Unfortunately, Castiel could not make it back to Dean the next day. He should have expected it, what with the run of luck he'd been having lately. He was needed elsewhere, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get out of it. He tried to call in every favor he was owed, but to no avail. So instead he was stuck at a job he hated, longing to return to Dean's side and make things right.

It didn't help that, even if he tried to shut Dean out, it didn't work. Dean wasn't even praying to him, yet still his thoughts and emotions radiated in a way no one else's ever had. The two had always had a connection. Usually Castiel was grateful for this, but now….

Dean was so clearly hurting. It throbbed through him, sending pangs of pain throughout Castiel, all the way to the very core of his being. And even though Dean wasn't praying, Cas could still catch snatches of his thoughts, Cas and please and so sorry. He ached to return to Dean's side, to apologize, to hold him close and tell him everything was alright. Yet he didn't know that he would even have the courage to do so once he had the chance. He had never thought himself to be lacking in courage until he met Dean Winchester. Not only did the man have a bravery and strength of character unlike any Castiel had seen before, but he made the angel feel weak in a way he never had. Dean made Cas question himself, and had shown him how to feel…..how to open up and let emotion flood through him. Unfortunately, Cas still wasn't so good at expressing those emotions…..especially to Dean. It was in talking to Dean that Castiel was the most cowardly. One look into those green eyes with their flecks of gold, and it seemed as if every word died upon his lips, leaving him bereft of anything intelligent to say.

He shook his head stubbornly. Not this time. It had been two days. Tonight he could go see Dean, and this time, he wouldn't let his fear get the best of him. This time, he wouldn't back down. Tonight, he would make things right. And then he would be nicer than he had been lately, kinder, and try to judge what it was Sam had meant, to see what Dean's true feelings were, and maybe, just maybe, Dean loved him in return.

Castiel sighed. 6:10. Only 2 hours and twenty minutes to go.

He couldn't wait.

Dean hadn't gotten out of bed since Cas had left two nights before, other than for the necessary trips to the bathroom. He wasn't eating, even when Sam turned up at his door and tried to bribe him with pie. In his head, he knew he was being stupid, that he needed to get over this and pull himself together, to get himself in shape and get back to work, but he just couldn't bring himself to move. A little while longer…..just a while longer and I'll get up, he told himself for the hundredth time.

Sam had been checking on him every few hours. After a while Dean had figured out that he had to make some kind of response or Sam would actually come over to the bed and pull the blankets back from over his head to make sure Dean was still alive (he had done it more than once before Dean had figured it out). Better to answer and be left alone, other than the occasional offer of food and the more frequent insistence that Dean drink something.

Sam hadn't yet insisted that Dean get up, for which Dean was incredibly grateful. He knew he was acting like some lovesick teenage girl, and still Sam was being incredibly patient with him. Sam really was the greatest brother ever, no matter how much crap he'd pulled in the past couple years, with Ruby and all that psychic bullshit. And here Dean was, keeping secrets in the same way he always gave Sam a hard time for. He shook his head. He couldn't do that to Sam, wouldn't do it. He pushed himself to a sitting position, calling out "hey, Sammy?"

Sam appeared in the doorway in a matter of seconds. "Yeah?"

Dean gestured to the bed. "Sit down a minute, will you?"

Sam's face looked like it was trying to do several things at the same time, look concerned and reassuring and calm all at once. But he sat. "What is it, Dean?"

Dean wasn't quite sure how to begin, so he simply took a deep breath and dove right into it. "...I might...like...Cas."

"I know."

Dean scowled at the immediacy of Sam's response. This was incredibly hard for him to say; he didn't need Sam making it worse. "No, you idiot. Like...LIKElike him."

"I KNOW," Sam repeated, annunciating each word slowly as though speaking to a dimwitted child. Dean stared at him. Sam sighed. "Dean, I've known how you feel about Cas practically since the beginning. Think it really set in after I came back from hell."

Dean tried to say something but words didn't seem to want to come. "...you...but how? I only realized it after this thing with Charlie!"

"I think maybe you only LET yourself realize it," Sam said tactfully. Dean had to admit that was true. "Dean, the way you look at him...it's plain as day. And it's just the same how he looks at you."

"You think?" So it wasn't just Charlie. Sam thought Cas liked him, too.

"...Dean..." Sam laughed softly, shaking his head. "It's all over his face. And Cas is usually about as emotionless as a rock."

"Cas is NOT..." Dean began hotly, but seeing Sam's smile and arched brow, he broke off, flushing.

"I didn't mean emotionless. More like expressionless. That's the other thing, Dean. You're the only one who's ever been able to read him. You can tell what he's feeling when no one else can, even some of the angels who've known him for God knows how many millennia."

A small smile curved across Dean's lips. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. And seriously, you two are being incredibly stupid about this whole thing."

"I didn't know!" Dean objected. "I didn't know that he felt….any of this! I didn't realize he was upset about me and Charlie! I thought he was just mad at me for some reason!"

"Yeah. Cuz you're an idiot."

Dean glowered. "Shut up. Jerk."

"Bitch."

Dean was feeling much better now that two people both thought that Cas had feelings for him, but one thing still confused him and made the whole thing seem incredibly unlikely. "But what about the feather?"

Sam's brow furrowed. "Feather? What happened with the feather?"

