Until My Dying Day
Part One: Break
"Maxwell!"
Wufei jumped from his seat on the living room couch, revealing the irritation that had been growing heavier all day. Duo had just danced through the room with his headphones so loud that they could be heard throughout the entire house while he was carrying a mug of hot coffee. The coffee was now spilled all over the book Wufei had been reading.
"Sorry, 'Fei," Duo said with an apologetic smile, "I'll help you clean up, if you'd like."
Duo wasn't pretending, he was sorry. He knew Wufei was already pissed off at him and he didn't intentionally make things worse. Wufei roughly grabbed Duo's hand before his book could be mishandled.
"Don't touch it Maxwell," he said in a aggravated tone, "I don't want you causing damage to anything else today." Wufei turned away with a last dark glare featured on his face and walked through the kitchen door, letting it swing behind him from the rough push he had given it.
//Why does he have to have such an attitude?// Duo thought, eyeing the door which Wufei had disappeared through, //I didn't mean to ruin his damn book, anyways. Accidents happen..//
Duo pressed the 'stop' button on his CD player, so that the headphones, which were now hanging loosely about his neck, fell abruptly silent. He curved his hand around the abandoned coffee mug in an effort to finish cleaning up the mess he made, but something bubbled beneath the surface of his skin that he could not control. With a sudden burst, he threw the cup against the wall and turned away, not able to watch as the pieces shattered across the floor. Everything in his life was broken; he couldn't bear to see the pieces with his own eyes. Without a glance backwards, he walked up the stairs to his bedroom and slammed the door.
+
Wufei stood at the sink in the kitchen, mopping off the book with the quiet strength that he possessed in the air around him. He had more than one reason to be irritated with Duo right now, and though he tried, he couldn't cease his frustration. The small safehouse seemed to grow even smaller now that Duo had only one person to focus his energy on. Heero and Quatre were both away on their own respective missions and Trowa had walked out the door again. All he said was that he would return, which he had said often and always fulfilled his word. Though the other pilots had only recently left, Wufei's nerves were already thinning. He released a frustrated sigh. He knew that Duo didn't _mean_ to irritate him so much, but why couldn't he be more careful? Already today, he had broken a breakfast plate, left the bathroom sink running for what seemed like hours, and his blasted music had given Wufei a splitting migraine. Now even his irreplaceable book was stained by Duo's carelessness.
But Wufei wouldn't restrain his pity for him. Though the boy was loud and boisterous, he possessed an amazing strength, both mentally and physically, though it did take a bit of digging to find. He knew nothing of the horrors that played through Duo's mind like a never-ending song, but he had heard him cry, all alone in his room with nobody to comfort him. Duo had thought it safe to remove his mask for a few timeless moments when he wouldn't have to pretend anymore, to let feelings come naturally instead of hiding them away for safety. Wufei could never forgive himself for invading such a personal time of Duo's, for letting his personal feelings be known to anybody else, and he knew that Duo wouldn't forgive him either.
+
Duo had been on the brink of a breakdown for the past week. Usually, he could keep himself under enough control to stay in check, but now he was doing all he could to hold on, to keep his fingers from slipping out of the uncertain grasp he called life. He and the Chinese pilot had been confined for only two days, and already Wufei's eager accusations had begun to strangle his heart. Normally, Duo would shake off an insult from anybody without a second thought. Except Wufei. Wufei was different. Duo admired him in so many ways, and tried so hard to gain his affections.... or at least attention, but he could never seem to penetrate Wufei's calm and steady surface. The only time Wufei paid attention to him was when he messed up.
//There's nothing I can do to make him like me... It would be better if I weren't here at all. Maybe _then_ I could make Wufei happy. Just once, I'd like to see him smile.//
Duo's heart took control of him, abandoning thought or reason and ignoring the logic of his protesting mind, as he began to lose himself to the uncontrollable shudders that seized his body. He felt himself drift into a euphoric unreal, into a place locked far into the crevices of his mind where things were neither real nor pretend, a place not unknown to the American boy. Having no control over his feelings or actions.... this was what scared him most. This is why he never allowed anybody to get close to him, why he never wanted to remember, why he never wanted to care. He couldn't control himself, how would he ever be able to control any sort of relationship with somebody else?
Lacking his mental acknowledgement or permission, tears began streaking down his cheeks. Still shaking, he jammed his hand into his back pocket and pulled out his knife, engraved with a small scythe that he always carried on him. Flicking the blade in a swift, skilled motion, he pressed the tip of the blade into his middle finger. He pressed harder as he went, pressing the knife, sharpened to perfection, to the bottom of his palm, stopping at the base of his hand. He wouldn't die just yet. He wanted to see the blood now, wanted to imagine what it would be like when that time finally came. Would Wufei finally smile? As he watched the scarlet streak steal away down his pale and shaky wrist, he whispered to the empty air,
"For you, Wufei. Maybe you'll be happy if I finally leave you alone."
Able to hold onto the light for only a few more painful moments, Duo let the darkness wash over him as he slipped into a world of all black.
