Lament of the Salamander

In which Natsu discovers the most important thing to him…is Lucy.

Disclaimer: As far as all disclaimers go...I do not own Fairy Tail or any of its characters.

Author's Notes: A Natsu/Lucy story told via incremental timeskips. This is probably the first and last 'tragedy' fic I'll ever write since I'm pretty much all for happy endings. With that in mind, please read and review. I'm planning out my next couple of stories, either based on this oneshot or something completely new so it would be great to have some feedback :) Also, I apologise in advance for typos, spelling mistakes, grammatic errors etc etc. I know I need an Editor, but who has time to find one?

1.

The first time he met her, she treated him to food. It was a simple gesture of goodwill on her part but Natsu knew at that very moment that something damn awesome was happening. Food was an important part of his life, not just a supplement for his day to day but a genuine subject of his love. So when the blonde haired girl he soon came to know as Lucy invited them to eat with her, free of charge, he knew they would become the best of friends.

And best of friends they did become.

2.

His desire to protect his nakama has always been the thing to keep him going even in the most hopeless times. His relentless persistence in battle and his often-monstrous growth in power owe much of their existence to his guild mates who are always there to fight beside him. To Natsu, the safety of his friends always come first. No exceptions. So it confused him slightly, when out of no where, his desire to protect his blonde haired team mate became so overwhelmingly strong, he often found himself forgetting the need to protect others: something that was unfathomable before her entry into the guild. Naturally, this information was all too difficult for his dense dragon-brain to process. Deciding to dismiss it as a product of their bestfriend-ship, Natsu left it at that.

3.

"Erza and Gray are drowning in a river." Cana said one day, a little bored and in need of entertainment. " Who do you save first?"

"That's a stupid question." Natsu replied, frowning. "What are they doing in a river?"

Mirajane, who was until that moment wiping down the bar table, edged closer for a better listen. She wasn't usually one to eavesdrop but this conversation was too juicy to pass off. Who was she kidding? She loves eavesdropping.

"Natsu, it's a hypothetical scenario." Cana sighed exasperatedly. "It doesn't matter why they're there. You can only choose one. And you have to say the first thing that pops into your head."

"In that case. I'd save Erza." Natsu said after a second of careful deliberation. "Because Gray would never drown in water anyway and Erza would probably kill me if I chose otherwise."

"Erza or Juvia?"

Natsu laughed, "Juvia. Even though she doesn't need saving."

"Juvia or Wendy?"

"Wendy."

"Wendy or Lucy?"

"Lucy."

"Lucy or Levy"

"Mm…Lucy I guess."

"Lucy or Gajeel."

Natsu snorted. "That's stupid. Lucy, obviously."

Mirajane, who has already abandoned her job, was now leaning over next to Cana.

"What about, Lucy or Lisanna?" she asked. "Who would you choose?"

Natsu turned and looked across the guildhall at the two girls in question. Both were sitting down and chatting excitedly with each other.

"Well," he said thoughtfully, scratching his head. "I wouldn't let either of them drown in the first place. But if I had to choose…"

Natsu sighed.

"Lucy."

4.

Natsu Dragoneel never fully grasped the concept of 'like' let alone the even more advanced concept of 'love'. If what existed between Natsu and Igneel was familial love, then he found it hard to believe there would be another person whom he would care about more than he did his foster father. It was such a ridiculous notion that Natsu never really took time to think about it. That is, until the day Lucy went missing.

Well, she wasn't exactly missing in the conventional sense. But the blonde-haired mage has become such an integral part of Natsu's life that not having her by his side just felt…wrong. He knew where she was and what she was doing, and it was exactly what she was doing, that he didn't like. It was a complicated feeling and difficult to process, especially for a Dragon Slayer who's wired for action rather than emotions. Something simpler, like fighting. That was something he understood and excelled at.

The Salamander didn't understand why his teammate insisted on going out on all these dates when there are so many guild missions waiting to be done. Wasn't she the one always going on about how she needed to pay her rent? How carefree of her to abandon precious mission time to go out with these pretty boys who probably can't even take on the most basic missions on offer at the guild. Lucy can do better. She can do so much better.

It was at that moment Natsu realized he needed help, preferably from someone experienced in such dealings. Perhaps his dragon senses are to blame for this possessive desire to monopolize: like how the medieval dragons are with their gold.

