Hey, everyone! Can't believe this is finally seeing the light of day. This hiatus has been long and quite inspiring (SHE SLAPPED HIM PEOPLE, SHE SLAPPED HIM!). I spent weeks on this...I can't even describe how good it feels to finally give birth to this baby. Lol
This story revolves around Deacon and Rayna's lives in the aftermath of the revelation of his cancer and how his illness will affect their lives and the lives of those around them as well. It will be divided in two long (very very long) chapters because I am terrible at writing multi-chapters (I usually get bored or lose inspiration or whatever) and most of all because I feel like it would take the tension away and distract the reader if I split it into four or five chapters. Not to mention I enjoy reading lengthy stuff rather than short pieces, so I'd advise to have some coffee at the ready for this. lol
Different characters will make appearances along the way, but keep in mind Rayna and Deacon are the main focus here.
I must thank my boo, my twin for life, SparklingEnchantress for taking the time to beta-read this and giving me a piece of her mind. Your help was precious and I'm not sure I could have done this without your never-ending support and encouragement. Just….thank you.
Fair warning: I've read spoilers and speculations concerning the last six episodes of the season and I did include them in this story (along with a whole lot of wishful thinking), so if you have spoiler phobia, I'd suggest to save this for later.
Any similarities to other Deyna stories are completely unintended and all praise belongs to their respective authors.
Enjoy!

Pam Tillis announces her on stage and the audience has to do a double take to recognize Rayna Jaymes when steps into the limelight. Her definitely slender frame isn't wrapped in fancy clothes or sparkly jewelry, no high heels are adorning her feet, her luscious hair is wrapped into a messy bun and if she's wearing any makeup at all is hard to tell. She doesn't strut on stage proud and confident as usual, her head is down and she feebly raises a hand to acknowledge the crowd. Her close-up appears on the big screen behind her as she sits down behind the piano; half the people in the room could have sworn that this is the ghost of the woman who, just a few months back, was celebrating the ten year anniversary of being inducted into the Opry family on that very same stage. The bright spotlight shining down on her seems to be making her bloodshot eyes burn, consumed by what could only be described as days of incessant crying or weeks of zero sleep. Another applause erupts, encouraging her on. She closes her eyes and takes a big breath as the clapping slowly comes to a halt.

"Thank you," her trembling voice speaks into the microphone. "I can't possibly tell you how much your prayers and well wishes meant to me and my family. We really do appreciate it." It seems like her mouth is dry and her tongue heavy, like she's swallowed sand.

Many wonder why she's even there, whose idea it was to literally put her on the spot like that after all she's gone through recently. It had been all over the news: the liver failure, the induced coma, the last minute transplant…it had kept half the Country with bated breath for days on end.

"As you can imagine being on this stage tonight is not easy for me, but the opry family is our second family and in times like these you want to be surrounded by family." Rayna exhales loudly and looks up, blinking repeatedly to prevent tears from spilling over.

"The song I'm about to sing is very near and dear to my heart, it was never recorded or shared with anyone really, this is its long overdue debut," she chuckles a little, lighting up an otherwise incredibly sad mood.

"I'm not the greatest pianist, so I apologize in advance, but when I first wrote this song I was a guitar player short and well…I'm a guitar player short tonight too," She swallows the lump in her throat and looks down to the black and white keys as she dabs at the corner of her eye with her knuckle. Another warm applause comes from the nosebleeds and expands through the whole room.

A few moments later she apologizes to the audience "I'm sorry" - She carries on - "Anyhow, this song is called Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You."

Carefully she positions her hands on the keys and then brings her mouth closer to the microphone again and looking up to the roof of the historic building says, "Babe, I know you're listening tonight and I just want you to know…this one is for you. I love you."

Has anyone ever written anything for you

Four months earlier…

Deacon held Rayna tight against his chest until her sobs subsided and her breathing went back to normal. She clang to him, her hands wrapping around the soft material of his shirt in two fists. Leaning his cheek against her silky hair, he kissed her head a number of times trying to soothe her. When she finally untangled from him, their eyes met and before she knew it, tears were already streaming down her face again. He walked her to the couch and gently took her jacket off, he then wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and returned five minutes later with a fuming cup of tea. They hadn't talked much after that, Deacon spent the rest of the morning outside cutting firewood and putting it into perfectly squared piles. Rayna was left alone with her solitary misery, battling demons she thought they'd defeated.

A couple hours later Rayna gingerly walked towards him, "Can we talk?" She asked wrapping her jacket tighter around her body when the soft breeze blowing from the lake made her shiver.

"Kind of busy over here."

"You're avoiding me. Again." Deacon positioned another piece of wood on the ground and chopped it into two with his hatchet. And then another. And one more.

Another minute passed and he was still ignoring her. "For Pete's sake Deacon!" Bellowed Rayna, her patience finally wearing thin, "You just dropped a bomb on me, do you even realize that? We need to talk about this, I have so many questions I need to ask."

"I've already told you all there is to know Rayna. There's really nothing more to it." He didn't dare to look her in the eyes as he gathered a few logs in his arms and walked back to the new pile he was putting together.

"How long have you known? Who's your doctor? Are you on some medication? Does your insurance cover for all of-"

"-Jesus Christ Rayna! Leave me alone, okay?" He shouted throwing the last log in his hand at the nearest wall.

"No, I won't. I want to understand, I need to know more, my head is about to explode over here!" It was a yelling match now and she was surely winning.

"All you need to know is that I'm sick and probably won't be around for much longer. So you better let go of me now."

"No," Rayna's lip started to quiver as tears welled up behind her eyes. "You said we had time. You said I could take all the time I needed. Did you know then? I thought we had time, Deacon."

