You know, when I was young, I was a bit of a cry baby. I would cry at the actual drop of a hat and it was a fairly annoying habit. One day my mom sat me down and explained that even though it feels like it's a big moment when it happens, in the grand scheme of things it's really very small. She was talking about the time when I sat on my glasses and they broke but I took it to be quite literal. I thought that nothing really mattered in the grand scheme of things and nothing I did was ever important. And with that thought in mind I floated through life, fairly happy and crying very little.

But then something happened that irrevocably changed my life and suddenly my life was filled with really quite important in the grand scheme of events' kind of moments. And it started when I found a man looming over my new employer with a glowing sceptre in hand.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Hi, my name is Eloise and I'm twenty six. I'm a chef and I live in New York.

Well now I do. Before that I used to live in Chicago. I made deep dish pizzas there and earned myself enough of a reputation to get fired because the head chef was jealous. And also because I refused to sleep with him. But mainly because my pizzas were delicious.

So there I was, unemployed and tired of the Windy city. I put some feelers out and got myself a new job. I was to be a personal chef to a certain Mr Tony 'Iron Man' Stark.

But of course before I got the job I had to audition for it. And the person I was auditioning for was Miss Virginia Potts. Honestly, her name alone made me want to work for her. I wish she was my partner in a catering business just so we could call it Potts and Pans. But alas, she was a CEO of a Fortune 500 company.

"So what do you need me to do?" I asked her the day of the audition.

"Impress me."

That was all she said. So freaking cool. If I told anyone 'Impress me' I would get laughed in the face. Not Miss Virginia Potts though.

But 'Impress me', that is something that leaves a wide range to work with. Too wide.

I mean I could have made some smoked salmon canapés with a light hollandaise to go on top. Or I could make some crispy chicken skin with Jamaican spices, or maybe some escargot?

In the end I decided to go with something that usually impresses people. Spaghetti with meatballs.

I know, I know. Too rustic for an audition with the CEO of Stark enterprises. But I make the best spaghetti with meatballs. If my spaghetti with meatballs was what the Lady and the Tramp were eating there would have been a dogfight over who got to eat all of it, no noodle kiss.

And it worked out pretty well too. The first bite in she told me I was hired and then proceeded to inhale all of it.

I am an amazing chef.

I was told to report two weeks later at Stark Tower where I would be given my own id card and a personal pass code to the elevator. Apparently I was to cook primarily for Tony freaking Stark. Miss Potts believed I had what it took to get Mister Stark to leave his lab and eta some food.

I had a roommate who was a scientist, I know how huge a compliment that is.

And so two weeks later I strolled into Stark towers. Security there was tough but they told me it was only for the first time.

"Don't worry," The guy who was adding my fingerprints to the system told me. "Once your retinal scan and fingerprints and voice are added to the database, Jarvis will just let you in."

"Jarvis? Is he like the head of security?"

"Nah, head of security is Mister Hogan."

"So who's Jarvis?"

The two security guys shared amused looks. "Jarvis handles everything."

"Everything?"

"Anything Mister Stark needs, Jarvis can get."

"So...like a guy-guy?"

"A guy-guy?"

"What's a guy-guy?"

"Like...I have a guy for truffles, is he like the guy of guys where he can get a guy for anything?"

They just stared at me.

"Eloise," Security guy number one, also known as Steve from his id badge said, "I think I'm really going to enjoy working with you."

"Cool!"

With that I was in the elevator, clutching my frying pan to my chest. It's a rule of mine, always carry a frying pan. There is something about frying pans that is very comforting. And people often keep the wrong kind of frying pan. It's all down to personal preferences I know and I myself have several different type of frying pans but nothing beats a good cast iron skillet.

The elevator moved fast and soon I was nearly at the top but when the counter had nearly gone up to the highest the lights shut down and I was trapped in the elevator that wasn't going anywhere.

"Crap."

"I'm sorry Miss but I had to turn off the Arc Reactor."

I screamed bloody murder at the weirdly synthesized sounding British voice that had come out of nowhere.

"What the, who are you?"

"I'm Jarvis."

"Oh. Ohhh. So you run...everything?"

"Yes."

Before I could ask him anything else the elevator cab jolted as if there was an explosion somewhere very close by.

"Turning on Arc Reactor." Jarvis said and the lights were back on and the elevator moved again. When it opened I found myself at the scene I was explaining in the beginning. Guy in lots of leather and metal armour hovering over Tony Stark who was crawling to get up onto his feet. The man was snarling and he did look an awful lot like the man who was in the news for fighting Iron Man back in Germany.

So I did the only thing that made sense.

Clang!

I hit him with my frying pan.