Summary:

Loki was captured by the Chitauri who had a score to settle with him. Tortured and seemingly dead he fell on Tony Stark`s tower. He survived against all odds and Bruce and Tony did their best to understand what had happened in New York and what happened to Loki, who lost his magic. Tony and Loki discover a secret S.H.I.E.L.D. is hiding and it might cost them both everything they are. They need Thor and they need the other Avengers by their side. Loki gets his own suit. Suit like armor, not Armani, even when there`s a grey suit involved in the story in one chapter. It took Tony and Loki frustratingly long to understand what they might feel for each other. The Avengers have a bone to pick with S.H.I.E.L.D. and therefore need to break into a secret facility to save the day. Things get a little bit complicated, but hey, considering their lives they should by now be used to complicated shit, shouldn`t they? Even if it means traveling to Jotunheim.

Notes:

Warnings:
There`s a generous amount of using the f-word and other bad language.
There are mentions and descriptions of torture and pain and nightmares in a lot of chapters. An unhealthy amount of alcoholic beverages is consumed.
Chapter 4 describes a suicide attempt and it is mentioned in chapter 5 again.
Chapter 10 contains graphic descriptions of child abuse.
So if anything of this things triggers you, please don`t read it! Take care of yourself.

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Something went really, really wrong on that day and nobody even noticed.

It would have been a beautiful day in Central Park with the sun shining from a light blue sky. It would have been if it wouldn`t be the day Loki should return to Asgard with Thor. They both reached for the case in which the Tesseract was placed a moment before. The gem started to glow a bright blue when the connection to Asgard was established. Loki and Thor stood in circles of dancing blue lights. They disappeared into two turquoise light pillars. And then something went horribly wrong. For one of them. Only Loki felt the strange sensation of dizziness and numbness. Traveling between the realms shouldn't feel like that. His hand that hold on to the Tesseract was whipped away from it. It felt oddly familiar - and it felt cold, dark and incredibly wrong at the same time. Loki fought to secure his grip. But despite his effort, he still got pulled away. One finger after the other lost touch of the container that hold the blue gem. He thought about screaming, about alerting Thor but he was gagged and could do nothing against it. Would Thor even care? Not that it matters... Everything around him spun in radiantly blue lights and sparks of white. He wasn`t able to see anything apart from this blinding light. There were no voices, no sound, no smells, nothing to see apart from the flickering shine. Everything else had stopped to exist. Just blue turquoise light remained. He struggled but at last, he gave up and surrendered. There was nothing to fight against, nothing to help himself, nothing he could do. Loki closed his eyes and it was like falling from the Bifrost a second time.

Loki opened his eyes again in the moment he felt his fall had stopped. There was cold stone under his body. The blue lights were gone, replaced with gloom. He was back on this rugged black rock in space, back to the cold and darkness. He lay on his aching back, his head hurt, he felt dazed but at least the chains and muzzle were gone. Breathing was painstaking but he ignored it because he wasn't alone. The Other with a sardonic grin and a handful of Chitauri already waited for him. And behind them, he caught a glimpse of Thanos and something broke inside of him. He saw them coming closer but he wasn`t able to move. He was pinned to the ground. All he could do was to gaze at them and wait for the inevitable. Helpless. Again.

He had heard this promise before. The words sounded like thunder and lightning, echoing cold but loud and from everywhere around him, like dead-sounding mist: "If you fail, if the Tesseract is kept from us, there will be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice where he cannot find you. You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain."

It`s over. Loki knew it. Nothing would save him from this. He had tried. This would be the end - if he was lucky.

He wasn`t.

Because the Other added laughing: "Thanos brought you back here. I told you, he would find you. You shouldn`t have failed, fallen prince. You will have more than enough time to regret. We will make you long for something as sweet as pain."

