Disclaimer: I own Naruto about as much as I own a Wal*Mart store. Which is to say, not at all.

Title: Heaven Forbid (You End Up Alone)

Rated: T

By: Wynter Spite

Hey, guys. Yeah, I'm finally updating, though it's shorter than usual. My only excuse is a sudden, mind-numbing onrush of writer's block. The moment I sit down to write this story, my head goes blank and I stare at the screen blankly, my fingers poised on the keyboard, ready yet unmoving.

Yeah. Anyway, thanks to everyone who reviewed and fav/followed. Thank you.

I've been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something
I could believe in
And looking for that
Magic rainbow
On the horizon
I couldn't see it
Until I let go
Gave into love
And watched all the bitterness burn
Now I'm coming alive
Body and soul
And feelin' my world start to turn

And I'll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

A few days ago

Dear Naruto- or should I call you Shinchō?-

I apologize for being so late in replying to your letters.

Firstly, I will say that I was sorry to hear about the Third Hokage's death. If I'd known about the invasion beforehand, I would have done something; however, I had no foreknowledge of it, and so I had to learn of it from your letters. (Should you really have told me of it, by the way?) I am sorry about the Hokage's death but- and I hope you take no offense to this- at the same time, I am glad that there were not as many lives lost as there could have been.

Also, I must say, I was deeply surprised when you told me about your experience at the cliff- or rather, over the cliff. But if I was surprised, you must have been even more shocked. You appear to be taking the revelation well, however.

It was impressive what you did to- and for- this Gaara you talked about. I can feel your sincere hope for the boy to just live, and not feel the need to kill anything to do it. I confess, your tale reminded me a bit of myself.

Your ability to see ghosts-both living and dead- is quite fascinating. I would like to question you on it sometime, if that would be permissible.

Again, however, I must ask- should you really be telling me about all of this? I am flattered by your trust, but you need to think carefully before revealing any sensitive information.

Also, as to that matter you asked me about-

Ah, I'm afraid I must cut this letter short; being a missing-nin is not without its perils. The second letter I've enclosed will give you your answer.

I look forward to seeing you again, Naruto, whenever that time may be.

- Haku

(Written on Haku's second letter)

Sorry about the old man. You're probably sad now, but cheer up. Sometime, I'll kill someone for ya.

And my name is Zabuza, you damn brat. Stop calling me by your weird nicknames.

Z

Dearest, most beloved, precious Haku,

You may call me whatever you wish. And I hope you're not uncomfortable with my flamboyant use of endearments.

Your response time is fine. There's no rush.

I hope you're not feeling guilty about not knowing about the invasion beforehand. I didn't know, my teammates didn't know, my ghosts didn't know...a lot of people didn't know that it would happen.

Also, how could I be offended about being glad that more people didn't die? My dear Haku, I feel precisely the same.

Yes, I was rather...er...well, shocked would be an understatement. But I don't think there's any need to overreact to it. I mean, sure, I like to do that sometimes (overreact, I mean) but this just feels like one of those times when I stay cool. Also, I like Naruto. He's pretty friendly, and not angry at all that I took over his body! I also like my furry inmate. He kind of reminds me of Madara.

Yeah. You know, I thought about you in the middle of one of his speeches. When I see you again, Haku, I hope you won't mind if I hug you and snuggle you a little. I also hope Zabeanza will let me live after I do so.

Questioning me is perfectly permissible. No worries, Haku. I'll brace myself for bombardment.

Haku, the very fact that you're asking if it's okay for me to tell you about all this makes it even more okay to tell you. I pride myself on being a pretty good judge of character, and your character, Haku m'dear, seems pretty darn sterling to me.

Stay safe, my friend. (Yeah, right, missing-nin, but still...Seemed the thing to say.)

And thanks for the second letter. I'll write to you again soon, my lovable confidant.

~ Naruto/Shinchō

(Written on a note inclosed with Naruto's letter)

Thanks, Zabean. That really means a lot to me. Your kind words have touched my soul and warmed my heart.

Also, I'll stop calling you by my weird nicknames when you stop calling me brat.

