All seemed to be well in Erebor. The mountain was reclaimed, the Men of Dale were rebuilding, and the Elves of Mirkwood were considered allies. But the King Under the Mountain was in his rooms, his pipe resting forgotten in his hands as he stared at the fireplace in front of him. Thorin had a dilemma. He was certain that after only a few months of marriage, Bilbo had tired of him and had taken up with Fili. It wasn't that he had solid evidence, but it was just the change he observed in his consort and his nephews that made him suspect that there was something going on.

For the past month, there were dinners where Fili and Bilbo had shared secret smiles. At first Thorin brushed it off, thinking that they were remembering something that happened earlier that day. But when it happened day after day, even the days Fili spent in court of ensconced in a council meeting with him, Thorin started to worry.

Then there were the times he happened upon them, sometimes with Kili around, when they would immediately change what they were saying or fumble around for words, in Kili's case. Whatever was going on between Fili and Bilbo, it was no secret to Kili. This hardly surprized Thorin, knowing full well how close the brothers were. Their loyalties were first and foremost to the other. Never mind that he was their uncle and king.

Thorin had tried to confront Kili about it several times, since accusing Fili outright would lead to instability, but Kili had evaded him more often than not, citing everything from duties to fatigue to escape. But there was that moment with Kili in the corridor late one night that made Thorin even more suspicious of some activity or another going on between his heir and his consort.

"Kili," Thorin had said, stopping his nephew before the archer could escape. "A word?"

"Oh, hell Uncle," Kili said, fidgeting and looking over his shoulder. "Fancy meeting you here."

"In the corridor outside the Royal Chambers where our family stays?" Thorin asked, quirking his lips. "Yes, fancy that, meeting the King Under the Mountain near his quarters at night, not very expected, is it?"

"Ah… yes… well," Kili struggled to find words, but recovered himself and cleared his throat. "That is to say, your schedule says that you have a meeting at this time."

"The meeting finished early," Thorin explained. He narrowed his eyes, "And why do you know my schedule."

"Oh Bilbo told us," Kili said candidly, then his eyes widened as if he had just said something he shouldn't have. "I mean, this morning! When we were having elevensies with Bilbo, he had mentioned something like that."

"Oh?" Thorin asked. "And why would Bilbo inform you of my schedule?"

"Uh," Kili said, his eyes darting from side to side as he searched for an answer. "He might have just been making conversation. I forgot. I have to go Uncle, Amad was looking for me!"

Before Thorin could ask any more of Kili, the archer was already running down the hallway and escaping through to his mother's room. Thorin sighed and gave up on that avenue. Kili was loyal to Fili, and would stay that way. Not that Thorin would seek to undermine that loyalty, the boys needed each other, especially when he and Dis would pass into Mahal's halls.

Still, it did not help his growing notion. He could order Dwalin to follow Bilbo around, but that would just raise suspicion. He couldn't have the Head Guardsman doubt the Consort. The punishment for adultery was death, and while Thorin wanted to know what was going on, he had no wish to harm either Bilbo or Fili. If he let Dwalin discover them, the Guardsman would be duty-bound to carry out the punishment.

Thorin could ask Nori to follow Bilbo around, but usually, everything the former-thief-turned-spymaster knew about the Company, he shared with his fiancé. This brought Thorin back to the previous dilemma of Dwalin having to do his duty, regardless of the guard's personal feelings on the matter.

The more Thorin thought about it, the more it made sense to him that Fili and Bilbo were having an affair. The two seemed to be spending more time with each other. Bilbo did seem happier in the past month. Fili, having a generally sunny demeanour, was more suited to Bilbo than Thorin was.

What really took the cake were the nights that Bilbo was absent from their chambers. For the past week, Thorin went to bed without Bilbo twice. Once, he could chalk up to Bilbo staying late settling some dispute or forgetting the time in the library (Ori practically lived there and kept Bilbo company.) What mattered was that Bilbo was in bed when Thorin woke up the next morning. The second time though, Thorin woke up to a cold bed, with Bilbo sneaking into their bathroom.

Thorin sighed as he cleaned out his pipe, ready to turn in, once again without Bilbo, when there was a knock at the door. Being the King, it could have been anything from a Guild dispute to an Orc raid, but before he could tell whoever it was to come in, Dis strode through the doors and gave him a sharp glance.

"Out with it," she said, crossing her arms the way she would when she wanted to know what her boys were up to. "Why have you been so morose these past few days?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Thorin denied. Asking Dis about Fili would save Thorin a lot of worrying, but there were some things that he didn't want his sister to meddle in. His marriage was one of them.

"Don't lie to me Nadad," she warned. "I don't see why you're so troubled. The Guilds are being peaceful, for a change. There have been no orcs spotted nearby for three months. Even the elves are being tolerable. What has made those wrinkles of yours deepen?"

"It's nothing," Thorin sighed. He risked glancing at the chair opposite his. The chair that was supposed to be Bilbo's, but has been unoccupied of late. Dis caught his look and shook her head.

"They didn't tell you, did they?" she asked. "Come along, you have been dejected long enough. Follow me."

Dis didn't even wait for Thorin to get up, she just walked briskly towards the door. Thorin had to scramble off his chair and out the door to catch up to her, not even grabbing his dressing gown from the opposite chair.