"I'm sorry," was all he could offer, still looking down to his feet.

"So you did know." She breathed out, feeling like she was taking a blow to her face.

"Yeah."

"You said I could take all the time I needed," the words left her mouth in a whisper as warm tears spilled down her cheeks.

"What was I supposed to tell you, honestly?" Deacon's face crumpled when he mustered enough courage to finally look her in the eyes, fresh tears forming at the corner of his own eyes.

"That we didn't have time. That you might die soon and leave me forever!" She fell to the ground sobbing hysterically into her hands. She felt betrayed, she felt lost, but most of all she felt powerless. "You were supposed to tell me we didn't have time."

"I'm sorry," with three long strides Deacon was at her side, folding her in his arms, "You're right. I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you come to me? Why did you keep it to yourself?"

"I don't want to be a burden to you or anybody else. This is my battle, not yours."

"Your battle?" She shook him off and stood up, "Are you fucking kidding me right now?"

"Rayna..."

"This is not your battle, this is my battle too." She was outraged, almost offended by his words, her chest heaved as she struggled to control her breathing. "You are the love of my life, you are my best friend, you are the father of my daughter Deacon. This is not just your battle, this is my battle too because if you lose, I lose three times as much."

They stared at each other for a long moment, tears freely falling on both their faces, her words lingering in the air between them as the silence engulfing them became the loudest sound any of them had ever heard.

"I don't want you to see me die Ray," Deacon finally said, "If I can spare you that, I will."

"Don't say it, don't even think it," she shook her head and closed her eyes. Her head was pounding, she could just not believe this was happening to them. Not now. Not after everything they'd gone through.

"It's the goddamn truth. I can't and I won't make this any harder on you than necessary." Closing the gap between them Deacon gently brushed away her tears with the pad of his thumb.

"If push comes to shove I'll be devastated whether I was there for you every step of the way or I wasn't," Rayna stifled a sob as the thought of losing him for good seeped into her head. Instinctively she threw her arms around his neck, resting her chin on his shoulder. She felt his left arm wrap around her lower back as he cradled her head in his right hand.

Being there, in the safety of his strong arms, made her even angrier. This was just not fair. They'd paid their dues, both of them. They'd spent fifteen years apart, he was sober, she'd told him about Maddie, they had a clean slate of sorts now. Her body was being shaken by a relentless series of sobs, she felt like she couldn't breathe anymore, it was all too much.

"You've already spent the best years of your life taking care of my drunk ass," she could feel his hot breath in her ear as he brokenly whispered those few words.

"No," she leaned back and took his face in her hands, bringing his forehead against hers, "The best years of my life - of our life - are ahead of us not behind us. Don't take them away from me."

"Rayna, don't make this harder than it already is, I beg of you," He pleaded gently wrapping his own hands around her wrists.

"Last night…we didn't sing our last song. Don't act like we've sung our last song Deacon," lifting her face up she pierced him with her now puffy blue eyes.

"I..."

"We haven't sung our last song, do you hear me?" She leaned in and ever so slightly touched his lips with hers. "We haven't sung our last song," she mumbled against his lips before capturing them again in a kiss that for a moment wiped away the fears, the tears and every goddamn fate's jeer.

The afternoon went on uneventful, the two shared a quick lunch in relative silence and skirted across conversation topics, carefully avoiding the elephant in the room. Deacon resumed his wood chopping activity later on as Rayna divided her time between cleaning up the kitchen and drowning into the hundreds of memories that came with that particular territory. They gave each other space, a little time to wrap their heads around all of this, to let it all sink in. As the sun was starting to set on that cold winter day, Rayna stepped out of the house and joined Deacon on the porch steps holding two mugs in her hands.

"Tea?"

"Thank you," Deacon he said taking the mug from her hands. His fingers lingered a little longer than necessary on hers and she suddenly felt all her muscles relax, like he had untied the knot that her gut had previously twisted into.

"I've always loved this place," It wasn't a confession or a big statement, but she felt like she needed to say it anyway.

"Yeah," he concurred sipping his tea.

"However painful it is to come back here because of the history attached to it, it's still my safe haven, you know." She took his free hand in hers and lightly started brushing her thumb against the back of it. A little reassurance that he was indeed right and yes, she wasn't just talking about the cabin.

"I want to tell Maddie," Deacon said looking out to the water, gently squeezing her hand.

"We'll do it together," Rayna nodded taking in his profile. He didn't look sick, she couldn't help but notice, he looked as handsome as ever and more than anything he looked sober, clean and he had been so for the past fifteen years.

"We've been through so much, we'll get through this too. I just know it."

He sighed overwhelmed, "How?"

"I don't know how, but this I know babe…you and me? We can make the impossible possible." He turned his head and a smile slid across his face when his eyes set on her. Rayna softly smiled back at him and then snuggled closer to him and gently rested her head on his shoulder. They silently watched the sun set, hands firmly clasped together.

In all your darkest hours

Have you ever heard me sing

Listen to me now

"Deacon!" Daphne squealed as soon as he walked through the backdoor and then crossed the kitchen running to him.

"Hey Daph," Deacon greeted her squeezing her tight against his side.

"Hey dad," Rayna watched as Maddie took off her headphones and slowly walked towards him.

"Come here you," he wrapped his free arm around his daughter and kissed her forehead.

"It's so good to see you, where have you been?"

"Just up to my cabin for a couple of days."

Deacon and Rayna exchanged a quick look and both took a deep breath. "Girls, Deacon and I have something to tell you."

