Waking up

Note: takes place right after the ending of Root A

Kaneki remembers Hide dying. He remembers the blood and warmth leaving the blonde's body as Kaneki stood frozen in shock at the sight. Kaneki remembers holding Hide as the blonde took his last breath. He remembers pain so strong that all of his other senses became numb. He remembers walking towards the strongest investigator with Hide's cooling body. He remembers facing his death and how the stinging pain he felt in his neck as it was cut pales in comparison to the pain of losing Hide.

He remembers the darkness and a familiar voice calling his name.

So why is it that he woke up? He wants death. A life without Hide is not worth living and he wants to go home with the blonde. So why is he now staring at a brightly lit white ceiling surrounded by the whirs and beeps of machines? Can he not just die? Did they think that sparing a ghoul that murdered and killed their friends is justice? Can't they see that life without Hide is just not life?

The sound of a door opening followed by footsteps were heard as a chair –Kaneki assumes it's a chair- was dragged on what sounded like tiled floor.

"Press the call button if anything changes or you need help" a kind feminine voice said as the chair rattled to a stop.

Kaneki squeezed his eyes shut. He doesn't want to live. Why do they torture him with life? Hide, Hide, Hide; Kaneki promised he would go home with Hide. Why do they have to make Kaneki break his promise?

"Also, Mister Kaneki hasn't woken up yet so if he does; please press the call button. Dr. Kanou would like to make sure his patient is okay".

Dr. Kanou. Was the CCG working with that despicable man? Kaneki squeezed his eyes tighter and clenched his fists tightly as he tried to calm himself.

Did Kaneki somehow arrive in Kanou's hands? Why would the CCG want to work with such a monster? They should just kill the man. Or is Kanou the only one who could take out Kaneki's implanted kagune?

Fate is cruel and if that man ever approached Kaneki again, he would kill-

"Sure thing!" a cheerful voice rang out and Kaneki froze.

That was Hide's voice. Cheerful and perky, Kaneki could just imagine the blonde giving a mock salute along with a wink. But Hide is dead. Kaneki felt Hide give his last breath as he died in Kaneki's arms. So why is Kaneki hearing Hide's voice?

"Hide" Kaneki rasped as tears streaked down his face. Even if it was only his mind playing tricks, Kaneki wants to deny Hide's death. Without Hide, everything is numb. More tears started to streak down Kaneki's cheeks as he refused to open his eyes.

"Kaneki?" Hide's voice took on a worried tone and the feminine voice spoke softly into something.

Kaneki kept his eyes closed. He doesn't want to face a world without Hide; so Kaneki will choose insanity and hearing Hide's voice in his head. Just because the CCG forced him to live doesn't mean that they can force him to stay sane.

"K-kill me" Kaneki spoke softly, cheeks soaked with his tears and eyes still closed tightly. Why does this have to happen to him? Why can't he die and keep his promise to Hide? Why must he be tortured with the fact that Hide is dead?!

"Kaneki!" Hide's voice shouted and suddenly a pair of warm hands gripped his shoulders.

Kaneki's eyes flew open in surprise at the familiar hold and memories of 'don't you know? Rabbits can die from loneliness!'

But that wasn't it. When his eyes opened, his tear blurry gaze fell upon a shape. A shape that strongly resembled Hide from Kaneki's memories of their shared Kamii days. "Hide?" Kaneki asked again as he blinked away some of his tears.

The shape is Hide. A Hide whose eye's still sparkle and wearing his obnoxiously bright orange headphones around his neck. Everything screamed happiness, home, and sunshine.

More tears filled Kaneki's vision as he started sobbing at the sight. Even if it was an illusion, Kaneki still loves it. He wants to get lost in it and a bright smiling Hide is leaning over Kaneki. Kaneki wants to-

"Dude?" the tone is so familiar and Kaneki wants to reach out and grab ahold of Hide, "are you okay? Don't worry, the doctor is com-"

-hug Hide. So he did. Reaching up with arms that didn't really feel like his own, Kaneki tugs Hide down to his chest and tightly held the blonde.

Burying his face into the crook of Hide's neck, Kaneki inhals deeply. It feels so real; if illusions about Hide were going to feel this real, Kaneki doesn't care about falling down into insanity.

"Kaneki?" Hide asks in a hushed tone, "are you okay?"

Kaneki just held on tighter so that the blonde was forced into climbing onto the bed to be comfortable. Breathing deeply, Kaneki kept his eyes opened as he chants Hide's name again and again.

"Oh my, well this is surely something I don't see every day" a familiar voice spoke up and Kaneki didn't repress his growl.

"Kanou" he hissed in a dangerously low voice. Kaneki tightens his grip on Hide to a painful vice grip as he tries to place Hide behind him.

