"What the hell were you even thinking Dean?" Sam finally let the thought out on his tongue. He was pissed, very pissed, and he was hurt. He had watched Dean through thick and thin, he had survived everything he's brother had done but this, this one was driving Sam crazy.
He had been hurt when he'd met Cassy, he had been devastated after meeting Lisa and Ben, after sending his brother to had been going out of his mind each time Dean took a different girl to their shared room, every time he had had to walk in on his brother, giving what Sam needed the most to everyone but him. And he had thought he could live through it, wait until Dean came to him, until Dean realized just how much Sam needed him. How hard he loved his big brother. Wanted him.
But last night had been a wake up call for Sam. A slap to his face. He had felt the air leave his lungs for a few seconds and he had had to push himself into taking his next breath.
What if Dean just didn't feel the same way? What if no matter how much Sam waited, his brother would never... He was thirty three for god's sake and all these years, he had never showed even a little bit of interest in having something more with Sam.
And now, with that thought, Sam just needed to find out what was going through his brother's mind.
He couldn't go on like this anymore.
So that's how he ended up asking that question, and predictably Dean didn't even bother with answering him.
"DEAN!" Sam called irritated by his brother's ignorance.
"What do you want Sam?" Dean finally turned around, facing his little brother.
"I want you to fucking be careful you asshole! What the hell where you even thinking going in without protection like that?"
Dean rolled his eyes, turning his back to Sam again.
"I told you once before Sam! I DID use protection! The damn woman was just so feisty, she barely let me even... The condom must have broken or something!"
Sam just couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Just like that? It.. Dean what if it wasn't a monster? Huh? What if you actually knocked up a girl and just... How can you even be so..." Sam left his sentence incomplete, staring at his brother's back. This wasn't how he'd imagined everything happening.
Dean sighed, his hand moving to pinch the bridge of his nose, as if to rub an upcoming headache and Sam felt just that little bit of satisfaction over it.
"I don't know Sam! I... What do you even fucking care? Huh? What does it have to do with you? Isn't that what you want anyways? Something to hold me back? For me to let you go so can be normal? A damn child is the perfect excuse isn't it? If I have kids then I HAVE to leave and you can finally get what you want!" He was almost shouting now, daring Sam to push the subject and call him crazy, but Sam was up for the challenge.
"Don't you DARE use me and what you THINK I want as an excuse for your... Whatever is you think you're doing!"
"Go to hell Sam!" Dean breathed out, having faced Sam now just so he could push at his brother's chest.
Sam stared at Dean, feeling his heart break because Dean had just told him to... Sam had tried all this time to keep it together, to push back at Lucifer, his hallucinations, and hold on to his big brother and now, just like that, Dean was telling him to go to hell?
"If you want me down there so badly, why did you ever try so hard to get me out then?" He said, hoping the punch went right to Dean's heart.
Dean's eyes widened, gasping in shock. Sam could see how it just hit Dean what he had said.
"Sammy..." Dean let out, letting his back to rest to the table behind him.
What was he supposed to tell Sammy? How could he tell him why he was jumping on every chance to leave their rooms? How the hell would Dean possibly tell Sam that he couldn't fight what he wanted anymore? That he couldn't stay and not do anything he'd regret later?
"What Dean? Please... Please tell me what's eating you up! What is it that sends you out to these women? Why do you have to..." Sam couldn't finish that. He really didn't have it in him.
"Sammy... I can't... Please don't make me say it..." Dean looked so broken, so torn that Sam actually thought about backing up for a brief second. But he knew he was close to finding out. To finally knowing.
"Dean..." Sam pleaded, and he knew damn well what just that one word would do to his brother. Dean couldn't deny Sam the answer now even if his life was depending on it.
Dean took a deep breath, steadying himself, building up his walls and steeling himself against what he knew was to come. This was it. He had to tell Sam and he knew for sure this would be the blow, the one thing Sam couldn't forgive, forget, get over...
He readied himself for Sam leaving him, this time for good. As ready as he would ever be really...
"Sammy... I have been distant and running away from you, because I can't stand being in the same room with you, and not... Sam what I feel... Its not natural... How I think about you... Sammy I'm so sorry but I can't keep this from you anymore... I can't... And I understand if you can't stay anymore...if you want to leave..." Dean trailed off because it was just too hard to go on anymore. He couldn't raise his eyes to look at Sam either. That's why he didn't see it coming, why he jumped, when Sam's hands closed around his face, forcing him to look up at his little brother.
"You really have no clue, have you?" Sam said, his hazel eyes piercing through Dean's apple green ones. His own eyes teared up when he saw the tears there, ready to fall. He rubbed his thumb on Dean's stubbly cheeks, pulling a half smile.
"I love you too Dean... I want you so much that sometimes I can't breathe. I need you so much that I have to stop myself from touching you every time you're standing too close to me... To just jump you and kiss you... God Dean, have you really never caught me staring at you? At your gorgeous face? Your beautiful lips?" Sam could feel the blush on Dean's face more than seeing it and he was positive he hadn't felt this good in... Forever! Now that he knew his big brother, his hero, his everything, felt the same way, he was sure he would never let him go again...
