Title: When It Don't Come Easy

Author: HandsThatHeal

Pairing: Callie/Arizona

Rating: NC-17 (Eventually)

Summary: After watching Arizona struggle to come to terms with the aftermath of the plane crash, Callie decides to take matters into her own hands by embarking on a cross country adventure with Arizona and Sofia. During their trip, will they be able to reaffirm their love? Or will they ultimately decide that they don't have what it takes to carry on as a family.

Disclaimer: All television shows, books, movies, songs, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work and the characters, events, and settings thereof are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

AN: This story was originally posted before the premiere of Season 9. After many requests to repost it, I am now in the middle of editing the entire story and plan to repost it a chapter at a time.

AN2: I will admit that there are quite a few changes - not enough to make the content or central plot of the story different - but just enough to make it a better and easier read. At least, in my opinion. From re-reading, I can definitely tell that I have matured as a writer since the beginning of this story.

AN3: Anyway, thanks so much for your continued interest in this story, and I really hope it doesn't disappoint the second time around. Thanks again!

Chapter One

"Come on, Arizona. You can do this," Dr. Calliope Torres quietly muttered, knees nervously bouncing as she sat alone in the back row of the observation deck of OR Two. "Come on, come on, come on."

Callie sighed and, leaning forward with her elbows resting on her knees, she pressed her palms together, placing them firmly against her lips and nose, purposely sending a silent prayer to anyone who would listen that Arizona would rock this surgery.

With a shake of her head as her eyes continued to watch her wife standing motionless over the tiny human lying supine on the OR table in front of her, Callie knew - deep down - she shouldn't be watching. She knew she should be finishing the last of her discharge summaries so she could pick up Sofia from day care and make her way home.

Callie also knew that if Arizona caught her keeping this solitary vigil over a simple laparoscopic surgical repair for pyloric stenosis, she may regret the volatile chain reaction that could only describe her wife's recently acquired temper. Deep down, she knew she was being more than a little overprotective of her wife, but she just couldn't help herself - she simply could not seem to find the fortitude to physically remove herself from the room.

Because, Arizona was struggling, and Callie knew it.

Staring down at the back of her wife's pink butterfly scrub cap, Callie noted that Arizona's posture no longer portrayed the confidence of an accomplished pediatric surgeon, and her gloved hands no longer confidently embraced the cold steel of the surgical devices necessary to free this tiny one-month-old baby boy of the constant hunger he had been experiencing since birth.

In all likelihood, to any other onlooker, Dr. Arizona Robbins probably appeared perfectly self-assured in her surgical skills. Callie, however, had been observing Arizona's surgeries for close to four years now and was keenly aware of the fact that the Head of Pediatric Surgery at Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital was no longer the same clear, rational, and simply miraculous surgeon she had once been.

The change was nearly imperceptible but, as she once again noticed Arizona uncomfortably shift from one leg to the other, Callie quickly stood from her seat, tugging her cell phone from her pocket as she rushed from the observation deck and into the hallway. Quickly paging Dr. Alex Karev to OR Two, Callie hurried the short distance to await his arrival outside the scrub room of the surgical suite.

Leaning back against the institutional white block wall, Callie crossed her arms over her chest and squeezed her eyes shut as she puffed her cheeks to blow out an unsteadily exaggerated breath and, thinking back on the events of the last five months, she harshly struck the back of her head against the wall that now supported her weight.

How could she have been so deluded? How could she have been so insanely, over the moon happy about the state of her life just five months before when now. . .

Well now, she was once again nothing short of miserable. She still stood by the passionate monologue she had delivered to Alex Karev, April Kepner, and Jackson Avery all those months ago, because. . .

Life really did change in an instant. It really did turn on a dime. She really had met the most amazing woman, and she really was in love.

Why then, the misery? Why, the uncertainty? And, why the uncompromising indecision surrounding every aspect of her life with this amazing woman?

Callie knew the answers to these questions. The answers were actually quite simple. The answers to each individual one of these nagging inquiries were all the same. . .

Because, a plane fell out of the sky.

Because, a plane fell out of the sky and brutally and fatally landed on the cold hard ground in the middle of the Cascade Mountains somewhere between Seattle and Boise.

