Chapter 1:

"We haven't had a Captain of the Guard since Rootbeer Guy died," murmured Bonnie. Finn nodded. He had fond memories of that time. RBG was a riot. He'd been a very good guard captain, and Finn missed him quite a bit. He wasn't sure where Bonnie was going with this, though. Seeing puzzlement on his young face, Bonnibel Bubblegum sighed and announced, "the job's yours, if you want it, Finn. It comes with a lot of responsibility, but it also comes with a salary, a pension, all sorts of things a father and husband could use..."

Now he saw, and he stared at Bonnie a moment. Then, after a brief moment's thought, Finn grabbed Bonnie's face, kissed her thoroughly, and howled, "heck, yeah!" He was practically dancing. With Billy and Simone, plus possibly one more on the way, he needed the cash. Raiding dungeons wasn't going to pay the bills–not if he wanted to actually be home to see his kids. Being an absentee butthead like Jake had been wasn't going to cut it.

Giggling, Bonnie said, "ok, Finn. You can start tomorrow." Slapping him on the back, she sent him on his way. She imagined he'd run all the way home to tell Simone. Watching as Finn dwindled into the distance, she couldn't help smiling. That felt... right. She'd held on a little too long and a little too hard. He did deserve to be happy after all he'd been through. Turning around, she headed back inside to get to work on her goo-guy eradication formula. The wastelands were just too juicy a resource to ignore, and she needed to get rid of the mutants so she could colonize them.

Finn did, in fact, run all the way home. Excited as anything, he came huffing and puffing up to his house to find Simone sitting outside, enjoying the unseasonably warm weather with Billy on her lap. She was half asleep, and Billy was snoring softly. Rushing up, Finn found himself skidding to a halt on the slippery grass. It wasn't good to wake the baby, and he knew sometimes Simone waited for hours for the little guy to go to sleep. He'd be able to help with some of that now. The long trips across the land looking for treasure to loot had been a drag on their relationship the last few weeks. Finn was constantly gone, and when he was home, he was too tired to help her with Billy. Now that would change.

Tip-toeing up, he whispered to his girl, "Simone..." Her eyes popped open, and she looked up in startled surprise. She hadn't expected him back for another day. Motioning her to put Billy down to sleep, Finn tip-toed away. The beautiful woman gently lay their baby in the basket next to the swing, then followed her husband of just three months back to the doorway of the house. "What's got you back so soon," she whispered? "Dungeon was a bust," sighed Finn. "Somebody already hit it." That was a bit of a disappointment. Bills for the pregnancy had eaten up a lot of their money supply.

Grinning, he told her, "I stopped off at Bonnie's place. I got a job. A real one." Simone stared at him a moment. Then, delightedly, she threw herself on him and hugged the stuffing out of him. Stepping back, she said, "we can celebrate..." Frowning, Finn reminded her, "I thought we were savin'." Simone replied, "Lady stopped by. We're invited to their place for dinner." "Mathematical," murmured Finn!

That evening, the little family packed some things and headed across the grasslands to Jake and Lady's place. Finn was carrying Billy on his shoulders, and the little guy was giggling and happy. Holding Finn's hand, Simone announced, "I'll be glad when summer's back..." Finn glanced her way, a smirk on his face. Guessing what he was thinking, she put out her tongue at him. Making a face, she said, "it's Simone, remember? Not Ice-Queen..." Chuckling, Finn said, "I still owe you that coat." He'd been promising to go out and kill a bear. He needed a new hat after all. Squeezing his hand, she offered, "you've been busy, honey. When you get the time. I'm doing fine..."

They made Jake and Lady's place an hour before dinner. Jake met them at the door, looking a little pudgier. "Finn," howled Jake! He grabbed his bro and hugged him. Lady immediately took Simone and headed for her sun-porch, with Simone taking Billy off her husband's shoulders. Finn and Jake headed for the kitchen to get started on dinner.