They had decided they would tell both girls, there was no point in keeping Daphne in the dark and Rayna knew Maddie could have used her little sister's support. Before Rayna's return to Nashville they'd studied a plan of action: they'd both agreed they would go as little as possible into details, careful not to sugarcoat it too much but also determined not to paint a grim picture of his condition.

"Oh my Gosh, you're back together, aren't you?" Daphne's eyes lit up and a megawatt smile appeared on her face as she tugged at Deacon's arm jumping up and down.

"Of course they are silly," Her sister countered wrapping her arm tighter around her father's chest.

"Can we just all sit over there?" Rayna said motioning with her hand for them to follow her to the living room.

Maddie untangled herself from her dad's firm grasp, "Is everything all right? I'm getting a weird vibe here." She studied her mother's face as she cagily sat down on the couch.

"Yeah, what's going on? You're not back together?" Daphne echoed her sister's worried tone and plopped down on the couch next to her.

"This is not about your mom and I as a couple," he explained sitting down on the armrest on Rayna's left.

"Well, it kind of is," Rayna interjected locking eyes with him, her hand promptly reaching for his. "But this…yes, this is mainly about Deacon."

"I don't understand," Maddie said looking from her dad to her mom and back.

"Not too long ago I was diagnosed with cancer, liver cancer to be exact." Rayna closed her eyes as the words left his mouth, she'd told herself she would be strong for her daughters and would be there to offer them her unconditional support in that delicate moment, but the truth was she wasn't ready for the look on their faces. She wasn't ready at all.

"Cancer?" Her oldest asked flabbergasted.

"Yes, sweetie," he said with a nod.

"We saw The Fault In Our Stars last summer…this is not good, right?" Daphne looked at Maddie and then at Rayna with eyes wide open.

"Well Deacon is sick, so that part is certainly not good," Rayna's voice was soft and calm. It was almost like she was having an out-of-body experience, because that couldn't have been further from how she felt inside.

"But dad is not going to die. It's treatable, right? He's going to get better, isn't he?" it was like the words were racing to get out of her mouth, chasing each other anxiously.

"You see…my liver is pretty beaten up. The only solution here is getting a new one."

"A new one? As in a transplant?" She asked fixing her father with a terrified look.

"Yeah."

Daphne looked up at her big sister and asked "What does that mean?" she then turned to Rayna, "How do you get a new one?"

"From another person sweetheart. It could be a dead person or a living person. They replace the sick portion of Deacon's liver with another person's healthy liver." Rayna tried to explain as clearly as she could, hoping they wouldn't ask any further questions.

"When are they doing the surgery?"

"There's no time frame for that. I'm on a waiting list," Deacon replied to Maddie whose hands - her mother noticed - were now visibly shaking in her lap.

"Waiting list?"

"Yes," Deacon looked down to Daphne. "There are waiting lists for transplants. They basically give you a score, sort of like school grades, based on how urgently you need a transplant."

"And how urgently do you need one?" Rayna tore her eyes away from Maddie, this was getting harder and harder by the minute.

"I'm not at the top of their list if that's what you're asking."

"So it's not that bad," the light of hope that sparkled in their daughter's eyes broke Rayna's heart into a million pieces. She took in a shaky breath and looked away again.

Deacon noticed her distress and laced his fingers through hers, strongly squeezed Rayna's hand. "No, sweetheart, it just means it's not that bad…yet."

"So what now? Are you taking medications? What do you have to do?"

"I am on some medication yes, but there's not much I can do sweetie, except waiting and trying to stay as healthy as possible, I suppose."

"What if you don't get a new liver?" And then just like that, the most dreaded question of all was asked and it was like a punch to Rayna's gut.

"He will get it," She said firmly, without missing a beat.

"Rayna," Deacon admonished her.

They had agreed they would be as forthcoming as they could with the girls, he didn't want to hide the truth and Rayna had initially concurred with him. But now that those big brown eyes were boring through her, she couldn't help the motherly instinct she felt to protect her little girl from something that would surely wreck her world down in grains of sand.

"What if you don't get a new liver dad?"

"If I don't get a transplant within the next six months or so…" Deacon sighed heavily and Rayna nodded encouragingly at him when he searched for her eyes. "I will die," he said at last.

"You will die," Maddie repeated trying to take it all in.

"Oh my God," Daphne brought both her hands to her mouth muffling a gasp.

"You've known this for a while, haven't you? You lied to me."

"No honey, listen please," Deacon rocked himself forward to take Maddie's hand in his, "Nobody knew beside Scarlett. I told your mom-"

"-So she knew," She turned to her mother. "How long have you known, huh?"

"Your dad told me just last week, I-"

"-You kept it from me!" Maddie got up from the couch slapping her dad's hand off her thigh with the back of hers. "I thought you were different, but nope…you're just like her."

"Maddie sweetheart, Deacon wasn't ready to tell us about this, you need to understand this was a-"

"-Is that why you didn't want to see me?" her voice cracked, "Is that why you didn't answer my calls and texts for days and days?" Rayna never felt more helpless than when she saw tears falling from her daughter's eyes.

"I was just trying to-"

"-Don't say to protect me because you're dying and there's no way you can protect me from that."

"He is not dying," the words left Rayna's mouth before she could even formulate the thought. He was not dying, she wasn't even contemplating that option.

"He just said it himself!" Maddie cried exasperated before falling down onto the couch again, bawling.

"What he said is-"

"-Why is this happening?" Daphne interjected, "I don't understand. He doesn't look sick to me."

"Because he was a drunk," came her sister's reply. "Isn't that the reason why you got sick? You brought it on yourself."

"Maddie!" she gaped at her daughter, wondering if it was her words or the look on her face that took the air from her lungs.