Oh. Right. Sam hadn't been there for that. Dean filled him in, feeling a dull aching flood his chest at the memory.

"….huh." Sam looked pensive. "Now that one I don't know." Seeing the sadness and pain on Dean's face, he rushed to continue. "But I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. He loves you, Dean, I know it."

"Yeah, maybe." It still seemed too much to hope for, especially after last time, when he'd gotten his hopes up after speaking with Charlie only to have them dashed to pieces when Castiel demanded the feather returned to him.

Dean's thoughts were interrupted by the soft flutter of wings, and there was Cas. He looked just as hassled as he had the other day, his hair a gorgeous mess just as it had been the first night they met, and God, Dean wanted to bury his fingers in those soft brown locks and tug, pull Cas into a kiss and just never let go. Instead he simply stared. He knew he looked a mess, that his eyes must be red-rimmed and puffy from all the crying, his skin pale, his own hair as messy as its short length allowed. "…hey, Cas."

If the way Castiel was looking at him was any indication, he was right in his estimation of his appearance. "Hello, Dean."

Sam rose from the bed. "I'll just leave you two alone." Dean's attention snapped to Sam and he looked at him with huge eyes, unsure if he wanted Sam to leave or not. Sam simply gave him a reassuring smile and left, shutting the door softly behind him.

Dean turned his attention back to the angel in the center of the room. Cas was still looking at him. "I'm sorry, Dean."

He was taken aback. "Why?"

"For the things I said. For the things I did. For the way I've been behaving lately." As he spoke, Castiel moved closer, finally sitting on the bed beside Dean. "I haven't been treating you fairly….ever since I found you…." He broke off as though the memory still hurt him, and Dean felt a flicker of hope that Sam and Charlie did indeed have it right. "….since I found you with that girl."

"….Cas…." Cas was resolutely not looking at Dean. He took a deep breath, steeling up his courage. This wasn't going to be an easy topic to broach, but they needed to get this all out in the open and figure out where they stood. "Cas, Charlie..." Cas tensed at the name and Dean's heart leapt, terrified Cas was going to fly away. He grabbed Cas' arm, holding him. He knew the angel could escape, blip free from his hold anytime he wanted to. But he didn't. Castiel was still there. Dean took that as a good sign, even if the look on Cas' face was anything BUT positive.

"...Cas," he began again. "Sex with Charlie didn't mean anything." Cas simply stared, but Dean thought he saw something move behind those eyes. "Well...I mean." His grip on Cas' arm eased up. He didn't let go, still afraid of Cas leaving. He stared down at the soft fabric of Cas' brown jacket, toying with the sleeve. "...I told her I was...well...and she said she'd help..."

God. Talking to Castiel had always been so easy. Right from the start everything with them had come almost as natural as breathing. This, now? Dean hadn't felt this awkward since he was fourteen and Sammy had walked in on him jerking off to a stolen copy of Playgirl. He'd managed to hide it quick enough and Sammy was still too young to really understand much about homosexuality, but that had been Dean's first and last foray into that territory. Until Charlie had set him on this course. Until Cas had walked in on them that day and those blue eyes had stirred something in Dean, made him realize that he'd been pushing his feelings down for FAR too long, realize just how long he'd loved Cas, how MUCH he loved Cas. Cas, who was currently staring at Dean with that puzzled confusion he knew all too well; head tilted, brow furrowed, blue eyes narrowed in puzzled concentration, as if he can figure out the mystery if he just tries hard enough.

And God help him, Dean couldn't stop himself. Before it even registered, he had Cas' face in his hands and he was kissing him. It wasn't at all like the smooth kisses Dean prided himself on. This was a rushed, clumsy thing, and he pulled away quickly, his words coming out in a breathless rush. "I love you."

Castiel was staring at Dean, his eyes huge. They had never looked so blue before. Dean felt as if he would drown at the intensity of that gaze. And then myriad of emotions danced over Castiel's face. Happiness, hope, uncertainty. Then a sort of wariness took over and he shifted backwards, away from Dean, whose heart jumped, panicked. "You were saying? About Charlie?"

Oh. OH. He hadn't ever fully explained. He couldn't imagine what Castiel must be thinking right now. "I...I told her I was...curious."

"So you've said."

"Will you let me finish?" Castiel nodded. Dean took a deep breath and continued. "I was curious about..." God, it was hard to say. "...having sex with guys. And Charlie, she has...well I mean, she's got stuff she uses with girls so she offered...as a friend, you know?"

"I see." Castiel's voice was carefully emotionless, and Dean hurried to finish.

"But while we were..."

"Having sex?"

Dean winced as Cas offered up the words. "Yeah. I kept picturing someone else. You." Castiel's face remained mostly blank, but Dean didn't miss the way his eyes widened ever so slightly. "I didn't realize it was you until I saw you the next day but I kept thinking bout these eyes...and then I saw you there at the door...and it was you. Your eyes. And after that it all sorta just...came out. It was like I'd been wanting you all this time and just never let myself think it, never let myself know it. And now...GOD, Cas..." He reached out, fingers trembling ever so slightly as they reached to touch Castiel's cheek. The angel watched his progress, eyes still unreadable, and Dean prayed, he PRAYED that Cas would let allow the touch.