Even if it is an illusion, Kaneki can't bear the thought of Hide being in the same area as such a monster.

Groaning, Hide squirms in Kaneki's hold and whispers harshly into Kaneki's ear, "can you loosen your grip? Its really painful". Kaneki looks up at Hide's face and loosens his hold by a slight margin.

Even if it was an illusion, Kaneki can't bear to see Hide uncomfortable. But Kanou is still in the room and Kaneki isn't about to let Kanou get anywhere close to illusion-Hide.

"As much as I want you to be happy-" Kaneki didn't bother to face the old man who is probably smiling at the sight of Kaneki "- I still need to check you vitals".

Kaneki saw a nurse move out of the corner of his eyes and growls roughly. The nurse stops moving and familiar hands started to pat Kaneki's shoulders.

"Chill man, she just needs your temperature" Hide laughed as he pats Kaneki's back in comfort, "the quicker you get this done, the sooner we can go home" Hide smiles widely and Kaneki froze.

Kaneki remembers. He made a promise to Hide that they would go home together. Does this mean that after whatever Kanou does, Kaneki will be killed? Can he finally go home with Hide?

"Go home" Kaneki whispered to himself softly. Slowly sitting up, Kaneki releases his hold on Hide. Keeping his eyes on Hide, Kaneki held onto Hide's hand tightly, "let's go home, Hide".

Hide gave a stunned look for a moment before tightening his hand around Kaneki's, "yeah" Hide smiled "let's go home".

Kaneki made to stand up but was blocked by both the nurse –who moved in front of him- and Hide holding onto the hospital garb.

"You can't leave without permission, you could still be suffering from your accident" the nurse said sternly and held out a thermometer to Kaneki's mouth.

Kaneki refused to open his mouth as he stared at the nurse in disbelief.

"Dude!" Hide whispered harshly in Kaneki's ear as he tugs at Kaneki's hospital garb aggressively, "you need to have a checkup before you can leave the hospital. They can't release you without checking your vitals!"

Kaneki frowned at Hide and opened his mouth to-

-only have the nurse shove the thermometer in his mouth. Scrunching his face up, Kaneki prepared himself to spit the thermometer out only to stop as Hide leans onto his shoulders.

"You're a really quick healer" Hide said in a low tone that clearly meant for only Kaneki to hear.

Looking sideways at the blonde, Kaneki narrows his eyes in confusion. Hide knows that Kaneki is a half ghoul and ghouls always heal quickly.

"Well, you are very lucky, Mister Kaneki" Dr. Kanou said and Kaneki feels the temptation to turn to the man and glare; but Hide had tightened his grip on Kaneki's gown when Dr. Kanou spoke.

Kaneki just scowled with the thermometer still in his mouth at illusion-Hide.

Hide turns his head and Kaneki swore that the illusion just giggled.

A sharp annoying beeping was heard, and the nurse quickly took the thermometer out and read the temperature off to Kanou.

The sounds of paper being flipped was heard as Kanou asked the nurse to start taking Kaneki's blood pressure.

"Mister Kaneki" Kaneki reluctantly turned his face to the smiling Kanou and tightened his hand hold on Hide. "You were in an accident" Kanou paused to look down at the papers on his clip board "but your vitals have stabled out and you seem to be out of the danger zone". Kanou flipped more papers on the clip board over, looking for all purposes as a regular doctor, "typically we would have you stay one more night to watch you, but you seem to be fine and ready to go already" Kanou released a chuckle that was mimicked by the nurse who was done taking Kaneki's pulse.

Putting her machine away, the nurse prattled about Kaneki's blood pressure.

Frowning slightly, Dr. Kanou wrote in his clip board as he clucked his tongue. "As I was saying, we normally keep patients for overnight observations but you seem to be in healthy enough if we ignore the soreness and exhaustion you're probably feeling" Kanou flipped all the papers back so that no papers were hanging over the board "but we have no reason to keep you against your will, so promise me that you will take it easy and get rest-" Kanou paused as he gazed at Kaneki, "-then I can let you go".

Kaneki opened his mouth, preparing to ask why Kanou thinks that he could keep a half ghoul detained by not killing it.

But Hide's quickly interrupts Kaneki, "I promise to watch over him and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid!"

Dr. Kanou grins at illusion Hide as if he could see the Hide that Kaneki created in his mind, "well, with such a trust worthy friend here I should let you go; just allow me to gather your release papers and then after this, everything will be done". Kanou smils and leaves the room, the nurse follows after the doctor.

Hide smiles brightly as he waves them off before nudging Kaneki's sides gently. "Are you sure that you are feeling okay? You just woke up and the doctor expected it would take a few more days for that to happen" he looks at Kaneki who glares at the place where Dr. Kanou just was.

Of course, Kaneki didn't register anything; for he was too busy contemplating and listing what just happened.