"I wish I never found out you were my real dad," she spit out brushing the tears that kept coming down her eyes.

"Maddie, please calm down," she pleaded with her daughter reaching out for her.

Maddie jumped up, "Calm down? My father could be dead in six months! I didn't get to spend enough time with him. And do you want to know whose fault this is?" she looked right in her mother's eyes, "Yours mom. Yours and yours only!"

Deacon then got up on his feet and stepped closer to her to engulf her in his arms, "Maddie come on now. Don't be like this."

"You ruined my life!" She pushed him away with all her strength. "Both of you!" she shouted before storming off.

"Maddie," Rayna called after her. Her head was spinning, she wanted nothing more than to take that pain away, from all of them, but she didn't know how.

She heard Deacon softly whisper "Come here sweetie," and then saw her youngest quietly sobbing into Deacon's arms.

"I don't want you to die Deacon," Daphne's words echoed in the room intermitted by sobs of despair. Rayna lifted her legs on her chair and hugged her knees to her chest, crying. She had a foreboding this was not going to go down well, but this was beyond her wildest imagination.

It took them an hour and half a dozen Oreos to calm Daphne down, but eventually the little girl stopped crying and reluctantly pried herself away from Deacon and went up to her room. The two adults sat at the opposite ends of the couch for a while, feeling like all the strength had been sucked out of their bodies. Taking turns, they each tried to get Maddie to talk or at least open the door to them, but didn't make any progress. Right before dinner time Deacon decided to leave, declining Rayna's invite to stay over, mentioning he wanted to make it to downtown in time for the 7pm AA meeting. She couldn't object to that and was somehow relieved that, in spite of everything, Deacon hadn't lost his faith and was still as committed to sobriety as ever. She couldn't lie to herself though, she would have wanted him to stay, spend the night even, fall asleep in his arms and forget about everything. She needed him there, with her and the girls, but Maddie's words hurt him and he needed some space, some time to process; she did get that. After promising him she would call him later to update him on the Maddie's situation, he kissed her temple and left.

Rayna had no idea how much time she'd spent sitting on the couch staring into space, but at one point she felt bare feet padding down the stairs and as she turned her head saw her beautiful daughter's tearstained face. Rayna held one arm out and Maddie jolted to the couch, crouched on her lap and let her mommy rock her back and forth. When her daughter's tiny frame was shaken by a muffled sob, Rayna came undone as well. They cried together for what felt like hours, holding onto each other as though they would completely fall apart if either of them let go.

Maddie sniffed drying her eyes. "Sorry I yelled," she said a while later.

"Is that all?"

"No," she sighed looking down, "I didn't mean what I said, I was just…"

"I know," Rayna tucked a loose strand of light brown hair behind her ear.

"Is this really happening? I can't believe it."

"I'm so sorry baby girl."

"This is just so unfair," she looked up blowing out air to keep the tears from coming down again.

"I know."

"I don't want to lose him mom," she confessed in a whisper tucking her head under her mom's chin again.

"I know, believe me, I do."

"How do you feel?"

"Like I was hit by a bus, pretty much."

"Yeah," she nodded sympathetically looking up at her, "Are you two still giving each other space or whatever?"

"I don't know," Rayna stroked her girl's hair, "I don't think so?"

"So, are you like...back together?"

"Honey, your father has terminal cancer, I'm not going to spend one minute away from him. I want to be there for him."

"Yes, but are you two a couple again?" if her daughter had one virtue, it surely was her tenacity, especially when the subject of the conversation were her and Deacon and their relationship status.

"I don't know where we stand right now, to be honest."

"But do you want to get back with him?" backing down, that the teenager wasn't ready to do just yet.

"Maddie," Rayna sighed tiredly, "does it make a difference what I want anymore?"

"I think it does," She said squeezing her mom in her arms one last time before getting up from the couch. "I'm going to call dad now."

"You do that," her words put a smile on her mom's face. She knew Deacon was probably waiting by the phone by then, he'd be so happy to hear directly from her.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"We won't lose him, will we?"

Rayna fell silent for a moment, searching for the right words. She didn't want to make empty promises, but she wanted to console her little girl nevertheless.

"Not if there's anything I can do about it," she said stubbornly.

You know I'd rather be alone

Than be without you

Don't you know

"Hey y'all!"

"Good morning," Deacon greeted her with one of those smiles of his that turned her knees to jelly and awoke the butterflies in her stomach.

"Morning mom," Maddie smiled just as widely as her dad, pouring orange juice into a tall glass for her sister.

"Mommy look!" Daphne jumped off the stool and made a beeline for her and then dragged her by the hand all the way to the stove where the tall dark haired man was standing, a dishcloth draped across one of his broad shoulders. "Deacon is making us breakfast!"

"I can see that," Rayna inadvertently licked her lips as she carefully watched him flip a pancake.

"He's making eggs and bacon and look!" Daphne pointed to the pan, careful not to get too close to it, "Chocolate chips pancakes! Chocolate chips pancakes!"

"Thank you," she stepped forward and leaned up on her tip toes, nonchalantly brushing her lips against his cheek.

"My pleasure," he smiled shaking his head, a slight shade of red covering his cheeks now.

"So dad and I talked," Maddie announced proudly.

"You did?" smugly Rayna winked at Deacon.

"Yeah, we had a little chat," he confirmed handing her a plate with two pancakes on it.

"I'm taking today off school."

"What?" Daphne, who was now sitting at the table ready to dive in, dropped her fork onto her plate with a clash, "Hey, what about me?"

"We're going guitar shopping," Maddie took her plate to the table and sat down.

