A/N: Okay, so this is a post 11x17 fic or a continuation of the final scene of 11x17. My take on Meredith's reply to Derek's compelling and touching make-up speech. AU version since whatever happens on the show after Derek's speech does not happen in my fic.

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters used here, they all belong to Shonda Rhimes. Neither do I own any song lyrics used in this fic, they all belong to their respective artists. I'm just borrowing them for writing purposes.

You and Me

Coming down is never easy

When you're climbing on the ceiling

My body aches and hands are shaking

The heart is slowly breaking

I don't know what to do...

"I am calling post-it. Zola, Bailey, the tumours on the wall, ferryboat scrub caps. I thought D.C. was everything but I was wrong. You...You are everything. I love you and I'm not going to stop loving you. I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you, and I'm going to do everything in my power to prove it."

Meredith looked up at him, not knowing what to say to that. She was rendered speechless by what he had just said. What was she supposed to say to something like that?

She could see the sincerity of his words reflected in his eyes. His eyes were glassy, repentant, and full of love. For her. And yet, she was hesitating; she was hesitating to make her decision.

It was just a kiss. One kiss is not enough of a reason to throw away my whole marriage. One part of her said. The part that wanted to forgive Derek and move on. The part that didn't want to live without him.

But the other part? The other part felt betrayed, cheated on, heartbroken. The other part said- A kiss is never just a kiss. The other part was tired of doing this again and again. The other part was tired of forgiving him, giving him another chance only to have him blow that chance and ask for one more.

Would it have been better if Derek had never told her the truth? Would it have been easier if he had chosen to keep the truth from her? What was that saying- What you don't know can't hurt you or whatever.

If Derek had not told her about the kiss, she would have been saved from a lot of pain, a lot of heartache. That much was true. But if Derek had not been honest with her, then the entire foundation of their relationship would have been violated. That was equally true.

In a weird way, she was glad that she knew. It was not something to be glad about obviously, and yet in a dark, twisted way, she was glad that she knew.

It meant that everything had not been a lie. It meant that Derek was still Derek, the man she had fallen in love with. And the man she had fallen in love with was never afraid to do the right thing, no matter what the consequences were.

The fact that Derek had come clean to her about everything made her feel proud of him, of their relationship. The honesty and faithfulness had not faded away from their relationship; they were still there. But was everything else in their relationship still the same?

She knew that she loved him. And he had just said that he loved her. But did he really? Her heart wanted to believe him, but her head was proposing counter-arguments.

If he really loved her, then why had he kissed another woman? What drove him to do that in the first place? Was it just a heat of the moment thing? Had there been no feelings involved? None whatsoever?

She didn't know. She didn't know the answer to any of the questions. He knew. Well, he must know since he was the one who did it.

Should she ask him? He hadn't offered an explanation for his actions; he had only apologized. Should she demand some kind of explanation from him? She was entitled to some sort of answer.

But she was afraid. Too afraid to ask the questions that were buzzing around in her head. She was afraid of hearing the answer. What if the answer was something that she would rather not find out? What if there had been something more to the kiss? What if, on pressing further, he admitted to a different truth?

She did not want to hear that he had kissed another woman because he had been unsatisfied with their relationship. She did not want to find out that he felt like something was missing from their marriage. She wouldn't be able to bear that.

He had confessed earlier that they were in trouble. As much as it pained her to hear that, it was the truth. Their marriage had been on the rocks for months now. They were both struggling and striving to make it work.

What had happened that had led to such a precarious condition of their marriage? They had been so happy after Bailey was born, everything was falling back into place, and they were one of those few couples who achieved their happy ending.

What had changed since then that had brought them to their present situation?

You and me have lost that feeling

Waking up and you're not near me

I'm waiting for...

Waiting for the sun...

They had gone through so much. So much, and they had still survived. After everything, their relationship had only grown stronger. An estranged wife, a bomb, a drowning, a gunman, a tampered trial, almost losing Zola, a plane crash, giving birth to Bailey during a super storm; they had probably gone through more bumps than any other couple.

Was this just another bump in the road? Or was it the beginning of the end?

She did not want it to be the end for them; she did not want them to be over yet. And from the looks of it, he did not want that either. Both of them were willing to try and work through this.

