Fifty Shades of Secrets

Chapter 38: Fifty Shades of Walks in the Park

Anastasia Steele,

The sun bathed the master bedroom in light, giving us a glimpse into an uncharacteristically sunny Seattle day. Gladly, I would have lingered in bed and allowed the sun to fully envelop us to start of our morning, but instead, the light illuminated my boyfriend as he crossed the room and left me alone in bed. The morning weather invited Christian further into his routine, prompting him to select work attire out of lavish racks in his closet. He neglected his running shoes, avoiding his habitual run through downtown Seattle because I'd kept him in bed too long. With every garment he slipped on his body, the further my hopes slipped away.

"Don't go to work," I begged Christian, perching myself on the edge of the bed as Christian dressed. We'd woken only half an hour earlier, and I'd briefly distracted him from his pressing responsibilities. Together, we had a world all our own where board meetings and emails meant nothing in comparison to soaking up each other after so long apart. Enjoying every moment of our relationship's honeymoon phase, we both could have stayed forever. But Christian's phone- that traitor- reminded him of reality and how unwise a shared shower would be if he truly intended to make his first appointment.

I knew he had to go. I really did.

Hell, I'd been the strongest proponent of his returning to work. When I first got out of the hospital, I wasn't sure he'd ever leave my side and worried that he would neglect work and lose such a large part of his identity. If he stopped working, I didn't know what Christian would do. He had more than enough money, but being the master of his own universe- and quite frankly a large portion of this one, too- made him so happy. As interesting the sight would be, I wouldn't recognize Christian if he fully abandoned work and threw himself into his personal life. My darling workaholic needed this, and I needed to be less selfish and let him have it.

It was good in theory but difficult in practice. Letting him go varied from the romantic notion I'd concocted, and I struggled to do it. In our time after the accident, I'd grown accustomed to his proximity and enjoyed every moment of the family time we carved out of our unideal situation. Now, he would be in his downtown office, ruling the world from his desk and smartphone, and I would be far away in Escala.

"You're the one who encouraged me to return to a normal work schedule," Christian chuckled, finishing the remaining buttons on his shirt and turning to select a tie.

"But that was before," I protested.

"Before?" Christian insisted.

"Before we had this weekend…" I sighed, slouching in defeat, "It was so perfect. Just the three of us- bonding together. And you and I bonding in a very different way…" I trailed off, noting Christian's smile. "Besides, I've been thinking. Teddy and I are so used to being with you all day. Perhaps it would be healthier to wane off over the next few days," I suggested as I climbed off of the bed.

"Are you using our toddler as an excuse to get me to stay in bed?" Christian cocked his eyebrow, destroying my argument with a single sentence.

"It sounds even worse when you say it," I muttered, wrapping my arms around Christian. I stood on my tippy toes to lean fully on his shoulder and pout, and from the mirror's reflection, he watched me with an amused grin.

"I'll check on you two at lunch," Christian reassured me, tilting to kiss my forehead, "Besides, this is an excellent opportunity to rest."

My eyes rolled to the back of my head, slowly learning to hate that word.

Surely, Christian understood my struggle. Neither of us were good at rest. He was famous for his unorthodox work schedule and intense drive, so much so that he had been dubbed the "workaholic" who puts the rest to shame. Over the years, I'd developed a similar attitude. As a single mother in one of the most expensive cities in the world, breastfeeding and working were the least of my multitasking. Christian may have stepped back from his workaholic tendencies for our family, but he still a place to run to when rest became too tiresome. On the other hand, I had a doctor's note for bedrest and a job offer that would make the entire company question my qualifications. I wouldn't be the first woman to rise within her lover's company, but I wouldn't be spared from the gossip.

"Rest is exhausting," I watched our reflection in the mirror and smiled softly as Christian chuckled at my statement.

"Insatiable Miss Steele," he said lovingly, reaching for a blue tie and offering it to me.

I pulled just away enough to take it from him, and from this distance, I tied his tie and savored how heartwarmingly domestic it was. I was tying Christian Grey's tie and trying to convince him to stay home from work, and it struck me how far we'd come.

"Have you heard anything else from the detective?" Christian asked me, his voice soft and warm. It was the kind of voice reserved for proximity and meant for coaxing information.