Dr. Kanou just referred to Hide as if Hide was there. Hide, who is merely an illusion of the now dead Hide. But Kanou referred to Hide as if the blonde was actually sitting on the bed next to Kaneki. But Kaneki had held Hide as the blonde bleed to death with a smile. Kanou was not the only one who saw Hide, the nurse moved and talked as if Hide was actual there.

Kaneki brought his hands up to hold his head.

Hide is dead, but Hide is there sitting on the bed. Hide is dead, but Hide's warm hand is in Kaneki's hand. Hide is dead, but everyone acts like Hide is not. Hide is dead, but Hide is not acting like he knows that.

Hide is an illusion, but Dr. Kanou and the nurse saw Hide. Hide is an illusion, but he didn't feel like an illusion. Hide is an illusion, but Kaneki had illusions before and they never felt like this. Hide is an illusion, but the warmth of his hand is not. Hide is an illusion, but the wrinkles in the seat where Hide is sitting is not. Hide is an illusion, but Kaneki can hear and smell the warm flowing blood in Hide. Hide is an illusion, but Hide is not.

Hide is dead, but Kaneki is a half ghoul and can tell if Hide is dead or not. Hide is dead, but Kaneki can hear and feel the still running blood and warm body as it breaths. Hide is dead, but Hide is not.

Gasping for breath, Kaneki grips his head tightly as tears stream down his face.

"Kaneki" warm hands rub Kaneki's back only to leave as equally warm arms wrapped around Kaneki. Pressing his front into Kaneki's back, Hide laid his head on Kaneki's shoulders as he started to rock himself and Kaneki slowly in rhythmic patterns. "Its okay" he breathed into Kaneki's ear, causing Kaneki to flinch at the familiar motion that both Rize and Hide have done before. "You've been through a lot" Hide stops rocking and hums, "you deserve to go home".

Kaneki's sobbing eased slightly at Hide's close breathing, warm, and alive body presses into Kaneki's back. "But you died" Kaneki whispers and Hide's arms tighten.

"Only in your nightmares" Hide says and Kaneki doesn't need to turn around to see the grin on the blonde's face "but I'm here and we can go home now".

Kaneki gulps desperately and his sobbing gradually slows down. "You're right" he whispers in a dazed voice, "let's go home, Hide".

"Yeah, but we still have a problem" Kaneki tenses and Hide removes his arms so that he could position himself so that he was dramatically sprawled across Kaneki's lap. "Whose apartment are we staying at and if it's yours, can I move in?" he asks with a silly grin and Kaneki laughs in a way that he thought he forgotten how to do. Hide made an over-exaggerated 'thinking face' at Kaneki, "we should move into your apartment, it's bigger and I could pay half the rent. My lease has expired so we can total do it that way" Hide nods to himself and Kaneki kept on laughing.

"Don't I get a say in this?" Kaneki asks playfully in-between his chuckles.

Hide pouts, "but we need a home. So it should totally be the apartment with the bigger space, I can sell anything that can't fit into your apartment and we can totally share a bed! We did it when we were younger!" Hide whines energetically.

"Okay" Kaneki agrees and gives a wide smile. Typically, it took minutes for Kaneki to give in to Hide's demands.

Blinking his surprise away, Hide gives Kaneki a bright smile, "ye-"

Kaneki's stomach interrupts with a growl earning a laugh from Kaneki and Hide.

"Dude!" Hide got off of Kaneki's lap with a barking laugh, "the nurse left your meal right next to you" he points to the bedside table that Kaneki was just out of reach for. Getting the tray, Hide approaches Kaneki and passes the tray over.

Kaneki stares hard at the food on the tray. Did Hide being alive mean that what happened to Kaneki was all a dream? Picking up utensils that he hasn't used for such a long time, Kaneki immediately brought a piece of fish into his mouth. Hoping that he could now taste the flavors that he has long forgotten.

Except, with all his hope and anticipation of tasting the flavor of fish, Kaneki wasn't expecting to taste dirt. Choking of the fish, Kaneki pounded his chest before he spat out the piece of fish.

Why wasn't he able to eat the fish? Hide is alive so why is this different?

"Are you okay?" and Kaneki had forgotten that Hide was there the whole time.

A/N: The ending continued. To help ease my pain, I admitted to myself that yes, Hide died and Kaneki followed after. But since this is the TG universe, I can get away with things like 'Time Travel for the mind'. Kaneki remembers a different path of what he could go down. Think of it this way: TG is a game with two endings. These two endings are good and bad. First play-through, Kaneki got the bad ending.

Might work on this later. Watching the TG Root A ending really ruffled my feathers, I try to work on 'Experiments' and I come back to what could have been if Kaneki did one thing differently from the very beginning (besides not going out with Rize).