Ironically, this was the same plane that had fallen out of the sky and taken the life of Sofia's father.

And quite contemptuously, this was the same fucking plane that had fallen out of the fucking sky and damaged Arizona - her wife - this amazing woman. Damaged and crippled her so tremendously - so scathingly - both physically and emotionally that Callie feared that she had lost her wife.

Forever.

Heavy footsteps down the hall pulled Callie from the incessant thoughts that had been plaguing her since that fateful day just five months before.

"What the Hell, Torres? Again?" Alex Karev shouted as he edged closer to her. "What's wrong? You paged 911!"

Callie shook her head, swallowing hard. "It's Arizona. She's been in there for hours, Alex," Callie stated as she quickly followed him into the scrub room. "She's just not. . ."

"She's just not what, Calliope?"

Callie's gaze shot up at the sound of the unexpected, but familiar voice, just as she ungracefully ran into the back of Alex who had stopped abruptly in the middle of the scrub room.

"She's - I'm - just not what, Calliope?" Arizona impatiently asked again as she dried her hands on a blue surgical towel, her tone icily cold, the look in her clear blue eyes even more glacial than the contempt in her words.

At that moment, Callie felt strangely relieved that Alex was still standing between herself and the obviously increasingly irate blonde, though her relief was short lived when Alex quickly stepped to the side to allow Arizona two forced and unsteady steps forward.

"Arizona, you're. . .I'm. . ."

Callie trailed off, lowering her eyes from Arizona's piercing glare, unsure of how to continue. She knew that anything she had to say would most likely be ill received - just like everything else she had tried to do lately for her wife - and, she certainly wasn't going to have this same discussion with her wife - in front of Alex Karev - yet again.

Ever since Arizona had returned to the surgical schedule two weeks prior, a very similar series of events had begun, and then relentlessly continued to occur - all of which included Arizona being visited in the middle of each and every procedure she was slated to perform by either Callie or Alex, and even once by an overly concerned Miranda Bailey.

Each of these staged visits held exactly the same unease, all accompanied by these people's incessant questions and disquiet concern; each and every visit making her feel more and more incompetent that the last, unintentionally carving away at what little tolerance she had left for Callie's overprotection, Alex's guilt, and Bailey's. . .

Arizona wasn't completely sure where Miranda's interest was coming from, but she could almost bet her next paycheck that - during the times she'd been visited by Miranda Bailey - Callie and Alex were probably otherwise detained with a surgery or patient, choosing to send Bailey, by proxy.

Today, however, the Head of Pediatric Surgery thought she had been able to escape her wife and friends' unwanted scrutiny when no one had barged into her OR with what she felt was ridiculous apprehension. Now, though, here she stood in the middle of the scrub room, the ache in her left thigh unwavering, as she irritably awaited her wife, or her new fellow, to shut their damn mouths that lay agape with shock in surprise long enough to make words.

After a long and highly uncomfortable silence, Alex glanced down at his watch and was then the first to speak. "Everything go ok in there, Robbins? Did you run into complications?" he knowingly asked. And, then looking from his watch to his boss when she didn't speak, he chose to continue, even though Arizona's glare dared him to. "The board said your surgery started at 1:30pm. It's almost 4:00pm, now. That surgery should only take thirty minutes - an hour at the most."

Arizona's eyes darted between Alex and Callie, who remained dejectedly quiet, her eyes staring only at the floor. "Mind your own business, Karev," the blonde warningly huffed. "I don't need you to tell me how long my surgeries should last, and I certainly do not need you. . ." she glared at him pointedly, "or you. . ." she stared at Callie until she reluctantly returned her gaze, "or Miranda freakin' Bailey, checking up on me every time I set foot in an OR. I'm not a child, and I'm tired of both of you treating me like one!"

Callie swallowed hard, so devastated by the profound emptiness and irrational anger she found in her wife's once sparkling and emotive blue eyes, that tears instantly brimmed in her own exhausted brown eyes.

"Arizona, I-I'm not treating you like a child, I just. . ."

"You are!" Arizona's yelled, her voice wavering slightly as she tried to hold back the torrent of emotion that threatened to spill forth. "Why can't you just believe me when I tell you that I. Am. Fine!"

