Ohayo everyone :D I hope everyone is fine right now. If you could please leave a review that would help me out a lot. Right now, I don't even know if someone is reading this or not.

-x-

Chapter 5 : Missed

I woke up the next day, yesterday felt almost like a distant dream now. Oh god, how much I wished I could hold Haruka right now and smell him like the ocean he smelt like or chlorine. This all, these wishes that I had, where I wanted to come home day from work, find him cooking green curry for me and our adopted kids running around and kissing my cheek and then him serving me food and us being a happy family, that all crashed on me when I remembered that Haruka had called me disgusting.

Well, I can't stop right now because for some reason, my gaydar pointed so badly at him, it was like he walked through a metal detector and he was completely made out of metal and the machine went beeping like crazy. My gaydar broke because I felt such strong gay vibes from him.

My mom called out to me asking if I was awake and I told her I was. I had a shower and got dressed immediately and went down stairs. My mom had decided to make some eggs for breakfast and paired it with some green tea. Ran and Ren were already eating their food and my father was talking on the phone.

"Mom! Mom! MOOOOM! This girl called Yuri Shin in our class, she's so pretty and she has these big eyes and straight brown hair, so mom, she asked Ran to be her girlfriend and Ran said yes! And they look so cute mom!" Ren said excitedly as he gulped down a whole omelet piece in a shot.

Ran looked at my mom and said, "I think she's going to be my wife someday, Yuri Tachibana sounds nice or Ran Shin. I like Yuri Tachibana more though. Mom, you'll have to pick out my wedding dress and take care of the decorations okay ? And Makoto Nii," Ran looked at me with these big earnest eyes, "Makoto Nii, I want you to also walk me down the aisle and I want you to also help pick out my wedding dress."

My mom had tears in her eyes, tears of happiness, and she looked at me and she saw that even I was extremely happy.

"Haw, how come I don't get to do anything in your wedding ? I'm your brother!" Ren said looking extremely cross.

"Baka! You're going to give the most emotional speech at the reception and make everyone cry." Ran said as she smacked the back of Ren's head with her hand.

"Look at our children," my dad said, "they're going to grow into wonderful people." And wrapped his arm around my mom's waist.

"Anyway, everyone, I will see you later. Mom, I might be late so don't worry. I love you all!" I said as I got up, left the table and wore my shoes. I jogged to Haruka's home. I knocked on the door and yet again there was no one who answered. Even in his bathroom there was no one. I started panicking and that's when I noticed he had left a note attached to the back of his main door,
'Makoto kun, I have gone to pick my parents from the airport. Will meet you later in the evening, around 5 ?'

I let out a huge sigh of relief, he was alive! And fine! I decided that I would call him up after school and ask his why his parents decided to come here suddenly (?) Surprise much ? I met Nagisa and the new addition to our not even actually formed swimming team, Rei chan. We walked slowly, laughing occasionally and Rei chan asking question regularly, actually his doubts were what we laughed about and that's what caused us to walk slowly.

The day could not have gone by any slower, I wanted to meet Haruka so badly. The final bell of the day rang and I think everyone was just as happy as me to actually go back home. Everyone rushed out and was singing songs or laughing loudly, making plans to visit the local arcade or go to the beach or to the city (which was a one hour ride totally, going and coming back).

I started walking back and was about to call up Haruka when my phone started ringing and Rin's number flashed across the screen.
"Moshi Moshi Makoto!" Rin said with excitement overflowing in his voice.
"Moshi mosh Rin, what's up ?" I asked.
"If you're free, want to meet up ? My school just got over and I don't have swim practice today so yeah."
"Sure Rin but is it fine that Haruka joins us later on ?" I asked him.
There was silence on his end for a while as if he was hesitating to answer.
"Makoto kun… Alright, he can join us." Rin said.
"I'll meet you near the Usami Coffee Shop ?" I asked him as I picked up the pace.
"Hai! We'll meet exactly in thirty minutes from now. Bye." Rin said and cut the phone.

I reached home and washed my face. I wore a simple white tee, blue jeans and shoes. I took some money from my mom, kissed Ran and Ren on their foreheads and left.

I saw Rin waiting. He looked really good, he was wearing a black tee, black jeans and black converse and wow. Just wow. Why couldn't I have fallen in love with Rin ? He was gay. I was gay. We've known each other for such a long time, no misunderstandings. I knew him like the back of my hand.

He saw me and waved towards me and ushered me to come towards him. I jogged towards him and gave him a hug. He smelled like new books. The best smell.
"Hey Makoto, how are you ?" He asked me as we started placing our orders.
"Okay-ish, you ?" I asked him.
"Same here man, I need a break from school already." He said and laughed a little. We decided to sit down towards a corner placement.

