Serenity Courage Wisdom

Chapter 3

The closer she got to Andy's house Sharon could feel whatever serenity and courage she had found in the chapel begin to falter. She had no idea what she was going to say to him. She still didn't know what she wanted from him or could offer to him. She just knew that she needed him.

She pulled her car into the driveway just as the last of the sun was setting behind her. He must have been watching for her because he met her at the front door before she could even knock. She smiled up at him as he opened the door and then looked back away unsure of what to say. Sensing her uneasiness Andy stepped closer to her and pulled her to him as he had earlier. "Hey, it's just your friend Andy" When she stepped back from him Andy could see that she was a mess of conflicted emotions. "It's not an easy process." He offered with a gentle smile. "Come it and sit down dinner will be ready soon."

Sharon found herself unable to completely let go of him, holding his hand as they walked to the couch in his living room. Sharon realized that she still hadn't actually said anything once they sat down. "I went to church. I didn't intend to go there. It's just where I ended up." She told him. "Did it help?" he asked. "Yes, I think it did. I don't know how to explain it all to you." She said with a frustrated look on her face. "Sharon you don't have to…" He started to say. "No, I want you to know and understand." She paused for a minute. Andy recognized the look on her face. It was the same one she got when she figured a case out, he waited. She suddenly looked nervous again as she reached for her purse and pulled out her notebook. "I did what you said." She told him handing it to him, "you can read it." Andy looked at her in amazement, "Are you sure?" he asked. "Yes, I can't say it all but I need you to know it."

Andy took the notebook from her and opened it. He read Jack's name across the top of the page. He felt a mixture of anger and heartbreak when he read her words. The fact that Jack had never found the ability to fight for this woman and his family sickened Andy. He smiled a little when he read her realization about Rusty. She was beginning to get it. He read the page on Rusty and once again found himself falling more in love with her. All she ever wanted for the boy was for him to have a family and ultimately she was the one who gave it to him. When he got to the page that said Major Crimes he felt guilt wash over him. He knew he was a large part of the reason she felt hated there. He remembered every time that he had yelled at her. He felt tears begin to form in his own eyes, "I don't think I have ever told you how sorry I am for the way I treated you." He told. She smiled at him, "Andy it was a long time ago and you have more than made up for it."

They looked at each other for a few moments before he turned the page again. Sharon felt her breath catch as he turned it. Andy looked down at the page that had his name and back up at Sharon. He looked back down and read the words on the page again. All it said under his name was, "I can't change that I love him and that scares me." Andy set the book down and pulled Sharon to him. "Beautiful, there is nothing to be scared of." He placed his hands on her face and kissed her slowly. He felt her lean into the kiss and felt the intensity grow. It wasn't the passionate heat of their kisses the previous night. This kiss was tender, full of emotion and promise. When they pulled apart Andy looked into Sharon's eyes again, "Thank you for trusting me."

As they sat there for a minute Sharon remembered that she hadn't eaten anything since their brunch many hours earlier. "Um, did you mention something about dinner?" she asked him. Andy smiled at her, "Yep, I made you my specialty and it should be ready, come on." He said taking her hand and guiding her to the kitchen. "Andy, it smells wonderful. Is this another one of your surprises?" she asked running her hand along his arm feeling herself beginning to relax a little. He just tuned and smiled a planted a quick kiss on her lips, "Go get plates" he said pointing to the cabinet. Andy pulled something out of the oven and Sharon looked over in surprise. "Macaroni and cheese?" she asked with a giggle. "Made from scratch, thank you, I keep the ingredients on hand because the boys love it when they are here."