The summoning to New York was vague at best, meaning that I could put it off until more concrete requests were made. For now, I just answered the detective's questions and tried not to dwell on the idea that a member of my abduction team remained on the streets somewhere.

Christian upped my security in response Elle, my bodyguard at the time of the attack, initially resigned her post, but in an uncharacteristically understanding move, Christian insisted on rehiring her and begrudgingly let her stay by my side. But even with sufficient security, my skin crawled the more I thought about it.

Naturally, I tried not tothink about it, earning Christian's disapproval. When I told Christian about the detective and the possibility of going back to New York, Christian was supportive, yet he still didn't trust me to conquer my fears and therefore stay abreast of the ongoing investigation.

"No," I replied.

"Really?" Christian asked, and I stopped mid-knot to glare at him as I assured him of my honesty.

"I'm being honest, Christian. No word back. I'll tell you when I hear something. If you really don't trust me, check my phone," I muttered, returning to his tie.

"Of course I trust you," Christian wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to his chest. I breathed in his cologne, and despite my irritation, I melted into his arms. Christian gently stroked my hair, and for a moment, I thought he might change his mind and spend an extra day at home. But knowing that one extra day turned into another, Christian remained resolute and suggested, "Maybe you can skip out on a morning of rest. There's a nearby park I've already taken Teddy to. He really likes it, and with Gail around, you couldn't injure yourself too badly."

"You're giving me permission to take my son to the park?" I looked up at Christian, still tangled in his embrace, and he chuckled lightly as he nodded. I bit my lower lip as I considered the idea. A day in the park with Teddy sounded perfect, especially when I felt like such a terrible mother for being sectioned away from him.

"Alright," I agreed, unable to hide my excitement, "When Teddy wakes up, we'll go to the park."

"After a nutritious breakfast," Christian corrected me.

"After a nutritious breakfast," I conceded, stifling my smile as Christian kissed my nose.

"I love you, Anastasia," Christian's smile was infectious, and the sentiment bubbled over until I couldn't help but beam everything I felt for him into one wide, ridiculous grin.

"I love you more," I used his tie for leverage pulled him in for a kiss, and his hands firmly gripped my hip, pressing my body against his. His touch roamed, sweeping across my lower back as the kiss grew more passionate, and instinctually, I began to move his jacket out of the way.

"I need to go to work," Christian laughed into my lips.

"Fifteen minutes," I murmured, "We'll be fast, I promise. Be extra productive by fucking in the shower."

"Oh how I've corrupted you," Christian nipped at my lower lip, "The second I get you naked is the second I'm done for."

Reluctantly, Christian untangled himself from me, and he put on his jacket. He kissed my forehead again, maintaining a safe distance, and as he gathered his phone and watch, he promised an early return from work tonight and other sweet gestures to sate my disappointment. He kept saying he had to leave as if it was more to remind himself than me.

And leave he did.

I watched the elevator close and whisk my wonderful boyfriend far away to the real world. Before the doors shut, his smartphone had already returned to his hand, and our lovely weekend of solo family time officially ended. The romantic world we'd built together in Escala melted away and left me in the sobering light of day. Christian was back to the fast-paced world he loved so, and I just had an overflowing inbox to keep me satisfied.

With Christian safely on his way downtown, I thought about defying his nutritious orders and begging Gail for pancakes instead of oatmeal. But in a very Christian move, he'd already told her what to make me, and before I knew it, I was staring at a steaming bowl of fiber and a plate of egg whites. I swallowed my disappointment and profusely thanked Gail for everything she did for me. How she cared for Theodore and maintained Escala was beyond my comprehension. Even with a nanny, I'd never mastered maintaining a home and juggling a son and a fulltime job. If toys weren't crammed in every corner and fruit juice staining some surface, it was a good day.

Mornings with Theodore proved taxing on my weakness, another thing to add to my list of heartbreaking revelations while on bedrest. He liked to be held and danced with when brushing his teeth, and I was currently unqualified. So, our resident saint, Gail, took care of him and left me to my own devices.

On the one hand, the time was nice. After the accident, I was rarely alone and missed the independence I'd previously enjoyed. I'd never been dependent on anyone else this much, and my pride took a hit. So, being alone for a certain part of the day cushioned the blow. But left to my own devices, I too frequently reached for my devices.