Dis gave him a once over and shrugged, as if to say, 'you'll do.' She proceeded to walk away. Thorin expected a long walk, after all, trysting couples tended to be as isolated as possible. Imagine his surprise when they stopped at the doors of the next set of rooms.

The Consort's Rooms

Of course.

I made sense to Thorin. It also hurt him more. He gave Bilbo those rooms to be used as an office or a craft room of sorts. It was like a stab in Thorin's back to think that Bilbo had been using it to entertain Fili all this time.

"Don't just stand there," Dis said as she pushed him forward. "Knock."

Thorin did. While he was afraid at what he would find, not knowing was worse.

"Kili get the door!"

So, both his nephews were with Bilbo tonight. Thorin didn't know what to think about that. He didn't have time to think about it as the door started to open.

"It should be Amad, she did say- Uncle!"

Thorin stared at his nephew, taking in his disheveled hair and clothes, and the sweat pouring from his brow. No, Kili did not seem to be a passive audience to whatever was going on between Fili and Bilbo.

"Kili," Thorin acknowledged. "May I come in?"

"No!" Kili protested, startling Thorin with his tone. "I mean, not now. You'll ruin the surprise. I guess it's ruined now, huh?"

He sighed, shaking his head, but moving aside so that Thorin could pass through.

"Surprise?" Thorin asked, stepping through the doorway. The smell that assaulted him was pleasant, something he had not smelled since he was a dwarfling. He was even more surprised to see his consort pass through the adjoining doorway wearing an apron.

"Thorin!" Bilbo exclaimed. "Kili, what have you done?"

"He has done nothing, Master Baggins," Dis said as she assessed the situation. "My brother, your husband, was self-flagellating himself in your rooms. He gets that way at times, I'm sure you've noticed. So I brought him here." she turned to Kili. "Get your brother. I assume that the latest batch came along nicely?"

Kili dumbly nodded his head and ducked into the kitchen. The three heard snippets of "Amad" and "Uncle" and "surprise" before the brothers shuffled into the sitting room, clearly disappointed that the surprise was ruined.

"I leave my brother in your capable hands Bilbo," Dis said with a smile. "Come you two, you've ruined nothing. The surprise just came early."

With that Dis left the room, as graciously as she ever was. Fili and Kili shared grins and bounded out after her, leaving Bilbo with Thorin.

"I didn't want you to find out this way," Bilbo explained, motioning that they should enter the kitchen. "It was meant to be a treat for you."

"A treat?" Thorin asked dumbly, still not believing that while he was worrying about Bilbo having an affair, while he was doubting his consort, said consort was actually planning something for him.

"Well, a gift more like," Bilbo said as he ushered Thorin into a chair and set a plate of seed cakes in front of the King. "It's my birthday soon as you know."

Thorin nodded. That he remembered, they were planning on celebrating it with a feast after all. Thorin had had a few leather-bound books and pens commissioned as a gift. He failed to see why Bilbo was preparing a gift for him.

"Well, you see in the Shire, things are different," Bilbo explained, as if he had read his husband's mind. "Those who are celebrating their birthday actually give out gifts. Usually it's just some mathom or another that gets passed around with each birthday, but I thought that it wouldn't be right to give you all some useless thing or another. So I decided to bake you all something."

"Seed cakes?" Thorin asked, gesturing at the plate in front of him.

"Well, no that's just for you," Bilbo answered. "The others are getting biscuits, but I thought that you deserve something special since you're my husband."

They had been married for just a few months and Bilbo still blushed whenever he talked about their married status, or about his feelings towards Thorin. Bilbo still blushed whenever Thorin showed him affection in public too.

"Seed cakes are my favourite," Thorin acknowledged. "Thank you."

Bilbo watched Thorin bite into one and smiled as Thorin's face recognized the taste. Thorin put down the seed cake and stared at him.

"How?"

"It's your mother's recipe," Bilbo explained. "I hope I got it right this time. Fili and Kili insist that I did, but Dis did say they were only dwarflings when your mother last made them. Thorin?"

Thorin rose from his seat and rounded the table to stop directly in front of Bilbo. The hobbit fidgeted as his husband continued to stare at him.

"Thorin?" Bilbo asked tentatively. "Did I not get it right?"

"Oh ghivashel," Thorin said as he enveloped Bilbo in a hug. "You got it right. I am just overcome with emotion. I never thought I would taste my Amad's seed cakes again (Dis is a fine cook, but she could never bake anything more than hard bread, don't tell her I said that.) Thank you Bilbo."

And Thorin meant it. He felt that Mahal had truly blessed him. Not only did he reclaim his kingdom, he was given the most wonderful consort that a king could ever ask for.

"So," Bilbo asked, pulling away from the hug. "What was it that had you moping around?"

"It's nothing Bilbo," Thorin replied.

Bilbo was going to ask more, but seeing the small happy smile on Thorin's face made him decide to save it for another day.

Cross-posted on AO3.

"Thorin thinks that Bilbo is having an affair but is actually baking something for him."

That was the plot. I thought of this as I was walking to school, so yeah... not well thought out at all. I'm pretty sure I could've stretched this out, added angst and characters who didn't really need to be there, but I'm not Peter Jackson.

I hope you liked it. ^.^