Disclaimer: Percy Jackson and Naruto aren't mine.

Reading: Sound of Madness

"So, what now?" Percy asked since the Apollo Naruto book was missing due to Apollo trying to peek ahead.

"It wasn't my fault." The sun god huffed, "Stupid Fates."

"Oh yes, because it is clearly their fault," Artemis rolled her eyes.

"It is!"

A book hit Percy on the head.

"Ow!"

Annabeth picked it up as Percy rubbed his head and read the title, "Sound of Madness?" uncertainly in her voice.

A delightful twinkle entered Mr. D's eyes at the title.

All the gods looked at him.

"…Oh no," Athena said.

"Oh yes." Ares grinned, "So it's D's turn?"

"Well, I wouldn't be opposed to it." The god of wine gestured.

"Mother help us." Zeus said under his breath, he had a bad feeling about this.

"Who's reading?" Frank asked.

"Nicolas will." Dionysus pointed to Nico.

"Oh, joy." The son of Hades said dryly and took the book from Annabeth.

The brown liquid set in his dull white mug shook lightly from the vibration his leg caused as his ADHD acted up. To settle it, he picked the mug up and took a sip. It was warm, very warm. Not too hot, nor too cold. In Goldilocks' terms, it was "just right."

"I hear that," Annabeth said, loving a nice cup of hot coffee.

"Mr. Uzumaki?"

Eyes that were a dark blue, almost purple, looked back at the boy seated across from him. Muscled and lean, mildly attractive from a girl's point of view, and with a facial structure graced by the gods themselves looked back at him nervously. Sunny blond hair that rivaled his own golden locks was cut short and pulled back with gel. He was sure if he could figure out the right joke, the boy seated across from him would give a smile as radiant as the sun.

"Hey, it's one of mine!" Apollo beamed.

A finger idly tapped the mug as he hummed. "Yes, Chester?"

"Charlie, sir."

"Whatever," blue eyes rolled and he sipped on his coffee. "You said the sickle-bearer would pay me for my help?"

Apollo winced at that, "Ooh…" he averted his head from the looks he got, "That's not good."

"Well duh, Apollo." Dionysus said with a frown, "And trying to recruit my son? The nerve."

"A hefty sum. And give you the place of your father after his...demise."

"What place do I have? The camp?" Dionysus rolled his eyes, he could have the blasted place.

"I think your role of madness." Athena told her brother.

"Oh!"

Charles swallowed as his eyes narrowed. The untouched latte made him purse his lips.

"Is there anything wrong with your drink?" He asked. Charles shook his head.

"N-No, sir, I'm just not that thirsty."

"Sir?" Percy asked, "Wow, he's got to have a rep or something."

"Looks like it," Thalia frowned, "That guy looks like he wants to bolt."

"Stop calling me sir. I'm only seven," he said with a roll of his eyes.

"Seven? Yeah, and I'm not from the thirties." Nico muttered. Something was definitely wrong with this guy.

He sipped his coffee again and frowned when he ran out of the brilliant caffeinated drink. A waitress walked past. "Excuse me, may I get an espresso? Put it on the bill for Charles Brandy."

"Love his stuff." Apollo bobbed his head, singing, I Can't Get Enough of You Baby. Until Artemis stopped him.

"Sure thing, hun," the girl said with a smile.

She walked off and he shamelessly stared at her posterior.

"I would." Apollo nodded.

"Ah, the teenage years," Dionysus said in a whimsical tone.

"I don't even want to think of that," Percy whispered to Annabeth, who nodded.

Nicely firm and small, like a peach. Mm...Peaches... Mental note, stop by the store and buy some fruit.

"I so forgot about that," Hermes said, punching it into his godly cellphone.

"Mr. Uzumaki, please, we need an answer otherwise he's going to assume you're siding with the Ol-the ones in the Empire State Building's top floor," Charles said with a nervous glance out the window.

"Yeah, you better be nervous." Ares chuckled darkly.

"Well, he's doomed." Dionysus said in a bored tone.

Apollo grimaced, really not wanting to see what was about to happen.

"Hm? Oh, right. Well, a hefty sum is a hefty sum..." He looked at his mug curiously. "Do you think they'll let me keep this?"

Charles blinked, baffled by the question. "I-I don't know-"

"Excuse me!" He called another waitress' attention. She came over and he pointed at his mug. "Is it all right if I keep this?"

"Oh, he collects mugs. That's nice." Hazel smiled.

"Everyone needs a hobby I guess." Frank shrugged.

"We can add it to your bill, and it's all yours," The waitress said.

He smiled widely. "Thank you."

Suddenly, the mug was smashed against the table and his free hand wrapped around the back of Charles' head. The broken mug was then jammed into Charles' exposed throat and pulled out. Charles reached for his torn throat with strangled gasps as he fell to the ground while the woman screamed in horror.

"…That's not nice." Hazel whimpered.

"Oh Us, yes!" Ares cheered, "Nice one!"

Apollo's jaw loosened, "Oh damn."

"Guess he can't heal that one, huh, Sunspot?"

"Dude, not cool!" the sun god glared at his war brother. Even if he picked the wrong side, the kid was still his child. Oh damn…messy.

Athena rubbed her temples, it was going to be one of those days. She could feel it.

He looked at her and his eyes flashed purple. In the split second he did, he slipped the mug into her hand and calmly stepped up and out of the booth.

He put a hand on the woman's shoulder and smiled at her. "Good, because I'd feel bad if you'd miss it."

"Okay," Percy swallowed dryly.

Piper looked a tad green as Jason rubbed her back soothingly.

"Heh, funny line." Ares said with man giggles.

The woman turned to him robotically and stared into his undoubtedly purple eyes. She and the rest of the people in the store went blank faced while Charles bled out on the table. His frantic attempts to stop the blood were ceased when a knife was suddenly shoved through one hand.

"See?! This is the type of demigod we need nowadays!" Ares said sternly.

"Not really." Athena told him.

"I hope not." Annabeth muttered under her breath.

"Consider this a 'no'," Naruto Uzumaki said to the boy. He then pulled the other hand away from the wound and pinned it with another knife. Naruto stepped back and cracked his neck. "You know, I'd feel bad for doing this to one of Apollo's kids...but then I remember that you and your company murdered my little brother and my shits just run the fuck out. Have a nice day, Christopher."

"So it's after the battle, huh?" Nico mused.

Percy winced, that was a bad one.

Dionysus' frown was visible as his eyes were swirling purple pools.

Naruto fixed his brown trench coat and walked out into the sidewalk of New York. Another scream came from the diner and was quickly followed by others. Naruto let a smirk cross his face as he slipped his hands into his pockets.

"Must've used the Mist." Annabeth commented uneasily. Unsure how that application of the Mist felt.

