Hiya, mortals! This was unsurprisingly fun to write. ^^

It was written for three challenges/competitions:

halffictionalprincess' The Card Will Tell Your Fate Challenge, with prompts Remus Lupin, the genre Humor, and the quote "It's the quiet ones that should worry you the most; you never know what's going on in their heads."

It was also written for the Challenge and Competition for Hard-core Marauder fans using the prompt "ribbons."

Aaand it will also be added to the Harry Potter Day Competition 2015, under the Marauder Era category.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

XXX

The year was 1973, and no one knew where Remus Lupin was.

Sirius had been the first to notice that the member of their group had snuck off at some point during their trip from the kitchens to the dormitory. James had went down to the common room to see if he was hiding among the throngs of upper-years, and when he returned with news of a failed search the three of them were on a man-hunt.

"I thought we were done looking for Lupin like this," Sirius said.

"Well, we already know his furry little problem. I don't think this disappearance has anything to do with that."

"What if the Slytherins got him?" squeaked Peter. "Oh, I hope they didn't get Remus. . . ."

"Pah. No worry, Pettigrew. No slimy Slytherin was following us. If they kidnapped Remus, we would have noticed."

"But what if he fell behind and then they got him?"

Sirius' body stiffened and he looked as though he was about to have a tantrum if the missing friend in question didn't magically appear when they rounded the next corridor, but James said, quite logically, "I just don't think so. If that's the case, then why did he disappear in the first place?"

"You better be right," Sirius growled. "I'm always up for terrorizing the Slytherins, but not having my friends whisked away into their chambers of torture."

"Torture?"

"What torture do you speak of, Sirius?" snorted James.

"Who knows? Just being around a Slytherin is a form of torture in itself. Except Dromeda," he added as an after-thought, "and Uncle Alphard. They aren't so bad."

"You're moderately friendly family members aside, do you think we should split up? We can cover more ground that way."

Peter looked as though he very much did not want to split up, but Sirius nodded emphatically. "Excellent suggestion, Potter. If we were a trio of Remus', where would we go?"

"Hagrid's," said Peter.

"The library," said James.

"He's on good terms with the matron, isn't he?" said Sirius. It wasn't a question: they all knew he and Madam Pomfrey had a friendly relatioship. "I'll go see the hospital. Even if he isn't there, she might have an idea."

"Excellent. Shall we meet up after we've gone Remus Looking?"

"Yes," said Sirius. "I don't want to be searching the same place twice: if he isn't there, he isn't there. Wait on the sixth floor when you're done. We can even sit on those nice couches in that one room where we wait. If lights-out is too close then just go back to the common room."

"Remus wouldn't want to be out after lights-out, anyway," mumbled Peter.

"No," James agreed. Then, turning to Sirius, he teased, "What, Black, afraid of getting in trouble?"

"Hardly," the other boy snorted. "But there's no point in getting in trouble now. We're looking for Remus, not for a detention. I know with a head full of nothing but Quidditch it must be hard for you to remember things, but please do try this one time."

James just grinned.

XXX

Sirius discovered that Remus wasn't in the hospital. He asked Madam Pomfrey if she knew where he had gone, but she did not. Peter reported that Remus was not visiting Hagrid and that Hagrid didn't know where he had went, and James - who had supposedly scoured every inch of the library, except for the Restricted Section (which didn't matter anyway, as Remus was not going to go breaking rules and risk getting kicked out of the library) - reported that he wasn't there, either. The three of them checked the boat house, the clock tower, the kitchens (though they didn't especially expect him to be there, as he had only just gotten something to eat before he disappeared), the Owlery, and by the time they checked the Gryffindor common room again even James was starting to suspect something was amiss (although he was still mostly convinced Remus was fine somewhere).

"We should go to McGonagall," said Peter worriedly.

"Ordinarily I'd say we shouldn't," said James, "but on the off-chance that he's hurt somewhere someone needs to know about it."

"Will we get in trouble?" asked Peter.

"Obviously not," said Sirius, his eyes rolling. "We're trying to help out. Once we explain the situation to McGonagall she'll understand. She might be as mad as Aunt Druella, but she's a nice sort of witch."