He had not overpromised. Loki had never felt something like this before. Not when he fell into the void. Not when they caught him the first time. It was more than just pain, more than all the pain, he had been through in his whole long life. It was much worse than everything before. Pain concentrated like a viscous venom slowly crawling through his veins. He was scared witless when he heard screams of pain, just to discover that they were his own screams he couldn't stop. His screaming, the sound of breaking bones and a dark whisper inside of his mind was all he could hear. Everything he could smell was the metallic rancid smell of blood and wounded flesh. He saw himself bleeding and breaking, saw every hurt he ever felt again right in front of him, every memory clear like crystal, sharp as a knife. He was not only a crying child, a betrayed son and a tortured prisoner at the same time, he was everything that felt pain. His heart was wrenched and his mind ripped to pieces. He couldn`t fight against this, there was nothing he could do, nothing he could think of and nothing else existed anymore. Inside of his chest love and hope and warmth died first, leaving behind a bleeding emptiness. Loki found himself cornered in the part of his mind, that knew only pain and desperation and sadness. It took over his whole existence, ripping him apart over and over again, the only more or less clear thought that came back to him again and again through the mental and physical destruction, was the wish to die so it would end. Please. It was the incarnation of desperation and evil. Desperation deeper than every abyss could be, embracing everything in suffocating coldness. He was caught in this endless Horror and yes, he longed for something as sweet as just pain.

Meanwhile, the Avengers parted. None of them had noticed anything, they didn't know that something went wrong when Thor and Loki left earth.

Steve went on a road trip and from time to time he sent a postcard to Tony and another one to Bruce and to Natasha and to Clint. Postcards! Not the electronic kind, the kind that got delivered through the postal service. Handwritten. Slightly out of date but nevertheless touching. It made Tony chuckle. And it made Bruce smile. Hell, even Natasha and Clint shared a smile.

Tony and Bruce went back to Stark Tower, with the big A, the only letter that stayed at his place, still shining. Tony showed Bruce his Candyland like he had promised. R&D all concentrated in several floors full of laboratories, workshops and testing facilities and gadgets. They both relished in the fact that there was someone that actually understood what they talked about and how fascinating all this was. And Pepper was at Tony`s side, pleased that he had a friend that could take it up with him. Everything seemed fine for a while.

The two assassins went back to S.H.I.E.L.D. to do whatever agents might do after saving the earth from an alien invasion. There might even be a protocol for that. S.H.I.E.L.D. had protocols for everything, didn`t they? Clint and Natasha just visited Tony and Bruce once. It was two days after the day in Central Park and they came to tell them that Fury would call them to get together if it would become necessary. Until then they could all go on living their lives. Not that they would need Fury`s Ok to do so. Especially not Tony who wrote an uncompromisingly forthright email to Fury to clarify his position on that matter. Streaked with creative insults and a very detailed description where Fury could shove his permission.

A few days after the Chitauri invasion the Stark Tower looked battered but it was still standing. The damage wasn`t structural but the upper levels of the tower were destroyed. Tony decided to use the chance to make the tower even better. Better and above all safer. Looking down at the city through broken windows, he stood there with a barefoot Pepper and they planned the renovation and conversion of the building. It was Pepper`s idea that every Avenger should get his own floor, despite the fact that Fury made clear that the Avengers aren`t needed at the moment. But the time will come, she said to Tony, so he consented. If it would make her happy or feel safer, he would do it for her. And he kissed her and smiled.

Just a few weeks later the kissing had stopped and Pepper had left.

Tony had escaped death by a narrow margin as he flew that nuke through the portal, being certain that he would die there in space. All alone. Surrounded by cold darkness, encased in his suit without JARVIS. Without anyone and not even on fucking earth. Convinced that the last thing he would ever see would be the explosion spreading from the alien ship, the only light in the crushing darkness. And for sure it had affected him. It added to all the crap he already was through in his life. He had nightmares that woke Pepper in the night and left him trembling and covered in sweat beneath her. He tried to ignore it, make it go away by working harder, drinking more, trying to treat her like a princess. She tried to drag him to a psychiatrist without any other success than a bad case of a headache on her part, and even more caginess and irritability on his part. It was the last straw for her. She couldn't take it anymore nor was she willing to try anymore. She confronted him with the choice whether he would keep on being Iron Man or stay with her and do his best to get over whatever might be tormenting him. To change.

Giving up being Iron Man? He was pretty much surprised. Who would have guessed that she still thought that Iron Man and Tony Stark are two different human beings that could be separated? He valued her but he couldn`t throw away a part of himself and change into someone, who might be what she wants but wouldn`t be him anymore. He couldn`t do that. He was willing to do a lot but not this.

They managed it without drama, they broke up and got back to being friends and workmates. Perhaps they just weren`t made for each other in any other way. It stopped hurting unexpectedly fast. Sure, from time to time it still felt strange but that way it worked for both of them. Far better than being together as a couple. They were good as friends, as brother and sister of some type but not as a couple.