"So...it's begun..." Naruto's smirk grew into a crazed wide grin and his eyes flashed purple. "I think it's time to go back to camp." With that, he raised a hand with a drachma in his grasp. "Ladies! I need a ride!"

"Worst, ride, ever." Percy deadpanned.

"It sounds fun," Leo pointed out.

"It's not." Annabeth assured him with a grimace.

The ride was like a roller coaster, as was the norm, and the conversation was baffling – just how Naruto liked it. The Grey Sisters were riots, in his own opinion, and efficient in their work. Not to mention they were faithfully loyal to the Olympians, always a bonus in his line of work.

"Still wouldn't go near that with a ten foot pole." Hermes blanched.

"I thought you liked their ride?"

Hermes glared at the amused eyes of Athena, "Well I don't. Even by my travel standards they go against the safety regulations in every department." He huffed, he was the god of travel and even he followed certain rules.

However, their tendency to ensure satisfaction in a customer was the cream of the crop.

Which is why he had a bright smile on his face despite the fact that the Chariot of Damnation had tumbled over at least seven times once it got to the base of Half-Blood Hill. Naruto walked out of the car without a scratch and merely fixed his jacket. He turned and gave the women a thumbs up.

"Thanks for the ride, girls! Let's do it again sometime!" The car revved and sped off without another word. Naruto pouted slightly. "I just wanted to drive a little, is that so wrong?"

"He really is D's." Apollo shook his head.

"Never really got a ride from them," Jason stated.

"Dude, no, trust me." Percy told him.

"Kay."

With a sigh, he walked up the hill and stopped next to the small dragon that encircled the tree. "Hello creature I've never met before, how are you?" The dragon tilted its head and Naruto nodded sagely. "Yes, yes, rambunctious monsters like these need to be penned and on display for all the gods to watch, I agree."

"Hey!" the demigods frowned as Dionysus was all smiles. Such a good boy.

Without waiting for the dragon to reply, not that it would, Naruto walked down the hill into Camp with his hands back in his pockets. He ignored the odd looks and stares he received as he walked by and went right for the Big House. He saw a satyr whisper something to a boy with green eyes and dark hair, but paid it no mind.

"Look, there's Percy!" Thalia pointed out.

"Just need to find Waldo," Reyna smirked.

Percy rolled his eyes but still had a smile on his face.

Instead, Naruto focused on the front door of the Big House and suddenly decided to run at it. With a grin on his face, Naruto jumped over the steps and kicked his feet out. He knocked down the door with his dropkick and landed on his feet.

"Wonderful, now I have to get someone to fix that." Dionysus sighed.

"Probably my cabin," Leo frowned, he did not fix doors. That was dumb.

He threw his arms out and a mad smile crossed his face. "Hi Dad! I'm ba-ack!"

"Luuucy~! I'm hooome~!" Apollo said in the voice of the famous sitcom star.

The occupants of the Big House consisted, at the moment, of a centaur with a white coat and a man that wore a tiger striped Hawaiian shirt. The man looked up with a smile, small and hidden by his near-purple beard, but nodded at him.

The centaur paled to the point that his human skin matched his horse coat in color. "By Zeus' beard, no..."

"This just turned ten times more fun," Dionysus beamed.

"Poor Chiron." Annabeth shook her head.

"Chiron!" Naruto vanished and reappeared with his arms wrapped around the centaur's middle. "My friend! I missed you!"

Chiron turned to the amused man with a look of pleading on his face. He mouthed the words 'help me', but the man merely smirked.

"Chiron missed you too, Naruto," the man said.

"Oh, D, you are evil."

"Well duh." Dionysus told Hermes with a grin, sipping his diet coke.

Naruto beamed up at the centaur. "Really!?"

"Like a hangover," Chiron said.

"That's funny cause D's a drunk." Ares snickered stupidly.

"Yes," Athena told him dryly.

Naruto's hug tightened in joy as he let out a small squeal of glee. Chiron was forced to give a small grunt. "Please, Naruto, release me."

"Right, right, the five second rule. Sorry, Chiron, I was just so excited to see my favorite horse-guy again," Naruto stepped away from the centaur sheepishly and looked at his father, Dionysus the god of wine and madness. "Dad!" His arms were held out. "Hug?"

"Come on, D, wobble over there you chunky monkey you."

Dionysus just glared at the grinning Apollo.

"Not at the moment, Naruto," Dionysus said with a small smile. "The rules and all...You'll just have to hug Chiron again."

"Nice one," Piper admitted, it was slick.

"Thank you Pepper Ann."

"Later!" Chiron said quickly before the boy returned his damnable affection on him. Chiron glared at the god, who merely smirked in return, before he looked at the...troubled child before him. "Naruto...why have you returned?"

"To help with the war, duh!"

"Oh...wonderful..." Chiron forced a smile. "So you'll be staying for a while?"

Naruto nodded. "Yeah-huh! And now my cabin isn't empty, isn't that lovely!?"

"I know the feeling," Percy nodded. He missed Tyson.

"Yes...I am sorry about Castor," Chiron said to the boy.

Naruto's smile dimmed into a frown. "I didn't even get to meet him."

"But Pollux is still there," Dionysus said softly. He gained a smile. "I'll introduce you at dinner. We'll have a feast to celebrate your return!"

"Party time~!" Dionysus sang gleefully.

"No." Zeus told him.

"Aww." The wine god pouted.

"Awesome, a feast at camp! I haven't had one of those since...well, since before I was sent to that island! Or was that someone else? Some kid name Lion-o

"Wha?" Leo blinked in confusion.

...Meh, it'll come to me," Naruto said with a dismissive wave. He clapped his hands together. "But one condition, there has to be a never ending bowl of ra-"

"No."

Naruto deflated and pouted at Dionysus. "Aw, c'mon..."

"No." Chiron added sternly.

Naruto crossed his arms and glared at the sky. "Stupid punishment...It's not my fault he and his brothers can't control their libido...or that Grace was a drunk..."

"What?" the Grace children blinked.

"You still didn't try to save her," Chiron said.

"Wha-I-oh come on! She was drunk! If I saved her, I'd have to go around saving every drunk driver out there!" Naruto said.

Zeus grimaced at that while Thalia scowled. Jason just looked uneasy.

He pointed his thumb at Dionysus. "If anyone is to blame, it's daddy dearest over there."

"I'm already being punished by working here," Dionysus said dryly. "He couldn't do anything more but add on twenty years to my then eighty-year sentence. Hence, why you've been punished as well."

Hera glared at her husband, "It was hardly their fault."

"Agreed!" Dionysus nodded.

Zeus ignored them.

Naruto pouted. "So not my favorite grandfather…"

"I'm sure he's all torn up about it," Chiron said dryly.