~ Bratty McBratcakes

Now

Holding onto things that vanished
Into the air
Left me in pieces
But now I'm rising from the ashes
Finding my wings
And all that I needed
Was there all along
Within my reach
As close as the beat of my heart

And I'll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

And I'm out on the edge of forever
Ready to run
I'm keeping my feet on the ground
My arms open wide
My face to the sun

- The Time of My Life, David Cook

We stood outside the town we'd stopped at, with Sasuke being carried on Gai-sensei's back. I looked worriedly at my duck-haired teammate and hoped he'd be alright.

Meanwhile...

Sasuke twitched.

"Hey, respected ancestor, can you get me down now?" Shisui asked from where he was tied up, hanging upside down. "Madara? Seriously, this tree is not supposed to be here." There was a pause as Madara ignored him. "Little cousin?"

Itachi didn't bother to glance up.

"...littler cousin?"

Sasuke's face was impassive.

"Help? Anybody?"

Silence.

"...please?"

Even Hashirama didn't look up, instead continuing to tell Sasuke about the time he and Madara accidentally walked- well, floated- in on a hot spring bath. On the females' side.

"...Madara's husband?"

At that, Hashirama blinked and glanced up. "What?"

"It's kinda funny how you immediately know I'm talking about you," Shisui commented.

Madara stood up.

Soon, the screaming started. Again.

Back to Naruchō

"Jiraiya-sama," Gai-sensei was saying, "Please do...find and bring back Tsunade-hime."

"We will," I said firmly. "But in the meantime, please take good care of Sasuke, Gai-sensei." I perked up when I felt Jiraiya-sensei pat me on the head. I gave it an eight on the Pat-O-Meter.

"Well then, Gai," Mikigaeru-Sennin said, "I'm leaving Sasuke in your hands."

Gai-sensei nodded and then gave me a sparkling grin. "Nothing intrigues me more than guts, kid! Let me give you this!" He reached into his vest. "This helped Lee get stronger..."

"Really? What is..." My voice trailed off, my mouth still open.

"This!" He grandly held up a green jump suit, just like the one he and Lee usually wore. "It's breathable, retains moisture, and offers complete freedom of movement all in one sweet package! If you wear it while you train, you'll notice the difference immediately!" I gaped. "Soon," he continued, "you'll start wanting to wear it all the time, just like Lee! I've got a bit of a thing for it m'self!"

"Wow," I managed.

He sparkled at me. I had to take the jump suit or be blinded.

When Gai-sensei finally left, with a final wave and a shouted farewell ("Bye-ya!"), Mikigaeru-Sennin finally said, "Don't…tell me you're planning to wear that thing?"

No in this lifetime, but I put a thoughtful look on my face. "Well..."

"Just don't," he advised me. "Man, that is goofy."

Later, I was thinking about what Itachi (the live one) had said, about their organization, the Aka-whatsis, wanting me. But why? I mused. Is it because of my little Snooky Furrums?

I told you not to call me that, brat!

And I'll give you the same response I gave Zabeanza. I sniffed. I do have a name, you know.

That's right. It's Brat.

That is not what it says on my birth certificate!

Do you have a birth certificate?

Uhh…

Snooky Furrums sneered. Oh, look. Another thing to add to the vast list of things you don't know. Before I could retort, he went on, But enough about your blatant ignorance. We've still got the major problem of that organization of highly dangerous individuals being after you.

What, that? That's nothing, 'Kura. Relax, Naruto said cheerfully.

...brat. I am going to kill you.

You know, Snooky, you completely fail at being a murderous, bloodthirsty, rampaging demon, I informed him.

Don't call me Snooky.

Wow, major deja vu.

Would you focus? Snooky growled.

Right, organization of highly dangerous individuals.

They are probably after me. I have no idea why, however.

I thought about and realized, Hey, wait, why are we even fretting over this?

I do not fret!

I ignored him. I mean, we basically have no information whatsoever on them, not their motives or who else is part of them, except for Itachi and the shark guy.

Itachi called him Kisame, Naruto informed me.