When his fingers brushed that soft skin, the rough stubble, he nearly sighed in relief and happiness. "Cas..."

Castiel leaned into Dean's touch, allowing Dean's palm to frame his jawline. "Dean." His own hand came up to cover Dean's. Dean couldn't resist; he leaned in for another kiss.

"Dean." Cas stopped him, a hand on his chest to hold him back. "Is this what you want? What you really want?" And Dean knew that the question went much deeper than it sounded. Cas wasn't just asking if Dean wanted the physical contact; he was asking if Dean wanted him, wanted all of him, body, heart, and soul.

Dean cupped Cas' face in his hands and kissed him, soft and chaste. "Yes," he said softly. Cas' eyes were wary but hopeful, so hopeful as they searched Dean's face for the truth behind that 'yes'. "I've never wanted anything more in my entire life."

The look that filled Castiel's face was more beautiful than anything Dean had ever seen. The love, the passion and joy, the sheer adoration. He smiled. "Not for nothing, Cas, but the last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid."

Cas didn't seem to know whether to laugh at the remembered quip, to hit Dean for being a smartass, or to kiss him. He seemed to decide that the third option was the best and surged forward, claiming Dean's mouth in the fiercest, most amazing kiss Dean could remember having since...ever.
Dean could barely breathe when they broke apart. Those graceful fingers were stroking their way through Dean's short hair, teasing patterns along his scalp. It felt better than it had any right to. "Cas," he breathed, pressing in to the touch.

Cas cupped Dean's cheek with his other hand, thumb stroking along his lower lip. "You are so beautiful," he murmured.

Dean felt his cheeks flush. "Shaddup, Cas. M'not a chick."

"No," Castiel agreed. "But you are beautiful."

Dean's face was burning with blush; he grabbed the front of Cas' shirt and pulled him into another bruising kiss, pulling away to say breathlessly "gotta get these clothes off," quickly adding on "and no blipping them away. I wanna take 'em off myself."

That made Cas smile, but there was an unmistakable blush of heat behind it. "As you wish."

Dean slid his hands underneath the jacket, pushing it off Cas' shoulders, letting it slither to the floor. Immediately, he went to work on Castiel's shirt, flicking the buttons open one by one. He had that blue tie looped around his hand, using it to hold the angel close. Cas glanced towards the doorway. "Should we….."

"Mm?" Dean was too busy nuzzling along Cas' jawline to pay much attention. Cas bit back a tiny moan.

"Dean….that is….very distracting."

"S'meant to be." But he let out a noise of disappointment as Castiel pulled away, standing up. "Caaaaas," he whined.

Cas smiled at the tone of voice, toeing off both shoes and socks as Dean watched him from his seat on the bed. Now barefoot, he headed to the door, softly shut it, and turned to Dean with a smile. "I didn't think Sam would want to listen to us." He slipped his shirt from his shoulders, pulling the tie loose in one smooth tug that had Dean shivering. "And I intend to make you very….very….loud."

Cas watched Dean with a smile in his eyes as he returned to the bed, undoing his belt as he went. Dean had watched Castiel's progress with eyes hazy with lust; now he grabbed the ends of Cas' belt, yanking him closer. Cas made a noise of surprise at the sudden relocation, then chuckled. "Dean…" He ran his hands through Dean's hair.

Dean nearly purred at the sensation, hands working to undo Cas' slacks. "So now, the million dollar question…" He glanced up at Cas, the questioning look the angel wore, and grinned. " ….what kind of underwear does Castiel, angel of the Lord, wear?" Cas huffed out a laugh. Still grinning, Dean pushed the pants off Cas' slim hips and looked up, their eyes meeting. "So you're a boxers man."

"Apparently so."

Dean had to laugh at that. "Apparently?"

"I've never really debated the pros and cons of boxers or briefs," Castiel answered. Dean shook his head fondly.

"Such a dork." He placed a kiss on Cas' hipbone, eliciting a tiny sound. "Not that it much matters." Another kiss.

"Haa…..why is that?"

Dean glanced up at Castiel, a smirk on his face. "Because you're not gonna be in them much longer." And he tugged them down, freeing Cas' cock. It was perfect; hard and flushed, the tip beaded with precum. He leaned in to lick that droplet off and heard Cas' breath catch. It occurred to him, somehow for the first time, that this was truly all new for Cas. He resolved then and there that he would make Castiel's first experience the best anyone had ever had.

This first step presented a challenge. Dean stared at Cas' cock. He had never given a blowjob before. Still, he was determined to give the best damn blowjob ever.

"Dean?" Dean looked up. Cas was staring down at him, head tilted in that manner of his, concern on his face. "What is it?"

Dean realized he'd been sitting there for several moments, simply staring at Cas' naked body. He smiled reassuringly, thumbs stroking Cas' hipbones. "Nothing, baby." He had no idea where the pet name came from, and he supposed he should have cringed with awkwardness at the use of it, but it just fell from his lips so naturally. He didn't waste any time thinking about it. "You're just…"

Cas didn't push him, simply waited for an answer, head still cocked.

Dean sighed happily, nuzzling one jutting hipbone. "Perfect," he finished.