Two months after the day Thor and Loki left Earth the blonde god came back. He materialized in New Mexico again and Tony was immediately alerted by JARVIS who scanned for data signatures since the battle of New York. Including energy signatures like the Bifrost or the Tesseract had produced. Tony wanted to make sure not to miss it if some of the gods from Asgard visit Earth again. Or anybody else not from this nice blue planet he called home. After all the last two times didn`t end that well. As soon as JARVIS alarmed him he suited up to meet the hammer swinging blond. Unsurprisingly Tony arrived before the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, JARVIS was by far faster than any computer system they used. So he was the first to come to know that Loki had disappeared. That the journey to Asgard wasn`t successful and that Thor was searching for his brother since then. Odin had prohibited to use the Tesseract to travel or bringing the gem to earth again, so Thor had to wait with his search until he was able to use the Bifrost. They were able to repair it by using the Tesseract. But in none of the nine realms, a trace of Loki was found. Thor told him about Heimdall, who sounded suspiciously like a big brother system of Asgard. But even he couldn`t see Loki. Thor was worried and he was convinced that his brother wasn`t on the run but in deep trouble. He looked like a kicked puppy and at the same time like a determined warrior, a strange combination. "I`ll find him."

It somehow hurt Tony to tell the sad looking Asgardian, that Loki was not on Earth. That he had found Thor and would have found Loki if he would be there. About the energy signature, JARVIS would have recognized. "I`m sorry, Thor."

"Thank you. Nevertheless, I`ve got a big favor to ask of you. If you find him, would you call Heimdall to send me? I know he wronged you, man of Iron, and Midgard, too. But after all, he`s my brother." Tony complied although he doubted that Loki would come back to earth. To the planet, he failed to occupy. Why should he come back? It would be an incredibly silly idea and as crazy the god might be, he absolutely isn`t dumb. Tony kept this thoughts for himself. Thor looked sad enough.

Thor departed before S.H.I.E.L.D. could talk with him so Tony was the one to tell Fury, who was fuming with rage, that Loki was missing. Surprisingly Fury knew a few cusswords even Tony haven`t heard before. You live and learn.

Tony went back to New York to keep on taking care of Stark Tower. A naughty amount of money was needed to realize everything he had thought of. In the end, when all was finally ready and perfect, the Avenger's floors stayed mostly empty. Just Bruce had moved in. Thor was out somewhere searching for Loki. Steve was still on the road and Clint and Natasha refused and told Tony that they wanted to give him some space after the recent breakup with Pepper. Recent? It was months ago. And space? What a feeble excuse. A fucking tower should be space enough. But Tony had shrugged his shoulders and accepted it. Like he was used to. A bit offended but hey, nobody would be forced to live in the sexiest building on the face of the earth filled with more amazing technology than one can imagine. And with a beautiful new Stark logo high above the ground.

Tony had taken extraordinary steps towards safety. The tower was more or less build new rather than being repaired or getting a retrofit. Several architects and consultants submitted drafts and he had personally combined what seemed useful. Everyone involved, from the workers to the architects were changed at irregular intervals. They never saw the whole construction plans, just the part they were working at. No one despite Tony knew the whole plan. Stark Tower would keep him safe in the future, whatever this future might bring. It may have been paranoid but he preferred being paranoid to getting surprisingly killed in his own home.

Finally, the tower reached up 60 floors, covered in elegant glass, that mirrored the light blue of the sky. The building looked like a modern but average skyscraper. Everything extraordinary was hidden behind the visible surface. On the inside, the building was more a bunker than a skyscraper. A fortress made of concrete and steel and technology. A concrete core went through the whole tower and deep into the ground beneath it. Whatever might happen to the exterior of the tower, this sturdy core would always be safe and offer protection to his inhabitants. Even if the whole structure around the core would be flooded with biological or chemical weapons, burn down or even collapse completely, the concrete core would stay intact.

Pressurized Stairwells, pressurized so smoke would be forced out, inside the core gave the possibility of evacuating people. The elevator lobby in the middle of the ground-floor was covered by a bomb shield, hidden under thin plates looking like wallpapered mural. The building's life-safety systems were encased in a core wall almost two meters thick and contained a narrow additional emergency stairwell, communication cables, ventilations shafts and a single elevator that only linked Tony`s floor, his main workshop and the lobby.

Of course, there were video surveillance and alarms that all safeguarded the tower. A lot of redundant security features were build to make it the safest private owned building.