"He should be!" Naruto said with a huff. "I mean, he knows me! It was a stupid idea to pick me."

"Way to be stupid Zeus."

"Silence Hades!"

"It was Chiron's suggestion," Dionysus said with a smirk. The centaur glared at him and knew this was payback for every game he'd ever lost.

"That's just dirty." Percy frowned, Chiron shouldn't be blamed. It was Thalia's tree all over again with Mr. D getting off scot-free.

"...I guess I could let it slide," Naruto said with a hand on the back of his neck.

"Uh, Chiron? Is everything okay?" The voice had Naruto turn with an exaggerated yell and throw the nearest thing he could grab, i.e. a card from the table Dionysus and Chiron were gathered around. The card flew and left a shallow paper cut in the cheek of the poor dark haired boy that had entered the Big House. "Ow!"

"Hey!" Percy shouted.

"He was just giving you his calling card." Leo snickered.

Percy glared at him, "Not cool." He said.

"Oh, it's just Peter," Dionysus said with a disinterested grunt.

"Like Peter Parker?!" Naruto asked excitedly.

"I wouldn't mind that." Percy said, rubbing his chin. The outfit did have blue in it.

"No." Annabeth told him.

"Well, with the number of girls he attracts…" Thalia trailed off with a grin.

Annabeth just glared at her friend. Percy was hers. Plus, Spiderman was gross.

He turned and smiled at the boy. "Welcome to the Big House Spider-man! I recommend you stay away from Cabin Seven, they got issues with spiders...or was it Cabin Five?

Annabeth grumbled at that.

Hm...Which one has the problems with canoe races, again?"

"Naruto, this is Percy Jackson," Chiron said patiently. "Percy, meet Naruto Uzumaki. Mr. D's son."

"But I thought Pollux was the only demigod Mr. D had..." Percy said. He ignored the mild glare Dionysus gave him and gave the blond a wary once over.

"Foot in mouth?" Thalia smirked.

"Shut up." Percy pouted.

Naruto had a camp shirt on underneath his trench coat and jeans, but tactical body gear was strapped to his knees and thighs. Boots with red straps covered his feet, and tucked into either boot was a bronze knife, the blades sticking out slightly.

"Ah, a knife user. Dangerous." Ares grinned, "I like it."

Annabeth and Piper squirmed a bit, a foreboded feeling in them at what was to come.

"Percy Jackson? Sounds like a name a protagonist from a novel series would have. Then again, I've got the name of a manga hero, so who am I to judge?" Naruto hummed and tapped his chin.

He walked around Percy and then rested his arm on Percy's shoulder and grinned at his father. "I like him! He's dumb-!"

"Hey!" Percy glared at the blond.

"Hey!" Percy glared at the blond.

Everyone snickered at that while Percy crossed his arms.

"Pure hearted and strong! Just what every major hero needs in a sidekick!"

"I'm not your sidekick," Percy said dryly.

"I am no one's sidekick." The son of Poseidon affirmed.

Naruto lightly smacked Percy's cheek. "Shh, quiet Boy Bubbler. Grownups are talking."

"Heh, he said bubbler." Frank snickered.

"Says the one who can turn into a whale."

"Dude," Frank frowned at Leo who was high-fived by Percy.

"Oh, how I've missed your shenanigans, Naruto," Dionysus said wistfully.

Chiron had a dry look on his face. "I haven't."

"That's because he's no fun," Dionysus huffed.

"All work and no play makes Chiron a dull centaur," Naruto said with a raspberry afterwards. He hooked his arm around Percy's neck and pointed his other hand's finger in the air. "Now if you'll excuse us – quickly, Boy Bubbler, to the Ramen-mobile!"

"…No." Leo told Hazel.

"Oh come on, it sounds hilarious!"

"I will not build it, woman!"

"Urk!" Percy choked from the pressure around his neck as Naruto ran out the door with him in tow.

Chiron ran his hand down his face and groaned. "Why do I feel like we've just earned a major advantage against the Crooked One and yet we're all doomed anyway?"

"Because of crazy?" Nico asked.

"Seems legitimate." Reyna nodded.

"Bah, you children know nothing." Dionysus scoffed.

"Melodramatic," Dionysus said with a sip of his diet coke. He smirked at the glare Chiron gave him.

"Let...go!" Percy shoved Naruto's arm from his neck with a scowl and glared at the blond while he rubbed his neck. "I could barely breathe!"

"His gills need air!"

"Nico!"

"Bah, you were fine~!" Naruto waved off the suffocation with a grin. "Now, Princely-"

"Percy." Percy kept his glare on the blond.

Percy rubbed his face, it was like dealing with a Mr. D, just as a teenager. Oh sweet gods!

Naruto shrugged. "Whatever, now who's the one with all the info on great-granddaddy's bases?"

"Annabeth and Cabin Six most likely," Percy said.

"Anna-who?" Naruto blinked.

"She's the head of Cabin Six," Percy said.

"Give me a bit more than that. Details boy!"

"How hot is she?" Leo asked jokingly, getting a glare from Percy and Annabeth, "Kidding, kidding!"

"Blond hair, Grey eyes...Er, smart?"

"…Percy." Annabeth frowned.

"What? I went basic." Percy told her.

"...Wow, and I thought I was bad at descriptions," Naruto said with a laugh while Percy flushed lightly. He slapped Percy hard on the back. "I'm kidding, Boy Bubbler, I know who Alexandra is!"

"Annabeth…" the blonde pouted.

"Annabeth." Percy sternly corrected as he righted himself. He was trapped once more, thankfully, the grip much looser, and dragged towards Cabin Six.

"Come Ragdoll Boy!" Leo declared, getting a dull look from Percy.

"I like it," Ares grinned.

Naruto climbed the steps and raised his hand to knock on the door. Percy suddenly grunted as his forehead was knocked against it several times and then Naruto's ear pressed to his head.

"Must be checking if it swam away." Thalia teased.

"I'm sure yours is floating in the clouds." Percy shot back.

"Huh, what do you know!? It's not hollow in there!" He grinned and let Percy escape his grip just as the door opened.

"Percy, you alright, you look like...N-N-Naruto!?" Annabeth's tanned skin suddenly paled as Naruto's smile widened.

"Oh gods I know him," the blond daughter of wisdom gulped.

"Aragon!" he said joyfully with arms extended. "It's been so long! Decades, even!"

Percy looked at Annabeth with furrowed brows while she swallowed and tried to overcome whatever had happened to her. "Y-y-yeah...um, c-come in, Naruto. Malcolm's over by the table, he wants to say hi."

"Marshal!?" Naruto brushed past her and ran into the cabin. "Marshal!"

"N-Naruto!? No, wait don't jump! Don't jump!"