"Dean." It was easy to hear the various tones to Cas' voice. Despite his belief in Dean's exaggeration, he was still pleased at the high opinion Dean had of him. "That's an exagger-"

But Dean cut him off, nosing his way along Cas' soft belly and lower; finally daring to lean in and tease his tongue along the underside of Cas' cock. Cas' words turned into a gasp at the sensation of that heat trailing a wet path from his balls to the tip of his cock. "Dean!"

"Shhh." Dean hushed him. He looked up at Cas, at his flushed cheeks. "I'm gonna make you feel so good." And shoving all nervousness down, he leaned in and took Cas' hard length into his mouth.

It was almost too much, such a foreign feeling, that he had a slight moment of panic, but it vanished as soon as he heard Cas, who let out a half sobbed "oh!". Just like that, Dean got himself under control. He had barely done anything and Cas was enjoying it. He could do this.

It also felt strangely good, having Castiel's cock in his mouth. Dean had never known anything but women, but this? There was something so nice about this hard heat, the salty taste of Cas' skin and precum, the little motions of his hips, small thrusts that he seemed to be trying and failing to hold back. No, it wasn't just nice…..it was downright wonderful.

Dean moved his hands to Castiel's hips, encouraging him to move. In return he got hands clenching fistfuls of his hair and pulling hard. Fuck, but that felt awesome. He groaned around his mouthful and apparently that felt good, cuz without any warning Cas was coming, hot spurts right down Dean's throat. He wasn't ready for that and he choked a bit, some of it splashing on his cheek. In some dim corner of his mind he hoped that wasn't reading as 'amateur cocksucker' but rather looking as hot as it did all those pornos.

The grip on his hair eased, but he'd barely had a chance to notice before Cas had dropped to his knees and was kissing Dean with everything he had. His hands were cupping Dean's face; one of his thumbs had landed right in the spot of cum, but he didn't seem to mind. No, rather as he kissed Dean, he gently rubbed it into Dean's cheek with his thumb, and fuck all if THAT wasn't sexy.

He was breathless when he pulled away. Dean stared at him with wide eyes. Cas just smiled, stroking his cheek.

"You continue to amaze me, Dean Winchester."

Dean couldn't handle the way Cas was looking at him, as if he were something spectacular, something precious. So he handled it as he always did: with a joke. "My cock-sucking abilities were that good, huh?"

Cas sighed, shaking his head. "You're impossible."

"And you love me for it." Too late, he realized what he said, and froze. They stared at each other, Dean's eyes wide and scared, Castiel's unbelievably calm despite the situation. "I….I mean…"

"Yes, I do."

Dean felt his heart stop. "…..what," he asked, voice weak.

"Yes, I do love you for it. And for a myriad of other reasons." Cas reached out and caught Dean's face in his hands again, raising his chin so their eyes were level, looking at him very seriously as he repeated himself. "I love you, Dean."

It was as if a dam burst inside Dean's chest. Too many feelings kept locked away for too many years, things he'd wanted and never had, and now this….the one thing he'd wanted more than anything, more than all of those other things put together, and it was HIS. He was actually getting it. He didn't know if he could handle it. His heart was pounding; he couldn't breathe. But Cas was eyeing him with concern in those blue eyes, and that was enough to sober him up. Had to get himself under control. Can't hurt Cas. He grabbed tight to that one thread of conscious thought and pulled himself free from his overflow of emotions, throwing himself at Cas and kissing him with everything he had.

"I love you, too," he blurted out. "More than anything ever."

The smile that lit up Cas' face was beautiful to behold. Those eyes seemed to glow from within, and then oh, oh fuck, Cas was scooping him up off the floor and carrying him to the bed and oh yes, Dean liked where this was going. It was strange to be the one on their back, Cas kneeling above him, boxing him in with both arms and legs as he peppered kisses down Dean's bare throat, but damn, it was wonderful. Dean could do nothing but lay there and let Cas ravish him and fuck, when did he become such a girl, thinking words like "ravish"?

Maybe it had something to do with Cas' stupid fucking eyes. They were way too Goddamn blue. Like, romance novel blue. He looked like some Goddamn romance novel hero and now he had Dean writhing beneath him on the bed and fuck, does that make me the heroine?

Strangely enough, Dean found that the idea didn't bother him that much. Not so long as Cas kept doing that thing with his mouth.

"Cas…" his voice was far too quiet. It was hard to get words out while Cas lavished attention upon his all-too-willing body.

"Mm?" The sound vibrated against Dean's flesh and made him shiver and moan. He tugged uselessly at Castiel's hair.

"Cas."

"What."

"…fuck me?"

THAT stopped Castiel in his tracks. He froze, entire body going stiff, then he shifted so that he and Dean were face to face. "You….."

Dean nodded. He didn't want to let Cas continue. If he continued, it would only go into different directions and further discussions, and he'd have to come out and say that what they were doing was really making love, which he knew to be true but it was just way too touchy-feely to say. He couldn't handle that.

Instead, his hand found Cas' and he laced their fingers together. "Please, Cas." With his other hand, he cupped Cas' cheek, stroking his rough jawline. "I want this. You. Need you."

It would be impossible to miss the flush of desire that brought to Castiel's face. He captured Dean's mouth. Dean's tongue teased along the seam of his lips until Cas opened to him and their tongues tangled together. Cas moaned into his mouth and rolled downwards, their hips coming into sharp contact.