But Dean didn't look like he was comprehending stuff as well as Sam was hoping he would.
"What?" He asked, his eyes searching Sam's, looking for the tiniest hint of a lie... Anything... This was too good to be true. Dean Winchester didn't just get what he wanted. Most certainly not what he longed for the most in this world. That just isn't how their world worked.
But he found none! Sam wasn't lying. He wasn't making fun of Dean, he wasn't pushing Dean away. Quite the opposite, he was holding Dean so close that he could count the golden freckles there. What he was willing to give to just have this, exactly this and keep this moment and drag it out as much as he could. He tilted Dean's face to give them a perfect angle before he leaned in, closing what little distance was left between their lips.
Their lips touched and for a brief second Sam just lingered there, taking in the moment, the feeling. And this, was the first of many kisses to come.
Then Dean closed his eyes and that was Sam's cue to move. He leaned in closer, parting his lips to catch Dean's between them, his hands letting go of his brother's face in favor of his perfect hipbones. Dean was slowly but surely pushing back to the kiss, his hands flying to Sam's long hair as he opened his mouth and let his baby brother inside his mouth.
This is the heaven Dean had denied himself of for years. This is all he ever needed, wanted. Feeling Sam like this, all over him.
Sam moaned as his tongue tangled with Dean's inside his mouth and it all felt so good, it made his head spin.
It was... Dean. All he tasted, all he felt, all he heard and smelled... Everything was Dean now and Sam felt so whole it hurt his heart. He finally had what he had wanted all his life.
He slowly pulled away, sighing as he pushed his forehead to Dean's.
"I said I love you like that too...I want you just the same... Its OK... We don't have to run anymore... I want you De..." Sam used the old nickname unconsciously but Dean caught it,and any doubts he had, left him at that moment, making him relax completely in Sam's tight hold. This was Sammy. His Sammy. The boy Dean had died for more than once. The person that Dean would willingly die for a thousand more times.
This was his baby Sammy.
"Sammy..."he breathed out, his hand tightening in Sam's hair and he tugged at it, giving himself good access over his brother's neck. He latched his teeth at the throbbing pulse point there and bit down, soothing the red skin with his tongue.
"Wanna mark you up Sammy... I wanna..." Dean stopped himself there but Sam could hear the rest of his sentence perfectly clear. 'I need to have something to remind me in the morning, to tell me this isn't just a dream...'
And he wanted it too. He needed it just as much as Dean if not more. But he wanted more than a bite mark to remind him who he belonged to now, in the morning.
"Mark me up... As much as you want...I'm all yours big brother..."he moaned as Dean's lips closed on his skin, and he sucked hard.
"But do them while you fuck me..." Sam managed to breathe out, pushing at his brother a little before he managed to bruise the skin and Dean actually had to let go and suck in a breath at those words.
"Fuck... Sammy..." He was gonna lose his mind. The kid was going to be the end of Dean, he knew that for sure.
"What do you want baby?" Dean said as he carded his fingers through Sam's hair, completely lost in those perfect lust blown eyes.
"You... Just want my big brother De..." There it was again, that nickname, said in that tone, driving Dean crazy.
"Want you inside me... On me... All over me... Want you..." Sam kept going on, tugging at Dean's sleeves, dropping his brother's huge hands to his own ass. He had waited so long for these words to be said.
"Anything Sammy... I'd give you all of it... Let me give you my life..."
'Finally...' Dean thought to himself as he finally got to tell his brother just how much he wanted to give Sam everything.
Sam nodded as his hands started undressing his brother, reaching for pure tanned skin and muscle. Dean just let his brother have what he wanted, moving his hands and feet to get out of the clothes, and then it was his turn.
He reached for Sam's shirt and it took him much less to undress his baby brother, having so much experience there. It was always his job, taking care of Sammy. Dressing him, undressing him, feeding him... And now he got to complete the cycle. He got to take care of his baby just how he'd always wanted to.
They stood there for seconds, just staring at the other one, taking in every flash of skin, reaching to touch all that had been kept away from them for so long. It was impossible to say which one was more desperate in touching, in feeling, in sensing. Dean wanted to kiss every inch of skin he saw, he wanted to love his baby brother just how he deserved it. He wanted to lick Sammy all over, taste what he could touch.
And Sam wanted to worship his hero, wanted to give him all he had to give. He wanted to be taken, so much he felt his hole clench in anticipation. Good god, he was burning up for Dean.
And Dean could almost feel the waves of want radiating from his baby.
He took Sam by his waist, pulling him in for another round of kissing while he let his fingers do what they were made to do. They both moaned into each other as Dean circled Sam's entrance, pushing at the tiny hole.
"I should get the lube..." He whispered, starting to pull away, but Sam held him where he was and shook his head.
"No...want only you...want your burn De... Want to feel it when I walk tomorrow..." He gasped in his brothers neck, feeling his face burn with want and just a hint of shame for what he wanted so badly.
