Hermione Granger kicked at the stone barrier with pent-up anger, then glared at the Gargoyle that protected the entrance to the Headmasters' office.

"I know you're hiding up there," she hissed, anticipating the git would also have some monitoring system in place to see who wished to gain entry. She'd not been privy to the password earlier; she'd simply announced her name and up she'd gone. She tried it again, without success. What an infuriating man! With a few muttered oaths, and one more hard kick at the wall, she winced and limped away.

Severus Snape rolled his eyes as the crystal ball on one side of his desk illuminated to reveal the silent image of Granger's approach, clearly angry at not being allowed admittance. Severus chuckled and sat back in his chair with his feet up on the corner of the desk, watching the thankfully silent show. He could have tapped the crystal again to permit audio but he had already taken one potion for a headache today and did not wish another. He laughed aloud as Granger limped away. She certainly was something when her back was up. He reminded himself to behave.

Hermione took in a deep breath before she knocked upon the door of the teachers staffroom. It was swiftly opened to reveal a tall elderly witch, who glared at the young woman before her for a moment. Then her mouth broke out into a wide smile.

"Hermione, my dear, come in!" Minerva McGonagall stood off to one side and bid her enter. "Look, who is here," she announced, calling over her shoulder to her colleagues

With hands shaken and introductions given, Hermione was guided to a comfortable seat close to the fire and offered a cup of tea. She looked around the cluttered room filled with a variety of mixed -matched tables and chairs. Some looked as though they had been in situ for centuries. She was pleased to at least get a comfortable high backed leather Parker Knoll chair, just like her Grandmother's.

"Here," McGonagall handed her a mug of tea and moved to take a seat directly across from her former student. "I am sure Severus will not mind us offering you his chair to sit upon."

Hermione choked on her tea as she heard that tidbit of information, and decided swallowing tea and trying to get up at the same time was not the best thing to have done.

Minerva took care of Hermione's soaked robes and patted her back till she stopped coughing. The mug was soon mended and refilled as Hermione was guided to another chair. Hermione refused to put her arse upon the same seat that 'his' bum had sat upon for god-knows how many years. She was glad her face was red from coughing as her blush of remembering his firm arse under her own hand would be kept hidden, and her blush remained unquestioned.

After exchanging news with some of her ex professors she decided to take her leave. She had an early start in the morning. Minerva walked her to the door.

"Professor," Hermione started only to be halted by Minerva.

"My dear, I am no longer your professor or Head of House. You must call me Minerva and I shall call you Hermione, is that clear?"

"Yes, Minerva." The witches smiled at each other then Hermione remembered the favour she needed to ask from the assistant headmistress.

Severus Snape was settling down into his bed as an owl arrived from Minerva. "What does she want at this late hour," he muttered to himself as he threw a treat to the owl after retrieving a package tied to its leg. He opened it to discover a short note from Minerva, and a bundle of sealed parchments inside.

Severus,

The enclosed parchments belong to you.

Goodnight.

Minerva

Severus let the note flutter to his blankets as he tore open the seal to one of the parchments. He growled in a low tone, then he thrust the parchment from him allowing it to fall to the carpet. Then he opened another, and yet another... until all were opened and strewn around him. His growls had grown to out and out anger as he howled with fury. The final multi-coloured parchment scrunched up in his fist.

"Bloody-fucking-know-it-all!"

In her dungeon bedroom Hermione muttered under her breath what she would like to do to Snape as she pounded her pillow once more into some form of submission. Earlier, she had tried to transfigure the room's furnishings but to her disgust nothing happened. Her bed was lumpy as were the pillows. The blankets were old and although she had used a few cleansing charms on them they still smelled like old socks.

The following morning, Eupraxia Mole scurried into her portrait in the Headmaster's office and winked over at Albus Dumbledore. His eyebrow rose as if in question and she nodded.

Severus Snape looked up from the papers on his desk and grumbled. He had not slept well and his hair was still sticking up in places as he had not yet brushed it or had a proper shave due to that minx of a ministry female. Her, and the infernal schedules and numerous amounts of Ministry data back to about a hundred years of education at Hogwarts. Granger never knew when to stop undertaking extra work while a student and it looked like the tendency carried over into adulthood. Ten scrolls of parchment many feet long when one scroll would have done. He hoped to have her test the ruddy school and him if need be, and then get her out of his hair as soon as possible.

He shoved his personal owl out of the window in his haste to dispatch his reply to the girl – no, woman. He groaned as he remembered how her body had felt against him yesterday and that just added to the remembered vision of her body and those long legs complete with stockings that stopped short on her thighs; had him hard the instant he felt them.

"Blast it!" He stood rubbing at his face, trying to wake up; he stomped back into his bedroom to prepare for the day and tried not to think of Hermione's body. Having a hard on this early in the morning would do him no good at all.

"Well, Eupraxia, have you any news for me?" Asked Dumbledore in a whisper, just in case Snape returned quicker than anticipated.

"Yes, we have set up a few of the younger portraits to do the running around. Easier for them than us old codgers."

"Speak of yourself," huffed Dumbledore with a smile. "And the Assistant Headmistress?"

"I believe Miss Granger has already used her to intercede with the headmaster on her behalf and we have just witnessed the end result of that attempt." Eupraxia smirked, as she nodded towards the room where the current Headmaster was located. "I informed Minerva on how much we will need to rely on her and the other staff to help us to get those two to work together."

"I believe the Castle has a mind of her own in this regard," said Dumbledore as he sat smoothing his painted beard in contemplation. "I believe she has plans to thwart Miss Granger from leaving until she and Severus have become friends at the very least, and I fear that may take some time."

Eupraxia frowned, puckering up her mouth with distaste. "I wonder...," she trailed off while looking blankly towards the ceiling.