Dean broke from the kiss. "Cas," he gasped. "Cas, please."

Cas nodded, kissing him again. "Of course, Dean." But when Dean began wriggling out from underneath him, his brow took on that furrowed look of puzzled discontent he so often wore. "Dean, what are you-" But Dean turned to him, holding up the lube he had just pulled from his nightstand. "Oh."

Smiling, Dean tossed it to him. "Know what you're doing, right?"

Castiel rolled his eyes. "Yes, Dean. I may technically be a virgin, but I have been around for millennia. I am more than familiar with the practice."

Dean laughed at Cas' words and the snarky attitude, but he couldn't help the little shiver that rolled through him at the thought of Cas being a virgin. Somehow there was something impossibly sexy about that…about being the first person Cas had ever been with. Combined with the part about Cas being so old, and the fact that he could tear Dean to shreds without raising a finger or even batting an eye…fuck. Castiel was one giant package of sexy (though Dean knew some of these things were probably NOT things he should find attractive. What could he say? He's twisted like that.).

Instead of saying anything in response, he simply lay back, spreading his legs to Castiel. "Well, then. Get to work."

Cas arched an eyebrow at the command, trying to act unaffected, but it was clear that wasn't the case. No. As soon as Dean had spread his legs, putting himself on display, a flush had risen to Cas' cheeks, and it hadn't stopped there. Dean was pleased to see that Castiel's blush spread down his throat and just onto his chest. It was unbelievably attractive.

Without a word, Cas uncapped the lube, pouring some into his hand. He worked it between his fingers as though testing the consistency. Dean was losing his mind.

"Caaaas," he whined.

Castiel smiled. "Patience," he said soothingly, a hand stroking Dean's thigh, far too close to his groin to be anything remotely close to soothing. Then those slim, graceful fingers were in between his legs and he could feel one pressing against him, pressing inside…

Dean let out a hiss of breath. It had been a while. It had been a LONG time since Charlie, but he had done this a few times to himself since then….hence the lube. He hadn't been able to help himself. He had spent many nights in his room, fingers searching for his prostate as his other hand worked his cock, biting his lip hard to prevent himself from crying Cas' name as he came.

Still, it had been a while. Things as of late had been too hectic, too emotional…..and this time was for real. This wasn't Charlie, or himself alone in his room. This was Cas. That made it much more difficult to relax.

As if Cas could sense his thoughts, he spoke up. "I believe you are supposed to relax?"

Dean didn't know whether to laugh or wallop Cas with a pillow. "Shut up and don't stop." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, willing his body to relax. It must have worked, for he felt Cas work another finger into him. "Fuck."

"Are you okay?"

Oh God. Dean had always known Cas had a sex voice, even before he had romantic feelings for the angel, but this? This was just way too good for him to ever have imagined. He nodded, breathing "perfect. It's perfect, Cas."

And it was. That initial stretching pain was over and now it was only pleasure rolling through him, a slight burning edge to it but it felt absolutely fantastic. Then one of Cas' fingers brushed that tiny bundle of nerves and, just like the first time, Dean went crazy. "Holy…!" His hips bucked, but he managed to keep the religious profanity in check around Cas, and on some level (underneath the pleasure coursing through his body and clouding his mind) he was proud of himself. "Fuck. That. There."

"Here?" Cas prodded the spot again and Dean had to clutch at the sheets to retain some shred of control over himself.

"Yes! That. Don't stop, Cas. Fuck." With a nod, Castiel continued. Dean stared up at him, the angel's face full of a mixture of lust and concentration, determination to make this good for Dean, and it sank in fully what was finally happening. This wasn't Charlie, or his own hand, or even the Castiel of his dreams. No, he was looking up at Cas, the real Cas, working him open so slow and tenderly and fuck, Dean was overcome with such a tremendously overwhelming need, his hands shooting out and grabbing Cas, fisting in his hair. Those eyes looked up at him in surprise.

"Enough, Cas, stop. M'ready."

Cas tried to interject, clearly concerned. "Are you su-" but that's as far as he made it before Dean was interrupting, nodding his head rapidly.

"Positive. Want you, Cas." His hands slid from Cas' hair down to cup his face, and he gently pulled the angel into a kiss. "Need you."

He saw the effect his words had on Cas, the heat that flared behind those blue eyes, and then he saw nothing else for Cas was kissing him, hard and wet, with teeth and tongue and oh fuck he was grinding down, their cocks rubbing together. Dean was moaning like a whore but he didn't have it in him to be embarrassed; he simply wrapped a leg around Castiel's waist, tugging him closer so their hips came into even tighter contact. That elicited a low growl from Cas, which did things to Dean, twisted his stomach into low knots of pure need and he gasped, nipping at Cas' mouth. "Fuck, Cas." He mouthed along Castiel's jaw, biting the spot just below his ear and tugging at the soft flesh. "Need you." He rolled their hips together again, his hands gripping Castiel's ass to pull him down at the same time as the roll so that their groins pressed together hard, that friction nearly unbearable. "Fuck me." He whispered the words breathlessly into Cas' ear, nipping his earlobe.

That was apparently more than Cas could take. Dean felt Cas pull away and he whimpered but seconds later he found himself being slammed back against the pillows. Damn. Cas could sure get bossy when provoked. It was sexy as fuck. He stared up at Cas, eyes nearly popping out of his head as he watched the angel pour lube into his hand, giving his cock a stroke to slick it up.