The energy was provided by the Arc reactor and even if it wouldn`t be able to produce energy anymore, something that shouldn`t happen in the next hundred years, a backup power system would switch on. If someone would manage to shut down the backup system, there was still a battery powered generator hidden, strong enough to keep the security and sustainment systems running for at least 24 hours.

The first ten floors were windowless but wrapped in a stainless-steel screen that glowed a faint red and gold with the words Stark Industries displayed over floor number three.

The fragile looking glass front was built with windows that were bomb-resistant and would shield the inside from an explosion, deflecting the energy of a blast, even the blast of the Chitauri-weapons. The windows were literally unbreakable and resistant to most chemicals and acids. The hardness and durability of this material was impressive but it looked like ordinary glass. From the inside it was transparent, but from the outside, it looked like dull mirrors or steel surfaces.

The only terrace of the building was now on the top floor and was combined with the Iron Man landing point. Beneath it, the new Stark letters were shining.

In the case of an attack, the whole front of the top floor could be covered with bombproof metal plates that would slide down in front of the glass if activated, leaving terrace and landing point out and keeping the room behind safe. The room itself was huge and was used as Tony`s main living room. Equipped with a lot of seating accommodations, tables, and tech. There was also an open kitchen with a big kitchen isle and the generously armed bar, the same Tony was standing at when he offered Loki that drink. was one of the few things that stayed mostly like before. Tony liked that bar a lot.

Tony`s bedroom, dressing room, and bathroom were at the end of a short corridor, one door at the left and one on the right led to two identical guestrooms. Finally there was a panic room hidden behind Tony`s bedroom, protected by a heavy vault door. JARVIS` hardware and backup-systems were concealed in different parts and floors inside the concrete core, his main hardware and backup were in a secret room hidden in the panic room behind another vault door. Only Tony knew the access code. JARVIS was safe.

The floor beneath Tony`s was more or less a private hospital. Two operation rooms and an intensive care unit for at least two patients were located there. There were patient rooms and medical equipment sufficient for the treatment of a dozen people at the same time. The medicines stored in apothecary cabinets should help against almost everything imaginable. The appliances for imaging techniques were more than just up to date. Tony should never be forced to set foot in a hospital again.

Beneath the medical floor was Tony`s main workshop. It span over three floors, so Tony had enough room over his head to test features of the suit while flying. He had brought DUM-E and U from Malibu to keep him company there.

Below the workshop was another floor with laboratories and testing facilities and underneath it, the floors dedicated to the Avengers followed including a containment cell for the Hulk, just in case.

The rest of the tower was filled with two gyms and a lot of workshops, laboratories, and bulks of equipment Tony found interesting or useful. The first ten floors were used as offices for Stark Industries. These ten floors were strictly separated from the rest of the tower.

So his tower was now alien-, terrorist- and S.H.I.E.L.D.-proof which gave Tony a feeling of security he had missed after the invasion. No one would enter without his permission, no one would get out without it either.

And New York was fast recovering, too. What got destroyed by the Chitauri and Loki was repaired or replaced and it started to look like a normal city again. The view has changed, New York looked slightly different, but hey, New York keeps on changing anyway.

Far away from earth Loki`s fate changed when Ronan attracted Thanos` attention. Ronan who was outrageous and dumb enough to threat killing Thanos. Thanos who controlled not only the Other and the Chitauri, but so much and many more. Ronan really thought he wouldn`t need Thanos anymore to destroy Xandar. He was no longer willing to hand the Infinity Stone to him but had put it on his hammer to use it himself. This was much more interesting than this disgraceful god. Thanos had already lost the Tesseract, he wouldn`t lose this infinity stone, too. So he decided that it would be no more fun and just plain boring and impractical to keep Loki alive, even when his suffering was exhilarating, a nice pastime that he really enjoyed. But he needed the Other elsewhere. "Let him fall. Wherever he will end, he will be dead anyway. Get rid of him and let him bleed to death somewhere else." And so the nearly lifeless and unconscious body of the Norse god was pushed through a hastily opened portal to perish.

Notes:

Ronan is a character from Guardians of the galaxy. Ronan is a Kree and despite a peace treaty after a long war between the Kree and Xandarians he wants to destroy Xandar (a planet), no matter the costs. He was an Ally of Tanos (the creepy warlord that commands the Other & the Chitauri) but then turned against him and keeping an infinity stone he had promised Thanos, what someone like Thanos pisses off completely.