"If that's okay with you," Deacon was quick to add, turning the stove off.

"Sure, go ahead," Rayna said sitting down at the table next to her youngest. The previous day had been rough on all of them, if Deacon and Maddie wanted some alone time, she surely wasn't going to stand in their way.

"Thank you mom," Maddie smiled appreciatively before digging into her eggs.

Daphne tapped her shoulder, "Can I go, mom?"

"You're not invited," her sister said with a full mouth.

"But-"

"-I'll tell you what," Deacon came to the rescue, "I'll come pick you up after school and we can go for an ice cream or something."

"Just the two of us?"

"If that's what you want, yes," he nodded reassuringly, "maybe we can ask your mom and sister to tag along?"

Daphne shook her head, "No. She doesn't want me to come with you guys, I don't want her to come with us."

"Gosh, you're such a baby!" Maddie wined scooping up the last of her eggs with her fork.

"Alright then, It's settled. I'll see you at four?"

"Yes!" her youngest's energy and good spirits were contagious and Rayna couldn't wipe that grin off her face today.

She wasn't expecting to wake up to Deacon making breakfast in her kitchen that morning, but she couldn't deny it was quite a pleasant surprise. They'd texted back and forth until well past midnight the previous night, but he had not mentioned planning to make pancakes in that clingy button down once, not once. They all had to have quite an appetite that morning as the other occupants of their table devoured the contents of their plates at the speed of light, whereas Rayna seemed to have woken up with an entirely different type of appetite.

Deacon lifted his head up from his plate and caught her staring, a smirk appeared on his face and she quickly looked away, focusing her attention on her daughters. "Okay girls, time to get ready."

Excusing themselves Daphne and Maddie scrambled to stand up and almost ran to get to the stairs before the other did. The two adults watched the scene wide-eyed unable to mask their amusement.

"Thanks again for breakfast," Rayna began to collect plates to bring them to the sink.

"Maddie and I needed to talk a little more," he shrugged getting up from the table as well.

"I'm glad you did."

A soft smile blossomed on his face, "Me too."

Again that smile, she could have sworn the temperature went up of at least five degrees every single time his lips curved upwards. Or maybe it was just her body temperature, she couldn't tell the difference anyways.

"So…" she began after they'd cleaned the table, "since you have dates with both my girls today, any chance I get you all to myself tonight?"

"You asking me out, Ray?" He smirked drily, his answer already etched into his features.

"Maybe," she replied shily, looking anywhere but at him.

"Then maybe I'm free," he chuckled, emitting her absolute favorite sound in the entire world.

The girls had spent the ride to the restaurant where they would have met Teddy for dinner chattering away, they were on a roll. Maddie couldn't stop talking about her new six-strings friend and how meticulous Deacon had been, going from store to store just to find the perfect guitar for his little girl. Daphne was all about the size of her ice-cream cone, it was huge apparently and Deacon had let her eat half of his too, she was high on sugar and then some. Rayna was half-listening to what they were saying because - truth be told - all she could think about was her dinner date with Deacon in a couple of hours. She didn't want to make a big deal out of it, it wasn't a real date...or was it? All she knew is that she was nervous and the last time she had felt this nervous she was sixteen and still had her cherry, as it were. She knew she was probably worrying over nothing, it was Deacon after all, if there was one man she could be herself with, it was him. And she was right, ten minutes into their sort-of-date and they'd fallen back into old patterns, laughing and enjoying the other's company as though time had never passed and deadly illnesses had never been discovered.

"Thank you for the amazing dinner Ray," Deacon said after dinner, wiping his hands off on a towel after drying off the last glass of the bunch.

"You're welcome," she smiled softly, beginning to put away the plates in the cupboard above the sink.

"Did you use my mom's chicken and dumplings recipe by any chance?"

"Yes, I did."

Rayna wanted to surprise him with a homecooked meal and whenever she needed a little help, she knew exactly where to find it: in the second drawer below the oven. That's where she kept the recipes book with all of Deacon's favorite dishes that his mom had personally written and given to her as a Christmas present, many many moons ago. She'd said she didn't want her son to live off canned food if she could help it and of course by that she meant teaching Rayna how to cook.

"I knew it," he grinned widely, "You made my mama proud, that's for sure."

"Thanks. Did you know it's Maddie's favorite dish too?"

"Really?"

"Like father like daughter," she told him, unable to hide that hint of pride that creeped into her voice.

"I guess so, yeah."

"She needs you, you know?" Her tone got serious.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that she needs you Deacon," She sighed, "She's got me and Teddy of course, but she doesn't need us nearly as much as she needs you. You get her. The two of you have this bond, I don't really know how to explain it, but you just get through to her. I don't understand her silences - I never have - but you do. You can read that solemn stare of hers. You know how to break through that wall she sometimes builds around herself." Deacon's eyes started sparkling with tears then and she felt a lump forming in her throat, "Don't shut her out again. Please."

"I won't, I never meant to cause her any pain. I'm sorry about that," he brushed the back of his hand against his cheek, wiping away a tear.

"I believe you," Rayna reached an hand out and wrapped her slender fingers around his bicep, giving it a squeeze.

"All I seem to be good at is hurting the ones I love. You, Maddie, Scarlett…Beverley."

"What does Beverley have to do with this now?"

"She's a match," he blurted out, as though the info was of public knowledge.

"What?" Rayna took a step back, her jaw set tight.

"She's a match. She could be my donor."

"Could be? It's not a hundred percent sure?" Forlorn hope rose into her chest.

"She kind of declined. She doesn't want to be my donor," she watched as his chest rose up and down heavily, like a weight had just been lifted off of it.