"Oh, fuck," Dean breathed, watching Castiel stroke himself. It was a sight he'd never expected to see. He gripped the base of his dick to avoid getting carried away. "Fuck."

Cas smiled, crawling on all fours until he was boxing Dean in again. "That's the idea," he murmured, kissing Dean.

"Oh G-…." But he managed to cut himself off again. No taking the Lord's name in vain during sex. His hands wandered their way over Cas' back. At this point, the angel was just teasing. "Cas…..Cas, please." He rocked up, searching for that friction, but Cas was on his knees, too far away, and Dean whined in frustration. "Cas, I need you."

That heat flared in Castiel's eyes once more and he kissed Dean again, hard and deep. Dean wanted to cry with relief as he felt Cas settling against him; still he felt a tiny flutter of nervousness. This was it. He was going to have sex with Cas. Cas. It was only his second foray into gay sex and this time, it would mean something.

He felt the blunt head of Castiel's cock nudging at his entrance and a shiver went through him. Cas looked down at him. "You're sure?" There was a bit of anxiety in his eyes as well, nervousness at the action itself and about hurting Dean and whether Dean truly wanted this, and all of that was enough to settle Dean's worries completely.

He took Cas' face in his hands, kissing him and pulling away with a smile. "I'm positive." He watched the nervousness face from Castiel's face, only to be replaced by pure lust as he trailed a hand over the angel's chest, teasing over his nipples and dragging a long, low moan from him. Cas looked down at Dean with heat in his eyes. Dean met that gaze, certain his own eyes mirrored the look. "Please, Cas…..need you."

There was no more hesitation after that. Dean felt that strange sensation of being breached, the slight sting of pain as he was stretched. He took a deep breath and Castiel immediately stopped. "Are you alright?"

"M'fine, Cas." He ran his hand through Cas' brown hair, damp with sweat. "Don't stop."

Cas nodded, pressing forward slowly but without hesitation until he bottomed out, balls against Dean's ass. Dean found the stretch wasn't as bad this time around….probably because he had been messing around on his own….but he'd guess a lot more of it had to do with who he was with this time around. Cas was staring down at him, eyeing him with such concern that Dean felt himself melt. He reached for Cas' face, pulling him into a kiss, silencing the angel before he could even ask if Dean was okay.

"I'm fine," he answered the unasked question. "S'good." He shifted a little, testing things, and a spark of pleasure rolled through him. "Oh."

"Dean?" Concern and worry laced Cas' voice.

"Nothing. S'good. Fuck, its good." He wrapped his arms around Castiel's neck, pulling him down to kiss him hungrily. He wanted more, but Cas still wasn't moving. "Goddammit, Cas," and he couldn't have stopped the blasphemy that time if he'd tried, "move!"

Cas blinked at him in surprise; Dean wanted to cry. Instead, he gave his hips a roll, and Cas gasped. "Oh!"

"Yeah." That was more of the reaction he'd been looking for. Castiel's face was flushed and shocked, amazed at the sensation that had just hit him. Dean wanted to see that look again. He repeated the action, rocking up against Cas, but this time, Cas grabbed his hips and pushed him down into the mattress, thrusting down into him hard. Dean cried out. "Fuck!" He couldn't believe Cas had done that, taken that initiative. "Oh fuck, Cas."

The angel stroked Dean's hip, ran his hand down the man's leg and tugged it up, wrapping it around his waist, and yeah, that was something Dean could definitely get behind. He repeated the move with his other leg, pulling Cas tighter to him, and by the look on Castiel's face, he definitely approved. His hands found Dean's waist again and he tugged him closer, pulling them into tighter contact, and his hips snapped forward yet again. Oh God. Dean moaned, hands gripping the sheets.

"That….Cas…just like that." He was panting the words, already so out of breath. Cas looked so beautiful above him, and Dean realized that this was different than he had always pictured it. With Charlie, he had been on his knees, his back to her, so when he had pictured sex with Cas, it had always been the same way. Now, he found himself on his back, looking Cas in the eyes. It reached a whole new level of intimacy, and he found he didn't mind. No, quite the contrary; he LOVED it. Loved seeing Cas' flushed cheeks as he drove forward, thrusting deeper and deeper inside Dean, each thrust unravelling them both that much more; loved seeing the sweat beading on his forehead and that brown hair so much messier than usual; the concentration and lust, desire and LOVE in those gorgeous blue eyes. Fuck. He couldn't handle this at all.

Dean whimpered, reaching out for Castiel. "Cas…." He managed to catch a handful of brown hair and tug him into a kiss, mumbling against his mouth. "Castiel."

It was at that moment that Cas found that magic spot, that sweet spot that set a jolt of pleasure through Dean and he practically screamed, arms tightening about Castiel's neck. "CAS!"

That only seemed to fuel Castiel's passion; he kissed Dean deeper and snapped his hips forward, hitting the spot again, and again. Dean had dissolved into a mess, spewing forth a stream of practically undecipherable words and clinging to Cas, making his way along the angel's shoulders and neck, kissing and nipping as he went. Then Cas' fingers wrapped around his shaft, giving him one stroke, simultaneously hitting his prostate, and Dean was done for. He saw white behind his eyes as he came, crying out Cas' name. He was clinging to Cas, barely registering anything except the pleasure and the blue eyes above him. "I love you," he said, the words barely more than air. "I love you."