It took him some time and a lecture from Erza about him being 'clueless' to realize that though he carried traits of a Dragon, he was very much still a human being.

5.

"Lucy, what's wrong?"

Like always, the fire mage and his Exceed companion stood perched on her windowsill, the mention of 'breaking-and-entering' a long forgotten concept. But rather than screaming at them like she always did when they entered her room without her permission, his best friend and team mate was instead, sobbing quietly into her bedside pillow. Natsu swallowed nervously, fighting down the urge to give her a hug.

He hopped down beside her and placed a hand on her back. "Luce, tell me what's wrong."

"Lucy, why are you crying?" Happy asked, patting her gently on the head. "Did you hurt yourself?"

Lucy shook her head, her face still buried in the pillow. Her voice, muffled as a result.

"It's alright. It's stupid. Don't worry about it."

Natsu sighed. "Lucy, we're your teammates. Don't you trust us?"

Slowly, she looked up from her pillow. Natsu could see the puffiness around her eyes. How long had she been crying?

"Of course I trust you." Lucy whispered, her eyes still teary. "I'm not hurt. I promise. I just had a fight, that's all."

Natsu didn't need her to explain to know what she meant. This wasn't the first time she cried over the guys she 'dated'. Many came and went without Natsu meeting or noticing them but the relationships almost always ended with Lucy crying by herself in her apartment. He didn't understand why it always had to be her to get hurt. It took him a few minutes of self-controlled breathing to bring down his anger. He would have to deal with this guy in his own way. But right now all he wanted was for Lucy to stop crying.

"Luce. Let me tell you what happened at the guild today." Natsu began cheerfully, trying to offer some sort of distraction. "Gajeel and Levy went on a mission together and-"

His voice trailed off as Lucy suddenly threw her arms around him. He could tell by her trembling shoulders that she was still crying. He wanted to hug her, so badly. But it wasn't as simple as that. He wasn't completely sure if what he felt for her was even still considered friendship. If not friendship, then what? Natsu didn't like the idea of losing Lucy as a friend. In fact, he was so devastated by that notion, that for two long ongoing months, he refused to behave in a way other than that of friendship. This included a stop to any unnecessary physical contact. So far, he was doing well. Natsu promised himself that until these weird feelings disappear, he wouldn't touch her in any way other than what is absolutely necessary.

But now…

"Thank you Natsu." Lucy whispered in between sobs. "For always being here. What would I do without you?"

If what she needed was comfort, he was going to give it to her.

Oh to hell with it, thought Natsu, finally throwing his arms around the blonde and pulled her into a tight hug.

The pair stayed together for what seemed like hours, wrapped in each other's embrace, not a word passed between them. And at some point during the night, with his best friend still in his arms, Natsu realized Happy had long slipped away.

6.

It was one of those moments when you wish you had a stop button. Natsu felt like his head was about to explode.

"Come again?"

Levy sighed. Boys can be really clueless about these things. And insensitive too, much like another dark-haired Slayer she knew.

"I said, Lucy likes you", she repeated. "Not just as a friend. So you better do something about it."

Natsu was at a loss for words. Surely he misheard. Surely there was some sort of misunderstanding on Levy's part. There's no way the thing that he was most frightened of was happening. He had been careful after that night. The night Lucy broke up with her seventeenth boyfriend, he made the mistake of ignoring his own decision to not create certain misunderstandings between them. But alas, it happened and as a result Lucy must have developed some sort of disillusioned feelings of attachment. She must have misunderstood that for attraction.

And like an idiot, he started shouting this as soon as she walked into the guildhall that morning.

"Lucy, I think you're making a mistake liking me", he blurted out, loud enough for the entire guild to hear. "We can't be like that. It won't work. We're best friends. Can we please keep it that way?"

It took him a second to realize where he was and the mistake he made as the entire guildhall fell silent, all eyes darting from Natsu to Lucy who stood frozen at the entrance. Her face reddened and her hands started to shake as they always did when she's mad. Natsu braced himself for punishment. But strangely, it never came. He opened his eyes slowly and looked towards the entrance. Lucy was no longer there.

"Where did she go?" he asked, confused.

The hall erupted in displeasure, mostly from the female guild members who berated him with verbal abuse. Erza's were especially brutal.

