I do not own Twilight.

Beta'd by Moon Dogg . Thanks for always taking the time out to look over these chapters. You're the best!

AN: Thank you for the wonderful reviews last chapter and welcome new readers!

Edward

There's something really wrong.

Well, not wrong, but not quite right either.

I've thought about calling Jasper or maybe my dad, but I just can't bring myself to talk to anyone. If I'm being completely honest with myself it's because I feel weak. Weak and just fucked.

I'm not sure when the exact moment I realized I don't feel right, but it's certainly worse after dropping Bell off at her apartment after dinner with Paul and Sam. Dinner was an awkward and shitty affair, and I was stunned at how vicious Emily and Leah were. It's the utter defeat I could see in Bell's soulful eyes that's twisted my gut painfully.

Something is broken inside of her. Knowing that she hurts so deeply makes me angry, but I also feel relieved. I'm relieved I'm not the only one. In a way her pain makes me feel closer to her. Lauren decimated my heart, and someone has shattered my sweet Bell.

My sweet Bell.

She is so very sweet, unlike any woman I've ever known. I don't really know what to do with sweet or the feelings she produces in me.

Fear prickles at my spine. I didn't sign up for sweet, and I certainly didn't sign up for all the mushy shit that keeps popping in my head or spewing from my mouth.

I need to keep my head and my heart clear.

My phone rings, and with a growl I answer it without looking at the name on the screen.

"Cullen!"

I hear a soft gasp at my barked greeting, and I silently groan with regret.

"Is this a bad time?" Bell's voice is soft and quiet.

I scrub a hand over my face and sit back in my office chair. "No, Beautiful. What's up?"

"Oh, OK. I was wondering if you had plans to go out this weekend?"

I think for a moment before answering. "I don't as of right now. Why?"

"Just wanted to get an idea of what our plans might be."

As much as I like going out, part of me wants to stay in and camp out in front of the television. With that realization I decide that we'll definitely be going out. Snuggling with Bell on the couch would be a bad idea.

A very bad idea.

It'll only spur more confusion in me.

Why does she have me so tangled in knots?

I've considered ending our arrangement on a few occasions, but the idea of not seeing Bell or, better yet, seeing her with someone else makes my stomach burn with emotions I dare not even think about. Even now the words are on the tip of tongue, but I can't get them past my teeth.

"This isn't working out for me anymore. We need to end this."

"Edward?" Bell's voice brings me out of my head.

"Sorry, Love. Uh, yeah, we'll be going out."

"Alright. We can have dinner at my place. I picked up some shrimp earlier today. Would you like that?"

"Uh, sure. Yeah. That's fine."

"Are you okay? You sound...off?"

I shake my head as if she can see me. "No. Just work, Love. Busy day and all."

"Oh, well, I'm sorry for interrupting. I'll see you tonight, okay?"

We say goodbye, and I throw myself into my work until my secretary Angela buzzes me.

"Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Cullen, but your father is here for lunch."

"Thank you. Send him in, please."

My father quietly steps into my office, closing the door behind him. I get up from behind my desk and pull him into a loose hug.

"How are you, old man?"

The skin around his eyes crinkle as he smiles. "I'm good, son. Your mother misses you. Call her today." He takes a deep breath and lets it out. "Now that that's out of the way, let's get some food."

His laugh is warm, and as I take in his happy expression and greying temples, I'm reminded of how much I've missed him.

After the breakup with Lauren I've shut myself off from everyone but Jasper, really. I just don't want to talk about my failures or see the pity in their eyes.

Sure, I'm over Lauren, but the reason for our breakup is still fresh and painful.

"You alright, son?"

I nod and give him a reassuring smile.

"I'm not buying it, but you can tell me all about it over lunch." He claps a hand over my shoulder before we both turn to exit my office.

Angela is already gone for her break, her computer shut down. We take the elevator down and walk to a nearby cafe. We're seated immediately, and I can't help but smirk as the waitress stares at Carlisle. Even in his early fifties he still draws attention.

"I'll have the turkey on rye with a lemonade." My father gives the waitress a blinding smile, and she sways on her feet. I'm concerned she's going to actually swoon.

She gets control of herself and looks down at me, her voice a tad breathless. "And for you, sir?"

I look over the menu and order a portobello burger with fries and a water.

Once the waitress leaves, my father levels me with a knowing stare.

"What?" I uncharacteristically fidget in my seat, suddenly feeling like I'm ten years old again.

"Spill it before I reach over and yank on your ear the way your mom does."

I flinch at the memory of mom, my ear in one hand and my brother Emmett's in the other.

"That's right. Now start talking."

I lean back in the booth and sigh. I know he'll give me sound advice, but he'll disapprove of my arrangement with Bell.

"I've met a woman." As soon as his baby blues light up, I hold up a hand and shake my head. "It's...it's complicated."

He snickers. "What relationship isn't?"

"She...works for me."

My father rubs his chin in thought. "I see."

The laugh that leaves my lips draws attention from the nearby tables.

"No, you don't. We have an arrangement. I pay her to be available for my, uh, needs."

If I wasn't sure he'd be pissed I would find his eyebrows rising to his hairline funny.

"Before you give me shit, I did it to protect myself, okay? I want female company, but I don't want a relationship. I don't want to get involved with anyone."

His crystal clear eyes dim with sadness, and I look away. Luckily the waitress comes with our food, giving my words time to settle.

Instead of addressing my paying for sex, he gets right down to the heart of it.

"So you hired this girl, and now you feel more for her?"

Do I have feelings for Bell?

I mull the question over, and the realization is too heavy. My chest feels tight and I see spots. I know I'm on the verge of a panic attack, so I steady my breathing, forcing air slowly in and out of my lungs.

"If that's not a resounding yes, I don't know what is!"

I let out a strangled laugh and use my napkin to wipe at the sweat on my brow.

"Yeah...I guess I do have feelings for her."

I thought saying the words out loud would make my panic worse, but it actually lifts the weight on my chest completely.

If I thought I was fucked before, I definitely am now.