Just a little something I had to get out of me. Not much plot and mentioned several episodes from season 1-8, so it it set somewhere in season 9 I suppose. Don't own anything, the usual. No a native speaker, not betaed so if you find any mistakes I blame them on being german.

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He didn't see the glee in McGee's eyes or the mildly venom Ziva was spreading when they were bantering together with Dinozzo.

He also didn't see the surprised look on Gibbs face who was standing a few yards away talking to a witness of the murder scene they were investigating right now.

He only saw himself falling down in the dumpster he had to search due to his bad luck when it came to drawing the short straw. Or maybe because Ziva cut them all off so he would have to do it either way.

Normally he could shrug this off, he always gave as good as he got but today it was too much.

They did not ask if he was alright, they were just laughing at his expense. Well it was funny for a seasoned agent like him to slip into a dumpster that was filled with garbage and rotten vegetables thrown away from the nearby restaurants. They were currently located next to a fairly crowded plaza in DC where night life was high even during the week. The dead petty officer that called them out here lay at the end of the alley the dumpster stood in.

What wasn't so funny was him weakly sinking onto the ground and shivering.

"Guys?", he tried to communicate but they didn't listen, did not hear him talking. They were leaving into the direction of the corpse and Gibbs had resumed to grill the witness and after that went over to Ducky to see what they had gotten.

Tony sighed, this was not good. He could not understand what was happening but all of a sudden he couldn't muster the strength to climb out of the dumpster and assist his colleagues with their search for the truth what was happening at this crime scene.

A few minutes ticked by and once again he attempted to get out but his knees buckled underneath.

"I think I..." he needed help, which was not an easy thing to admit but then again his voice was only a whisper and nobody seemed to mind his absence.

It took a whole hour for McGee and Ziva to not ravel in the quietness of their investigation since there was no Dinozzo cracking jokes or just being plain annoying and therefore keeping them from working.

They laughed at some comment Ziva made (she could be quite funny if not poked by Tony).

"Speaking of the devil, where did he go to?" McGee wondered. While his partner was childish and always fooling around he wasn't one to just leave a possible crime scene. Especially not with Gibbs being in the lead.

Ziva looked towards the dumpster Tony was searching earlier and didn't see him.

Gibbs, finished with interviewing all the witnesses (there were quite a lot as the crime happened shortly before one club closed for the night) he went over towards his team.

"Where the hell is Dinozzo?", he demanded to know, the absence of his senior field agent was hard to miss.

Ducky joined them, having been busy with the body and Mr. Palmer at the coroner's van.

"I dunno Boss." McGee said.

"Maybe he left to change, he did fell into the trash before". Gibbs shook his head. His gut churned and this didn't bode well.

"Dinozzo wouldn't leave like that. At least he better when he wants to keep his job." he added. Normally Tony was acting responsible when being in the field but lately the younger agent seemed distracted and earned himself more head slaps than before.

Sadly, Tony did hear them speculating about him and he felt even more awful than before. When he had heard Gibbs voice he was certain his boss would find and help him. Now maybe it would be better if the team didn't find him and went looking elsewhere for him. His heart ached at the thought but they seemed better off without him.

One last attempt was made to make himself known towards his team but his mind couldn't concentrate enough to form any coherent words. His legs were still trembling and now he was lying onto his side in the middle of the filth.

"Well dad, I did end up in the gutter..." he thought when blackness consumed him.

Gibbs was getting more nervous. They had waited for half an hour for any form of contact from Dinozzo and he was getting pissed with his protege. He didn't answer his cell and they didn't hear it because it was set to vibrate.

"Dammit, where are you?" he thought.

"McGee, Ziva, look everywhere again. Where did you see him last?" he demanded to know.

Both agents shrugged then Ziva began to state "when he fell down in the dumpster."

"If he is playing hide 'n seek in there I swear I'm going...Duck!"

Gibbs was walking towards the dumpster and looked into it fairly certain he would find nothing. He was horrified at the sight of his agent lying in the middle of trash, vomit and other fluids he had no time to identify.

"Is he in there?" McGee couldn't believe it.

"What is the matter Jethro, did you find another guest for us?" the older medical examiner wanted to know then he also looked into the dumpster.

"Hopefully not." Gibbs muttered.

"My gosh, Anthony." Ducky exclaimed and touched the agents body.

"Jethro, he is burning up, we need to get him out of here." Together they heaved Tony out of his prison which was fairly difficult because Tony was a large man and Ducky was getting fragile in his days.

"Mr. Palmer, we need a stretcher here."

Ducky's assistant nodded hurried towards the van to get a second stretcher out of it. Their guest was already taken care of.

