Total Eclipse of the Heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
"I love you, Swan."
As the words left him like a helpless sigh of a future lost and broken promises; he felt the darkness sink through him. It was powerful and unfamiliar. He was no stranger to darkness, it was like an old friend of his, his solely companion for centuries. Yet, this was different… as magic ran through this body, darkening his thoughts and blackening his soul; he felt his senses awakening, power running through him. He didn't like it. He would not allow himself to like it. He'd prepared his mind and soul for this and he would overcome this obstacle as he so fiercely fought so many others in his life.
He lifted his head to look at her, sensing her light magic so strongly that it made his skin itch. There were tears in her eyes, sadness in her heart. He could feel it all, and it sank him deeper in the dark pit of his soul, a strong desire to take her with him: into the darkness and finally together. Just the two of them, and nothing else.
But he fought through the desire as he'd fought through the raging storms at sea; pulling himself out his own thoughts, knowing this was the hardest battle. His internal battle, between the selfish part of himself that would want to keep her at all costs and the part that had sworn to be the best version of himself she'd chosen to see.
And he will be the best in him for her. Always for her.
Every now and then I get a little bit terrified
And then I see the look in your eyes
He reached to put the dagger that now held his name in his back pocket. He looked around to find his discarded shirt and quickly moved to take it, putting in over his head hastily. He found his coat and also took it, leaving his red vest discarded on the floor.
She was looking at him in shock, still processing what had happened. Her eyes were now focused on Gold's dead body lying on the floor.
"Emma, we have to go…" He said gently, as gently as he could, his hand aching to touch her, but he resisted the urge.
She didn't respond, her eyes lost and vacant. "Swan…" He stated, firmly this time. She looked at him and he spoke clearly, his eyebrows rising. "We have to go, the protection spell must have broken and they'll be here any minute now. I don't know how to cast another one." He admitted smiling sadly, wanting with everything in him to shield them from the outside world. We didn't want witnesses for what came next.
The moment he let his mind wander to those thoughts, he felt a ripple of darkness and power run through him, a blast expanding to encase the cabin.
"Magic is emotion." She slowly said, looking at him. "You just have to feel it…" She finished sadly, a tear escaping her eye.
He silently nodded… looking at her, his heart breaking at her sadness.
"I'm not sorry, Swan." He said, his eyes boring into hers, his heart fighting his inner battle one more time, keeping one thought in his mind as the beacon that would guide him towards his final fate. Protect her.
"We don't have much time left, I don't know how much I can fight this, love." He admitted sadly, sighing. His arms stretched towards her, his hand on the open space between them, "Take my hand, Swan, we have to get to the town line." He asked. She didn't move, her reproachful eyes looking at him in disbelief.
"I won't puff you against your will, Swan. Please take my hand." He pleaded, his heart breaking. "Emma, I beg you."
She took his hand and he felt the magic running through her veins, so distinct, so unfamiliar. Warm, pure, lovely. He wanted to absorb it completely and live forever in that warmth, in that bright light that could light his poor, dark heart. It would be so easy to pull her to him like a magnet, to suck her magic with his hand, his lips, his body, to take her and her magic and tie them to him. But he couldn't. He had vowed to himself that he would not do it, no matter how big the urge, how irresistible, how tempting. He would not succumb.
He took a deep breath and tried to concentrate, envisioning their destination. He felt the magic tugging and pulling them, his eyes blanking and the next second they were at the town line.
She looked at him, "Why are we here?"
"Because we have to finish this, love. Once and for all." He sighed, pulling the dagger out of his pocket, looking at his name on it.
"You are the Dark One." She stated, her voice broken. "You went there and lied to me, played me, only to kill Gold and take his power for yourself." There was anger in her voice, rage shaking her to the core.
"It was the only way to save you." He said calmly, knowing she had to go through these emotions until she could finally see that this was the only way.
"You didn't even try to stop me, to convince me to give up!" She spat at him.