My neglected inbox was too tempting. The longer I was away from the office, the fewer the emails became. Originally, there was a flood of sympathy cards expressing their condolences for my injuries and wishing me well in future endeavors. The majority of these emails were disingenuous and were deleted following a polite reply. Stray emails arrived, centered on office announcements or my old projects, but as the mailing lists were updated to exclude me, they were increasingly less frequent. Anyone who ever emailed me personally accounted for my new life situation and texted. Only Scarlet sent me the occasional personal email, and they were all links to houses she'd toured and considered.

It was strange to not need to dedicate a portion of my morning to emails, and it was even stranger that nobody noticed when my inbox went untouched for days. I held off on reading some of the emails just to give me something productive to complete each day. As much as I complained about work interfering with my family life, part of me genuinely missed it.

However, I had a welcome distraction to my email come bounding down the stairs, and I put away my laptop and closed my Gmail app. Teddy jumped into my arms, and I silenced the wince as pain radiated in my side.

"Be careful, Theodore," Gail reminded Teddy, knowing I might whimper if I opened my mouth. I adjusted my toddler in my arms and gently bounced him on my knee as Gail presented us with his nutritious breakfast.

I didn't know what Gail put in her oatmeal, but somehow, my picky eater didn't complain and every bit of it with minor spillage.

When Theodore had enough fiber for the day and had told me all about his favorite cartoons, our little adventure began. The idea of a new escapade kept him excited, nearly buzzing as I cleaned off stray oatmeal and got him dressed. He didn't even mind having to put on sunblock to account for the first sunny Seattle day in weeks. He barely even let me finish putting on his shoes before bounding to the elevator, and with Gail along for the ride, we set out for the park.

Our on-duty security guard, Elle, accepted that it was close enough to walk, but she was uneasy as we trekked the short block At times, her overt fear for safety felt unnecessary, but as soon as Theodore suggested a game of hide and seek, I felt the color drain out of my face and understood the fear of everyone around us. We had to be careful now, even if that meant convincing a toddler to play a new game.

And play we did.

As Gail and I took turns pushing Theodore on the swing and pretending not to be shocked at the seesaw's dip when we sat down, I realized I hadn't been this happy in a long time. I felt like myself but better.

Anastasia 2.0: in love, forced into relaxation, and completely happy.

Growing tired from running around the playground with Teddy, Gail and I found a bench where Teddy could be safely monitored, and as we watched his pirate escapades, Gail turned to me and smiled, "I haven't seen you smile this much since the accident."

"I'm… really happy," I admitted, unable to contain my smile, "Christian and I are great. Teddy is amazing and adjusting beautifully, and you… Oh, Gail, you don't know what you've meant to me. I couldn't do it without you. Thank you so much."

Gail waved her hand, dismissing my thanks as unnecessary, "It's a pleasure."

"You've made such a difference. When Essie left, I didn't have someone to turn to and couldn't do it on my own, and you have been a blessing. You didn't need to take this on with all of your other responsibilities," a wave of emotion hit me as I dabbed at my eyes, trying to contain any tears, "You've meant the world to us, and we love you for it."

"You're family, Ana," Gail squeezed my hand, and this time, the tears spilled out as I squeezed her hand in return.

"Thank you, Gail."

"And as family, I can admit… that Christian, as wise as he is, may be wrong. You need time out of the house," Gail tilted her jaw up, looking at me like a caring mother mine had never been. My eyes widened, shocked as she continued, "I'll watch Theodore and take him home. It's time for his nap, and if your security guard will agree," Gail looked up at Elle as if daring her to disagree, which Elle didn't, "You should enjoy the town for a little bit. Fresh air will do you good."

I could only imagine Christian's outrage at this idea, but I was dying to get out of Escala and resume life beyond its walls. An hour couldn't kill anyone…

"I still need to get his birthday gift," I admitted, considering the possibility.

"Well then," Gail patted my hand, going on to encourage me, "Downtown Seattle is the perfect place to browse. I can reassure you that Theodore will be perfectly safe with me, and your security will remain with you the entire time. You deserve time in the sun, Anastasia."

I mulled over the idea, eyeing the road and the rest of Seattle that laid beyond it.