"Sacrifices had to be made." Annabeth said in an eerily calm tone.

"That's scary." Piper told her bluntly.

Annabeth didn't take offense.

There was a crash and Annabeth grabbed Percy's wrist before she pulled him away from Cabin Six. Once they got a good distance away, and secluded from immediate sight out of the front door of her cabin, Annabeth glared daggers at Percy.

"You done goofed dude." Leo whistled.

"You took him to my cabin!?" she hissed.

"Not like I had a choice!" Percy returned with a scowl and rubbed his neck. "Who is he anyway? I know he's Mr. D's son, but I thought Pollux and Castor were..."

"The only ones?" Annabeth asked. Percy nodded and she sighed. "Normally, demigods stick together, but Naruto's...Naruto's different."

"No duh."

"Hey," Dionysus glared at Percy, that was his thing!

"Shut it, seaweed brain," Annabeth frowned at him. "He's dangerous. Not intentionally, but he has...mental problems. Nobody knows why, but we're pretty sure it's because his father is the god of madness."

"Oh yes, it's always my fault." Dionysus scoffed, "So not fair. You demigods never take responsibility for your own actions."

"So he's crazy?"

"Crazy and insane, while similar, aren't the same. By all rights, Naruto's actually really smart. Scary smart. He's just too far gone to put it to any good use in the mortal world..." Annabeth said.

"We have to keep him in a pen." Ares grinned as Dionysus shot him a dirty glare.

"So, what's he do for demigods?" Percy asked.

Annabeth swallowed. "Some demigods don't turn out like heroes, Percy. Some take advantage of their abilities.

The gods grimaced at that while averting their eyes as their children gave them some looks.

A lot of Ares' kids and even a couple of Athena's end up as criminals. Hermes' are expected to, but they stick with break in and house thievery usually. Anyway...they go bad. Like really, really bad."

Athena looked ruffled at that.

"So stereotyping." Hermes frowned.

"Meh," Ares just shrugged.

"How bad?"

"Jack the Ripper was a son of Athena."

"…Way to go Athena."

"Shut up Ares." The wisdom goddess sneered.

Annabeth looked uncomfortable with that thrown in her face.

"Now you know how we feel." Nico and Hazel said blandly.

Percy, for all of his lack of knowledge on certain things, knew that name and what it meant. He shivered. "Okay...And what's that got to do with Naruto?"

"A few demigods who could end up potentially like that are chosen to take out the ones that do," Annabeth said. "Naruto is one of them."

"He who hunts the monsters must be a monster himself." Apollo said poetically.

"Twistedly dark," Jason frowned.

"Remember Bryce?" Reyna told him.

The son of Jupiter shivered, "Good point."

"Who?" Nico asked.

"Someone you don't want to know."

Percy's eyes went wide. "He kills demigods?"

"Only the ones that the gods send him after," Annabeth said. She wrapped her arms around her legs. "He's...not a traditional hero, but he's still a hero.

"The anti-hero." Apollo stated.

Even if I don't fully agree with it, it's better than the alternative."

"Alternative?"

Annabeth gave Percy a look. "Naruto joins Kronos?"

"…And I just shivered, violently." Hazel shuddered.

"...Yeah, that's bad." Percy didn't know what Naruto was capable of, but so far he's shown to be very unpredictable and even Grover warned him to watch out. "Anything else you know about him?"

"Don't make him mad," Annabeth said. Percy arched a brow and she glared at him. "I mean it, Percy. And definitely don't disrespect Mr. D while he's here. He'll cut your tongue off."

"I like him even more." Ares smiled.

"That's extreme alright." Thalia frowned.

"Hard to believe there are demigods like that," Percy admitted, he was glad he didn't run into one like that. Luke at least redeemed himself in the end.

"Wh-what?!" Percy's eyes went wide.

"He did it before," Annabeth said quietly. She closed her eyes and shuddered. "It...it was Chiron's last straw. He had to petition the gods to keep the demigods like Naruto out of camp for our sake.

"Wise move." Athena nodded.

"Can't have anyone killing more prostitutes after all."

Athena just glared at her war sibling.

But with the war..."

"It's probably better that we're here." The two looked up and yelped in shock when Naruto dangled down next to them. He hung down by his feet on a branch and looked between the two with an uncharacteristic frown on his face. "Gossiping behind my back? Not very nice, Angela."

"…Someone's in trouble." Piper muttered.

Annabeth gulped a bit.

"Sorry Naruto...Um, what brought you back to camp?" Annabeth asked shakily.

Naruto shrugged and dropped to sit next to them. "Some little turdbucket son of Apollo tried to get me to join great-granddaddy."

"Hehe, turdbucket." Ares snickered.

Apollo grunted at that, looking upset.

"What happened to him?" Percy asked.

Naruto's smile returned as he looked at Percy. "Ripped out his throat with a broken mug."

Percy paled and looked at Annabeth, who wouldn't meet his eyes and looked away from Naruto with discomfort written on her face. He made a mental note not to make him mad like Annabeth said. And to be extra respectful to Mr. D.

"You should already be doing that." Mr. D told Percy.

Naruto looked between them and arched a brow. "Wait a second...I know what's going on here..."

They looked at him to see a crazed grin on his face. He held up an index finger and curled the other hand's finger and thumb into a circle. The index finger entered the circle. "A son of Athena and a daughter of Poseidon!?"

"Oh please like I would want him as a son," Athena looked sick.

"Well, I wouldn't mind." Poseidon smirked.

They flushed red, even if he got the parents wrong, what he insinuated was way out of line.

"No it isn't!" Aphrodite tittered.

The couple smiled at one another.

The two teens began to splutter and fumble over their words.

"I wonder what Samus would think if she learned about this?" Naruto asked with a grin.

Percy, still bright red, looked at Annabeth questionably. Her face turned a darker shade of red.

"You can't tell Silena!" She shouted.

"Yes, tell!" the love goddess said eagerly.

Piper quirked a lip at that.

Naruto's grin only widened. "What do I get if I don't?"

"...Ramen?"

Naruto became deadly serious and he picked Annabeth off the ground, his hands on her shirt and pinned her against a tree.

"That's rather suggestive." Aphrodite hummed.

Percy fumed as Annabeth flushed a little.

"You're going to bribe me with the one thing Zeus decreed I can't have? You'd go against the word of the gods?"

The gods looked at Annabeth, who was squirming at their looks.

Annabeth's eyes went wide and Percy scrambled to his feet, his hand in his pocket.

"Don't be a hero Percy~!" Leo cried, "You have so much to live for!"

Annabeth shook her head at him and he clenched his fist.

"Y-Yes?" Annabeth swallowed in fear.

"Oh really?" Zeus frowned.

"She's playing it smart." Athena huffed.

