"The Surprising Effects of Super Serum"

Steve had barely sat down and booted his computer when he was interrupted by someone.

"Hi, Agent Coulson," he said without turning his head.

"It was the aftershave, right?"

"It's my favourite." He smirked to himself. "That's why I gave it to you."

"That's not all you gave to me."

He was getting hard already, and moaned softly when Phil began to massage his shoulders.

"You're too tense," Phil said.

"Tony told me I had to join this stupid superhero chat room," he said. "Connecting us all over the world or something. It's a trial run, before he turns it into an app so we can all 'stay connected'." He made the quotation marks in mid-air, and Phil chuckled. "So I guess I've gotta log on."

"Need help?"

"Got the username memorised."

"You've got everything memorised," Phil said, hand on the arm of the computer chair as he leaned over to watch Steve opening up the new program on his desktop. His gaze slid around to meet Phil's.

"I've got you memorised," he murmured. Phil couldn't help kissing Steve after that, interrupted by a pinging sound coming from the speakers. He sighed, smiling regretfully as he pulled back.

"You've got a new email," he said. Steve checked it, and found the password Tony had set up for him: 'RogersUnsuspectingAgents'.

"What the hell?"

"Shouldn't there be a number or symbol?"

Steve knew he was blushing desperately. "You're missing the point, Phil!"

"Not according to the password."

"Oh God." Steve deleted the email thoroughly and then signed into the chat room. The first thing he typed was You're a dead man, Stark.

Tony was already on, because he replied with, We all know Agent wishes it was true.

Why wasn't he invited to join the chat? Steve asked.

Superheroes, Cap, not super-AGENTS.

"Y'know," Phil said, draping himself over Steve from behind the chair and starting to unbuckle his belt. "Stark does have good ideas sometimes."

"Wha… Phil, not now!"

"You're saying you don't wanna screw me over your computer desk?"

"No, of course I do, but… ah, hell."

Phil's eyebrows were up. "I was just riling you, but really?"

"Look, other people are joining the chat now," Steve said, multi-tasking as he typed greetings to some of the others while talking to Phil, who was slowly removing Steve's belt.

"If you don't want my ass right now," Phil said, eyes gleaming with rarely-seen mischief, "what about my mouth?"

Steve swallowed thickly as his secret lover sank to his knees between Steve's legs.

"I-if you want," he said, nearly breaking the mouse in his right hand. "Should I tell the others you say 'hi'?"

"Better not. They'll want to know where I am."

"And we're not telling people we're together why?"

"I want to see how long it takes them to figure it out. We live with geniuses and spies."

Steve snorted, although he hissed as Phil released him. There was a moment of cool air, and then the agent's mouth was around him. His eyes rolled back in his head, and it took another ping from the computer to shake him out of it.

"Damn it," he hissed.

What's up, Rogers? Johnny Storm asked. At least JTheHottestS was presumably the Human Torch.

Not much, Steve replied. Only his cock, he thought. Phil hummed around it, almost as if he could tell what Steve was thinking.

He's probably contemplating truth, justice, and the American way, Tony said.

Leave him alone, Natasha said. At least she just had her name as her username. Tony was clearly too scared of her to give her a ridiculous name, and chances were that Storm had worked out how to change his. Steve was currently stuck with StarsAndStripes as his username. Not as bad as the password, and he was being prompted to change it for security reasons. He did so, his social security number in reverse. There was no reason for someone to break into a superhero chat room. No one should even know about it outside of their community.

Thank you, Natasha, he wrote. I've exercised, had breakfast, and then lazed around drawing before having to get onto the computer for this activity. He thought a lot about how to describe it, and 'activity' was the best word he could think of. It was demeaning enough to match his feelings about the matter and shit Phil was great at giving head.

"That's it, baby," he crooned, stroking Phil's hair. His lover gave him a wicked look, taking him deeper, and Steve groaned brokenly. "Keep doin' that."

Phil hummed again, and Steve tossed his head back. If he'd been standing, he would've been on the floor by now; and if he wasn't doing this stupid excuse for a social exercise, Phil would already be choking out his name as he came all over the carpet with Steve balls-deep inside him. If only.

What's the point of this again? he asked. He had to contribute something to the increasingly rapid conversation which was growing as more superheroes logged on and joined the chat.

Have you spent all that time changing your password? HawktheTalk said. Dude, we already discussed that, like, five minutes ago.

Sorry to have missed it, Steve snarked back. But Phil was tugging Steve's jeans down to his knees and pulling him in closer to the desk. Maybe if I thought it was worth talking to people over a computer about inane things, I'd be more invested in the conversation.

Ooh, burn! Tony said. Hey, guys, you know what I gave Steve as his first password?

Stark, don't you dare!

What was it? was asked by several people, friends among them, the traitors.

RogersUnsuspectingAgents, Tony revealed. He's changed it now. Numbers, Rogers? Really?

Whatever I use as a password, I know I'll remember it, so it doesn't matter how complicated it is, he said.

"You're agitated, sweetheart," Phil said. "Your legs are tensing up."

"Stark, being an ass as usual," Steve said.

"No need to gripe. I doubt he's getting a blow-job at the moment."

That gave Steve some satisfaction, but not enough. He scowled when he saw the myriad of comments Tony's password had inspired. Some were supportive, some were just 'lol' or laughing emoticons. Where was the loyalty?

Don't make me join a supervillains chat room, he typed. At least I know I'm at risk of getting screwed over.

You know what I'm gonna do? Tony said.

I fear the answer, Bruce said.

Let's make this a video chat.

Before Steve could finish typing a long, lambasting message about how this was a really bad idea, somehow his webcam was fired up, and he saw heaps of faces filling the screen. Natasha looked annoyed; at least he had an ally in her.