We chatted for a long time, remembering things from our childhood, the common swim club, the way we loved swimming, how it's turned into something Rin wants to pursue as a swimmer and actually compete. We talked about how we both had never been in a proper relationship before, about our awkward phases. Everything.

Rin's mood turned serious when he started talking about the new guy he liked. It was weird watching him sweat over some guy, he had always been the cool one out of us.

"Can I tell you something ?" He asked me, there was a worry look in his eyes.

"Anything and everything." I said as I took his hand in mine. My thumb grazed over his knuckles continuously, trying to calm him down.

"You can't tell anyone, okay ?"

"I swear Rin, not a soul."

"And you won't act out at all, alright ?

"I promise you with all my heart. Please tell me." I begged him now, watching him like this was causing my heart to hurt oddly. I was super protective of my friends, especially my childhood friends and obviously, Haruka

"Hey Makoto, the guy that I like is-" Rin was cut off when my phone started ringing.

"I'm so sorry but I have to take this." I said and cut him off. I picked up my phone and I saw that Haruka was calling me. I walked outside of the coffee shop and answered the phone.

"My parents bailed on me." Haruka said through the other end.

"What ?!" I was so shocked and surprised, "They would have known that they wouldn't be able to make it, right ? Then why didn't they call and tell you ?"

"I don't know Makoto… I tried asking them and my mother just said that it was last minute…" He said. His voice was so sad, you could hear it drip from his voice.

"I'm sorry Haru… Do you want me to come over ?" I asked him.

"No it's okay. It's already five thirty now, I was supposed to meet you thirty minutes back but it's okay… You have a good evening. I'll meet you tomorrow. Bye." Haruka said and abruptly cut the phone.

I went and sat down back inside.

"Ne, Makoto, what happened ?" Rin asked me, his turn to comfort me.

"Haruka was supposed to pick up his parents. I had gone to his place in the morning to pick him up but he wasn't there. He had left a note explaining that he had gone to pick up his parents from the airport and just now, he told me that they bailed on him. It's… It's just that, that I found that super rude of them to do that. I know that I shouldn't interfere with his family matters but you should have listened to him speak and his voice. It was so sad. I don't like to see him sad at all you know…" I said, I could hear the way my voice was strained to even say this.

"You…" Rin said as let out a sigh and continued, "should visit him now. He may need you and you won't be able to find out until you actually visit him and see if he's fine or not." Rin's facial expression changed and it was hard to read it now, even his eyes became jaded.

"I'm so sorry Rin that I have to leave right now just when we were talking and getting serious about something. I apologize with all my heart."

"Makoto, it's okay… He must be super important to you.. We can continue later sometime," Rin said and punched my shoulder lightly, "after all Makoto, you're my best friend and nothing will change that."

I hugged Rin, "Aurigato Rin!" I said and ran to Haruka's place.

-
Haruka :

I don't know why they cancelled on me… No one would even be able to tell them what I was doing here… I hadn't even been doing anything wrong.. They should have at the least called me and told me that they weren't coming today. The flight that they were coming in got cancelled five hours prior and they didn't even give me a single text message or missed call.

What had I done wrong ? My sexuality ? But I had suppressed that deep down inside and now, I think I am straight.

Am I not worth it ? Is that why everyone leaves ? Will Makoto leave me as well ? I don't know… I miss you grandma. I really want to quit life right now. I don't know what's the purpose of my life anymore. I want to breathe, I don't want to be tensed about stupid and trivial things anymore. Why do I feel so suffocated right now ? Is it getting harder to breathe ? Why is my heart beating so fast ? I need to swim. To swim and to be free of these feelings of hopelessness, sadness, misery and of myself.

I jumped into the bath tub and turned the water on. I stripped my clothes off and just sat down in the tub. The water droplets hit my body like hail. I started crying. I couldn't do this anymore.

'Don't worry,' I told myself, 'you do this almost everyday… You won't drown.'
The water is such a beautiful element. It was able to take away and wash away all my misery and sadness. For a few moments, till the hot water was hitting me, blocking out all the noise of the neighborhood, I felt at peace with myself.
If I could just run away from here wouldn't that be amazing ? it would be the most amazing thing ever… Can I just leave ?

Author's note :
Hey everyone,
or hi there reader! Thank you for being a part of this small journey. I know I haven't posted in a long time but please do forgive me. I have important exams coming up and I needed to destress after three months of studying and I turned to writing. For now, I am extremely sorry for this chapter not being as great or in detail and maybe full of mistakes. Once my exams are over (April 2, 2016) I will edit and upload every day! I swear!
I hope that all of you are wonderful~ if any of you are going through any problems or issues, please message me. I am here for you. Isn't it wonderful that the Universe created the stars, the mountains, the ocean and found that beautiful and thought that it needed one of you as well ?
You are beautiful.
I love you.
PokemonTanya.