anyone to talk to here' he said.

I turned around then. He seemed really off. Not the I'm-gonna-drop-dead-I'm-so-sad off, but definitely like something wasn't right with him. I sat down on the sand looking at him expectantly.

He slowly came to join me and sat down beside me facing the water.

'All she cares about is titles and the responsibility that comes with it. And when she has some free time she spends it with Adrian practicing magic. It's not like she's not kind with me, but I'd been feeling neglected for a long time. And the bad thing about it is that I stopped feeling neglected. I still love her, I just… it's not that way anymore'

I wish I could say this came on me unexpectedly. But it had been a while since I started feeling similarly about my relationship with Lissa. But it wasn't her fault. I knew she still loved me. I knew she still loved Christian.

'Have you tried talking to her?' I asked finally.

'On a few occasions'

'And? Where did that get you?'

'I don't know. But did you really not notice anything about this? Isn't there something Lissa told you?'

'No, I mean, she... didn't tell me anything. I guess graduation just had most of our attention'

He fell silent for a long time. It wasn't awkward so I didn't try to break it. We just sat there in silence both of us deep in our thoughts.

'I really didn't want to pour this on you, I'm sorry' he said standing up and dusting the sand off his pants.

'No problem, Christian. I just wish things will work out for you' I answered.

He looked like this wasn't the answer he expected but then again who did he think I was to give him a different answer?

Then he suddenly came closer to me and hugged me. And in that moment it became clear to me why this whole conversation wasn't weird at all. I felt close to him. He must have felt the same. I couldn't really name what we were to each other but thanks to all the time we spent together I felt really close to him. And I completely understood what his problem was. He missed feeling loved and being passionate with someone. It just went away at some point while the person he previously felt these things for was still right next to him. It wasn't the same to what I had with Dimitri. Our relationship ended before it even started and he disappeared while I was still deep in love with him. It wasn't like nothing had changed beside my feelings, not like what Christian had. But I was sure Christian felt just as empty as I did. So I knew what it could be like.

I hugged him tighter before moving away from him.

'Now we should really get going'

'Yeah' he said not so convinced.

'Come on, I'll have a beer with you' I smiled and we started slowly walking back toward the house.