"So we can all hear each other?" he asked loudly.

"No need to shout, Rogers," Clint said, covering his ears. "None of us are stone deaf."

"Some of us might end up stone cold dead," Natasha said, glaring at Tony's image, presumably. It was almost like the Brady Bunch, with all the pictures around the sides and the bottoms, and Steve's own moving picture in the middle. At least nobody could see that he was naked from the waist down. He surreptitiously turned down the mic input beside his picture.

"Hey, Pepper thought this was a great idea," Tony protested.

"This is really bad," Steve said, his voice breaking on 'really' when Phil sucked him hard. It was like the agent wanted them to get caught. Then he realised… this was going to be treated as part of an exercise, to see whether or not the Avengers caught on to what was happening. They probably wouldn't guess who it was under the desk specifically, but they'd be able to tell. Eventually. Maybe.

"According to the SHIELD psychiatrist, you don't have social anxiety," Tony said, "so there's no excuse to get nervous. You're among friends here, Capsicle."

"I'm…" Steve swallowed as Phil's throat constricted around him. "H-how long do we have to k-keep this up?"

"You got a date?" Clint asked, sitting up straighter. "Hey, that's great! What's her name? Where are you meeting her? I promise we won't stalk you. Well, much. At least I won't; can't speak for the others."

"Does it have to be a her?" Steve asked indignantly. Phil caressed his leg, and he relaxed, stroking his lover's hair.

"Not necessarily," Scott Summers said. Why was he on the chat? Oh well. Steve got on pretty well with him. "Is that the way you swing, captain?"

"Dude, I know who's gonna love to hear that Captain America isn't strictly heterosexual," Tony said gleefully.

Then Steve heard Phil's phone buzzing. The agent pulled back, sighing, and answered it. While the others discussed Steve coming out as bi, he gave half an ear to the conversation.

"What is it, Stark?" Phil muttered.

"I'm sorry I didn't let you in on the superhero chat thing, Agent."

"Is this an emergency?"

"Cap's. Not. Straight. He likes guys, too."

"I know," Phil said tightly. Steve stroked his hair, trying to keep his eyes on the computer so that he wouldn't give it away.

"Wait, hang on a sec." There was a blip on Tony's image, and then he grinned at the screen. "So, Agent Coulson. How do you know that the good captain's not entirely straight?"

"Because I'm the one who's been sucking him off under the desk, you asshole."

There was silence. Steve blinked. And again. Everyone's jaws had dropped.

That… that had come through the speaker on his computer.

"You… connected Phil's phone to the chat, didn't you?" Steve asked, voice faint. Tony nodded wordlessly. "Right… um… So you seriously didn't notice that we've been together for five months?"

"Five months?" Clint and Natasha both exclaimed. It was kinda funny, and Steve nearly burst into hysterical laughter. If he sure of Phil's reaction, he might've been tempted, and looked down at Phil.

"Why did you break and tell them?" he asked.

"I didn't mean to," Phil said. "Someone compelled me to."

"Was it truth, justice, and the American way?"

Phil slapped his inner thigh. "Don't take advantage of the fact that I wouldn't withhold sex from you just to smart-mouth me, Steven."

"Wait… you wouldn't really do that?"

"No, because I love you, even though you're incredibly frustrating, kind of a jackass, and don't think I don't know that half the time you flex your muscles is just to distract me when I'm trying to hold a serious conversation. Shit, why the hell am I saying this?"

"Have you taken any kind of truth serum?" Steve asked, suddenly concerned. He cupped Phil's cheek, frowning. "Anything at all?"

"It wouldn't last more than ten minutes," he replied. "The only thing I've even tasted in that time is…" His gaze dropped between Steve's legs, and he grinned. "Well, well, well. That ticks off 'truth'."

"You think that giving me a blow-job makes you tell the truth?"

"It explains our conversations afterwards."

"Um… still here?" Tony tried while Bruce laughed controllably. Steve waved him off.

"You're saying that my semen is a truth drug?" he said. There was a choking sound from the computer, but he ignored it.

"I guess we'll just have to experiment, then," Phil said. He smiled evilly. "Over and over… and over again."

Steve growled, and yanked Phil up into his lap for a kiss. He tasted himself, and wondered whether it would affect him, too.

"I love you," he whispered. "And I've been hard ever since you walked in the room. It's that fucking aftershave I bought you. Does crazy things to me."

"Remember what I said about the desk before?"

"Hasn't left my damn mind." He was undoing Phil's trousers as he spoke. "I just wanna bend you over the table and—"

"Steve!" Natasha called.

"…stretch you out for my cock, and…" He stuttered to a stop when he felt moisture leaking around a plug. "You're prepared. You… did you come here to seduce me?"

"Figured it couldn't hurt to try—"

Steve pushed him against the desk with the force of his wheeled chair, one hand gripping the back of Phil's neck, the other playing with the plug in his ass.

"Gonna fuck you against this desk for starters," he said.

"Sirs, Agent Romanov has requested that you end your part of the chat room… and turn off Agent Coulson's phone," JARVIS said, managing to get their attention. Steve glared at the screen.

"Perverts," he said, and he hit the off button on the computer. The screen went blank, and Phil cleared his throat.

"My phone?" he said.

"Leave it going. We won't be interrupted then."

I loved the idea of Steve's sperm acting as a truth serum on Phil during the middle of a chat room conversation. Talk about awkward. I hope there was no choking on drinks when Phil told Tony what he was doing. Some superheroes might've choked on air, admittedly.

Please review! It's nice to write something which isn't 'Fate' for once. Proves I can write non-soulmate fics. Yay!