Finally, I nodded my head in agreement, "Okay…" my voice quivered, "Just one hour."

Gail hugged me in appreciation, squeezing me tight before rounding Theodore up. With a firm grip on his hand, she gave me a reassuring smile and let me watch him leave so I knew he was alright.

When they were out of sight, I turned back to the road tentatively. The idea, no matter how exciting and reasonable it seemed, was daunting. I'd practically been under lock and key for my own protection, and I didn't know how to leave it.

"Miss Steele?" Elle prompted me, and taking a deep breath, I forced myself to stand.

"It isn't a far walk," I admitted, "Just pick up a gift and turn around."

Elle's jaw tightened, internalizing her anxieties and concerns, and my stomach dropped to my feet. I stood with a shaky smile, wanting to exude confidence so it might become real, but instead, I was consumed with apprehension.

"It's just a short little walk…" I spoke mostly to myself, "Christian would understand. He suggested I go out today anyway…." I swallowed, "Elle? What do you think?"

Elle's gasped, surprise consuming her face, "You're… Asking me?"

"I trust you," I nodded, "You always keep me safe… If I'd done what I was supposed to do and listened to you, I wouldn't be on bedrest right now. Do you really think it'll be okay?"

Elle mulled over my question, striking me off guard. I'd imagined an immediate agreement, even if she didn't really mean it, and I was relieved to see the thought she put into my question. Finally, she nodded slowly and told me, "Miss Steele-"

"Ana," I corrected her.

"Ana…" Elle made eye contact, "You are a strong, capable woman who has had unfortunate circumstances scare her. You will be fine, and if you need the reassurance of security, I'm here for you."

My eyes started to well up with emotion, but when I saw Elle's panic as she feared I may run up and hug her, I contained myself and just gave her a smile.

And so, under the watchful eye of an intent security guard, I took my first steps without Christian or well-meaning loved ones in weeks. The first block was timid. I watched every passerby and checked every car window as it zoomed by. The second block was better- but only slightly. Each step was loaded with a potential landmine. At any moment, my fearlessness could wither into crippling fear, and no matter how long it had been since my last PTSD attack, I hadn't subjected myself to walking on a sidewalk since I'd been abducted from one. On the third block, it started to change.

Familiarity enveloped me. I knew these streets, even if it had been years since I'd last walked them. New names covered downtown windows, but it was still Seattle. After years of living in Manhattan and walking hundreds of blocks a day, being able to confront the city pavement took a weight off my shoulders.

The entire time, my bodyguard kept an uneasy eye on me. Even under supervision, we both knew Christian (and furthermore, my doctor) wouldn't be entirely comfortable with so much movement for a woman on bedrest. So, for their sake, I kept a slow pace and zeroed in on my destination.

Lost in the drama surrounding us, I'd forgotten about Christian's birthday. It was something so normal that I was determined to celebrate. Instead of thinking about attempted murders and abductions, I wanted to make my wonderful boyfriend a birthday cake and have an entire birthday party fawn over our son.

And I had the perfect gift in mind.

"Anastasia," Elle began cautiously, "You said it wasn't far."

"It's only a few more blocks than I thought. We're almost there," I assured her, faking confidence as I hoped I was right, "We'll take a car home if that makes you feel better."

Elle was nervous, and I understood why. Christian shocked everyone by letting her stay on. Defying the most basic of orders wouldn't look good for her, but she also didn't want me locked in the confines of Escala.

"Alright," Elle begrudgingly nodded her head, and with a renewed smile, I turned my attention back to the streets in the hope of finding my destination quickly.

And that was when I saw her.

My confidence crumbled as she stepped out of the stylish salon, dripping in solid black and diamonds. Her fresh blond blowout flowing in the gentle breeze, she looked like a Pantene commercial. Even decades older than me, she oozed natural confidence and sex appeal that left me feeling annoyed, imperfect, and inexperienced.

Elena Motherfucking Lincoln.

"Fuck," I mumbled, briefly considering abandoning my shopping mission. But even if rescue could arrive quickly, it was too late. Elena had already seen me and was sizing up my leggings and lazy ponytail with a wolf-like grin.