"What's wrong with him?" Ziva wanted to know. She saw Tony lying on the ground shivering violently and not conscious.

"I have no idea" Gibbs plainly said, at once having no clue what to say otherwise.

"Do we need an ambulance Ducky?" he asked his friend.

"It would seem to be the most responsible choice but as I know Anthony, he would check himself out as soon as he can get up anyway, I'm afraid. Perhaps we should get him home into a warm bed."

He looked at Gibbs who thought about it.

"He lives alone Duck."

Ducky sighed, sometimes Jethro could be very dense.

"Then somebody should take care of him." he said pointedly.

"I will look after him, that way he cannot do anything stupid." Ziva volunteered but Gibbs shook his head.

"Need you and McGee processing the evidence and handling the investigation."

Meanwhile they had loaded Tony onto the stretcher and covered him with blankets. His eyelids fluttered open.

"...happened?" a hoarse voice sounded.

"That's what we should be asking you Dinozzo." Gibbs scolded, but with a friendly tone. Tony shuddered, Gibbs was not nice unless something terrible happened. He became agitated.

"Somebody died?" he needed to know if somebody else died on his watch. Why did he feel so fragile?

"No one Dinozzo. Just scared us a little that's all."

"Okay?" he still sounded unsure what was going on.

Gibbs was confused. He expected a joke, an I'm fine or something typical Dinozzo but not this insecure okay as if he didn't believe what he just said.

Ducky sensed the peril both men were in and stepped in between.

"Anthony, how are you feeling? It seems you have a pretty high fever."

"Cold." he responded after a while as if he had to think about the answer for himself.

Ducky nodded.

"Well, we will get you home and then you can go to bed." but somehow this answer made Tony squirm inside the blanket.

"I can nap at the office, it's fine..." he wanted to get up but his body would not obey his will.

"Anthony, stay still, you are in no shape to run around." Ducky warned him and Tony shuddered again. Rationally he knew that Ducky only meant well but at the moment he was feeling like a kid, vulnerable and fragile and the words seemed to come from somebody else, admonishing him after a nasty run-in with some bullies. The doctor in the hospital wasn't too gently with him as he tried to escape scared by the foreign room.

"No hospital." he whispered.

"I will take him to my house Ducky, it's easier to have someone look after him." he only meant well but Tony interpreted it as being naughty and a nuisance.

"I can take care of my own, don't need a babysitter." he tried to explain but Gibbs would here none of it.

Ziva laughed.

"Come on Tony, you love it when you get attention. Think of all the women who will want to take care of you. I will cook you my homemade pasta and bring it to you."

"The hell you will." he muttered, but only Gibbs heard it. He sighed, somehow he was missing something. He didn't like Zivas version of cheering Tony up very much either.

"Well, time to get you into a bed Dinozzo." he said and together they helped Tony sit into the passenger seat of the Dodge Gibbs had driven to the scene. The others had a sedan from the agency at their disposal and Ducky and Palmer would return with the body in the van.

Ducky had handed Gibbs some meds for fighting off common colds.

"If you can get him into taking them... we also need to look out for his lungs, if he develops a cough he needs to go to the hospital." he had warned him.

Gibbs nodded as if he could ever forget the fact that his agent was the survivor of a genetically altered plague-virus. The fact that he was still able to go into the field and catch the bad guys with his spectacular body-tackle was amazing in it's own right. Somehow though it seemed to have been forgotten between the team and all the other working with him.

It became a routine that Tony was there and able to do his job, he didn't need any credit for that.

"Maybe that's where I went wrong..." Gibbs thought, glancing over to Tony who was sitting there with his eyes closed and trying his hardest to be invisible.

"Why didn't you want to stay at your apartment? You didn't protest staying with me." Gibbs wanted to know also he wanted to initiate conversation.

"It's way out of your way and all the others. More convenient. Didn't want to bother anyone any more than I have to." He wasn't saying the whole reason but still Gibbs was surprised with him being that honest about it.

He also heard about the secret message in it, being that he seemed to think that taking care of him was a burden to the team.

"Don't worry, Abby will be thrilled that she can mother-hen you properly." Gibbs said waving his hand as it wasn't a big deal. It really wasn't, they all could get sick and they all had no family in the area so they looked after each other.

They arrived at Gibbs house and after a bit of a struggle Tony managed to stumble upstairs into the guest room and onto the bed. Gibbs helped him take off his clothes which were filthy and possible ruined being designer wear from Armani or some other label (as if Gibbs would know them) and put him into bed.

Tony didn't say anything, no jokes or even a slight grin, nothing. Maybe he was just exhausted from all, maybe there was a different reason behind it.