Okay, Itachi and Kisame, then.

That sword of his...Samehada...it was able to eat your chakra, Snooky mused. Not stop it, but actually eat it. He was silent for a moment, then stated, as if I didn't already know, You'd better get stronger, brat, and soon.

I snorted. What do you think I'm trying to do?

Cheeky, he grumbled.

Always, I responded cheerfully, but my thoughts were turning to Itachi. Kisame had said that he killed his entire family except for Sasuke. That would make him evil, right? Except there was Itachi-yurei, and he just didn't seem...bad. In fact, his only wish seemed to be to protect Sasuke. But how would killing his family be protecting him? And how could one person, even one as skilled as Itachi, kill off all those other Uchiha alone? Was he alone? He certainly gave off that impression. And also, he killed everyone, right? His aunts and uncles, his cousins, his parents, men, women, children...so why leave Sasuke alive? Just Sasuke? And even when they came face-to-face again, he'd still left him alive. Beaten up, sure, but alive.

I tried to figure out what Itachi could possibly be thinking. 'Killing you would be too troublesome'? That would be more like a Nara. 'You need to be alive'? But why? 'You're too young for me to kill'? Like that stopped him from killing other children. 'You're my brother'? Oh, but murdering the rest of his family was okay?

Okay, enough of that. I wasn't going to figure out what he was thinking. Instead, what did his actions tell me?

Well, he didn't want to kill his brother- at least, not yet. He wouldn't refrain from hurting him, but he wouldn't make it bad enough that it would cripple him. In fact, I realized, it was like he was telling him that he wasn't strong enough yet. Encouragement? 'Get stronger so that you can give me a challenge'? Or maybe…'Get stronger so that you can kill me'? But why? God, this was making my head hurt. I didn't have enough of the facts. Maybe I could focus on this again once we got Tsunade-hime...

Wait. Tsunade-hime? Haven't I heard that name before?

It suddenly hit me why her name sounded so familiar. I tugged on the Hikigaeru Sennin's sleeve. "Hey, Hikigaeru-Sennin, Tsunade-hime wouldn't happen to be Hashirama's granddaughter, would she?"

He blinked, but smiled down at me. "Indeed she would."

I nodded. "Hashirama told me about her. In fact, he's the one who taught her to gamble. It sounds like she's inherited his luck, though." Which, I reflected, was not a good thing.

Hikigaeru-Sennin laughed. "Seems so!"

What follows is a series of omakes which are not, absolutely not to be taken at all seriously…Like, at all. Okay, maybe except for that middle one...or not...

-Omake: That Time [pre-cliff incident, i.e. 'that time the toad dude pushed me off a cliff and I met my fursome Snookums for the first time']

One day, Sakura came to training even grumpier than Madara is most of the time. Concerned, I asked her if she was okay.

She glared at me. "You…you have no idea how lucky you are being a man, Naruto." She drew in a slow, scary breath. " You don't ever have to go through this. Appreciate your maleness, Naruto. Appreciate. It." Then she stomped off.

I stared after her, then looked at my ghosts. "What was with that?"

"Ah, it appears that time of the month has come around," Madara mused.

"'That time of the month'?" I repeated, confused.

"Once every month, Naruto, a female becomes the most dangerous being on the face of the Earth," Hashirama explained.

"Uh..."

Madara said, "It is called the menstruating cycle, child. The women in my own clan were greatly feared for it. Even my father hid from them- he called it a 'survival tactic'- whenever that time came."

I stared at him. "You had a father?"

He looked slightly miffed. "Of course I did, you idiot child. Did you think I just suddenly popped into existence?"

"Well…it was definitely a possibility. But anyway," I said quickly, "this 'time of the month' thing sounds scary."

Hashirama nodded. "You should have seen when it happened to Mito. Most frightening thing I've ever witnessed."

"I concur," Madara stated. "I attacked Konoha once when it was that time."

"I remember that. On that day, Mito was in a worse mood than usual. And then you came, and it got even worse…she stomped out to confront you..."

"For a moment, I thought the Kyuubi had taken her over," Madara reflected. He gave me a pointed look. "It hadn't. It was something much, much more terrible."

