My name is Hale, Bowl Cut Hale, and I have come to fuck shit up. The people in this town think they some hot shit, but they never seen Devil's Work before...HALE STYLE. i'M GOING TO SLEEP WITH all their bitches! an all their husbands too don't judge. Speaking of JUDGES, Danforth you suck! Suck my DICK! We all know what went down.

Hale stopped writing in his diary as his mom screamed at him from downstairs. "HALEY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING UP THERE? GET THE FUCK DOWN HERE AND PICK YOUR SHIT UP!"

Hale promptly jumped out the window in retaliation, his bowl cut floofing majestically in the wind. When he hit the ground he broke both of his legs, but whatever. Using his arms to pry himself up a tree he made a nest for himself out of the remnants of his once stealthy legs.

-Salem, Two Months Later-

"More weight!" Giles McDanskuss made it rain on Abigail Williams and a bunch of other girls who were dancing naked in the woods with Titromboney, the local black woman. Bc that's not racist lol

Hale looked down from his now eroding nest and watched in horror as Giles did something very unproper. "I didn't even know that could fit in there!"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING IN THIS MOMENT IN TIME?" Reverend Parris, first time doctorate of the fifth order, came marching into the clearing. He angrily punched a tree, causing Hale to fall out and break his face.

Hale's face had collided with Paris's collar bone and as they collided it was bowl cut love at first face breakening.

"We must become one." Parris and Hale merged to become a religious conglomeration of Bowl Cuts and Anger Issues. The horrifying product had thirteen legs, seven backs, and very dry skin. All the girls screamed in horror and ran away. Giles made it rain on Paleis.