Jake already had a massive pot of his 'everything' stew going. Finn pitched in and started making side dishes. "How goes it," asked Finn? "Ah," muttered Jake. He didn't seem happy, and Finn wondered what was wrong. "How's Lady," asked Finn? "Wants me to get a job," muttered Jake. "Says I'm moping..." Finn frowned. Jake did sound pretty mopey.

Out on the sun-porch, Simone found two of Jake and Lady's daughters sitting along with Pat, their sister-in-law. Charlie, who was a down-to-earth girl, sat sipping coffee. Jake Jr had a glass of wine. Much to Simone's surprise, Jr. looked almost human. The young shape-changer wore a pants-suit in grey. "What in the world," murmured Simone? Charlie chuckled, "my brother's idea, aunt Simone. Jr.'s gonna' work in his sales office. He wanted her to be a little more approachable." Simone offered her niece a compliment, "you look lovely, dear."

Pat rolled her eyes. They had hired Jr. to help her pay the fines she owed for her various crooked schemes. Pat had objected, but she chose not to point that out. The gathering moved on, with everybody asking how Simone was doing. "Not crazy," chuckled Simone. She thanked them all for their help. She feared what she would have done under the Tiara's sway. "Where's the crown now," asked Jr.? Simone shrugged. "Beats me," said she. "Haven't seen it since. I imagine Bonnibel has it locked up somewhere." She'd be perfectly happy never seeing it again, and she said so.

Lady moved the conversation on, asking about how Finn was handling being a dad. Smiling, Simone replied, "just fine. He gets up to help with the baby, and he even went and got a job today..." "Oh," asked Charlie? "What's he doing?" Proudly, Simone offered, " Captain of the Guard for Princess Bubblegum..." Pat opined, "you got the prize of the pair..." Simone blushed to her hair, and Charlie sprayed tea out her nose. It was a known fact that Jake wasn't allowed anywhere near his granddaughter. He'd been a bumbling father the whole way through, and it amazed Charlie that he'd gotten as far as he did.

Out in the kitchen, Finn was stir-frying vegetables while Jake finished off the stew. They had been talking about the good old days with Finn trying to cheer Jake up. While they worked, Kim Kil Whan came through the back door, talking on his cellphone. Finn greeted him with an enthusiastic, "hey, dude!" Kim waved to him as he continued his conversation. The real-estate mogul walked across the kitchen, still talking on the phone. Jake watched him go with a look of sadness on his face.

"C'mon, dude," said Finn. "Talk to me. What's eatin' you?" With a heavy sigh, Jake admitted, "kids told me I was a deadbeat. They said I have to get a job!" He'd never had a job before! They only thing close was running his old gang, and Kim had said he couldn't do that anymore. "Aw, dude," sighed Finn. "You can do it! It's not that hard! I just got a job this morning!" Jake stared at him. "You did," he gobbled? "Where?" "Workin' for Peebles," said Finn. "I'm now Captain of the Banana Guards." Jake's jaw came unhinged! "Dude," he howled! "That's great!" He slapped Finn on the shoulder in excitement. Finn laughed.

Smiling, Finn said, "I decided I needed to get something so I could be home with Simone and Billy every day." Now he got to see his baby-boy and his girl all the time–if you didn't count the walk into the Candy Kingdom every morning. But he had an answer for that too. When Billy was older, Simone could get a job too, and she could come into town with him, and they could take Billy to school.

Jake said, "I'm happy for you, man." Far from sounding happy, he sounded even more depressed. "What's wrong, Jake," asked the hero? "Nothin', man," sighed Jake. "It's... It's just that... I was thinkin' about the old days when it was just us and we had the treehouse and Beemo, and we could do whatever we wanted." With a nod, Finn replied, "I totes get where you're comin' from, man. I miss going out on adventures and just knockin' down monsters n'stuff. Or-or droppin' in on Tree-Trunks for pie, or pickin' up trash to eat in the Candy Kingdom!"

Seeing that his sympathy didn't have the desired effect, Finn realized that there was something deeper there than missing the old days. He wasn't sure what it was, and he was considering asking about it, when Kim Kil Whan came back through. The businessman told his father, "mom wants you." Jake scooted out of there like his tail was on fire. When he'd gone, Kim looked around, then nodded for Finn to follow him. Puzzled now, the human hero followed his nephew out the back door of the house.