"Are you serious?"

"Now don't start getting all riled up darling," Deacon closed the gap between them. "I get why she doesn't want to do this, I really do."

"Well, I don't," Rayna turned her back to him and started pacing around the kitchen. "I cannot believe her. She's got some nerve, that woman. Is it money that she's after? Was all the money you sent to her, back in the day, to keep a roof above her daughter's head, not enough? She wants more? How much more does she want? She wants a six figures payout? Just tell her to name the price."

"This is not about money Ray."

"Then what does she want?" exasperated she brought her hands to her hips, "What will it take for her to do this?"

"She just doesn't want to put her life in danger for me. And I can't ask her to do that either." Deacon's calmness was hitting her nerves now too.

"She could save your life," she almost shouted, as though he was not connecting the dots here.

"I get it, but she just won't do it."

"She could save her brother's life and she won't do it?"

"Rayna-"

"-Just tell me if I'm getting this wrong?" she held one hand up to stop him from continuing. "She could save your life but she said 'no thank you'?" a nod of his head was all she got in return. "Unbelievable," she muttered under her breath resuming the pacing.

"Hey, listen to me," Deacon grabbed her arm and turned her around, holding her at arms' length by the shoulders. "It's alright, okay? We'll find another way."

Rayna blinked a few tears tears back before looking into his eyes, "You bet your ass we will."

He took a step forward and brought her closer to him, her arms wrapped around his torso in an all too natural fashion and her head nestled against his chest. He held her tight and buried his nose in her hair, she could feel him inhaling and exhaling steadily. His heart in his chest was beating against her ear and she found herself counting his heartbeats, careful not to miss even one of them. She pressed her body more firmly against his creating a friction between their respective clothes. Deacon brought a hand to the back of her neck and started massaging it with his fingertips, the circular motion eliciting a guttural moan from the woman in his arms. Before she knew it her nails were scraping the flannel of his shirt as they wandered up and down his sturdy back. Deacon let out a ragged breath and broke the hug taking a quick few steps back.

"Thanks for dinner again," he said looking around for his jacket and car keys.

"T-thanks for coming," Rayna stammered, as she self-consciously wrapped her arms around herself feeling cold due to the sudden separation from his body.

"I guess I should probably get going now."

"Oh," she could have tried to hide her disappointment, but she felt like he needed to know this was not how she'd imagined the evening would end. "O-okay."

"Goodnight Ray," he finally grabbed his keys and jacket and flew out the door without much of a hand wave or one last look.

"Goodnight Deacon" she whispered to a closed door.

Has anyone ever given anything to you

In your darkest hours

Did you ever give it back

"Me too. Thanks for your time anyway. Yeah, we'll keep in touch. Bye." Rayna ended the phone call and went to slid her iphone into her jeans back pocket when her elbow hit Deacon's chest.

He placed both his hands on her shoulders and gently started massaging them,"Everything okay?" he asked.

She had no idea how much of that conversation he had listened to, so she decided to play it cool, "Uhm…yeah."

"Ray?"

"I'm not a match," she clutched the phone tightly in her hand and then angrily threw it on the bed in front of them.

"A mat-Oh no Ray, tell me you didn't," he wrapped his arms around her from behind leaning his his left cheek against her right.

"I had to, okay? I had to see if I was a match," she was shaking in his arms.

Rayna had decided to get tested a couple weeks prior and had debated with herself about whether Deacon should know or not for a while, finally she decided to do it and inform him only if the results came out positive. She had come into contact with his doctor thanks to Scarlett and drove to his office that very morning for her blood's sample taking. When she excused herself to pick up her phone earlier that night, Deacon must have noticed the color disappearing from her face when her eyes read the caller ID and followed her into his bedroom.

"Even if you were, I would have never let you be a donor. You know that, right?"

"I would have fought you on it," she stated matter-of-factly.

He laughed softly and dropped a kiss to her head,"Sounds about right."

Rayna turned into his arms and buried her face in his chest, "I really really hoped I was a match."

"I appreciate you doing this," he rubbed her back calmingly.

Lifting her head up, she set her swimming-in-tears eyes on him, "I'd do just about anything for you."

Deacon brought his right hand to her face and rubbed her cheek with his thumb, Rayna felt that well-known fire burning in the pit of her stomach, when his eyes turned a darker shade of blue and danced from her eyes down to her lips and back. His hot breath was spilling over her mouth as his face slowly inched closer to hers. She felt a shiver run down her spine.

"Guys? Maddie is burning something in here," came Daphne's voice from the kitchen and they jumped apart. Rayna swiftly dried her eyes and walked out the room.

It had been a rough couple weeks, the girls alternated moments of pure joy to moments of deepest sorrow. They loved having Deacon around more often. He'd taken up carpool duties and had certainly become a more present figure in all their lives. The table was always set for four now, regardless if it was dinner, breakfast or lunch. At Maddie and Daphne's request Deacon had started attending soccer games and dance practices, much to Rayna's dismay. She and those soccer moms never got along very well, even less since Maddie told her how much they were all ogling her father at her last game. The bond that was being forged between her girls and Deacon was only making theirs stronger. They'd been talking a lot lately, about the past, about the present...never about the future. No, that was a topic they didn't dare to approach. Nevertheless it felt good to just spend some quality time with him, just the two of them nestled under a blanket on the couch late at night when the girls were already in bed, never seeming to run out of hot cocoa and anecdotes to reminisce about. It felt good, extremely good, to share that mundanity with him, but at the same time it felt ephemeral, like someone was just waiting to come and take it all away from her any second. And that's how the girls felt too, that's what their lows consisted of: crying their eyes out because one feared Deacon wouldn't get to be there if her soccer team made it all the way to the tournament's final for the first time, and the other feared he wouldn't be there when she will have learned to play a full song on the ukulele he'd just bought for her. Rayna had woken up on more than one morning to either Maddie or Daphne, sometimes both of them, curled up in bed with her lately. It was like travelling back in time really, only now she wasn't protecting her girls from the dark or the monsters that supposedly lived under their beds, actually she wasn't sure she could protect them from this at all. They were scared and so was she. Deacon had invited them over for dinner tonight, the three of them had banned her from the kitchen as they concocted god knows what. The girls' giggles and laughter were music to Deacon's ears who would have done anything just to see them smile, in fact he had ingenuously agreed to an after dinner Hunger Games marathon, poor thing.