"You idiot." Levy grimaced. "You are honestly the most clueless and insensitive bastard I've ever met. Gajeel is like Casanova compared to you."

Natsu didn't know what to say. He spent many agonizing months suppressing his unresolved feelings for Lucy and convincing himself that there was nothing more than friendship between them. He can no longer picture a world without Lucy as a friend. Their friendship was too important to him for him to even fathom tampering with it in any way. He refused to let anyone change it, not even Lucy. Not even himself. But this wasn't what he wanted.

"I know you don't see her as just a friend." someone chided in.

"Shut up Gray." Natsu retorted. "I don't need to hear that from you of all people."

Gray shrugged. "Regardless, even someone as dense as you should realise that you need to apologize right? That is, if you value that precious friendship of yours."

Natsu got up slowly from his seat and headed for the exit. "I know. I don't need you to tell me."

7.

Mirajane examined the cup she was wiping down and nodded approvingly to herself before setting it neatly against the others. She looked across the guildhall at the remaining guild members and noted happily that most have already gone home. Cana was still at the bar, downing the last of her booze and smiling to herself, her cheeks flushed from the day's drinking. Next to her was – Mirajane frowned. Next to Cana was the pink-haired Dragon Slayer, looking so dejected and deflated that he hardly resembled the energetic and bubbly Natsu she knew. Mirajane knew what was bothering him. It was hard not to when the scene pretty much played out in front of the entire guild.

"Natsu, why are you still here?" she asked, smiling her usual cheerful smile. "It's getting dark. Shouldn't you be getting home?"

Natsu let out a sigh.

"Lucy won't talk to us." Happy mumbled sadly, patting his partner on the back. "She won't let us into her apartment and won't let us talk to her."

"It's been two weeks." Natsu muttered, slumped across the bar table. "I already apologized. What more does she want?"

Mirajane looked scornfully down at her young friend. A part of her wanted to sympathize with him and offer comfort but a larger part of her wanted to give him a beating for being a stubborn airhead. In the end, she chose to do neither.

"Natsu, tell me honestly. How do you feel about Lucy?"

"She's my best friend."

Mirajane frowned. "I know that. What I want to know is how you feel about her."

Natsu thought about this very carefully. It was something he had been ignoring for quite some time now. He thought doing that would be the best solution but with their relationship as it is, he felt it might not have worked so well after all. How does he feel about Lucy? To him, Lucy was always a friend, his irreplaceable nakama. She's the one constant in his ever-changing life that he wouldn't want to ever disappear. He always thought the best thing for them was for everything to remain the same. Deep down, he knew he craved something deeper. But he chose friendship. Was it the right choice?

"She –"

Before he could go on, the door of the guildhall suddenly burst open. At the entrance stood the familiar silhouette of Loke, Lucy's celestial spirit and once-upon-a-time Fairy Tail member. His suit was in tatters and his hair disheveled, an extremely odd shift from his usual well-groomed self. It wasn't until Natsu's eyes fell on the blonde hair of the person Loke was carrying that he understood the reason for the lion spirit's panicked state. It took a while for Natsu to process the identity of the lifeless body in his ex-guild mate's arms. When he finally did, a cold wave of disbelief and despair washed over him and for the first time in his life, he felt helpless and at a loss of what to do. All he could think was….No. Please. No..

"WENDY! Where's Wendy?!" shouted Loke, storming into the guildhall. He pushed several cups out of the way and gently laid his master down onto a table before turning towards them. "Mira, we need Wendy. Now."

Mirajane who had already rushed to their side, looked down at the unconscious celestial mage. "Loke…how did this happen?"

Loke shook his head. "This isn't the time to talk. I can feel her life force fading. She doesn't have much time."

"Lucy- Lucy wake up." Natsu's voice was shaky. The only thing running through his mind at that moment was the need for those eyes to open and acknowledge his presence. Nothing else mattered.

"Lucy! Look at me." For a brief moment, the thought of Lucy never waking up again drifted into his head. It scared him.

When Igneel left him all those years ago, he was scared too. But not like this. Never like this.

"Natsu, now is not the time." Loke's voice was low and stern. "We need to find Wendy."

"Wendy.." Natsu repeated, eyes still locked on Lucy's pale face.

"Yes. We need Wendy."

Natsu's eyes wandered over the limp body of his team mate and he wondered if any of this was real.