Shutting the door behind him, Kim turned to his uncle and said, "I'm happy you've chosen stability, uncle Finn." Finn frowned at him in puzzlement. He wasn't sure where this was going. "I'm proud to hear that you're moving on in life," said the dog-icorn. "Thanks, man," said Finn with a smile. At the same time, he knew there was another shoe waiting to drop. "So what's up with your dad," he asked? "He wants to stay a kid," said Kim. "He wants to stay up all night playing Card Wars like he used to or to go wander off into the wilderness." Finn blushed. That hit a little close to home!

Nodding, Kim said, "you must not allow him to join you in working for Princess Bubblegum." Finn's jaw dropped open. "What the what," he howled?! The businessman said, "he's not going to be a help to you, Finn. He's just going to want to do the same things he did before. Hang out, eat, play games, eat, have fun, and eat. If you let him come to work for you, you'll both end up with nothing."

Finn blushed to his hair. Simone had totes bitched him out once when Jake came over and the two spent hours playing Beemo. He'd been days apologizing for that one. "Yeah, man," sighed Finn. Kim was right. Jake hadn't changed much since his son evicted them from the treehouse. It was like it just wasn't in his nature to be responsible. With a heavy-hearted sigh, Finn said, "ok. I'll... I'll think of something." Kim thanked him, adding, "he'll be better for it, uncle Finn." The two shook hands and went back inside.

Viola and TV had arrived, and the whole family was sitting around the table. Viola was cradling her cousin, and she gave Finn a cheery hello and a wave when he came through the door. Jake was in the process of serving up dinner, and Finn immediately pitched in. The two doled out stir-fry and everything stew, and Jr. even provided a nice bottle of wine that she'd brought. For a little while, things were perfect.

Finn caught the rest of his extended family up on goings on around the Candy Kingdom. PB was working on a goo-guy eradication formula to wipe out the mutants in the wastelands so she could open a colony there. Simon and Betty had apprenticed themselves as wizards in Wizard City, and Simone was immersing herself in reading every book she could get her hands on, filling gaps in her memories with as much knowledge as she could get.

The former Ice-Queen had an amazing mind. She could remember just about anything at a glance, and she had become almost an encyclopedia of information. Everyone there cheered the beautiful human woman, congratulating her on fitting in. Simone, a little embarrassed by all the praise, blushed to her hair. At the same time, she was all smiles. This was the best moment of her life. They were all here and all well, and she wasn't battling the Ice-Tiara over its desire to hurt her family.

"So when do we get another cousin," asked Viola? Simone and Finn both blushed. The former sorceress temporized, "working on it." Which set Jake to guffawing loudly, earning him a glare from his eldest son. An oblivious Jake opined, "too bad you didn't put more in her, Finn. You'd be all done..." Blushing, Finn reminded him, "uh, humans are... different, Jake. Mostly, it's one to a customer." The stretchy dog laughed unconvincingly, "yeah, I knew that. I was just testin' ya..."

Moving on, Finn announced the big news of the day, telling everybody about his new job as Captain of the Banana Guards. His nieces and nephews were certainly impressed. As the congratulations got said, and Finn's back got slapped, Jake piped up with, "well, I guess we know where I'll be gettin' a job!" Finn blushed. He was extremely conscious of Kim Kil Whan's eyes on him. All his nieces and nephews were looking at him. Viola excitedly asked, "can he, uncle Finn?! That would be wonderful!"

Finn temporized, "I kinda' don't have the right to do that, Jake. I'd have to talk to PB." "Well, let's go see her in the morning," said Jake! "I'm sure she'll say yes! After all the times we've helped her out, she kinda' owes us!" Finn nodded. "Uh, yeah," said he. "I'll go ask her." Seeing the distress he was under, Simone stepped in and changed the subject. She wanted to talk about the new Squeezy Mart that was opening in the grasslands and how much easier it was going to be to go shopping.