"You were too far gone by the time I reached you, Emma. You were not going to listen to me. I knew it, I could feel it." He scratch behind his ear, the dagger carefully balanced in his hand. And then he looked at her, dark remorse in his eyes. "So I had to do it, I had to play your game to best you. I've been trapped in the darkness for three centuries, Swan." Self-deprecation invaded his voice. "You were never going to best me at that, love."
"Did they put you up to this? What did they say to get you to agree to this?" She asked, trying to control the hurt in her voice. "They played you Killian, making you sacrifice to save their selves." She spat the words hurtfully.
He sighed and looked at her calmly. "They didn't know, Swan. I told them I was going to convince you, that there was hope." He took a deep breath, his voice taking a regretful tone. "Only Belle knew. I had to tell her the truth… that if I couldn't reach you, I'd kill the Rumpelstiltskin myself." He looked at her, a broken sigh escaping him. "She deserved to hear it from me."
"And now what?" She asked, her eyes dwelling with unshed tears rooted in rage and despair.
He took a deep breath, bracing himself for her reaction, "Now I leave, Swan. I cross the town line and all this power fades." His hand moved the dagger around, directing it to her. "And you take the dagger and find a way to destroy it. For good."
"You don't have to leave… Killian, we can figure this out…" Her voice was a soft and weak plea, but he could feel the magic bursting through her veins, speaking louder than any word or gesture had ever done. It made the magic in him run higher through his veins, begging him to take her. Once again, he fought the urge to lean into the darkness and take her with him, but his resolve was weakening. He didn't have much time left.
"And risk your safety, Swan? Or everybody else?" He looked at hear, defeat and despair in his eyes. "I don't know how to control this… I'm barely hanging on as it were." He whispered.
"We can ask the Blue Fairy. I'm sure she knows of something…" She offered weakly, desperate for a solution he already knew did not exist.
"Do you really trust her, Swan?" He asked earnestly. "Because I don't. Not with this…" He trailed off, sighing. "This is too powerful, too tempting. Honing this type of power can break the purest of souls, Swan."
"So who do you trust?" She asked feebly.
He looked at her, his undying faith in her deeply reflected in his eyes, and she could feel how his dark magic was rising just at the thought of her. "You, Swan, and not because you are the Savior, but because I know you, lass. And I have yet to see you fail, love." He smiled brightly at her, even though it was sad smile. "And Belle, because I know she'd do anything she can to destroy this wretched dagger that took everything from her." He looked at her, tears coming to his eyes. "Tell her I'm sorry; tell her there was no other way. Tell her I'd have never caused her this pain if I could have avoided it." His voice shook a little, before he took a deep breath.
He tossed the dagger up, making it flip in the air. He caught the blade with his hand and pointed the handle to her.
"Take it." He said. "Take the dagger, Swan. I trust you with this, love." He vowed to her. He'd given himself completely to her at this point; the dagger was just the final piece of the puzzle.
"What about you? If we destroy the dagger, we don't know what can happen." She said hesitant.
He smirked sadly. "We don't know for sure, but I am not counting my chances to survive as very high, love." He said as if it was nothing, one more task to fulfill.
Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
And there's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
"NO!" She said, tears running through her face, unable to control them. Her magic rose and fell in waves as she sobbed, and the magic in him rose in an attempt to reach hers, and he took one step towards her before stopping himself.
"Swan…" He said.
"You promised!" She said. "Don't you remember, Killian? I can't lose you too!" She yelled, her heart breaking, her soul crashing against the harsh reality she had to face. She was going to lose him. She'd lost him. And it was her fault.
"Emma, there was no other way. We've looked everywhere. I looked everywhere. I have plotted and played every single scenario in my head, trying to find a way out. There is none." He sighed, his heart breaking at her tears, his magic begging to be released, to surrender to his desires, to reach out and pull hers like a magnet. He ran his hand through his hair, commanding himself to be strong. To hold on. A little longer, just a little longer. And then he'd be free. Then he could let go as a different darkness would sink in him: the darkness of a life without her.
"So I'm supposed to stay here and find a way to destroy the dagger, knowing that it would likely kill you?" She screamed in sobs, raw pain coming through her voice and he could feel it all, breaking him and weakening him. "I can't do this, Killian."