"Yes?" Dumbledore asked looking hopeful.

"I wonder... " Then she broke into a broad smile that Dumbledore recognised as being dangerous. She rarely smiled and if she did, then you best be wary.

She whispered her plan and Dumbledore groaned and rubbed at his head knocking his hat askew. "If you think it for the best, my dear."

"Oh I do," She tittered then vanished from her portrait. Dumbledore shook his head and hoped that Eupraxia's plan to involve the castle's poltergeist would not backfire on them all.

At breakfast Scorpius shook his head at his friend Otho, who was staring continuously towards the High Table.

Castor nudged at his twin brother, Pollux, and whispered into his ear. "Looks like Otho has it bad," he sniggered, nodding towards the boy and then the long table housing their professors and visitors. More importantly, this morning the High Table would play host to Hermione Granger... eventually.

"Otho?" Scorpius called into his friend's ear, then nudged at his arm with his elbow, but it did not register with the young man at all. The forkful of food on Otho's fork was half forgot as he kept his eyes on the entrance as he spotted the robes of a professor come into view. The fork was lowered and a sigh of disappointment came from his half open mouth when the Assistant Headmistress entered. She was obviously not the person he had hoped to see.

Down in the dungeons a door slammed hard. Hermione Granger, annoyed, cold, and tired, had just left her bedroom. She had just experienced the worst accommodations of her life. Even the tent she had shared with Ron and Harry when she had been seventeen was luxury compared to that disgusting room.

Her robes were not as pristine as the day before, and neither was she looking her best. Her hair had refused to behave and had frizzed up into a bush, due to the freezing water in her shower. To make matters worse, her Muggle watch had stopped and her alarm had not alerted her at 7am so she was running very late.

An owl hooted at her, as if it had been awaiting her appearance - her room had no windows - then deposited a letter into her hands before swiftly departed. Bleary-eyed from lack of sleep, she'd not noticed the colour of the envelope. She tore it open and instantly regretted the action.

"Miss Granger," Boomed out the unmistakable voice of Headmaster Severus Snape. He had sent her a howler. That buggering bastard!
"I as Headmaster, unlike you, will dictate the timetable of the interviews of staff and class reviews. I, unlike you, have a strict diary that cannot be changed. I, unlike you, am able to put together a suitable schedule that you will adhere to. I, unlike you, can fit it onto one piece of parchment that is one foot long. I, unlike you, will make it to breakfast on time."

The red envelope that had opened up to impersonate the mouth of Severus Snape looked mean and sneered at her. It dropped a short scroll at her feet before it tore itself up into little pieces, the remainders bursting into flames.

Hermione gasped as she realised her feet were wet. She had been concentrating so hard on what she was going to say and do to the Headmaster, she had not paid attention to her surroundings or where she was walking. Water was cascading down the main stairway. It looked like a Muggle waterfall garden feature. She stood transfixed for a few moments before reacting to the sound of distant singing, and recognised the culprit immediately.

"Peeves!" She growled. Hermione was now in a position of authority to be able to cease his antics, so she headed through the water and up the stairs to investigate.

A strange echoing singing could be heard coming from the boys bathroom on the first floor. Peeves, the Poltergeist was singing a merry song as he sent water cascading in large waves, uncaring that he would flood out the bathroom.

"My contract has been changed
The rules are rearranged
The inspector will lose her way
She will have to stay.

My contract has been changed
The rules are rearranged
I can play and upset the bat
Fancy that, what a prat.

My contract has been changed
The rules are rearranged
Peeves has been commanded
Hogwarts demands it."

"Out of my way!" Severus ordered as he sped past the students as they headed for their first class of the day. The angry look on the headmaster's face was enough to send them scurrying for cover. Someone was in big trouble and none of the students dared to even inquire where he was headed in such a hurry.

He was a few yards away from the main staircase when he heard a piercing scream; the hair on his neck and arms stood up on end. The scream terrified him, and he knew immediately who it was - Miss Granger. He bounded up through the torrent of water, adrenaline rushing through his system. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears.

He stood panting at the top of the stairs, as water swirled around his legs. He looked around, listened, then heard a strange sound from high above. He looked upwards to the walls, and then up again to the ceiling. He swore.

Peeves was conducting a waterspout and spinning around inside its centre was the upturned body of Hermione Granger. He stood his mouth agape, as her robes flapped back and forth, having flipped upside down covering her face and arms from view, revealing long legs with one shoe still on her foot. But what held Severus' gaze was the bright red lacy knickers that were displayed for all to see.

"Buggering shite." He whispered into himself as he realised he had to do something fast. The witch looked to be unconscious, but perhaps that was for the best, by the way she was being swayed about.

Before Severus could act a shriek of alarm came from behind him.

"Oh no! That cannae be poor Miss Granger?" Minerva McGonnigall cried out in alarm. She gripped Severus' arm cutting off the blood supply to his hand. "Do something man, the child's ... she's showing-!"

Severus froze Peeves in place. He would attend to him later. Miss Granger was his main concern right now.

The Headmaster and his Assistant Headmistress were unaware they had a witness to this whole debacle. Otho peered from around a corner as he had followed the assistant headmistress after overhearing her conversation with a portrait after breakfast. He stared his eyes bugged out as he watched them work their magic, freezing Peeves then bringing Miss Granger back down out of the water spout safely. He blushed deep red at the sight of his headmaster catching Miss Granger, while still upside down. His hands were wrapped around her legs as he brought her safely down to the ground. Where he with the help of Professor McGonagall got her robes set to rights.

Otho scurried off at a run as Snape picked up the limp woman in his arms and started to come his way. He was unsure if he would be able to relate this tale to his best friends. It was just as well his professor was assisting the Headmaster, or he would have been given detention. He managed to slip into class with the excuse he had been detained in the toilet.