"I will make you something to eat, now sleep." Always ordering him, Gibbs made only a few words and left the room.

Dinozzo sighed.

What the hell happened and why was everything so damn screwed up?

After a few hours Gibbs went upstairs to wake Tony up. He made some chicken soup as they were good when you had a cold and saw that Tony was awake and staring at the ceiling.

"Mad you some soup." his boss stated entering the room.

"You wanna tell me was this was all about?" he asked after a while when his agent said nothing.

"I guess I don't feel so good." he admitted after trying the first spoon of soup.

"No feeling good is an understatement. You slipped and then couldn't get up on your own!" somehow, this made Gibbs angry. Tony ducked his head instantly.

This made Gibbs freeze in his tracks.

"Tony?" he asked tentatively.

His agent looked up at him, taking on more spoonful of soup.

"This stuff is good Boss." he stated.

"You know I won't hit you?" he needed to know if his was imagining things now. If he was seeing what wasn't there, if it was only because his normal brave cutting agent was behaving like a small boy being sick.

"What kind of question is that?" Tony wanted to know. Gibbs was relieved. It was just his imagination after all.

"It's nothing. I have some meds for you to take and no isn't an option. Ducky said you could get seriously sick with having had the plague and all." Somehow this made Tony laugh.

"And I believed you had somehow forgotten." his laugh wasn't happy but hollow and with an angry note to it.

"Of course I haven't Dinozzo. That stunt cost the agency a few thousand." he wanted to joke to lighten the mood.

"That's the kind of answer I would expect from Vance. You don't care about money. But it's nice that you haven't forgotten the bucks I cost the agency. At least one thing." He was sounding bitter now and hadn't taken another bite of soup.

Gibbs was puzzled. There was an anger lying underneath Dinozzos words and he couldn't understand where it had come from. Of course he remembered how narrow his agent escaped drowning in his own lungs and how much it had cost him. So why...

Apparently Dinozzo couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Sometimes I think about if it wouldn't have been better for all if I had died that day. Or when White tried to kill me, when I protected Jeanne from the junkies, when Kort blew up my car or when Rivkin..." he stopped.

"Kate died, Paula died, Jenny died and nobody speaks ill of them. Seems to be a benefit of being dead. Maybe my dad would be proud of me though I doubt it."

Gibbs slapped him, hard. Talking about loved ones being dead and Dinozzo about being nearly dead way too often reminded him of his loss with Shannon and Kelly.

"See? I knew that was a rhetorical question earlier." Tony said and Gibbs realized his mistake.

"Tony I'm...sorry." It was difficult and he was breaking rule six, but to hell with it.

"It was just that you... don't you think it wouldn't matter to us if you were dead?" He couldn't believe it.

Tony smiled though they wasn't any sparkle in his eyes that indicated he would find this funny.

"Sure Abby will be sad, she always is when a puppy dies and it will be a bitch having a new senior field agent though I'm sure McGee can do the job better than me anyway. Ziva said so herself that she would rather have a conversation with Rivkin about killing me than the other way around and McGee has the cool version of agent Tommy to use for his jabs at not being a techy agent like he is. I guess Ducky will miss someone that actually listens to his stories and Jimmy will have no more chance of distributing ideas towards any case with you."

"Dinozzo, I said it once, you are irreplaceable." He was sparse with these words but his actions showed that he cared for his team.

"You made a joke and here everybody thinks that I am the inappropriate one." Tony countered for once not giving any leeway.

"Tony, we are a family, don't you see that? Family cares for each other, they love each other." now Gibbs was getting desperate, how could he have missed this before?

Tony nodded.

"I know, you are exactly behaving like family. Having one outcast and when you screw up you get send away. In case you didn't know Gibbs I haven't had it any other way before so I am not surprised and I think I turned out more decent than my father. And once I hoped that we could be more than family, as family doesn't seem to care that much for each other. But I was wrong, again. I should go and let you build a new boat or something on the basement for all your loved ones." He tried to get up but was too dizzy and Gibbs held him by the shoulders.

"I can call for an ambulance, maybe I should go to the hospital after all." he slumped back but was suddenly pulled forward into a hug.

"Tony. When you got pushed out of that airplane my heart stopped till your chute opened. When you were missing I paced the bullpen and terrorized Kate because I was worried. When we realized we chained you to a serial killer I thought that this was the one mistake I made that would result in losing someone I care about. When we met Stan Burley I was nice to him to let you see what you find normal for me. I forgot his name half of the time, I have no idea when his birthday is or what he did at home. I didn't hire him actively, he was sent to me by Morrow and he only stayed that long so he could get into the agent afloat position. When you had the plague I wanted to shoot Hannah Lowell and the stupid scientist straight away. I ordered you not to die because I couldn't stand the fact that you could die from this stupid act of revenge, because of a stupid lie." he paused, letting the words sink in.

