Sunday 2 August 2015

AN: Yep, long time no see with this story, I guess. AsgardGuardian and SuperMegaFoxyAwesomeHot2001 again :)

Dear Freddie,

Is it normal? I don't think it is. No, no one else gets what I mean, it can't be normal. To be so void of emotion. Surely not. Oh Fred, I loved you so much during life, but it doesn't feel any different now you're gone. Well, of course it feels different... but not like your dead. Just... I guess, more like you went away and haven't visited since. I guess that's all death is, really. And the funeral is a going away party. Merlin, what's wrong with me? There is something wrong, I'm telling you- I'm comparing your funeral to a party. Actually, on that point, it's next week. I don't think they're opting for an open casket- I'm glad. I think one of the reasons that it's so much more real for everyone else, is that they saw your body. I did too- we all did. Just I didn't stick about. Most of them did- stroking your hair and crying over your body. I didn't- I couldn't, and wouldn't see my younger brother like that. And it frightened me, I guess. When I was in my third year, we learnt about Boggarts in Defence Against the Dark Arts. I remember, I had such trouble and didn't think myself a worthy Gryffindor- I couldn't even banish something I was scared of. But my teacher told me that being a Gryffindor being brave doesn't mean you're fearless- it means that there will be a time when we overcome our fears and face them to do what's right. It's true, every word. I dwelled on that overnight, and came back the next day, fully ready. Yes, like then, I was frightened- terrified, even. I was shaking all over, and could barely stay still. But I thought back to that, and tried to stop feeling sad, even though I have every right to.

It worked too well, I think. You know Freddie, I'm the oldest in our family. Even if I wasn't, I'd still feel like I have to take responsibility. You can't blame George- you two, before now, have never been separated. Remember when someone invited you to stay a few nights, and you refused because George wasn't invited too? Now I think about it, I don't even remember a time you two haven't been together. I guess that's another thing that makes it less real. I've barely seen George since, so it's not like seeing you two separate. And of course, I have to stay strong for the others. I know Charlie's trying too, but maybe he feels emotion? Oh gosh, that sounds bad. Right now though, I get twinges of emotion- like now, while writing this, I'm getting more and more emotional, tears forming in my eyes even- but on a daily basis, I'm carrying on as normal as it can get.

I guess it isn't like I'm completely emotionless. As I've said, often I get pangs of emotion, and the first few days, I often felt awful- but I think the main reason, is from the moment I heard, I had to stay strong, I couldn't break down- the others all needed comfort, mum and George especially were wrecks. We've all been trying to not break down, but really, only me and Charlie have managed it. Dad was trying to be normal, but two days later, we were sitting next to each other, in silence, and he asked me the time. I told him- and with a jolt, I realised it was about the same time as you... you know. Dad cried, he told me about how he thought your body was breathing, but it was just an illusion, and that especially has been haunting me since. Those words... it was just an illusion. But it's not just your siblings and parents I've been comforting. Fleur's been a mess too. Like me, she helps out in front of everyone, and she helps Mum a great deal, but in private, with just the two of us, she cries. She cries for the brother-in-law she never got to properly know, and your children who you never got to have. She's heard the tales, and we both... we miss you.

Your funeral's next week, as I've said. It's already almost been two weeks since you died, but I feel like you've just gone back to Hogwarts, as I never see the others either. You and George, plus Ron, plus Percy, plus Ginny, plus Harry, plus Hermione. On that subject, Percy's been surprisingly awful. He thinks he could have prevented your death, I think. Your death. Maybe it'll all become real next week.

I feel like I should have something else to say- but I don't. I'm trying to get it all out in this letter, so I don't have to do it again. I'm thinking, but I have only the obvious to say now.
Goodbye. We miss you. We love you.

Love,
yep, you know who- Bill.

AN: There you go- how was it? Better or worse than usual? Anyway, comment, follow and favourite, etc. Thanks :)