Disclaimers - Sunnydale and all therein doth belong to the noble Joss Whedon and diverse others.



Much Ado about Buffy

Dramatis Personae

Buffy - The Slayer Willow - A witch of her acquaintance

Xander - A clown

Giles- The Watcher Spike - A vampire

Tara - Consort of Willow

Anya - An ex-demon Riley - Significant other of the Slayer

Marius, Cassius and Lurcio - Three vampires

Divers vampires and people

Prologue

Spi: Consider gentles all, a strange lad beyond the girdle of great

ocean. A land of wonders and of imagination. Where dark forces exist and

noble heroes do strive and contend against them. Close your eyes and drift

away to the land of Sunnydale

Scene 1:

A cemetery in Sunnydale



Enter Buffy and vampire fighting



Vamp: Most well do you fight, girl

But I wager tonight

Shall see thy blood be mine drink



Buf: Thou talkest too much, knave

Thy prattle grows exceeding wearisome

Come let us make an end



Vamp: Girl, come let us do and let me finish you

Thou shalt not be so bold

As weeping with fear and trembling

Thy life in my hands I hold

And feel thy hearts blood coursing through my veins



Buf: Fie upon you knave and cease thy boast

For thou has made great error and thy mistake

shalt be most point'dly made clear



Vamp: O woe, I am wounded unto the heart

And so to dust I must depart



He vanishes in a puff of dust.

Enter Giles



Gil: O most elegantly done, gentle Buffy

That darksome creature has gone

Screaming into that void prepared for it

By its most hateful master.

And so, once more the noble town of Sunnydale

Can wake anew, refesh'd in the light of noble sun.



Buf: Noble Giles, thy praise is most welcome

And thine aid this night most seemly.

But soft, the night is young and I feel the need for

companions

Shall we not repair to a place of meeting

And thereby acquaint them of our doings

Thereby disposing of their fears



Gil: Well said and let us make it so

Together, to the Bronze we go



Exeunt



Scene 2



A dank cave under Sunnydale. A table with arcane markings is there



Enter Marius, Cassius and Lurcio



Mar: So are we resolved to this course



Cas & Lur: We are



Mar: Then shall we assemble the demons of the nether regions

And call them forth to aid our enterprise

And spread dark evil over this land



Cas: I call upon dark magicks to aid us

And to assist this action



Lur: Foul beasts of the land and sea

I beg you hearken to my call

And lend thine aid

And thy malevolent aspect



All: So that we may gain strength

So that we may gain puissance mighty

So that we three may go forth and dare

To kill the Slayer



Mar: The conditions are right, the very stars

Do proclaim in their astral vaults

That this night great deeds shall be done



Lur: Yea, I have seen omens of fire and darkness

Of open'd graves wailing

And owls screeching in the night



Cas: In sooth, it must be so.

But great deeds must need be accompanied by great hazard

Not lightly do we attempt this



Mar: Not lightly, no. But to achieve our object

Would enlighten our hearts

And we wouldst garner a plenitude of adulation.

So brothers, let us with unseemly haste depart



Lur: Aye let us leave. My desire is to separate the Slayer from her

life



Cas: And plunge this town into infernal strife



Exeunt



Scene 3

The Bronze

Enter Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya



Wil: The night is calm and yet I feel a chill

As if some evil brews

And is poised to spill darkly over this fair town

Good Tara, come close and encomfort me in thine arms

That this chill be dispersed by thy warmth



Tar: Come gentle Willow, be not dismayed.

I spy goodman Xander and lady Anya.

They do approach our table.

Shall we not make them welcome



Wil: Ho, Xander, Anya. Pray tarry with us awhile



Xan: Ho Willow, Tara,



Any: Greetings gentles all



Wil: What brings thee to our bower.

Xander. Hast thou tidings of our friend Buffy

I fear for her, this night is of evil aspect

and my prognostications foretell doom



Xan: Fear not goodlady Willow, for Buffy has been victorious this

night

And will soon repair to this hostelry

And enjoy merry frolic and partake

In the diversions of this night.



Wil: You ease my heart noble Xander

But still I fear

For the moon in the house of Leo doth portend

Dark deeds and foul business



Tar: Aye an it be so. My lady Willow doth speak true

For I too have seen these signs

And others which carry evil portent

I too fear that this night might be dark and noisome

And worry lest day itself shall flee the horror



Any: Come Xander, let us flee this place

And seek solace in each other's arms

As we await the dire fate of this dark night



Xan: Nay, Anya, let it not be so.

We shall not depart and in so doing leave

Our bosom companions to a deadly fate

We shall stay and with them confront

The minions of apocalypse

And with their aid, avert it

As we have done oftimes before.



Wil: Thou art most gracious noble Xander



Tar: Well spoken brave Xander



Any: Oh Xander, I do believe that reason hast fled thy mind

But for thy sake and that of thy companions

I shall stay and with thee oppose

This doom approaching us



Xan: Enow of this glum talk my friends

Hark, the musicians hath begun a merry tune

What say we dance our cares away

Come Anya, shalt thou partner me in this



They dance.