Deacon turned the tv off and then softly shook Rayna awake, "They're out."

Rayna rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands and yawned loudly, "Yeah, so was I. I should probably wake them up and take them home."

She lifted Daphne's head up from her lap and carefully rose from the couch. "You could stay, you know," Deacon said tucking the blanket around Maddie's shoulders. "Scarlett's on tour with the guys and her room is…I mean Daphne could take it or Maddie could share hers with her you know…" he trailed off, "and you well, you could t-take my room and I'll just crash…on the couch?" He finished haltingly.

She shook her head, "I don't know about that."

"They don't have school, tomorrow is Saturday." He pointed out, smiling wanly. There were two things she was not able to say no to: a spoonful of nutella and Deacon Claybourne's puppy eyes look.

"Okay, we'll stay…" she conceded, "but at two conditions."

"Let's hear'em," he grinned from ear to ear crossing his arms across his chest.

"One: no chocolate chips pancakes for breakfast, I'm getting fat," Rayna said sashaying towards him.

He took a few steps towards her as well. "Yeah I can see that," he joked pinching her left hip. She gasped and swatted his hand away. "What's the second condition?" He asked placing both his hands on her hips now.

"If I promise I won't steal all the covers, would you consider crashing on the bed rather than the couch?"

"Promise?"

"Promise," she nodded solemnly. His beaming smile melted her heart and she was all too lost into it, that she barely had time to respond when he leaned in and his lips gently brushed against hers.

They'd been dancing all around it for some time now, it was becoming a bit frustrating. Rayna didn't know what was going on between them, they both they knew where they stood. She loved him and he loved her and they wanted to be together, yet they couldn't bring themselves to cross that bridge. They would always take one step forward and two steps back, he was shifty and every single time it seemed like they were finally getting there, he did a one-eighty and brought them back to square one. Rayna was growing impatient, nothing was standing in their way except themselves now, wasn't it? There had been sporadic episodes when hands lingered and bodies came into close contact, even a few pecks on the lips here and there, but that was just as far as it'd gotten. She knew she wanted him just as much as he wanted her, she knew his body was aching for her touch just like hers was aching for his, but somehow there was this insurmountable void between them he seemed scared to leap into.

"Hey!" Se threw a pillow at him. "That's my side!" She pointed to the right side of the bed.

"Right. Some things never change," he laughed softly and held his hands up defensively, before rolling to the other side of the bed.

"Actually I haven't slept on the right side for a long time," she confessed tucking at the rim of the oversized old Waylon Jennings' t-shirt he'd lent to her.

He studied her face for a moment and said plainly, "You've always slept on the right side with me."

"Exactly," she said looking down. Silence engulfed them for a few moments.

"Listen-"

"Listen-"

They both chuckled. "You first," Deacon said.

Rayna sighed and climbed into bed and sat on her calves, facing him. She took a big breath and finally looked up at him, "I'm tired of fighting this Deacon." She looked down again, feeling emotions getting the best of her. "I've been so scared of opening up to you again - of letting myself feel again - that I almost forgot how good this was, how good we are together. I just want to be with you. I'm done running."

"Is this because I'm sick or…?"

"How can you say that?" Rayna took his hand in between hers. "No. I wanted this before I knew about the cancer, I called off the wedding before all of this happened," she let a single tear fall. "I want you back babe. Let's not waste any more time, please."

"I don't want you like this, taking care of me." He wriggled his hand from her grasp, "I want to take care of you, of the girls, this is not the life I'd imagined for us. It's not supposed to happen this way...It's just not."

"Many things weren't supposed to happen the way they've happened in our lives." Rayna rocked forward and crawled up to him. "One for all…Maddie."

"Yeah."

"But we played the hand life dealt us anyway, didn't we?" She took his face in between her hands and gently lifted it up, forcing him to look at her. "And we're still here Deacon." Rayna propped herself up, her hands still holding his face captive, as she swung her left leg over his legs and slowly lowered herself onto his lap. "I'm still here."

Tilting his head up he captured her lips with his, slow and gentle at first. She could feel the tears that were falling from his eyes wetting her cheeks and sighed into his mouth. Deacon brought a hand up and wrapped it around her neck and forcefully pulled her closer. Rayna gasped softly and then melted into him as his tongue teased her lips begging for an invitation to deepen the kiss. Rayna parted her lips and welcomed him in, meeting his questing tongue and moaning softly as she massaged it with hers. Deacon's fingers pressed into her scalp as he angled his head, taking the kiss deeper still. He arched his back and pressed up into her, Rayna wound her arms around his neck crashing her chest against his. His hand slid down her back and the hem of her t-shirt, he growled soft and deep in his throat when his fingers came in contact with the warm, soft, milky skin of her back. They broke the kiss panting, desperate for air. Rayna fondly brushed his brown hair away from his forehead and pecked his lips over and over, her blue eyes never leaving his.