"What are we waiting for, then? I say let's go."

Sirius and Peter followed James across the common room and out the entrance, but they stopped immediately. Remus was running at them - or for the Fat Lady - as though he was being chased by an Acromantula.

"What are you waiting for?" he panted when he got beside them. "Get in! Bubotuber pus."

The Fat Lady swung open again, mumbling about annoying students in the dead of night. When they were safely back in the common room, Sirius rounded on Remus.

"Where have you been? We've been worried! We've been looking all over you!"

James snickered. "Careful, Black. The only thing that would make you sound more like my mother is if you changed your pitch." He turned to Remus, his face morphing into earnest care. "But really, mate, we have been looking for you. Where did you go?"

"And why did you see fit not to tell us that you were going?"

Remus looked uncomfortable under the scrutiny and he shifted from foot to foot. He glanced around the common room to check if anyone was there, and when he decided that they were safely alone he opened his mouth to speak, but then seemed to think better of it and instead said, "You'll see."

"We'll see?"

"Yes. You'll see."

"When?"

"Tomorrow."

Sirius huffed angrily. "What in God's name were you running from, anyway?"

"Detention," he said cheekily.

"Detention?" parroted James in wonder. "You were running from . . . detention? But that must mean that you've -"

"- Broken a rule, of course!" crowed Sirius. His bad mood was entirely forgotten in the light of his friend's rule-breaking. "Come on, Remus, tell us all about what you've done to deserve detention."

"What'd you do?" asked James eagerly.

"Were you caught?" asked Peter.

"Of course he wasn't caught," said James. "Otherwise he wouldn't be running from detention. Remus knows when to take his detention just like the rest of us."

"No, I wasn't caught," agreed Remus. "I just didn't want to be caught out of the common room at night, or they'd figure out it was me."

"You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?" moaned Sirius. "What is 'it'? What did you do?"

"Like I said, Sirius: you'll just have to wait until tomorrow to see like everyone else."

Neither James nor Sirius were satisfied with this and they pestered Remus well after they were safely in their dormitory and they lay awake on their beds after they blew the lights out. Peter knew better than to try to get the information out of his friend and didn't bother to try, but it was clear that he was just as excited to see what he had done as the other two were.

Remus, after all, avoided breaking the rules whenever he could.

In the morning Sirius pounced on Remus' bed, and as soon as the other boy showed signs of waking he began: "Remus, you have to tell us what you did! I can't bear the suspense any longer! I had a dream where you dyed Snivelly's hair green! Remus, do tell us, please!"

Although James and Peter couldn't believe that Remus still refused to tell them when he was at the mercy of Sirius Black, he certainly did not. Instead he, again, said that they would have to wait to see.

The four friends went down to the Great Hall where Sirius asked Remus if any of the food was jinxed (none of it was), and when they were through they went to Potions. Professor Slughorn was just the same as he always was, and the class went on just as it always did. Even so, Sirius and James were both convinced that whatever prank Remus had conducted would show itself in one of their classes.

He did not have to wait long.

They had never seen Professor McGonagall as mad as she was then, with her lips so tight that they blended in with her face perfectly.

Ribbons.

Hundreds of thousands of ribbons, of every color and of every size, rolled into every shape (Sirius pointed out, with a great deal of amusement, a giant elephant made from several gray and silver ribbons that hung from the ceiling). Some of the ribbons were charmed to sing old sailor songs and some were charmed to insult anyone who stepped on them - for indeed, it was impossible to walk into the class without stepping on less than five at a time.

There had been no class for Transfiguration prior to the one for third-year Gryffindors, so the mess was as new to McGonagall as it was to everyone else.

While the other students were showing great signs of distress (Ariel Flaunt, in particular, kept stepping on rather rude ribbons), Peter was dancing around in a fit of happiness and James and Sirius looked rather like they had never been more proud in their lives.

"It's the quiet ones that should worry you the most!" whispered Sirius excitedly, so that they did not attract McGonagall's attention anymore than they would just for being themselves. "You never know what's going on in their heads!"