Muscians; O the summer sun is shining

And my gentle lass is singing

With a nonny nonny no

Of her love for me so burning

And of her endless yearning

With a nonny nonny no

She sings of me so sweetly

I run to her most fleetly

With a nonny nonny no



Enter Buffy and Riley



Buf: How now friends. How goes it tonight



Ril: Well met nobles all.



Wil, Tar,Xan , Any: Ho goodlady Buffy and puissant Riley



Wil: Hail Buffy. I was afeard as omens of dark doom

Have been seen abroad and a mighty evil

Is abroad this night in Sunnydale.



Buf; It may be so, gentle Will.

For Giles didst read in his books arcane

Of a dark power seeking to extend its dominion

Engulfing this fair town in black evil.



Ril: But nobly, didst Buffy declare unto Master Giles that such

evil would be stopped.

So we hastened to this place to forewarn you

And of those resolved to assist Buffy

To seek thine aid



Wil: Yea, I and kind Tara shalt perform spells

And create wards of potency to protect us

Come Tara, let us about our work.



Exeunt Willow and Tara



Any: Xander, I am much afeared.

What little I can do against such dark power

I shall do but my heart says it will not avail



Xan; Nay gentle Anya. For I shall be with you

And I shall mock this foul evil

Afore I take us to a place of shelter

Wherein we shall plot divers schemes

And so against the dark prevail



Exeunt Xander and Anya



Ril: So our plans are set in motion

Now blind fate shall play his game



Buf; Aye and in this game are we but pawns



Ril: Nay, say not pawns. Rather knights, bishops, castles

And thee, good Buffy, surely thou art the Queen.



Buf; You have a goodly tongue Sir Riley

For if I am Queen thou must be knight

But Knight, Queen or no we are still pieces

To be played with and when taken cast aside

But now we must confront our fate

Play this game and hope for mate.



Exeunt



Scene 4

An open place



Enter Spike



Spi: Ah woe, woe, all is woe. Once I was feared like none other. The

darkest portion of night afore the dawn was mine. I did mighty deeds and

great evil but now I am lost, unmanned and impotent. Rendered juiceless by

this evil curse. And yet, I feel within the stirrings of desire. In the

moon, I see her face, the gentle moonbeams doth seem as kindly as her smile.

The sweet falling dew is as her tenderness. The stars, o cursed star whose

message doth presage doom, are as nothing to her eyes. And how long to

sample the sweet caress of her lips against mine. For as my soul is lost, so

am I now lost. Lost in her regard. And yet, she does not heed me. Her ev'ry

action belittles me. Her voice , her so sweet voice, has nothing but disdain

when she does deign to speak to me. Yet, I hang upon her ev'ry word, so

smitten am I. Ev'ry touch , no matter that it hurts, is as the gentlest

zephyr. Alas, woe is me.



Exit

Scene 5

The same open place

Enter Marius, Cassius and Lurcio



Mar: Here is the place foretold.

The powers are strong here

I hear them whisper to me

Telling of the doom foretold



Cas: I too hear them, but whose doom they do not say



Lur: Fie upon you, Cassius,

The omens speak true

Tonight the Slayer shall be slain

And our dark master shall claim her soul

And raven upon it as she suffers eternal torment



Spi: (hiding in bushes) Nay, this cannot be. I must forewarn her that she

does not approach this place. O lack a day, she comes.



Enter Buffy, Willow, Xander, Tara, Anya and Riley



Buf: Oh ho, I see three creatures of ill aspect.

Their presence dost befoul the very earth



Xan: Verily it is so.

Ho, demons, art thou not afraid

For we have sent many of thy kind to damnation



Mar: Silence rogue. Thy tongue is sharp

But I wager my teeth are sharper



Wil: Spirits of light, I implore thee

Come



Tar: Spirits of joy, I beseech thee

Come



Both: In thy name we beg protection



Lur: Spirits of dark and shadow

I set thee upon thine enemy

Break their wards and deliver them

Naked and helpless that I may feed



Cas: I like this not. These magicks are awry

And now all is in the balance



Alarum



Mar: So, Slayer, we meet at last

And it is mete for this shall be our last

For only one shall depart this place



Buf: Thou hast a silver tongue

For all thy hideous appearance



Cas: So, young cur, thou talkest not so glib

When faced with doom

For thy insults I will reward thee

With quick death



Xan: Nay, foul demon.

But I shall grant thee release from thy burden

And toast thy demise



Any: Ware Xander

He is strong and mighty



Lur: So witches, you defy my powers.

Mayhap, your spell has drained you

If not, then drained by me thou shalt be



Spi: Alas, it goes ill. For in power they are overmatched by the

dark. But hold, the witches have defeated their foe and haste to assist

Xander. And the Slayer has now the leader down.



Ril: Good Buffy, ware the demon.



Buf: My thanks Sir Riley, but I have his measure

And long on talk but short of measure is he

Knave, thy time is done



Mar: Alas, for the doom is mine



Cas: I feared this might be so

For prophecy is an uncertain guide

Never certain is the sky

Thus now, undead, I die



Both vampires explode into dust



Buf: Gentles all. We have prevailed

Noisome dark has been assailed

We ourselves stay hale and hearty

So let us all go off and party



Exeunt Omnes



Spi: The valiant troupe, its battle done, has departed. And now our play is finished. Good gentles all it remains for me to say I hope you enjoyed and have a nice day.