Breezing over to me with unrealistic confidence in heels that high, Elena waved to me, and I stood, paralyzed in anticipation of having to talk to the bitch.

"Anastasia, don't you look darling," Elena's condescending tone set me on edge and she attempted to kiss my cheeks, and I rejected her fake affection, pulling away.

"Elena. I didn't expect to see you," my voice was curt.

"I've recommitted myself to the salon and new techniques. After all, what is an artist if they don't explore their medium and expand?" Elena flipped her freshly highlighted hair over her shoulder, and I smugly recognized that her new work hours corresponded to a lack of Christian's financial support instead of a new interest in cosmetology.

"If you're busy, I shouldn't keep you," I didn't wait for a response, taking a step to leave, but Elena stepped in front of me to keep me chained to polite, public conversation.

"Now what are you doing out?" Elena looked me up and down like I was a teenager she'd caught skipping third period, "I thought Christian had you hidden and holed up in Escala."

"I was not hiding. I was in a car accident," I corrected her, growing more frustrated the longer we conversed.

"Right, right. At least you made it to the wedding. The pictures look gorgeous," Elena gushed, "It was a tragedy I couldn't make it. Terrible time to get a cold, don't you think? I'm so glad that Katherine found such a fabulous stylist. I'll be sure to schedule brunch sometime to make it up to her."

I stared at Elena in shock, amazed at how easily she lied. She wasn't sick, and everyone knew it. She was intimidated and even frightened by attending a Grey family event without Christian's support, and she was only allowed to save face to protect his mother from the horrible truth.

After everything she'd done, how could she lie to me? I knew what she'd done. I knew how she'd hurt him- how she'd hurt the whole family. Yet, she had the audacity to harass and lie to me.

"Thank you for not attending. You know Christian doesn't want to see you," my jaw tightened, "It was a relief for all us that a manipulative pedophile caught such a timely illness. Judging by Mia's disdain, I wouldn't rely on being asked to act as a stylist any time soon."

"Excuse me?" Elena scoffed, "Mia loves me. She's my goddaughter. The whole family loves me. I've been around much longer than you, and unlike you, I didn't take their only grandchild to the other side of the country."

"I may have taken their only grandchild across the country, but I am the mother of Christian's child, something you'll never be. I'm the one in Christian's apartment, raising his son and living happily ever after. Not even you can ruin that, Elena." My gaze washed over her, fully appreciating the woman in front of me. Beyond the confidence and beauty, she was just a vindictive bitch who had only the demons of her crimes to keep her company.

"Happily ever after?" Elena repeated incredulously, "Please…" She smirked, eyeing me in up in return, "Poor darling, battered and beaten to hell. I bet the vanilla sex is especially exciting for Christian," a laugh danced across her lips, "If you're even up to it. Or worse, he's saying 'doctor's orders.' Sweetie, that just means he doesn't want you."

I gasped, struggling to contain my outrage as a horrified blush spread across my cheeks.

"Elena, you are pathetic."

Elena's jaw dropped, and I sucked in a joyous breath as I continued.

"One of us is being ignored by Christian, a man she has an unhealthy obsession with. And the other? She woke up in his bed, beside him. She made him laugh. She made him happy, and she took his treasured son to the park," I raised my jaw, looking down on her despite the height difference, "Don't you dare belittle or harass me. Clearly, you're no longer an expert, and it only furthers the divide between you and Christian."

Elena's shock kept her silent, practically paralyzed on the sidewalk, and I let the warmth of victory sweep over me as I nodded a goodbye and strutted through the city like walking on a cloud. I'd conquered my demon and vanquished my fear of the heinous bitch. Until now, I'd let her get under my skin and undermine my relationship with Christian. But now? We were beyond that.

I loved Christian Grey with every ounce of my being, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

So, I marched to my destination and made a choice. I purchased Christian's gift and held it close to me, treasuring the one little word inscribed on a cheap little keychain.

It's been forever, and I've been working on this chapter for months- hoping to get it out soon and getting caught up in other things. I really apologize and want to get back into things, so I'm excited to post this chapter and get through all of your lovely reviews I haven't gotten to read!

I apologize if this seems choppy! Parts were written at different times and rewritten to be more cohesive, but I am so happy that Ana stood up to Elena.

Also, one word on a keychain? Seems familiar…