I was deeply mystified. "Who's Mito?" I asked.

"My wife," Hashirama answered.

I gaped at him. "You had a wife? And it wasn't Madara?"

"Just what is that supposed to mean, brat?!" Maddy appeared outraged.

I held up my hands. "Hey, whoa, you can't deny that you guys sound like an old married couple a lot of the time."

"That may be so, child, but understand this!" He pointed a finger at me, furious. "If anyone was going to be the wife, it would be Hashirama!"

Hashirama choked. "What?"

I laughed.

Obito wandered over. "Hey, what are you guys talking about?"

"It's 'that time of the month' for Sakura," I explained.

"Ooh." He shivered. "I remember the first time Rin came to training after it had just started. On that day, Sensei had also decided to pit us against some minor enemy nin. That day, I was deeply afraid…for the enemy nin. Sometimes I wonder if Sensei planned for that," he reflected. He turned his gaze on me. "Naruto, you must never, ever bother a lady when it's their time…follow this sage advice, my friend, and you may well survive to an old age."

I stared at him, deeply frightened. "Uh…okay..."

"Obito?" Rin asked sweetly, drifting over, "What were you talking about?"

"Nothing, Rin," he squeaked. "Nothing at all!"

I gazed at him. Women, it seemed, could make mice of us all…

Omake: Family [after the invasion]

I watched Hashirama as I sat in bed, my arms around my legs. "So Tobirama is gone?" I said softly.

"Yes."

"Won't you miss him?"

The First Hokage smiled, bittersweet. "Of course, but the Shinigami will come for us all sometime. And Tobirama...I believe he mainly stayed for Hiruzen. And me." He said the last part quietly.

I would have patted his shoulder if I could, though it probably would've been somewhat awkward. Luckily, Madara was there, and he unknowingly did it for me. I almost snorted at how matter-of-fact it was. On Hashirama's other side, Izuna rolled his eyes. Yes, it was a very manly pat.

Hashirama, however, ruined it by smiling warmly at Madara and leaning into his side. Izuna took that as a cue to throw his arms around them both. I could practically feel the masculinity in the room dwindling, even though there were only males in the room at the moment. Though, considering one of those 'males' was me, that wasn't saying much. If Zabuza had been there, the manliness would've gone up about 50%...but since he wasn't, it was at about 18% and declining.

You are so weird, Inner Obito said.

Takes one to know one. I sniffed.

I'm a voice in your head.

Oh...right.

Omake: Promise [for MorbidApocalypse, who gave me the idea to actually write this part]

"Hey, Snooky Furrums!" I appeared in front of the cage that the giant fox lay in. "Ready for your brushing?" I held up the brush in my hand and looked at him expectantly.

"Don't call me that." He fixed me with one large, dubious eye. "And you were serious about that?"

"Of course," I said, somewhat offended.

"...alright, brat. Show me how you'll do this, then." He lay his head on his paws and watched me with amusement.

I scrutinized the bars in front of me. "Well, they're pretty big. I could just go between them."

"That's not what I meant." He looked greatly entertained.

I stared at him blankly, then glanced down at my brush, which was just a bit bigger than my hand. I looked back up at the Kyuubi, who was significantly larger than my entire body.

The fox's eyes glinted.

This, I concluded, was going to take forever.

"Crap."

A/N

So, first of all, I must deeply apologize, because this may or may not be the last chapter I ever post, depending on whether I get my inspiration back, or my 'mojo' as I usually call it in my head.

Secondly, it has come to my attention by way of my sister that there may be some misconceptions about this fic. Namely, Naruto's harem. Yeah, uh...I don't know if anyone really thinks that Naruto will be actually sleeping with all these people, but, just to be clear on that, he/she won't. It's not a serious harem, really, it's more like a group of friends that she/he calls a harem for fun. Soo...yeah.

Thirdly, I must ask...is Shinchō becoming a Mary-Sue? I really hope she isn't, but just in case, I'd like to know your opinions, and whether there are things that need changing.

Anyway, thank you for reading.