"When you rescued McGee and Kate from that bomb and afterwards broke down, I was even more angry at Ari than before and that bastard shot me. Kate died and I was afraid for you to break. You didn't and the way you took McGee under your wings made me proud. When I retired to Mexico I left the team in your hands, I had no idea that they would give you such a hard time. When I thought you died with your car in the explosion I wanted to strangle Jenny for being responsible. I still do, but she is dead now and I cannot bring myself to forgive her especially for pulling you into her depth by assigning you protection detail in Los Angeles. It was her fault that you were sent away, because without this mishap Vance could not have disbanded the team that easily. You could've helped figuring out the mole. Maybe Langer would still be alive.

When I have seen how you were faring on that ship I knew I had to get you back. First I thought that maybe this was a chance for you to have your own way but I realized that you hurt.

When there was the debacle with Ziva and Rivkin I was glad that you were alive and he wasn't. I couldn't punish Eli David for hurting you or Vance for throwing you to the wolves and I would have stepped in but I knew you would get Eli to confess the knowledge of Rivkin's actions. When Ziva basically asked me to remove you from the team I bluntly told her that there was no choice.

When you rescued me and Maddie from the river I was proud of you. I voted for you getting the bravery award that year but somehow Vance overlooked you once again."

Tony had listened intently and he was glad that finally Gibbs had said a lot of the things on his mind but it wasn't enough. So he challenged:

"When I returned from the sewer, you joked with McGee that he couldn't have my desk. After I had to kill Jeffrey and told you I liked him you shrugged it off. When Franks hit me over the head, you didn't even ask how I was doing. When you are going lone wolf you didn't thank me for pulling you and Maddie out. When I needed advice how to handle Jeanne and the whole situation you weren't there for me. You were there when I was framed, twice I give you that. But what about the whole narcissist comment you and Ducky made? When Ziva compared me to a murderer just because he did his stuff in an old record player like I did? What about the Royal Woods case where McGee and Ziva turned off the mike because they found me taking voice samples annoying. What about Christmas where you wished for me to get an attitude adjustment? What about my father when he visited and the whole team was acting like damn cheerleaders cheering on him being the father of the century?" he yelled now.

Gibbs shook his head,

"Tony, I cannot tell you that everything I did was the right thing and neither can you. I hope you understand that you are important to me, to us even though sometimes we are not always nice to each other. That's what family is about. Sometimes teasing, sometimes even being mean and sometimes you "siblings" are downright cruel if they can be. It is up to the "parents" to decided which behavior to let slide and which not. But for this they need to know everything. I'm only human and we have a very demanding job and also I'm no father of the year so forgive me if I cannot see everything that went wrong. I will look into a few things and maybe you should show Tim and Ziva that you are not like they seem to think you are. You are my senior field agent and not techno babble from Tim will change that."

This many words didn't come often from Gibbs but now it was necessary.

"Thank you Boss." Tony said softly.

"Don't sweat it. Now you telling me why you don't want to be at home or why you are even sick in the first place?"

Tony sighed.

"Could be that the heating in the apartment isn't working." he mumbled but Gibbs ears caught it.

"Since when?" he only asked.

"few weeks. There seems to be replacement part missing that's due in a few weeks. The other residents didn't mind, they went to visit their families in other states and I was basically working anyways so..."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Gibbs asked but already knew the answer.

"You didn't want me there the last time, you only said yes because we nearly died in that explosion." Not the best moment between them either.

"I understand, that one is on me. New rule Dinozzo. Whenever you need a place to crash or have a problem outside work and inside too, you come to me. It's an order, don't try to weasel yourself out of it!" he insisted knowing it was the only way to get Dinozzo to comply.

"On it boss." he answered.

"Good", he patted Tony on his cheek.

"Rule Five Dinozzo. Still applies."

"You know boss? Maybe you should get an actual TV if I'm going to stay here any longer. We could watch movies and eat popcorn... like a sleepover." The head slap was just a light touch to the back of his head and Gibbs smiled.

"Sure Dinozzo."

There wasn't everything magically alright in the world but it was a start and Gibbs promised himself to be more open about his feelings towards Tony and remind him from time to time that there was always a place for him on Gibbs team and he would have a talk with his other agents for some actions of the last years that were questionable.

Tony went to sleep after that and were feeling a lot better already even though his cold was still there and he had to be careful with his lungs. Another thing Gibbs would take more care of in the future.

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Hope you liked it, it did turn out different from what I had in mind but oh well, these things have a life of their own.