Poseidon rolled his eyes, "Of course you would say that."

Naruto stared at her for another second before he pulled her into a tight hug. "You're my favorite genius, Alison Candy!" He released her and tapped his chin in thought. "Hm, you know, I never figured Athena to allow her daughter to be named after a stripper..."

"What?!" Annabeth and Athena snapped.

Percy bit the inside of his cheek, so not to laugh. Their friends had no such restraints and laughed.

He walked away, caught up in his own delusion. Percy helped Annabeth get to her feet and felt her tremble.

"Kronos wanted him on his side," Annabeth said softly. She looked at Percy with genuine fear in her eyes. "What if he had said yes?"

"...Bad day?"

"Really bad day."

"You so stole that from Jackie Chan," Apollo glared at Percy, who just shrugged. It was a good show.

The feast was just as extravagant as promised. Naruto grinned at the food set before him and rubbed his hands together eagerly. "Over the teeth, past the gums, look out future bowl movement, I'm going to eat you..."

Pollux eyed the blond seated across from him strangely. "Um...So, how old are you, Naruto?"

"Huh?" Naruto looked up with food in his mouth, a chicken leg in one hand and a spoon filled with corn in the other. He swallowed the food and scratched his head with the leg.

"He has Dionysus manners." Aphrodite grimaced.

"Well you aren't that classy either." The wine god sneered.

"Hmm...Twenty I think, when was October?"

"A few months ago," Pollux said softly. Close to when his twin died.

"Yeah, then definitely twenty," Naruto said with a nod. He took a bite of his chicken. "So...how's life at camp for you been generally?"

"Pretty good," Pollux said. He poked at his food with a fork. "Meeting Mr. D-"

"Dad." Naruto corrected around a bite of food.

"Er, right, dad," Pollux said. "It was nice to meet him. He was always up to help us-er, I mean me."

"The one upside to the camp." Dionysus mused, a somber look on his face as he fiddled with his diet coke can.

Naruto finished off his chicken and let the bone drop to his plate. He dusted his hands off and then looked at Pollux. "What was he like? Castor?"

"Castor?" Pollux smiled lightly. "He always wanted to mingle, party...he was a nice guy to the end. Died because he tried to talk two other demigods down..."

"Should've just made them crazy." Ares said.

Dionysus sighed, "I agree."

Naruto frowned. He set down his utensils and gave a serious look to his brother. "Listen, Pol, I've put down a lot of demigods. I mean, a lot of demigods. You'd be surprised how many actually go bad around age fifteen. There was this one, son of Aphrodite, a real piece of scum. Had that charm talk thingy, used it to rape underage girls with consent."

Piper turned ash white at that while Artemis and Thalia glowered.

"Wonderful children Aphrodite." The huntress snarled.

Aphrodite looked the other way, "Well, they all don't turn out to be great. Hahaha…" she laughed awkwardly.

"Mom, that's sick." Piper looked green.

"That's disgusting!" Pollux said with a scowl. Heads turned and he shrunk down from the attention.

"Yeah, I know," Naruto said. He picked up a biscuit and examined it. "I took care of him slowly, painfully...then dealt with his father, a handsome rich guy that was covering it all up with lawyers and money. Not really the Lady of Doves' best choice in a lay.

"Oops?" the love goddess said.

"Yeah, oops." Artemis sneered.

I digress...this war is going to be ugly, just like that demigod."

Pollux looked disturbed, but Naruto didn't stop. "Castor had the right thing in mind and in his heart, but that's not going to win this war. When it comes down to it, we're going to have to deal with a lot of old friends and demigods. You have to prepare yourself."

"Steel your heart and raise your blade for blood is need for the new dawn."

"…Holy hell, that was actually poetic Ares." Apollo gaped.

"I try." The war god looked smug.

"Well said Naruto," Dionysus said from where he sat silently next to Pollux. The boy jumped, having forgotten that his father had taken the seat. Dionysus turned to Pollux with a grim smile. "Unfortunately, Naruto brings up a good point. Castor had the right mindset for a hero, foolish though it were. His name will not be tarnished nor forgotten by anyone in this camp as long as I have a say in it. You, Pollux, have a chance to learn from his mistake, to see an enemy when they present themselves to you."

"Wish words from a former demigod." Athena smirked.

Dionysus gagged at the reminder.

Pollux had a small frown of understanding on his face and nodded.

"...So, met the Maenads," Naruto said after a beat of silence passed.

"Sucks for him." Leo shuddered.

"They might actually like him." Piper pointed out.

"…Damn. They would." The pyro said.

Dionysus and Pollux turn to Naruto with intrigue while he picks at an ear of corn. "Yeah...Babette is hot, but crazy. She keeps flirting with me, trying to become the Harley to my Joker.

"I could see that," Piper shuddered.

I don't mind, but, I'm no one's tool...er, except for the big guy's...even if he is a dirty no good ramen forbidder!"

The sky boomed and Naruto just stuck his tongue out. "Wasn't my fault!"

"Naruto, don't bother," Dionysus said with a chuckle. He examined his can of diet coke intimately with a forlorn sigh. "I've been saying that for decades, the nymph seduced me purposefully. Called out to me..."

"Lies!" Apollo declared.

"Hmph! She did! And that's my story."

"Just like Clinton didn't sleep with that woman." Aphrodite tittered.

"Oh, he did alright." Hera scowled.

"Well, I know that," Naruto rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "I've heard the story like, seventy times already, Dad."

"I'm sure you have," Dionysus said with a small smile. He turned to Pollux. "Have I told you how I met your mother?"

"Mom had said you met her at a bar," Pollux said.

Zeus glared at Dionysus.

"I didn't drink anything!" the god informed. He did look though. Bar tricks were wonderful things.

Dionysus huffed. "A bar! We were at Oktoberfest! The biggest night of drinking, one of the few things I adore about Germany."

"Amen." The younger gods nodded.

"I can think of a lot of things I like about Germany," Naruto said with a grin. He looked at his mug and at the coffee in it. "Barmaids, sauerkraut, lagers..."

"I thought you were twenty?" Pollux asked.

Naruto blinked. "Twenty? I said I was forty-two."

Dionysus laughed while Pollux stammered in bafflement.

"He is clearly having an identification crisis." Apollo rubbed his chin.

"Because he can't remember his age?"

"Yes!" the sun god nodded to Frank's question.

"You want him to what?!" The war council yelled in collective shock at the god of wine. The only one who hadn't yelled was too busy staring in horror at the folder set before him with wide green eyes.

"That's me, isn't it?" Percy asked.

"Oh yeah." The demigods nodded.

"Damn."