"It's the only way, Swan." He said, his eyes pleading with her. "I don't have much time left. Each second that passes makes it harder for me to fight this, to resist so darkness doesn't win and I pull you with me into this, tying you to me and making all this worthless." He explained, desperation reaching his voice. He was hanging by a single thread of sanity, and he knew it. He could feel his resolve weakening, his need to have her twirling strong in him. "If that happens, I'd be pulling us both into doom." His teary blue eyes looked at her desperately. "You have to let me go, love. And if it means I die, then let me die in peace, Swan."
She looked at him speechless, the dagger hanging loosely in her hand, crying in defeat. He averted his gaze.
"Goodbye, Emma." He said as he started to cross the line, not being able to look back.
And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
'Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
"NO." She said as she held the dagger tight in her hand; making him stop and freeze in the spot. "You won't leave me."
He tried to fight, but it was pointless… He had no control as he turned around and faced her. She had the dagger on her hand, her eyes blazing with determination.
"Not like this…" She pleaded. "I can't lose you like this. I can't trade your life for mine. Your life for their happiness."
His heart broke one more time, and he wondered how many times a heart could break before it shattered in a million pieces, leaving no place to feel anymore. She commanded him to her, and he felt himself closing the space between them, as he stood facing her, invading her personal space as he'd done it so many times on his own free will.
Her green eyes seemed to have dried out of tears, of pain, of emotion, as they stared blankly to him. But he could feel the magic running underneath her skin, the pull even stronger as he was so close to her and everything was intoxicating. It had always been intoxicating, but now it was impossible to hold on.
He looked at her, his blue eyes pleading again, his heart on his sleeve, his entire being begging him to just take her, while he held on the last shred of resolve he had left.
"Let me go, Swan. Please let me go, love." He whispered as his hand cradled her face, his eyes boring into hers. He felt her uneasiness, her guilt, her hurt over his sacrifice and he tried to convey his feelings. "As long as you are alive, and safe, that is all that matters to me. That is my happy ending."
She looked at him, her hand mirroring his as she slowly caressed his face. "But don't you understand? You were my happy ending…" Her heart broke in a million pieces, her chance at a happy ending lost again, lost for good, lost forever at the hands of a fate written for her before she was born. A fate she thought she could escape, but she was not good enough, clever enough. She'd lost again. "You, the only one that cared for me: the only one for whom I was enough. Just me, just Emma."
His final words shattered her, as he professed his final vow to her, "You were more than enough, Swan. You were everything. You are everything." He looked at her, his resolve almost gone, "More than I'd ever deserved. I love you, Emma."
"I love you, Killian." She said as she closed the space between them, and the need to have at least one final kiss broke his resolve. He leaned in, capturing her lips with his, his hand tangling her hair and pulling her to him one last time. One final time.
He felt his magic tugging and pulling him into her like poison, and there was dark running through his veins, flooding all the space between them and sneaking into her. He thought about pulling away, but he felt her resolve as she pulled him tighter to her and he couldn't let her go.
And then there was light crawling through the crevices, washing the darkness away and filling him with warmth, joy, love. He felt her magic continue to invade him, finding every spot where the darkness was hiding and forcing it out of him, a magic storm of purple, red, white, green and every color in the rainbow wrapping them as they lost themselves in each other, in their happy ending.
And then the darkness was gone from him and she rested her forehead in his, breathing deeply. She looked at the dagger in her hand, that somehow felt lighter than before and it was a blank blade, his name erased from it.
Her green eyes lifted to him, shining, "It seems you missed one very important scenario." She whispered to him.
"It seems so." He said, his hand tugging her hair behind her ear as he bit his bottom lip. He looked at her and felt the need to pull into her. But there was no darkness compelling him to do it, just his love for her. His never-ending need to pull her into his arms and never let her go. He brushed his lips to hers, kissing her softly before looking at her with a smug grin.
"What?" She asked.
"I was right, Swan: I have yet to see you fail, love." He said proudly.
She smiled against his lips, "I love you."
"And I love you."