I mentioned in a previous chapter that this fic will have an open ending…and this is it. Whatever happens I'm pretending Nick is in LA, waiting for Amanda to join (hopefully we're not Surrendering Nick).

Nick walked out of his car and slammed the door. He really wanted to do that again, harder this time, let out some of his frustration, but he should probably wait until he gets to the gym and punches the anger away. The last couple of days were too much, finding out Amanda was in California but he couldn't see her, she was undercover. Must be something serious if she moved so far away…but so close to him.

Not that it really mattered, he couldn't go there and endanger the operation. So it's gonna have to be just like before he had found her again, no talking, no knowing how she's doing, no contact. But damn it, he wanted to see her again.

Nick was about to unlocked the door when he heard footsteps moving towards him. He turned around and dropped the keys. She was there.

He kneeled down to pick up the keys without taking his eyes off of her "hey…" he slowly stood up, not sure what else to say.

"Can we talk inside?" Amanda could see he was confused and she couldn't blame him.

"Ok" this time he was able to unlock the door and gestured her to walk inside.

Amanda looked around a bit, the first thing she noticed was that it was somewhat sad. The place was tidy, everything in its place, but she could feel a dreariness, as if something was missing. Nick could tell she was checking out the living room and wondered what was on her mind.

"Your place looks nice" she lied.

"Hope you're not planning a career in interior design" he chuckled "then again, never though you'd be a bartender"

She smiled, he couldn't hide that hint of mockery in his voice but she ignored it "I know this is…weird" Nick didn't respond "but I wanted to talk to you because…" why did she want to do that? "Because…I wanted to explain…"

"You don't owe me that" he said.

"I don't" she nodded "and I shouldn't be here but when you showed up, I didn't want to leave things like that"

"Ok" he almost whispered and crossed his arms.

"After you left it wasn't easy for me..."

Nick leaned down and placed a kiss on Amanda's forehead. He walked away and she knew this was their goodbye. She closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep, it wasn't late, she wasn't tired, but she just wanted to be somewhere else. The hospital bed got even more uncomfortable and Amanda hated the thought of having to stay there any longer, not that she had a choice.

But Amanda was getting better, her leg was healing and she was finally released. Not that she'd been excited about sitting at home but it was better than lying in that room. Fin came by everyday and helped her out with Frannie. She tried not to think about Nick, Fin didn't mention anything about him and she didn't ask. She hated missing him.

One day a surprising visitor came by, agent Russell. He came by to visit her and she appreciated seeing someone who didn't pity her, at least not like Carisi did, she got so angry and just asked him not to show up anymore.

They talked about the case, about her getting shot. They ended up talking about her work in the NYPD and his position in the FBI. Russell was a nice guy, he was easy to talk to so somehow she let it slip that she didn't have much in New York, only the job. He asked her why she's staying and she couldn't answer, why was she staying? She moved to New York for a fresh start, to leave Atlanta behind – but she couldn't hide from it. She'd been keeping it a secret for so many years but when everything came out it didn't bring her much peace, how could it when Patton walked away so easily?

So she told Russell that as well, as if he was a good friend. After that it was easy to talk about the gambling. She didn't mention Nick though, being in love with a coworker, a former coworker now, was something nobody would know.

"So he offered it to you just like that?" Nick asked.

"It wasn't easy but you could say that, and now here I am" she didn't want to get into details, they had no time for that.

"What about Frannie?" he looked at her and she smiled softly.

"She actually lives with me, has her own undercover name, Fran, fits to the background story"

"And what about Amanda?" he pointed at her arm, the one with the tattoo. He knew she regretted having it but it was barely visible.

"It's part of it too" she nodded.

"Yeah? Sherry has a complicated past, ha?"

"She does but…it doesn't matter now" she walked over to him "don't think it was an easy decision, I can almost hear your thoughts, wondering if I've thought about it and I did, trust me, this is not about running away Nick, I ran to New York but this is about doing something greater"

"So if this is Russell's operation I guess it's about guns" Amanda nodded "and you used the leg as an excuse to leave SVU?" he remembered what Carisi had told him.

"Yes" she said "Fin knows there's more to it but I haven't told him I'm here and I know he's not gonna talk"

"You can be sure of what, I asked him"

Amanda knew she could trust Fin so it didn't surprise her that he kept it to himself.

"How long do you think it's going to be?" not the best thing to ask, she wouldn't have an answer, but he had to say it.

Amanda shrugged "I don't know, probably a long time"

"So that's what you came here to tell me? That you'll be undercover for who knows how much time?" he tried to keep a straight face during her story but he felt hurt, a part of him had hope but now…

"Yes and no…but I knew that if I didn't come here to see you I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about you and what you must be thinking…"

"I'm not thinking anything" did she just say 'I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about you'?

"Good" she grinned, knowing it wasn't true, she looked at her wrist, it was getting late.

"Amanda" he knew she was about to leave but he had something to say, he regretted their silent goodbye and wasn't going to make the same mistake again "wait" he disappeared into another room and came back a minute later holding something.

"Here" he handed her a key "I want you to have this, in case you want to…come here"

Amanda looked at the key and then back at Nick while she placed it in her pocket and let out a short laugh.

"I will" she promised "when this is over maybe we could…I don't know what we're supposed to be but I'll come back and we'll try, deal?"

Amanda extended her hand and for a moment he was back at the squad room, his first day at SVU. The day they met. He had so many goals, so many expectations, and none of them came true. But this time when he grabbed her hand something was different. Nick shook her hand and pulled her closer, surprising her with a peck.

"Deal" he kissed her again, it would have to last for a while so he moved slower, allowed himself to taste her lower lip and then capture her whole mouth. His tongue grazed hers before he deepened the kiss, wanting to feel as much of her as he could. But it was still tender, soft. Nick let his hands rest on her waist, this wasn't about lust, this kiss was about his feelings, about the future he knew they'll have.

He wasn't letting her go.

Amanda left a few minutes later, she had to meet Russell in the movie theater. Before she opened the car's door Amanda turned to glance at Nick's house. She could almost see herself coming back there, unlocking the door and seeing him there. Their eyes would meet and…

She really had to leave but driving away she knew they'd see each other sooner then expected, even before the UC operation's over.

Because they're not supposed to be apart.