That was all Castiel could handle. Dean's name spilled from his lips as he came, rhythm growing erratic as he worked through his orgasm, finally collapsing atop Dean. They lay together, a tangle of arms and limbs, as both struggled to catch their breath. It was astounding that Castiel was out of breath at all, seeing as how he didn't really need to breathe. On some level, Dean was proud of tiring him out to such a state.

After several minutes, Cas rolled off of Dean and pulled him closer. Dean thought he should probably object to being the little spoon (everyday-him would object) but he found that with Cas, he liked it, and he snuggled back against the angel. He also knew he should be bothered by the cum he could feel between his legs, but it really didn't bother him. He could clean up later. In the shower. With Cas. The thought filled him with a fuzzy feeling. God, he was turning into a chick. Oh well. If that meant more time wrapped up close to Castiel, he wasn't going to object. But right now….now there was something he needed to say.

"I was lying, you know."

Cas' hand immediately froze in where it had been stroking idle patterns over the bare skin of Dean's side. "...what." The word was hardly more than air, the terror barely suppressed, and Dean immediately realized how his words could be misconstrued. He quickly rolled over to face Cas, wrapping an arm tightly around him, holding him close.

"Not what you think," he said, stroking Cas' hair. "I promise."

The fear on Cas' face subsided slightly. "Okay." He took a shaky breath. "What, then."

"About how the last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid." Dean's fingers trailed down Cas' chest and he couldn't help averting his eyes, breaking their eye contact. His cheeks were flushing. But he had to look back up, meet Castiel's gaze. Cas deserved that. "...no one's ever looked at me the way you do."

Castiel's face immediately relaxed, dissolving into a look both relieved and sad. He stroked Dean's cheek. "No one has ever appreciated you as you deserve, Dean Winchester." Dean flushed and looked away, unable to face Cas. Cas, who always had a much higher opinion of him than he thought he deserved. "And you also need to have a higher opinion of yourself. You are the most amazing man I have ever known."

Dean's face was aflame. "Shut up. Just….just shut up."

"I will not." And then Cas' hands were cupping his jawline, turning his face so that Dean was forced to look at him, and pulling him into a gentle kiss. "You are wonderful, and caring, and I love you."

And despite how much he might want to, Dean couldn't argue with Cas. Not when he said 'I love you'. Smiling, he kissed Cas again. "I love you, too."

Cas stroked Dean's hair, his cheek, and the look of affection on his face as he regarded Dean was so overwhelming that Dean thought he could pass out. Instead, he snuggled close, burrowing up underneath Castiel's chin and delighting in the angel's surprised laughter. "Shaddup," he mumbled.

Cas' lips brushed his forehead in a gentle kiss. "Sleep, Dean."

"You'll stay with me?" Almost unconsciously, his arms tightened around the angel.

"I'll stay with you," Cas promised.

Dean smiled, hugging Cas tightly to him, and settled in, quickly falling asleep to the sensation of Cas' graceful fingers tracing loving patterns up and down his back.

Dean awoke the next morning with the immediate sense that something was off. Then he registered the weight of an arm draped across his waist. However, unlike the last time he woke like this, there was no shock of bright red hair to greet him. Instead, he found a mess of chestnut brown bedhead tucked up underneath his chin. He smiled at the sight of that constantly messy hair that he loved so much, and gave Cas a gentle kiss on the forehead.

Cas stirred at the touch, letting out a quiet "mmph". His eyes fluttered open, those baby blues blinking sleepily up at Dean, and God, if Dean had thought Cas couldn't get any more adorable, he had just been proved wrong. He couldn't help it; he leaned in and kissed the tip of Cas' nose. Cas tried to follow the action with his eyes, only succeeding in going slightly cross-eyed, and oh God, if they continued at this rate, Dean would die from an overload of cute by breakfast. "Good morning, sleepyhead."

"Good morning." Cas' voice was even more gravelly in the morning, and fuck all, that was hot.

Dean smiled, stroking Cas' soft brown hair. "Should get up….get showered." He winced at the feeling of dried cum between his legs. Cas whined at the suggestion; Dean chuckled. "Come on," he wheedled. "I'll give you a handjob in the shower."

Cas eyes flew open; he regarded Dean with interest. "Very well," he said. Dean had to laugh.

"C'mon, pervert. Let's go."

When they were finally showered and dressed (the shower had taken some time, and included more kissing than actual cleaning), they headed to the kitchen and found Sam already waiting. He raised both eyebrows at them.

"So I assume you worked things out."

"Yup." Dean went to the fridge, pulling out the orange juice.

"Good." Sam was smiling, but then he gave what Dean had long ago dubbed Bitchface #21. "Next time, though, could you be a little more quiet?"

Cas had the good grace to look embarrassed. "I shut the door."

"Really? I couldn't tell."

"Deal with it, Sammy. Cas is a screamer." Dean gave Cas a smirk as he sat down at the table, ignoring the indignant glower Cas sent his way.

"Oh yea?" Sam said, a brow arched. "Because most of the screaming I heard came from you."