Dean couldn't speak. He was sure he was going to explode right then, or die.
"Shit...Sammy..." He moaned, his hands grabbing his brother's ass, squeezing, drawing a loud moan out of Sam.
"You're so fucking hot baby... So hot I feel like burning..." He whispered as his forefinger pushed at Sam's entrance, this time moving past the first rim of muscles and Dean groaned at how tight and hot it felt inside. He couldn't wait to push in there.
Sam was sure he was going to lose it soon. Just one finger from his big brother and he was aching for more.
He needed more. More of the delicious pain, more of the burning sensation... More of Dean!
He pushed back at the finger, biting at Dean's bottom lip.
"More..." He whispered against the older man's lips, shivering as Dean didn't deny him what he needed and pushed in another finger, in a slow, torturous slide.
"Hnnng...oh...God... Dean..." Sam moaned into Deans mouth and his brother started fucking him with just the two fingers, stretching and scissoring him, and before he could even demand, Dean was adding a third finger, bending the fingers and pressing against Sam's walls. He found the spot he was looking for almost instantly and Sam was seeing stars. He could barely get his lungs to work.
"De...want...you..." He managed to choke out and Dean bit down on his collar bone, pushing at his prostate once again, harder this time.
"Uuhhh..." Sam cried out, his muscles clenching around Dean's fingers, making Dean's dick ache with the need to be inside that tight hole.
He pulled out his fingers so fast that Sam felt dizzy. He wanted to protest at the sudden emptiness but before he even got to open his mouth, Dean was pushing him back to one of the beds, and Sam took the order for what it was, letting himself fall to the mattress.
Dean climbed on top of him almost immediately and started kissing him again, sliding between Sam's legs, pulling them apart.
This was really happening.
"Dean..." Sam pleaded, his hands digging into Dean's back muscles.
"Shhhh...I got you baby... I'm gonna take good care of you...give you what you want..." His brother kissed him again before lining himself up with Sam's now stretched hole.
He kept kissing his baby brother as he slowly pushed inside.
Sam's back arched and he cried out into Dean's mouth. Holy shit, Dean was huge. Sam had been expecting the burning stretch but this was much more intense than what he had imagined. He felt like his insides were on fire and it really shouldn't have, but did make him shiver in pleasure.
Dean stood still when he bottomed out, giving them both a minute to get used to what they were feeling. Dean was so close that he was actually afraid to come if he moved. Sam was so tight around him, so hot, squeezing him so perfectly.
After a few seconds of them just kissing, Sam felt the overwhelming need for Dean to move and he pushed back on his brother's dick a little, letting him know he was ready.
Dean took a shaky breath, and started moving, circling his hips at first, making sure Sam was stretched enough and well. All it took was for Sam to tighten his grip on Dean's back and Dean was sliding out of him only to slide back in, pounding hard inside him.
"Dean..." Sam cried out his brother's name, first of many to come. Dean lost count of how many times he slid inside, of how many times Sam cried out his name, of how many times he moaned when Sam clenched around him. He lost track of the time. None of them knew if it had been hours or just seconds that passed. All Sam felt was Dean. Inside him, around him, on his lips, on his finger tips, on his hair. Everything was DEAN. And all Dean felt was Sam. The smell of his body, the taste of his sweat drops, the tight hot pressure around him, the burn of Sam's fingernails on his back.
He shifted slightly, the angle letting him go deeper and he brushed against Sam's sweet spot on his slide, making his brother's back to arch. Sam cried out, feeling the hot coil in his belly go really intense and he bit down on his bottom lip.
"Dean... I'm..." He managed to get out before Dean picked up his speed and slammed into Sam's ass so hard and fast with the same angle.
"I gotcha baby boy... I've got you baby... You can let go..." Dean whispered on Sam's neck and Sam was almost over the edge.
"Come Sammy!" Dean growled and he didn't know if it was the order or the nickname, but Sam came. He came so hard that his vision got blurry and he was seeing stars. He knew his whole body was shaking and he was faintly aware of his brother coming inside him, filling him up when he went tight around Dean.
But he heard the whispered "Sammy" that Dean let out. And that, that was what he had waited for all his life. Hearing his name, so intimate, so full of emotions, from his brother's lips.
Dean wanted to lie there, on top of Sam. He wanted to sleep there... He wanted to just bask in the glow of holding his baby boy so close. But he knew Sam would feel so bad if they slept like that. He had promised to take care of his brother, and he was gonna keep it. So he gently pulled out, getting to his feet before he leaned down to kiss Sam's sweaty hair.
"Be right back... Gonna clean you up baby, OK?" Dean whispered, reassuring Sam that he wasn't going anywhere before Sam even asked.
Somehow, Dean always knew. Sam never needed to ask. Dean just knew.
And that, that was what Dean was proud of.
"Love you De..." Sam whispered, on the edge of sleep and Dean smiled, tugging Sam's wet hair behind his ear.
"Love you too kiddo... Love you too..."