"What've you been doing all this time," asked Pat? With a laugh, Simone reminded her, "I used to be able to fly, remember?" Bringing home the bacon had been easy, then! Now she was on foot. Even Kim Kil Whan had to laugh at that.

Finn helped Jake haul the dirty dishes and pots to the kitchen to wash, while the rest of the family sat around the living room, sipping hot tea and chatting. Simone was anxious for the weather to turn, so she could spend a little more time out doors in the garden. She also wanted a chance to take long walks–exercise to get her figure back.

Charlie chatted about her work in Turtle Princess's library, and Viola sort of bounced between being fascinated by her aunt and by her sisters. Pat monitored little Bronwyn, her daughter, who'd developed an intense fascination for her second-cousin. The tyke was sitting beside Billy's basket, playing with him and teasing him. The bear-woman had sort of been hoping for a few more children amongst her husband's family–so Bronwyn would have friends to play with, and she was delighted to see that finally starting to happen.

In the kitchen, Jake continued to chatter away in excitement about his new job as second chief of the Banana Guards, while Finn did his best to force laughter in all the right places. He was in a pickle. He knew his nephew was right. If he brought Jake into the Guards, he'd get nothing done. If that happened, Peebles would be mondo disappointed, and he'd get the axe! He couldn't afford to do that!

At the same time, Jake was his brother. He didn't want to dump on his bro just to help himself! He was trapped, and it was eating him up inside. His oblivious brother continued to talk about all the stuff they could do–slacking off from duty, of course. He wanted to go out dungeon-crawling like before. "Got to keep those threats to the Kingdom at bay," opined the stretchy-dog. And he would have hung out near downtown. "Somebody's got to keep those sneaky people honest," explained Jake. Finn's bro had a legion of dumb ideas for what they could do to goof off while pretending to work, and Finn's dismay grew larger and larger. He had to think of a way out of this. Fast.

Finally, as the clock chimed for ten o'clock, Finn and Simone said their goodbyes. They were parents now, and, much as he might have liked to hang around longer, parents didn't walk through the dark with their baby in the freezing cold. Draping his coat on Simone and Billy both, Finn led the way home through the darkness.

As they walked, Simone asked, "so what's wrong, Finn?" Finn ducked his head and tugged at his collar. She knew him too well. "Kim Kil Whan's asked me not to hire Jake," sighed Finn. Simone frowned at her husband. That didn't make sense. The kids were complaining that Jake was a lazy stumble-bum who did nothing but eat and laze around the house. Why ask Finn not to help him?

"Because it's me," sighed Finn. Which was just a shade worse. The pups all loved Finn. It made no sense at all that they would ask him not to work with their father. "When Jake and me get together," rumbled Finn. "When we get to hangin' out... It's... It's like we're kids again." He looked up into her misty grey eyes and said, "you've seen it..." Simone blushed. She had indeed. She'd stopped talking to him for a day because of it. Finn explained, "if Jake comes to work with me, he'll want it to be just like always." "And you'll both get canned," sighed Simone. She got it now. Now she knew why Finn was so reluctant to endorse his brother.

"So you're going to call Bonnibel when we get home, honey," said Simone. "You're going to work it out with her. Let her be the one to say no." Finn's head whipped around. Nodding, she said, "he's your brother, honey. I understand how that feels. Bonnibel... She's a stranger. She's your friend, but she's not family. She can make the hard choice." Finn laughed only semi-humorously. Bonnie was good at making the hard choices alright.

With things settled in his mind, he was a lot more relaxed. "Aren't you cold, honey," said she. "Nah, man," said Finn. There was a bounce in his step now. He was thinking again, and he said, "I know how to fix things with Jake." Simone gave him a curious look. "Jake... Jake's always wanted to be a mailman. Now that there's people living outside the Candy Kingdom, it'd be nice if they could get mail too." She saw where this was going. Jake could have all the importance of having a job and have the comfort of being just as lazy as he'd always been. She was proud of her husband for coming up with a compromise. Leaning over, she kissed his cheek.