"Someone else go find Wendy!" Mirajane shouted.

The remaining guild members rushed out the door.

"Natsu…let go of her hand." Mirajane said softly. "Let's move her onto something more comfortable."

But Natsu wouldn't let go. He couldn't let go. He didn't know how. No. No. No. Please…

"He's in shock." Mirajane whispered. "Loke, help me carry Lucy to the couch."

Loke reached out his arm but was stopped by Natsu.

"No." he said. "I'll do it."

Slowly, he lifted Lucy's body, cradling her head as he carried her to the couch. Instead of laying her down, he sat down with her, arms wrapped firmly around her cold body. Her body was so limp Natsu wondered if there was still life in her. He pushed that thought aside and drew her closer to him. He's going to use his body to warm her up. He knew Lucy hated the cold.

"Who did this?" Natsu asked slowly. His voice was calm but the other two mages could sense the anger behind his words. He was trying very hard to stay in control. Perhaps it was the girl he had in his arms that was keeping him from exploding in rage. Perhaps he sensed the fragility of her remaining life force and understood that any more disruption to it was out of the question.

Loke's face darkened.

"Zeref."

The name was like poison itself.

"I don't know what happened or how Lucy came to be in his presence." Loke continued. "But when I sensed a threat to her life force, I stepped through the gates. By the time I arrived, Zeref had already done whatever he did and Lucy's life force was already slipping away. I tried to attack him but he was too strong and out of my league. The only thing I could do for Lucy was to freeze her life force temporarily to prevent it from fading away completely. But it won't work forever."

"But why would Zeref be after Lucy?" Mirajane asked. "Why would he try to kill her?"

Loke frowned and his eyes rested on Natsu. "His last words before he disappeared was for me to send you message."

"A message?"

"What message?"

"He said-" Loke's face darkened further.

"Come kill me, Natsu."

Mirajane nodded. Zeref. The most powerful dark mage in history wanted Natsu to kill him. As a fail-safe, he has made a move on someone that he knew would provoke Natsu into doing just that. Someone who Natsu valued more than his own life. Someone like Lucy Heartfilia.

Even someone like Zeref had realised this fact before the fire mage. There was no longer any doubt in the Salamander's mind. What he felt for Lucy was love, and it took him too long to realise it. He hoped it wasn't too late.

8.

It took twenty-five minutes for Cana to find Wendy and another ten for them to return to the guild. By the time they arrived, there was nothing more that Wendy could do other than to temporarily maintain her life.

"I don't know how long she'll have." Wendy whispered finally, her eyes red from crying. There was frustration in her eyes and it pained her that there was nothing she could do, even with her healing magic.

"No." said Natsu, his eyes fixating on the young girl. "There is always another way."

Wendy's eyes teared up and began to sob uncontrollably. She was not the only one. Levy, Cana and Juvia were all crying. Tears were streaming down Erza's usually stoic face and even Gajeel was solemnly grieving in his own way.

"Why are you guys crying?" Natsu demanded, his rage threatening to surface. "You're all acting like she's going to die!"

"Natsu…"

"NO!" Natsu shouted, jumping to his feet. "STOP CRYING! Why are you all giving up? I thought the one thing Fairy Tail didn't do was give up! There has to be-"

"Natsu, you're too loud."

Natsu looked down at the blonde mage, who had somehow regained consciousness, her eyes only slightly ajar but visibly awake. Natsu smiled down at her, his previous burst of anger dissipating.

"Lucy! How are you feeling?" Natsu asked quietly. "Are you hurting anywhere?"

Lucy laughed weakly and shook her head. She couldn't feel anything. She smiled at the fire mage before turning to Loke, the only person standing close enough to hear her voice.

"Thank you, Loke", she said quietly, "For bringing me home."

"Anytime for my princess." Loke's smile was sad. "The other zodiac spirits…they want to come through and say their goodbyes."

"I'm afraid I don't have any magic left in me."

Loke smiled again. "That's fine. They'll come here with their own power. We can do this much for you at least."

9.

Time was slowly slipping away and with it, the key-holder's life force. All the spirits could feel it, gathering around her, quietly watching over their master and friend. Natsu's hands were balled into fists, shaking uncontrollably as he watched the girl he cared so much about drift into the darkness. He was angry: at himself, at Zeref, at everything and everyone around him. He blamed himself for not realizing sooner, for trying to selfishly keep Lucy by his side as just a friend so he wouldn't get hurt. These revelations came too late. But it wasn't too late for him to tell her.