Dionysus rolled his eyes at their dramatics, while beside him Naruto played with a paper airplane he made from a napkin. A few of those gathered wondered how the blond managed to keep the plane from falling apart due to the flimsy material it was made from. Chiron frowned in slight disapproval, but his posture screamed reluctant acceptance.

"You heard me," Dionysus said. "Peter Johnson will be Naruto's escort to and from the supply warehouse Artemis' Hunters have found in Stone Harbor, New Jersey."

"Thanks Thalia." Percy glared.

"No prob." The hunter shrugged.

"We're going to the Jersey Shore?! I love that show! I wonder if I can punch Snooki in the face?"

"I would," Thalia scowled at the mention of the Pickle Princess.

"He reminds me of Deadpool." Hades noted idly.

Naruto said before he returned to playing with his toy.

"B-But why me?" Percy asked.

"Clearly because you are to be his Cable." Leo noted informatively.

"Joy." Percy hung his head. He could feel the headache himself.

Chiron cleared his throat. "Well, we would have Naruto go alone, but some-"

"I convinced Poseidon that you needed to open your eyes a little," Dionysus said.

Percy pouted at his father.

"Sorry." Poseidon said sheepishly.

He idly played with the tab on his coke can. "Besides...Naruto makes the Pegasi nervous."

"Well, it'd be all fine and dandy if there was a pony named Rainbow Dash! She's the only one that gets me, I swear..." Naruto crushed his plane and dabbed at his eyes. He then blew into the napkin and tossed it over his shoulder. "Wait, what were we talking about again? I zoned out."

"The mission, Naruto, the mission." Dionysus chided.

Naruto nodded. "Right, right. Find the warehouse, deal with everyone in it and then blow it up." The crazed blond gave two thumbs up. "You can count on me, Dad!" He chuckled and then spoke lowly. "I'll wipe them all out."

"Isn't he just adorable?" Ares smiled.

"He really is." Dionysus nodded fondly as everyone just gave them weird looks.

The other demigods looked a bit green in the face at the casual comment of killing, well, save for Clarisse.

"Good girl." Ares smiled proudly.

She just looked a bit unnerved, for as much as she likes to fight, killing is a different thing entirely.

Ares frowned.

Percy shuddered at the last sentence.

Blackjack was never going to forgive him for this.

"He wasn't."

Boss, I am never going to forgive you for this!

"Called it." Percy sighed.

"Just bear with it, Jack," Percy said softly to his steed.

Naruto suddenly snickered. "Hey, if he's blackjack, how does he do in poker?"

"Ugh, that was both funny and horrible." Leo winced, as if physically struck.

Blackjack whinnied angrily. That tears it! I'm gonna buck him off!

"Jack! We're almost there. We let him get off and do his thing, then he gets a ride back after I...destroy the warehouse." Percy finished weakly. He was glad that there wasn't going to be anyone alive when he summoned the tide. Percy shuddered at the thought, not something he wanted to think about.

"You know, this flight is boring, what we need is an in-flight movie. Ooh, I know! I'll recite all of the Lion King!" Naruto said. He cleared his throat and threw his arm out. "NAAAAAAAAAA!"

Apollo went to follow Naruto's tune, but Artemis glare stopped him. Mean little sister.

"No! No, Naruto, that's...that's fine," Percy said pleadingly.

Naruto deflated. "Aww...party pooper. Well, I was going to save you a demigod for your first time,

"I remember popping my kill cherry." Ares said fondly, "It was glorious, and messy!"

"I'm sure it was." Hera said weakly. Ugh, where did she go wrong?

but now it's just not going to happen!" He gave Percy a raspberry and huffed.

Percy turned to look at the blond with exasperation. "Seriously, where did you come from?"

"Simply biology Percy!" Apollo informed, "You see, when a god and a mortal get all hot and bothered-ow ow ow ow!" the sun god winced when Hestia started to pull his ear.

"Silence, now."

"Yes Aunt Hestia!"

"Origin story time! Ye-eah!" Naruto grabbed the screen and pulled it so that a smaller and animated version of himself and a redheaded woman were in a hospital room. "Ever since I can remember, I've been a fighter. But when I was a baby..." The screen flipped like a comic book panels to show stereotypical ninjas burst in the room and baby Naruto whipped out two katana from his diaper.

"Now Herc the Jerk has nothing on that. Forget strangling snakes!" Ares grinned.

Naruto teared up slightly and covered his eyes with his arms. "Ninjas stole my momma!

"Damn you ninjas!" Leo waved his fist in the air.

"Always the ninjas." Percy shook his head.

You know, you were there. Lazy butthole."

"...How am I in your origin story, when we just met?" Percy asked dryly.

"That does beg the question." Annabeth nodded.

"Don't question greatness!"

"More like lunacy." Piper stated dryly.

"Yep." Jason nodded.

How about sanity, can I question that? Blackjack asked disdainfully.

"Jack, knock it off," Percy said to the Pegasus. He looked back at Naruto. "So, what happened next?"

The blond shrugged. "Don't remember much, but it was like some secret underground training from my sensei. He then dumped me in a vat that had a large white X on it. And that's how I lost my hamster, Willie."

"I think it was better off," Hazel said honestly.

"Big time." Frank agreed.

"...This is going to be a long flight, isn't it?"

We could dump him...

"Jack..."

I'm just saying!

Naruto laughed and smiled at Percy. "You're a good listener, I like you! Word of advice, ditch the italics when you're talking to the Pegasus. Hurts my dyslexia."

"…Did he just break the forth wall?" Nico asked cautiously.

"Huh, he really is like Deadpool." Hades smiled, his favorite hero, er, anti-hHero.

Percy decided to ignore Naruto's comment for his own sanity.

"Thar she blows!" Naruto exclaimed from where he was perched on a crane with a cardboard paper towel tube held to his eye.

"...That's a warehouse," Percy said from where he and Blackjack stood.

"Who's talking about the warehouse? I'm talking about the nine walking down the street in those heels!" Naruto grinned and held his other hand out, his finger snapped to attention. "Boing."

"Meh, more of an eight." Apollo said.

"Nice heels though." Aphrodite mused.

"How can you think about that when you're going to...to kill people?" Percy asked in disbelief.

Naruto just grinned at him. "I'm a healthy teenage boy at the ripe age of fourteen!"

With a frustrated groan, Percy rubbed his face. "Why? Why am I on this mission with you!? Why not Pollux?"

"Pollux isn't so good with the unaliving of people," Naruto said nonchalantly as he scanned the warehouse with his 'telescope'.

"...Unaliving?" Percy asked in mild surprise.

"Ooh, new word of the day." Ares smiled.

"Yeah, yeah... See, funny thing: I can't really say the k-word out loud, it's a weird mental tick," Naruto said with a gesture to his head which was followed by an insane laugh.

"I bet that's not the only one." Nico snorted as he continued.