Dean choked on his orange juice; Cas looked at him triumphantly. Sam just bit back a laugh at both of their reactions and left the room. Dean glowered at the expression on Cas' face. "I hate you."

"Oh, really? Because I seem to recollect someone saying he loves me."

Dean grinned, shaking his head. "Smartass," he said affectionately. He shoved a plate towards Cas. "Now shut up and eat some bacon."

"Dean, you know I don't need to eat."

"Need has nothing to do with it. Everyone loves bacon. Now shut up and eat it."

Cas shook his head with a small smile, but he listened, picking up a piece, and the two passed breakfast with a friendly banter they had not shared in a long time.

"Man, I'm tired."

"Dean, you barely did a thing today."

It was true. It had been a quiet day at the bunker. No cases had yet come up, so the three had spent the day in frivolous pursuits. Sam had spent most of the day reading. Dean had convinced Cas to let him teach him how to shoot, and they had spent a great deal of time at the range. At one point, the two had attempted to bake cookies. God knows what had given them THAT idea, and it hadn't turned out very well. Sam had come into the kitchen to find it and them covered head to toe in flour, batter, and other assorted ingredients, and the cookies themselves were barely edible (Sam secretly guessed that the two had used a wrong ingredient). But they'd had fun, and that was all that mattered.

Dean grinned. "Shut up. We had a busy night."

Cas flushed at the memory, but it was a happy sort of blush. It only made Dean's smile grow. He walked over, tracing a fingertip down Castiel's cheek.

"I like this," he murmured. "A blush looks good on you."

"Dean," Cas quietly protested, "you're going to make it worse."

Dean laughed. "Okay, okay." He slid out of his jeans. "C'mon, Cas. Bedtime." He grabbed a fresh t-shirt out of his drawers and threw it to Cas, who caught it, looking at Dean with a question in his eyes. "Dude, I know you don't usually sleep, but you're still gonna get in bed with me, and you're not doing that while wearing your suit."

That made Cas smile and he complied, changing into the t-shirt and slipping out of his pants so he was down to the shirt and his boxers. Dean chuckled. "What," Cas asked, tugging the hem of the shirt nervously.

Dean shook his head. "Nothing. S'just strange seeing you in casual clothes, you know?" He moved in, cupping Cas' face as he kissed him. "I like it."

Cas smiled. "Good."

The two crawled into bed and Dean allowed Cas to pull him close. Cas made a noise of contentment at the feeling, then Dean felt a change….not exactly a stiffening, but some sort of almost realization. "You kept that?"

Dean glanced over to see to what Cas was referring. It was the feather, still sitting on the nightstand. "Of course I did." He reached out to grab it, holding it gently. Even though Cas was his now, the feather was still so precious to him. "Why is it so important to you? Why did you want it back?" The memory still hurt.

Cas' face sort of crumpled and he was silent, as if he didn't know what to say. It was several moments before he finally spoke up.

"Angels wings are a very private part of them," he began at last, sounding as though he were choosing his words very carefully. This is why we generally only show our wings to those we love. It seems my soul…" He broke off, clearly having difficulty wording this part. "It seems my soul could sense I am meant to be with you, and wanted you to have a piece of me, to share myself with you in some small way. So I lost a feather."

Dean was listening, rapt, watching Cas with wide eyes. "Cas…" he breathed, but Cas pressed on.

"When I thought you were with Charlie, and I saw you had my feather..." he trailed off." It hurt. It was as if our bond was becoming even stronger but I was the only one who knew or cared."

Dean felt his heart aching at the knowledge of the pain Cas had gone through. He took the angel's face in his hands. "I care." Cas was looking at him, eyes full of regret over how this experience had gone down, pain for what had happened, love for Dean. Dean pulled him close and kissed him.

"I love you," he said softly. He felt Cas shift and looked up at him.

Cas was looking at him with wonder, as if Dean were the most amazing thing he had ever seen. Dean shifted awkwardly beneath that gaze. "What," he asked, suddenly nervous.

Cas was staring at him, eyes roving over every inch of Dean's face as though he would memorize it. "You really love me," he said softly.

Dean felt relief wash over him at that, knowing that was all Cas was thinking. He nodded, reaching out to stroke Castiel's cheek. He still couldn't believe this was happening, that he was allowed to touch Cas like this. "I do love you," he said again. "I love you so much."

At that, he saw something strange, even in the darkness of the room. He would swear he saw tears in Castiel's eyes. But Cas didn't cry. Cas NEVER cried. "Cas?" He felt another wave of panic overcome him. "Cas, what's wrong?"

Cas simply lay back, tugging Dean into his arms again and shaking his head. "Nothing," he answered. "I just never would have thought that life could be so….perfect."

Dean smiled. "I know exactly what you mean." He twirled the feather between his fingers. All this time, he never would have imagined he would ever have the real thing, the actual angel. And now….

Dean glanced up at Castiel. Those blue eyes, the eyes that had started it all, were smiling down at him. He reached up and trailed the feather lightly down Cas' cheek. The angel chuckled, catching his hand, leaning in to kiss his forehead. "Sleep."

Smile on his face, Dean settled in with his head snuggled up under Cas' chin. He still had the feather in hand, the angel's hand now covering his own.

Had to keep the precious things together, after all.

~fin~