Part One: Break
"Maxwell!"
Wufei jumped from his seat on the living room couch, revealing the irritation that had been growing heavier all day. Duo had just danced through the room with his headphones so loud that they could be heard throughout the entire house while he was carrying a mug of hot coffee. The coffee was now spilled all over the book Wufei had been reading.
"Sorry, 'Fei," Duo said with an apologetic smile, "I'll help you clean up, if you'd like."
Duo wasn't pretending, he was sorry. He knew Wufei was already pissed off at him and he didn't intentionally make things worse. Wufei roughly grabbed Duo's hand before his book could be mishandled.
"Don't touch it Maxwell," he said in a aggravated tone, "I don't want you causing damage to anything else today." Wufei turned away with a last dark glare featured on his face and walked through the kitchen door, letting it swing behind him from the rough push he had given it.
//Why does he have to have such an attitude?// Duo thought, eyeing the door which Wufei had disappeared through, //I didn't mean to ruin his damn book, anyways. Accidents happen..//
Duo pressed the 'stop' button on his CD player, so that the headphones, which were now hanging loosely about his neck, fell abruptly silent. He curved his hand around the abandoned coffee mug in an effort to finish cleaning up the mess he made, but something bubbled beneath the surface of his skin that he could not control. With a sudden burst, he threw the cup against the wall and turned away, not able to watch as the pieces shattered across the floor. Everything in his life was broken; he couldn't bear to see the pieces with his own eyes. Without a glance backwards, he walked up the stairs to his bedroom and slammed the door.
+
Wufei stood at the sink in the kitchen, mopping off the book with the quiet strength that he possessed in the air around him. He had more than one reason to be irritated with Duo right now, and though he tried, he couldn't cease his frustration. The small safehouse seemed to grow even smaller now that Duo had only one person to focus his energy on. Heero and Quatre were both away on their own respective missions and Trowa had walked out the door again. All he said was that he would return, which he had said often and always fulfilled his word. Though the other pilots had only recently left, Wufei's nerves were already thinning. He released a frustrated sigh. He knew that Duo didn't _mean_ to irritate him so much, but why couldn't he be more careful? Already today, he had broken a breakfast plate, left the bathroom sink running for what seemed like hours, and his blasted music had given Wufei a splitting migraine. Now even his irreplaceable book was stained by Duo's carelessness.
But Wufei wouldn't restrain his pity for him. Though the boy was loud and boisterous, he possessed an amazing strength, both mentally and physically, though it did take a bit of digging to find. He knew nothing of the horrors that played through Duo's mind like a never-ending song, but he had heard him cry, all alone in his room with nobody to comfort him. Duo had thought it safe to remove his mask for a few timeless moments when he wouldn't have to pretend anymore, to let feelings come naturally instead of hiding them away for safety. Wufei could never forgive himself for invading such a personal time of Duo's, for letting his personal feelings be known to anybody else, and he knew that Duo wouldn't forgive him either.
+
Duo had been on the brink of a breakdown for the past week. Usually, he could keep himself under enough control to stay in check, but now he was doing all he could to hold on, to keep his fingers from slipping out of the uncertain grasp he called life. He and the Chinese pilot had been confined for only two days, and already Wufei's eager accusations had begun to strangle his heart. Normally, Duo would shake off an insult from anybody without a second thought. Except Wufei. Wufei was different. Duo admired him in so many ways, and tried so hard to gain his affections.... or at least attention, but he could never seem to penetrate Wufei's calm and steady surface. The only time Wufei paid attention to him was when he messed up.
//There's nothing I can do to make him like me... It would be better if I weren't here at all. Maybe _then_ I could make Wufei happy. Just once, I'd like to see him smile.//
Duo's heart took control of him, abandoning thought or reason and ignoring the logic of his protesting mind, as he began to lose himself to the uncontrollable shudders that seized his body. He felt himself drift into a euphoric unreal, into a place locked far into the crevices of his mind where things were neither real nor pretend, a place not unknown to the American boy. Having no control over his feelings or actions.... this was what scared him most. This is why he never allowed anybody to get close to him, why he never wanted to remember, why he never wanted to care. He couldn't control himself, how would he ever be able to control any sort of relationship with somebody else?
Lacking his mental acknowledgement or permission, tears began streaking down his cheeks. Still shaking, he jammed his hand into his back pocket and pulled out his knife, engraved with a small scythe that he always carried on him. Flicking the blade in a swift, skilled motion, he pressed the tip of the blade into his middle finger. He pressed harder as he went, pressing the knife, sharpened to perfection, to the bottom of his palm, stopping at the base of his hand. He wouldn't die just yet. He wanted to see the blood now, wanted to imagine what it would be like when that time finally came. Would Wufei finally smile? As he watched the scarlet streak steal away down his pale and shaky wrist, he whispered to the empty air,
"For you, Wufei. Maybe you'll be happy if I finally leave you alone."
Able to hold onto the light for only a few more painful moments, Duo let the darkness wash over him as he slipped into a world of all black.