But would their willingness and endeavours suffice? What if they were trying to salvage something that had long been lost? Was love enough to help them get through this?

You and me, we have seen everything

Seen the dawn and felt the feeling

Felt the love but lost the meaning

If you come down off the ceiling

I'll come down with you

He was waiting for an answer. He was looking at her expectantly, wanting to know what her decision was.

She wanted to give him a definite answer too. She wanted to forgive him because she did not want to live without him. That much she knew. What she didn't know was if she had it in her to forgive him anymore.

"I can live without you. " She started to speak, her voice a little raspy.

"I can live without you but I don't want to. I didn't want to. That is why I called you. To tell you that even though I am not dependent on you, I still want to be with you; that I don't need you beside me in order for me to succeed, and yet I want to share my success with you." She paused, her own eyes glassy by now, but her face remained deadpan.

Derek looked at her, with what seemed like relief suffusing his features.

Meredith continued. "But then a woman picked up your phone, a woman who would not tell me her identity even after repeated questioning. And I started doubting everything I had ever thought was true.

I thought that you were cheating on me. I thought that you had met someone else and fallen in love with her. And that you were going to leave our family for her, just like you had done with Addison."

Derek opened his mouth to say something, but Meredith raised her hand to stop him.

"Let me finish. I was sure that you were cheating on me, almost so sure that if you hadn't come to Seattle, I would have probably sent you divorce papers. But you came here, and you told me the truth, and I found out that it was better than I expected.

I actually thought that it would hurt less you know. Because things had turned out to be better than I assumed. But I don't know why it still hurts so freaking much." A lone tear slipped down Meredith's cheek, unable to stay back any longer.

"Meredith –"

"No Derek. It's, it's not like I don't want to forgive you or that I can't forgive you. I know that I can forgive you, that we can put this whole thing behind us. I can forgive you because I love you and I don't want to live without you.

It's just that I can't forgive you right now. At this moment in time, I don't have it in me to forgive you. Eventually, yes. But not right now. Right now, I, I need some time and some space, to think things through. That's all I can manage to do right now."

"Meredith, please don't do this. It was a mistake, one that I regret to the uttermost. I love you, you know I do. Just give me one more chance." Derek's voice was laced with desperation and pain. He couldn't believe that one careless mistake was going to cost him everything he had worked so hard to get.

"I am not saying that we are over Derek. I am not saying that I will not give you another chance. I am just saying that I need some time. I need some time to get over this, because everything is happening way too fast."

Meredith got up from the sofa, moving past Derek towards their bedroom. Her head and shoulders were slumped, and she looked defeated. Like she had been defeated in the game called life.

"You can sleep in the guest room tonight. I need space and you sleeping in the same bed with me is not –" she trailed off.

Derek did not say anything, but she could feel his eyes on her. She made her way inside the bedroom and locked the door behind her.

It was then that she broke down, the dam bursting and the tears welling up as she began to sob. She slid down the door and on to the floor, not being able to keep strong any more.

You and me have lost that feeling

Waking up and you're not near me

I'm waiting for..waiting for the sun...

I'm waiting for

Waiting for the sun...

Amidst sobs, Meredith suddenly remembered Finn's words from years ago. He is going to hurt you again, Meredith.

If she really looked back on the past years, she and Derek had hurt each other a lot. Both of them had done things that they were not proud of. Both of them had made mistakes, and moved on from that.

Then, why did she remember Finn's words today for the first time in almost a decade? They could move past this, couldn't they?

Like there is a dawn to every night, there is an end to every sorrow.

They could make it through this. They would make it through this. Just not tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Tomorrow with a new dawn, a new day, a new sun...

Yeah the sun

Waiting for

Waiting for the sun...

I'm waiting for,

Waiting for the sun..

A/N: So there it is. I think it's understandable now what the fic is about. It's about healing Meredith and Derek, it's about their struggle to reach normalcy again. And just so that we are clear, Finn is not going to figure in this story. Just because I mentioned him doesn't mean that I am bringing him back or something...

Let me know what you guys think, whether this fic is worth continuing or not. I appreciate all your thoughts :)

Song Lyrics and Title from "You and Me" by Georgia Black