"Lucy," whispered Natsu, stroking her face. "I love you."

This proved too much, as tears gushed from Lucy's eyes, trickling uncontrollably down her face.

"You're an idiot." She whispered in frustration. "What took you so long?"

"I'm a clueless idiot, remember?" he said, laughing bitterly. "But I've always loved you. I'm sorry it took me such a long time to realise it."

From the moment he met her, Lucy was always different. She wasn't a childhood friend like Lisanna, nor a sister like Erza. His attachment to her was something new and he realized it from the very beginning.

"Natsu, I'm scared…" cried Lucy, her voice growing weaker by the minute. "I don't want you to replace me..."

Natsu's eyes watered. He sobbed back angry tears as he grasped her hands tightly in his. "That would never happen. You're the only one for me. Forever."

"But I don't want you to go out there alone..." Lucy continued, her eyes continuing to tear up. "But if possible…maybe not with someone smarter or prettier than me…"

Her breathing grew more ragged, her hands slowly loosening their grasp. She tried her best to stay calm, but every breath, every word was becoming more difficult.

"…preferably not with another celestial spirit mage…"

She let out what sounded like a sob and a laugh.

"…because otherwise you might forget about me."

She sighed as she looked around the hall, at all the people she met.

"I would have liked to go on more adventures with you all."

With her last bit of strength, she wrapped her hands around Natsu's scarf and pulled him down for a kiss. Time stood still as her lips touched his. It was warm, and wet and sad.

"I love you, you big dummy."

Her hands loosened as the last drop of life left her. For Natsu, the grief that followed could not be described in words. Never in his life had he felt such a whirlpool of emotions. For hours, he refused to move or loosen his hold on Lucy's body. Even when Erza tried to pull him away, he stood his ground. The flames that circled around him warned others not to approach. He could still feel the warmth of her body. Perhaps it was just his own heat radiating off her, but he knew that if he lets go, that warmth would leave her body and then she would really be gone.

"Natsu, let her go."

It took Master Makarov himself to talk sense back into him.

10.

The month following Lucy's death was the worst, particularly for those who knew her personally. The guild was in mourning and the usually rowdy guildhall was quiet and solemn. It was the most peaceful Fairy Tail has ever been. When the other guilds caught wind of what happened, many came to offer their condolences. Sherry, from Lamia Scale and Hibiki from Blue Pegasus were just few of the mages that visited. Even Yukino of Sabertooth, another fellow celestial spirit mage, dropped by to see what she could do.

"How is Natsu taking all this?" asked Hibiki, when he noticed the fire mage's absence.

Mirajane smiled sadly. "He's taking a break from the guild."

"He's travelling." Erza added, sitting down next to Hibiki. "And he took Lucy with him."

"He took..Lucy?" asked Hibiki, bewildered.

"He means her lacrima." Mirajane explained. "After she passed away, Natsu wanted to preserve her body."

"But that's not possible." Erza continued. "So her celestial spirits took her body to the spirit world to see the Spirit King."

"When Loke came back, he told Natsu that the Spirit King had granted them use of the Soul Preservation Lacrima and that it would preserve her body and soul. You could say that in a way, the lacrima is Lucy." Mirajane explained. "He was told that someday, if everything falls into place, there may be a chance to revive her."

Hibiki sighed. "Is that even possible?"

Mirajane smiled. "I don't know. But Natsu believes him and he has faith that one day he'll see her again."

"I do hope that's true." Hibiki said smiling. "If it's Natsu. Anything seems possible."

11.

For many years after, Erza often heard rumors about sightings of a pink haired fire mage travelling the continent with his blue flying cat. Wherever they went, chaos ensued but always accompanied by tales of his heroic acts. He never accepts anything other than food and shelter as payment. And he never carries any material possession other than the clothes on his back, his scarf and the purple lacrima that never seems to leave his side.

But one day, she wasn't sure when, rumors began to surface that told of the sighting of an additional blonde girl, another mage, travelling with the Salamander on his adventures and fighting alongside him. It was then that Erza knew.

They're coming home.

Author's Note:

So that's that :) please read and review.