"Because you aren't FINE, Arizona!" Callie instantly shot back, throwing her hands into the air, and then harshly smacking her palms against the sides of her hips. "Nothing about any of this is FINE!" she shouted, now completely unable to hold back her irritation or the drips of moisture that made their way past the dam of her eyelids to trickle down her cheeks. "I-I'm going to get Sofia," she quickly added, needed to remove herself from this situation before she completely broke down. "I-I'll be back to get you when your shift ends."

And, with that, Callie tore open the scrub room door and was gone.

Arizona gripped the edge of the stainless steel sink, her head dejectedly falling between her shoulders as she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Shaking her head, she then moved toward the door, debating whether or not she should try to stop her wife or just let her go.

"When the Hell are you gonna cut the crap, Robbins?"

Alex's words quickly invaded Arizona's mind, halting the uncertainty she felt toward her next move.

"You've been treating Torres like shit ever since that damn plane crashed, and I don't have the slightest idea why she continues to put up with you!"

Arizona shook her head, exhaling slowly. "I don't need this right now, Alex," Arizona sternly stated, reaching for the handle of the scrub room door.

Alex's initial thought was to just let her go but, deciding to just say his piece, he briskly stalked toward her. "You know what?!" he nearly shouted, his anger rising as he grabbed Arizona's hand from the door and spun her to face him. "I think you do need this! Right now!"

Alex had been silently watching his mentor self-destruct since the moment she was transferred back to SGMW from Boise Memorial, and he had uncharacteristically kept his mouth shut, trying hard to respect her feelings and emotions, but this was getting ridiculous.

It had gone on long enough.

"This is all your fault, you know," he began more gently, trying to curtail his earlier animosity. "If you would have just pulled your stubborn head out of your ass long enough to let me go to Boise like I was supposed to, you wouldn't be dealing with this gigantic shit storm right now!"

"Karev. . ."

"No! Just shut the hell up for once and listen to me," he immediately interrupted. "Because I've been listening to you spew the same self-righteous bullshit for the past five months, and I'm over it. Torres is right, Robbins! You aren't fine!"

Alex then paused, wondering if he should continue but, realizing he had already gone too far to stop now, he quickly carried on. "Callie has been trying her damnedest here, Robbins, but you just won't let her. So, you've got a fucked up leg!" he angrily spat, his own irritation now outweighing the guilt he still felt. "So what! Get over it. At least you're still alive!"

Arizona's eyes went wide at the candor of his tirade. "You think I don't realize that?" came her haughty retort. "You think I don't know what Callie has done?" she shouted, a sardonic bark of laughter leaving her throat. "Trust me, Alex, I am very aware of the fact that I am alive!"

"So get over yourself, then!" he argued, unwilling to hold back now. "Suck it up and realize that you got a free pass. From God - or whoever. For some reason you're still here!"

"But why?" she yelled, tears now welling in her bright blue eyes. "Why am I still here, and Lexie is not? Why and I still here, a-a-and Mark is not!?"

Alex momentarily considered her last statement before realizing the inscrutable significance of her words. "You think you don't deserve to be here, and he does?" he asked, his brow furrowing in surprise at the meaning of her revelation. "You think Callie and Sofia need him more than they need you?" he asked, quickly realizing the answers to his inquiries. "You think Torres resents you for living?"

"How could she not?" Arizona asked, her tone completely dejected.

"Are you fucking serious?" Alex exclaimed into the thick silence of the room.

Arizona remained quiet, wholeheartedly not wanting to admit to the thoughts and fears that had been plaguing her mind ever since she sat in the middle of the mountain wilderness stroking Mark's hair and begging him to stay with her so they could both go home together to Callie and Sofia. And, at that point, Mark had held on. They had gone home together. But, they weren't all together, now. Mark had been unable to hang on for the duration and had succumbed to complications of the cardiac tamponade he'd suffered.

"I'm scared, Alex," Arizona finally spoke, her voice barely above a hushed whisper.

Searching her protégé's face, Arizona expected him to respond but, when he didn't, she realized he was waiting for her to elaborate. Then, squeezing her eyes shut in an attempt to hold back the tears that threatened to fall, she shook her head, completely embarrassed and ashamed of the words that were about to slip from her mouth.