"But we're going to destroy them, make them disappear, sleep them with the fishes...we'll k-word them."

"I want to k-word Jackson." Ares sighed blissfully.

"Knock-up?"

Percy turned green around the gills and lost his lunch as Ares glared at Athena who high-fived Hermes and Apollo, who were giggling like idiots.

Percy looked a little green as Naruto cackled softly to himself. "...Why was I chosen to help you?"

"Because you're the protagonist that everyone loves.

That god a few nods from everyone around, except from a few.

Especially Uncle Rick," Naruto said as though it were obvious.

Percy blinked. "Who?"

"What?" Naruto didn't look up as he swung the bag from his shoulders to sit in front of him.

"Who's Uncle Rick?"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "The one that invented you. I was merely borrowed by some loser who had an idea and they made me the son of Dionysus."

"I am so lost right now." Percy blinked in confusion.

"I'm there with you." Annabeth nodded, a puzzled look on her face.

"...I...Wha...My brain hurts..." Percy rubbed his head with another groan.

"Good. Here, hold this." Naruto tossed a red stick to Percy. Percy caught the stick and fumbled with it for a moment before he gasped.

"Is this dynamite?"

"Yep."

"How did you get dynamite?!"

"Cabin Nine?" Jason suggested.

"Meh, we could whip some up." Leo shrugged.

"I think the better question is how did they get AK-47s?" Naruto pointed down at several teens that ran out with said rifles in hand.

"That's so cheap!" Percy glared.

"War is war, Jackson!" Ares cackled.

He nodded to Percy and took the dynamite back. "You might want to fall back." He looked back at the group with a mad grin on his face and his eyes flashed purple. "It's going to get messy."

"Get your raincoats and goggles people." Percy suggested.

Percy nodded and mounted Blackjack, who quickly took off into the sky.

Naruto pulled two grenades out of his backpack and pulled out the pins with a grin on his face. He whistled sharply and tossed the explosives at the teens. "Beware the pineapples of doom!"

"Mm, I could go for a pineapple pizza." Leo rubbed his stomach.

"Same." Piper smiled at her favorite pizza.

The four looked up and dove away from the explosives. The grenades bounced once after impact before the flaks exploded and shrapnel flew into them. Naruto pulled his knives out of his boots and dove for the ground.

"Slicey-slice time!" he cried out with a cackle.

"That's a nice war cry." Ares rubbed his chin in thought.

He landed in a roll and stabbed two of the gunmen in their legs. While they screamed, he pulled his knives out and flipped them around in his hands to jam either blade in the sides of his opponents' heads. Then, he finished it with a jerk of his arms, which promptly snapped their necks.

"That was sickeningly fluid movement." Annabeth confessed.

"He only knows how to kill." Jason said, he could see it in Naruto's eyes. Scary.

Naruto pulled his knives out and cackled maniacally. "Two down! Only a warehouse left to go!"

"Oh, fuck, it's Uzumaki!" One of the gunmen shouted.

Naruto pouted. "Aw man, my secret identity got out! Who told!?"

"Spoilers?" Leo suggested.

"Kill him!" They aimed and fired their guns at him, which alerted the others nearby. A siren started to go off.

"Oh, this my jam!" Naruto ran forward with his head low and dove into a breakdance windmill that knocked the guns out of the teens' hands.

"Now he's got some moves." Apollo whistled.

He spun out of the windmill and flipped over their heads. "Now you see me!" His knives burst through the back of their heads with a wet rip, and they convulsed for a minute before they died. Naruto sniggered as he pulled the blades out and let the bodies drop. "Now you don't! Ta-da..."

"Like magic…twisted demented magic." Hazel frowned. Sure, she was a daughter of Pluto, but this was messy.

"He's over there!"

"And that's my cue!" Naruto grinned and brought his knives up. "After all, who am I to say no to a little murder?" He settled back into a stance as other gun-toting demigods ran at him. "Strike a pose!"

Ares casually crossed his legs, bouncing in his throne a little.

"What's wrong?" Athena asked him.

"Uh, nothing…"

"…Oh you sick twisted-!"

"Stop judging me!"

Blackjack landed on a distant warehouse and shifted uncomfortably. I...will never unsee any of that...

"I...I think I'm gonna be sick..." Percy groaned as he slipped from his steed's back. He dropped to his knees and emptied his stomach contents.

"Wimp." Ares scoffed as Poseidon and Percy glared at him.

He'd never seen someone's arm get ripped off and used as a spear to shove through someone's...another bout of vomiting ensued.

The demigods looked green at that, even Nico looked paler than normal.

Thanks for not puking on me, Boss.

Percy groaned. "You're welcome..."

...Does he have to get a ride back? Blackjack whinnied.

"Yes, Blackjack..." Percy said sadly. "Otherwise, who knows what he'll do?"

Blackjack shook his head. I don't want to think about it! He's the son of Dionysus? What the hell is wrong with that guy?

"Mr. D is actually a lot more tame than Naruto," Percy said with a grimace.

"He reminds me when I was but a lad." Dionysus sighed.

"That's scary." Percy noted with a frown.

"Indeed it is, peter."

He remembered what happened to those mercenaries back in California on the Quest for Artemis. Percy's eyes widened and he forced a third round down into his stomach. Mr. D could've made any of them turn on each other at a moment's notice like Naruto did when he had two of the enemy demigods use their rifles to...Percy shook his head in an attempt to banish the image.

Dionysus gave a crooked grin and looked at Hera, "And I learned it all from you, thank you, Hera."

Hera frowned at him.

How long do you think it'll take? Blackjack asked as his wings fluttered nervously.

"Don't run! Don't run! I just want to be your friend!"

"Free hugs?" Leo asked.

"Not funny," Piper shivered.

"I beg to differ."

Percy grimaced when he heard Naruto's laugh in the distance. "Hopefully, not too long."

"Bang! Bang! Bang!" Naruto gunned down another group with a rifle he picked up. He pulled the trigger and frowned. "Uh-oh...no more buwwets..."

"Heh, Elmer Fudd." Thalia smiled, she missed those cartoons.

"Die!"

Naruto slipped the rifle's barrel into his hands and used the weapon like a bat to crack it against the face of the demigod that ran at him. The demigod fell to the ground with a cry of pain. Naruto cracked his neck and then brought the rifle back up. He slammed it down onto her face and then took it up again. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down!

"Now that's how you make wine." Dionysus said, sipping his diet coke.

"Morbid much?" Hermes asked.

"Nonsense! It's a perfectly acceptable analogy."

"Splat goes the weasel!" Naruto cackled to himself as he tossed the broken and gore covered gun to the side. He grabbed the bronze sword that lay next to the deceased demigoddess and tested it in his hand. "What a lovely sword, well balanced, a good length and..."

