Title: Grasshopper.

Fandom: The Avengers, Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Characters: Bruce Banner, Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, Steve Rogers, Thor.

Relationships: (Developing) Bruce Banner/ Tony Stark. Bruce Banner & Tony Stark. Bruce Banner & Avengers Team.

Summary: Written for a prompt on Avengerkink:

So prompt: Avengers are practicing with weapons and Bruce shows up (unlike him) and just starts meditating with weapons and the others are shocked (except for Natasha) or an enemy comes looking to take down Bruce and is unprepared for martial art shenanigans.

Bonus: 1000 Not required

If some of the Avengers are so impressed to want lessons (including a crush of his)

If the weapon he's really good at is at the rope dart/chain whip/meteor hammer or some variant of it.

For whatever reasons this ficlet demanded to be written.

Warnings: None except Bruce being a badass. Oh and Tony's potty mouth.

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters or intellectual property used in this story and am using them in a purely non profitable way. So no suing... I'm poor and I need my money.

Notes: I honestly don't have a fucking clue... I was trolling around on Avengerskink for whatever reason, saw this prompt and my brain went FUCK YEAH! AT 2 FUCKING AM! *Sighs*

BETA'D BY THE FABULOUS TRAMMEL.

Tony wandered into the SHIELD training room with a scowl on his face and his hands stuck in the pockets of his sweats. He honestly had No. Fucking. Clue. Why he was even here but Natasha had played dirty and tattled on him to Pepper in order to ensure his attendance. Yeah, well just because he was here didn't mean he was going to fucking do anything, Romanoff could give him resting bitch face all she liked. He scanned the room noting with some amusement that he was the last one to arrive and the billionaire took a small amount of vindictive pleasure in that before sauntering over to the assembled Avengers.

"So why on earth did we have to come to this lowly backwater shithole Red, dead redemption?"

The look of utter disdain on Natasha's face was truly impressive and she cocked an eyebrow that screamed 'Keep your mouth shut Stark or they will be finding pieces of you scattered across all the continents'. Tony rather wisely kept his mouth shut.

Steve took a step forward. "It's been brought to SHIELD'S attention that while most of us have fairly solid hand-to-hand and combat skills there are those among us who could do with some extra practice."

Tony rolled his eyes, hard. He knew exactly who Steve was talking about and threw a half despairing, half pissed off look in Bruce's direction. He was somewhat surprised to see the other man just sitting there calmly not looking at all irritated but then again it was Bruce so y'know forced calm and all that jazz.

"So today we are going to run through some basic drills in both hand-to-hand and armed combat that doesn't involve firearms. Adaptability is very important when you want to protect yourself. " Steve continued to harp on.

God this was so tedious, he could be back in the lab actually doing something useful and making sweet, sweet science with Bruce. Instead he was stuck here and probably giving Natasha the best excuse ever to kick his ass, Tony could already tell this was not going to be fun.

But then again was anything that involved SHIELD ever fun?

God he fucking hated it when he was right sometimes.

An hour or so later Tony was feeling grumpy and sore as he tapped out for what had to be the millionth time. Natasha gracefully slid off his back and released him from where she had been mashing his face into the crash mat. Although the billionaire couldn't see her face he could tell that she was smirking, she was sadistic like that. His gaze drifted across the gym to where Bruce who had fared far better than he'd thought, even besting Clint once or twice by throwing in a dirty elbow or crotch shot that the archer wasn't expecting, stood. It made Tony's shrivelled blackened little heart glow with pride and he hadn't quite resisted the urge to rub it in Hawkeye's face. Especially when it got Bruce to blush like a goddamned virgin getting touched for the first time.

Steve called for everyone's attention and like the good little soldiers they were (Tony mentally balked) they waited silently for him to give out his next set of orders.

"Okay quick break and then we'll be moving on to weapons. Natasha if you would..."

Widow smiled but it held no warmth and clapped her hands like some 19th century aristocrat calling for their servants. Which in all honesty wasn't a far stretch of the truth, SHIELD lackeys were by extension Natasha's lackeys whether they liked it or not (not that they had much choice in the matter because Natasha). The far wall of the room opened up into a fucking medieval style armoury that had even Tony's eyes going wide slightly at the sheer amount of shit in there, no mean feat.

The group gravitated toward the armoury, some obviously more comfortable than others. Bruce was looking distinctly ill-at-ease and the billionaire honestly couldn't blame him. All it would take would be one slip and they'd have a big green problem on their hands and Bruce would be running back to wherever-the-fuckistan faster than you could say hello. That however didn't stop the physicist's curiosity from rearing its head and alongside Tony, the two of them began to wade through the literal ocean of armaments.

It must have been about five or ten minutes later when the two of them were walking past what Tony assumed was the 'Asia' section when Bruce came to a stop, his eyes going slightly wide.

"What is it Big Guy?" Tony asked genuinely curious.

Bruce either didn't hear him or was too absorbed in whatever he had spotted (the more likely option because, please, Tony Stark here) and continued to ignore Tony's question. Carefully, as if not even really believing it was there Bruce reached forward and withdrew something that Tony admittedly hadn't seen before. It was what looked like a beautifully crafted ornate copper ball attached to a length of rope and Tony couldn't help the eyebrow that raised in response.

Bruce offered him a wan smile "It's called a meteor hammer Tony, I... When I was travelling I spent a bit of time in a Buddhist monastery. They showed me how to use one. I was just a bit surprised that SHIELD would have one in their armoury."

Now that did surprise Tony, Bruce willingly learning how to use weapon? Now that was a turn up for the books and as if sensing the billionaire's impending question the physicist just rolled his eyes.