"Mark was always there. From the very beginning of my relationship with Callie. . .he was always there. Even when I didn't want him to be, he was still there. A-and now. . .he's not. He's gone," Arizona stated with a caustic chuckle through her tears. "I wanted him to be gone for so long, and now that he is. . .I'm scared. All the time. I'm scared that I'm not enough for them, and I'm scared that I no longer have any idea how to be Sofia's mom and Callie's wife."

Arizona then searched Alex's face for a reaction to her words and, watching as his forehead scrunched in question or confusion or. . .something, she was sure he was staring at her like she had a penis growing directly out of her forehead.

"Are you crazy, Robbins?" Alex asked, his face scowling. "Did you fuck up your head when you fell out of that plane, too?"

Alex smirked as Arizona's lips slightly twitched into a crooked smile. "You don't need Mark Sloan around to determine your place as Sofia's mother and Callie's wife," he stated, his concern uncharacteristically heartfelt, but complete sincere. "Yeah, he was your daughter's father, but that's it. You are that little girl's whole world, Robbins. I've seen how happy she is with you. And you are dumb as Hell if you believe for one minute that Torres doesn't think you are the best thing that has ever happened to her. Or some other butterflies and rainbow crap like that," he added as an afterthought.

Through her tears, Arizona let out a sharp laugh at Alex's memory, causing him to compassionately smile at his mentor. And, then placing his hands on her shoulders, he continued. "Look, Robbins. I was here when Torres found out your plane was missing. For a while, I couldn't tell if she was going to punch Hunt, scream and cry, or puke on my shoes. But, once it all sank in, once she was able to focus, you were her only concern. It wasn't until Avery mentioned something about Mark that he even entered her mind."

Arizona's tearful blue eyes registered complete surprise at Alex's admission and, she hated to admit it, but that knowledge somehow made her feel better.

"You need to talk to Callie, Robbins. She's hurting, too," Alex added before Arizona had time to respond. "You really need to stop blaming her because, trust me, she already blames herself enough for the both of you. And, please, stop trying to pretend that you're fine, because no matter what you think, we all know that you're still struggling. And, we all love you too much to watch you to continue to suffer."

Alex's words momentarily caught Arizona off guard. She was sure he cared for her, or he would have chosen to go to Johns Hopkins instead of staying behind to fill the void she had created during her time off following the crash.

But, love?

That was a completely unexpected emotion from him and an even more astonishing revelation from the usually sardonic younger doctor.

"When did you become so human?" Arizona asked, a truly genuine smile now gracing her face.

Alex chuckled. "Well, everyone knows we have you to thank for that."

Continuing to smile, Arizona leaned forward to quickly embrace him. "Thank you, Alex," she said into his shoulder before quickly pulling away.

"Whatever."

With that, Alex pulled open the door before quickly exiting the room.

Now standing alone in the scrub room, Arizona closed her eyes as she considered what to do. She hated to admit it, but Alex Karev was right and, quickly reminded of a similar humbling conversation she'd had with Mark Sloan not so many years before, Arizona sighed.

She couldn't believe it - she had promised Callie and herself that she wouldn't - but, the truth was, she'd done it again.

Arizona Robbins had bailed.

Not in the physical sense, because she was, in fact, still there. Still with Callie. Still with Sofia. But she had withdrawn from them both emotionally, and she absolutely hated herself for it.

But, Callie had kept her heartfelt promise. She hadn't gone anywhere, even though Arizona had withdrawn from her and their daughter out of fear of their rejection. Emotionally, however, she had bailed, leaving Callie with the responsibility of doing everything she could not.

At that moment, Arizona Robbins became acutely aware that she needed to reclaim her life. She needed to pull herself up out of the pit of Hell she had been living in for the past five months.

She needed to talk to Callie.

AN4: There should be one chapter (or more) posted a day until this story is complete. After that, I will be moving on to Ready to Love Again in order to edit and repost it. Thank you so much for taking the time to read or re-read this chapter, and I hope you enjoyed it. Reviews are always welcome. If you think this story is worth reposting, let me know. If not, I would like to know that, as well. Thanks again.