"Got yo-urk!" The blade that once rested in his hand was now pierced through the chest of another demigod that tried to get the drop on him. Naruto's purple eyes glinted in sadistic glee.

"Look at that piercing capability," Naruto said with a grin.

"Buy now, only twenty drachma." Ares advertised, "Ares approved!"

"So knock off nineteen drachma?" Athena asked.

"Screw you, Owl Pellets."

He stretched out his arms and yawned. "Man, are they all dead yet? Hello?! Anyone not dead? Gonna come avenge your friends? Yes? ...No...?"

"...M-monster..."

"Hey, look at that, a volunteer!" Naruto giddily ran over to a demigod that tried to crawl away from him. Naruto kicked the demigod onto his back and slammed his foot down on the bloody bullet hole in his left shoulder, the demigod cried out in pain. "Hello, friend!"

"Welcome neighbor." Hermes said in a creepy Mr. Rogers voice.

The demigod glared at him with hate-filled dark eyes. "You're no friend of mi-ine!"

Naruto twisted his foot on the demigod's wound and tisked. "That's not very nice...I want to be your friend and I want you to be mine...so tell me. Who else is left?"

"All...dead..." The boy grunted out.

Naruto pouted. "Aw, fun's over. Guess I have to make this warehouse disappear then...along with all evidence of your existence!"

"…Dark." Leo admitted, this was not a fun read. It was scary.

He glared at Naruto. "Y-You're sick!"

Naruto stared blankly at the boy before he laughed. A long, amused laugh that made him slap his knee. When he finally calmed down, Naruto smiled eerily at the boy. "Flattery won't save you."

"I'm pretty sure that was an insult." Reyna knitted her brow.

"Probably a compliment to him." Thalia told her.

"Ah, true."

Before the boy could ask what he meant, Naruto jammed his knife into the boy's throat with a smirk on his face.

"But I won't forget you...Drake Wood, son of Demeter." Naruto pulled his knife out and used Drake's shirt to clean it off.

Demeter frowned at this.

He stood up and sheathed his knives. "Wiped out an enemy warehouse and managed to eliminate one of the most wanted eco-terrorists in the world."

"So called it."

"Silence Hades." Demeter glared.

"Make me," Hades mocked.

"Enough, please." Hestia said, rubbing her forehead. Uh, this whole story was gruesome to hear.

A grin split Naruto's face as he dropped his bag on Drake's body and rummaged through it. "Today is a good day to be me!"

"Loot that body!"

"Ares!" Demeter glared, the corn in her hair threatening to pop.

Naruto walked out of the warehouse after he dragged or carried the remains of all the dead demigods back into it. Twenty, all well above fifteen and some in their early twenties, fell at his hand today. Naruto didn't care, he was doing a service for the gods and it kept him entertained. A win-win in his books.

"A vicious cycle." Athena frowned, the boy would snap (well, snap worse) sooner or later. But that was just her opinion.

"And for my final trick, I'm going to make this warehouse disappear!" Naruto said. He looked at the head of a scarred boy in his hand and moved the jaw.

"'But Naruto, how are you going to do it? Magic?'"

"Alas, poor Yorick, I knew thee well." Nico said whimsically.

"No, stupid boy! With fireworks!" Naruto grinned and tossed the head onto the pile of corpses. "There you go! Front row seat!"

"Isn't he kind?" Dionysus smiled.

"No." was the collective answer, besides Ares, who nodded in agreement.

Naruto dusted his hands off and then closed the warehouse doors. He stepped back and looked around. "Dude...where's my car? ...Oh, right I came here on Twilight Sparkle..."

"Oh he did not just say that." Percy bit his fist, trying not to laugh. Blackjack'll kill him.

Did he just call me Twilight Sparkle!? Blackjack neighed in offense as he flew in with Percy on his back.

"Only a bit longer, Jack," Percy said, a haunted look in his eyes. He couldn't block out the screams or the laughter. It echoed in his head and he was grateful that he didn't have to see anymore of Naruto's 'fun'.

"For now." Dionysus said forebodingly.

"Not cool." Percy shivered.

He looked at the satisfied blond and swallowed. "We done?"

"Almost~!" Naruto grinned and pulled out a marker with a red cap. He popped the cap off and revealed a button underneath. "We're going to need some distance Patrick."

"O-Okay," Percy said with a gulp. Naruto climbed onto the reluctant Blackjack and giggled as they took to the sky. Once they had gotten a good distance away, Naruto held the trigger out.

"Time to go boom...Bring the noise!" His thumb slammed on the button and nothing happened. Naruto waited for a minute and then started to fiddle with his control. "Dammit, stupid crappy Korean shit...should've gone Ameri-!"

"In America!" Ares declared sternly, looking off in the distance.

"Shouldn't have left him in the mountains." Hera rubbed her eyes.

A loud explosion cut him off and took out half of the docks along with the warehouse.

"Collateral damage much?" Leo asked.

"Restraint seems to not exist for him," Reyna said weakly.

Naruto laughed as Blackjack struggled to not roll from the force of the blast. His arms were thrown up into the air. "Whee! Wow, who'd have thought a lot of C4 could go a long way?"

Percy just shivered as he clung to Blackjack's reigns. "Alright...I just gotta clean up with a wave..."

"Eh, might as well forget that. That was to cover up the destruction of one building collapse, but with all that damage-heads up!"

Percy felt something land with a squish in his lap and, against his better judgment, looked down at it. He screamed and quickly tossed the half-charred head up into the air.

"Oh that's just gross!" Percy blanched.

Naruto snatched it with a gleeful laugh.

"Awesome! Now I can get paid for the bounty on Wood's head!" Naruto cackled. "The FBI owe me big bucks!"

Demeter hang her head at that as Hades snickered at her.

Percy trembled and lightly tugged on Blackjack's reigns. "Take-take us back to camp, Jack."

You got it boss...

Naruto threw his arm over Percy's shoulder and grinned at the boy. "Well kid, I think I can safely say this is the start of a beautiful friendship."

"No." Percy went wide eyed.

Percy began to hyperventilate.

"…I'm with Percy, that was messed up." Leo said.

"Is it over?" Piper asked.

"Yeah," Jason told her.

"Good."

"Never again." Annabeth stated, "Never again."

"I loved it." Dionysus smiled, everyone besides Ares looking at him as if he was insane.

Oh gods...the fun I had with this. I had this done before I did the change of the cast after the events of BOO, so don't whine and suck it up. Yes, I have the next two chapters already done too, so don't ask me. And yes, they will be released on a Friday. Gives you guys something while I do my daughter of Hades fic and my Andi reboot, which is going swimmingly by the way XD

So yeah, enjoy this guys as I love dark fics at times.