"It was a form of meditation Tony. You have to hone your focus and concentrate on the hammer; it was a great way to get out of your head for a while and ground yourself in the physical."

Oh, well that made sense, admittedly boring sense but it was still quite the revelation and Tony clapped a hand on Bruce's shoulder, a lascivious smile on his face.

"Well after hearing that I demand a demonstration Big Guy. I'd like to see how well you handle a hammer." His voice was laden with lewd innuendo.

Bruce blushed bright red and stammered his reply.

"I... uhm sure, okay, but be aware it's been a while I'm going to be rusty at this and it could be a little unruly."

Tony blinked, had Bruce just flirted back at him? It was always difficult to get a read on the guy but there was a glint in his eye that suggested that yes he was flirting back and the billionaire felt his heart skip a beat. Well this was something he could work with, he grinned wider and squeezed Bruce's shoulder gently.

"Sounds fine, I'm sure you've got more than enough experience to handle it properly..." He drew back slightly "...Come on let's find the rest of the crazy people, I'm pretty sure they're not going to want to miss this."

Five minutes later found Bruce stood in the centre of the training room with the rest of the team at a safe distance at the physicist's insistence, gently swinging the hammer to and fro. When Tony had bounded up to Steve like an excited puppy he honestly didn't think he'd felt more mortified in his whole life but it was good to see the billionaire actually taking an interest in this exercise rather than sulking like a petulant child.

"Whenever you're ready Doctor," came Natasha's prim voice.

Bruce took a deep breath, testing the weight of the hammer, getting a feel for the balance and flow before nodding to Clint who started the automated target program. Around him animatronic figures sprung to life and Bruce reacted.

Tony gaped.

That was literally all he could do because nothing had prepared him for what he was witnessing. Bruce, shy awkward Bruce Banner who shied away from physical and emotional contact, who tried to remain as unobtrusive as humanly possible had been replaced with the cool, confident individual completely in control of his world standing in front of him.

Bruce was finally strutting and God be his witness it was one of the most fucking beautiful things Tony had ever seen.

The rope of the weapon was coiled around Bruce's arms and shoulders like a living, breathing thing, striking out as he flexed his upper body, sending the metal ball flying through the air at a truly devastating speed and with pinpoint accuracy. The targets fell as Bruce moved, around all primal grace and ferocity, his movements seeming more like an intricate dance than a deadly attack and the whole room fell into silence as they watched.

He twisted and turned through the motions completely self assured; a whirling dervish of activity tempered with extreme control and Tony could feel his body temperature beginning to rise because holy fucking hot damn it was smoking hot to watch. And really you couldn't blame Tony; he'd had some weird man crush on Bruce since they'd met and this had just taken it to the next level.

He wanted, he wanted so badly.

And yup having to adjust now so everyone else wouldn't realise how badly he wanted the other man.

After a few minutes Bruce began to wind down and as the last of the targets crumpled to the ground, its head taken clean off by the force of the finishing blow, the physicist noticed the distinct lack of noise.

"Uhm... " He turned to face the team, flushed and slightly out of breath. "I'm a bit out of practice... Sorry."

Clint made a choked sound in the back of his throat.

"Out of practice. I'd be terrified to see you in practice, that was amazing Doc, terrifying but amazing."

"I agree with Clint, Doctor Banner..." Natasha said "That was very impressive. It is a very difficult and unruly weapon to wield and you did so with great proficiency."

Bruce ran a hand through his hair and gave them a nervous smile.

"It was nothing really, just something I picked up on my travels."

"None the less, Healer Banner it was a truly wondrous display." Thor grinned widely and walked forward, clapping the smaller man on the shoulder.

Steve gave a small cough "Okay, time for that break I think guys."

The team didn't argue and began to shuffle toward the exit, everyone that was except Tony who was still willing the tent in his pants to disappear because walking around SHIELD HQ with a stiffy was not his idea of fun.

"You coming Tony?" Bruce said from the doorway, a wry smirk on his face.

"I'll... er I'll be along in a minute..." The billionaire replied.

Bruce's face morphed into something resembling concern and he walked back over to Tony. "Are you alright?"

And fuck was this ever embarrassing but Tony had spent his life masking embarrassment with humour and half-truths so why deviate from a consistently proven methodology?

"Course I'm alright Brucey, just needed a time out from Captain Patriotism and the wonder squad."

The physicist shot him a sceptical look and edged closer looking somewhat wary but he had that glint in his eye again, the one from before and Tony just knew that this was an act and that Bruce knew exactly why Tony hadn't left the gym yet. His hypothesis was proven correct when the look on Bruce's face melted into a sly grin and he ran a hand through his sweat-dampened hair.

"Well that's a pity. I thought you might have stayed behind because you wanted a private lesson or something... "

Tony couldn't stop the shudder rippling down his spine at the low husky tone of Bruce's voice because fuck, it sounded so good, he wanted Bruce and his ridiculous sex voice to do naughty, naughty things to him. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and forced himself to reply.

"I certainly wouldn't say no to a private lesson of any kind from you..."

And there it was, he'd thrown the ball into Bruce's court and now it was time to see whether Bruce had been flirting for the sake of flirting or whether he was serious about this. The physicist licked his lips his eyes wide and dark and unscrupulously eyed Tony's pants, the sly grin never leaving his face.

"I think I can pencil you in... How about in five minutes, in the shower room?"

Tony didn't even argue or barter, just grabbed the other man and dragged him toward the showers while Bruce laughed loudly and allowed himself to be pulled along.

Needless to say, the two scientists didn't make the rest of the training session.

~The End ~

End Notes: I'm sorry. I know I should be doing my real stories but this prompt wouldn't leave me alone.