They made up plates and sat at his table and ate in comfortable silence. "Oh my God Andy, this is unbelievable." She said after taking a few bites. "See I am full of surprises." He teased her. After they ate they cleaned up together in his small kitchen. Sharon couldn't help but notice that Andy allowed himself to touch her more than usual. Nothing pressuring just small comforting touches as they were near each other. Sharon turned from the sink to ask Andy where to put something and found him standing right behind her. He took the dish from her and set it on the counter and rested his hands on the sink behind her. "We probably need to talk a little more, but first I would really like to kiss you again." He said grinning at her. She slipped her arms around his neck closing the rest of the space between them. Their lips met and mouths opened for each other. When he heard Sharon let out a small moan he pushed himself closer to her pushing them both against the sink. For a few minutes they both let themselves forget about everything else. They just enjoyed the feeling of being closer to each other than ever before. Andy allowed his lips to leave hers and place a soft trail of kisses across her face and to her neck. He followed the trail back up finally placing a kiss on her forehead. "We should probably talk now." He said against her hair. When Sharon only let out a small "hmmm" he chuckled a little, placed another soft kiss on her lips and stepped back from her.

They sat back in the living room, Sharon's notebook still sitting on the coffee table. "So, now what?" she asked him. "You mean other than kissing you as often as I can?" he teased. Sharon rolled her eyes at him, "Andy" was al she said. "Sharon, listen, we don't have to figure it all out tonight. We know how we feel each other and we can work from there."

"Andy, this is all so new to me, I meant both things that I said in that notebook." She stopped for a minute and took a breath, "I love you and that scares me."

He smiled for at her for a minute appreciating the effort it took for her to say that and relishing in the thrill of hearing it at the same time. "What is it exactly that you are scared of?" he asked her genuinely.

"So much, first I am scared of how deeply I feel about you. It scares me that I need you. I haven't let myself need anyone in a really long time. I am scared that I don't know how to have a relationship with someone. All I can hear is Jack's drunk voice telling me that I was the one who ruined everything." The tears were starting to fall from her eyes and Andy reached up and wiped them away. "Also, I meant want I said last night. I am scared that I will get so caught up in you that I will miss something with Rusty or Stroh. Andy I have almost lost him so many times. I don't know how to get past that." She told him her voice starting to shake a little.

Andy looked at her for a minute and took her hands, "I need you to listen to me very carefully all right?" he asked her. Sharon nodded her head. "First thing, we have to work on getting Jack's voice out of your head. Because his voice has no place here. My ex-wife's doesn't either. We are us. The only voices we need to hear are each other's. Jack is a bastard who has hurt you for too long to keep you from finding happiness now. I need you to promise me that when you start to hear Jack's voice you will tell me and if I hear my ex-wife's I will tell you. This will never work if we are fighting against people that aren't in the room. Can we agree on that?"

"I will try." Sharon said

"That's all I can ask. Second, what you don't need to be scared of needing me because you can count on me. I'm in Sharon, I meant what I said last night, I love you and I'm here for you however you want me. Haven't I proven that to you?" He asked her.

Sharon could detect the small amount of hurt in his voice and she placed a hand on his face, "If you hadn't I would have never shown you that notebook." She told him pressing a kiss on his lips.

Andy smiled at her, "All right then as far as Rusty in concerned you need to trust yourself a little more. Sharon you are the most levelheaded grounded person I know. As much as I would like to think I could I am not going to sweep you away in a wave of emotion and passion and that's OK. We will figure out what this relationship and keep Rusty as safe as possible. We can do this I believe in us."

"Us," she echoed him softly, "I haven't been part of an us in a long time. I like how it sounds. I want to be us." She said.

Andy smiled and turned her slightly pulling her back against him. "All right, I think we've figured out enough for tonight. Do you need to get home to Rusty?" he asked her

"No, he's staying at Tao's again." She answered leaning back into him feeling the comfort of his arms around her and chest behind her. "Andy, if this is the beginning of serenity and courage I think like it." She said her voice sounding very sleepy. "Me too Beautiful, me too." He whispered back as he felt her fall asleep in his arms.

The End

A/N Thank you all so much for the unbelievably kind words that you have left me on this story. It was truly a joy to write.