"God, baby I missed this," he mumbled against her lips, "You. Everything."

"Me too. I love you Deacon."

"I love you too."

Well, I have

I have given that to you

"The tumor is growing," Doctor Rand announced sitting down behind the desk in his office.

Carefully Deacon said, "Okay."

"It's a millimeters difference since your last scan, but it is growing."

"He's still eligible for a transplant thought, isn't he?" Scarlett asked, perching up on the edge of her chair.

"Yes," he answered and then turned to Deacon, "We've changed your ranking too. You went from twenty-four to thirty. That means you have better chances to get that transplant now. You could get the call any day, at any time," He explain further. "We have all your contacts information here, but we're gonna need you to identify a support person, someone who can be by your side within an hour from the call and help you with notifying friends and family, pack a bag for the hospital, take your medications. We'll need this person's contact information too, just in case we can't reach you. Whoever you pick will be responsible for you in the after-surgery as well, learn to care for your incision, make sure you take your medications, that kind of stuff."

Rayna shifted in her chair and crossed her legs, "Do I have to fill a form or something?"

"Rayna," Deacon put a hand on her forearm.

"If you could just write your cellphone number and home number down here, that'd be enough." Doctor Rand handed her a piece of paper and a pen.

"Rayna," Deacon repeated more firmly this time, giving her arms a squeeze.

"What?"

"Don't you think we should talk about this first?"

She turned her head to glance at Deacon and with a shrug said "No, I don't."

"I could do it, you know? It doesn't have to be you. I could-"

"No, it's fine," Rayna said scribbling down vehemently.

"I mean it. Besides I already live with him, I'm his next of k-"

"-Scarlett I got this, okay?" Rayna's voice came out louder than she probably intended to. The young woman looked at her with wide eyes, but didn't say more. "Here," She put the paper and pen down on the doctor's desk.

"Alright. I guess that's all for now."

"Thanks doctor," Deacon got up and extended his hand to shake his.

Rayna slipped one arm into her handbag handle and swung it over her shoulder, she got up, shook doctor Rand's hand as well and said "Thank you, we'll see you soon."
She reached for Deacon's hand and threaded her fingers through his as they made their way out of the office.

She had met the young doctor before, but this was the very first time Deacon had asked her to come with him to one of his appointments. She'd been nervous and didn't manage to sleep the night before. They were supposed to do a scan and check how much the tumor had or hadn't grown. A one centimeter growth meant Deacon's liver was not eligible for a transplant anymore, it was a death sentence, plain and simple. If Deacon had been nervous, he hadn't let on that morning. The two had spent the previous night wrapped in each other's arms whispering I love you's back and forth. Rayna had shamefully asked Teddy to take the girls for the night and thank God he had happily agreed. These days he was spending less and less time with his daughters, partly because they wanted to spend every hour of every day at home with Deacon and partly because the FBI had been on his heels for over a month now and he didn't want to get the girls involved.

"You didn't have to do that," he said looking out of the car window.

"Just drop it already Deacon," she said with a sigh, stopping at a red light.

"Guess what I was trying to say is...thank you."

Rayna pushed her sunglasses up her head and turned to him, resting her right hand on his thigh. "I meant it when I said this is my battle too."

Since they'd finally decided to get back together and made it official with the girls, things had gone from good to great. She'd never felt this happy in her entire life, despite the dark cloud that lingered above their heads threatening to make it rain at any moment, they were happy. Rayna and Deacon spent many hours rediscovering each other, getting to know each other again in a way. Deacon was right, he was a different man now and she was a different woman as well, but they were also pretty much the same Deacon and Rayna they'd always been. Nothing had changed between them really, the passion, the longing, the need, the devotion….it was all still there, as strong as it ever was. The only real difference now was that they had a teenager and a pre-teen in the house making it, at times, impossible for them to fully enjoy each other's company. However difficult it was for them to get some much needed alone time though, they loved their Friday movie nights and pizza Sundays and wouldn't have traded them for anything in the world.

"So…uhm…I googled a couple of things in the past few weeks and uhm…I want to get tested. " Maddie stammered out, closing her book. "He is my father, there are really good chances I could be his donor." She said getting up from the table to collect her homework.

Deacon and Rayna looked at each other in shock for a split second, before Deacon said "No way."

"Don't even think about it," Rayna echoed him.

"But why? I'm your daughter."

"Yes and you are also too young Maddie," Deacon tried to keep his composure, but he could just feel his patience slipping away.

"I'm almost sixteen."

"You could be sixty for all I care and I still wouldn't let you do that!" He yelled, hitting the counter with his flat palm.

Stubbornly Maddie went on, "I want to help if I can."

"Putting your life in danger will help nobody." Rayna wrapped a hand around his arm and rubbed his back in circles with the other in an attempt to calm him down.

"Mom got tested, why can't I?"

"Your mom went behind my back and I wouldn't have let her do that either," he answered in an exasperated tone. "Just forget it Maddie."

"Why won't you let me help you?"

"Because you're a kid!" He yelled again freeing his arm from Rayna's strong grip.

"Yes, your kid!" His daughter countered, her face crumpling giving way to tears.

"Maddie the question is off the table," Rayna said as calmly as she could. She loved that sweet sweet girl for wanting to do this for her dad, but they'd already talked about it - her and Deacon - and they both agreed: come hell or high water, Maddie would never even be considered as a living donor. She was a minor and would have needed her parents' consent to do it, they'd even approached Teddy and discussed it with him. The three of them were all on the same page.

"What if I am a match?" She cried, "Do you want me to spend the rest of my life knowing I could have saved my father but didn't?"

"I don't want to hear another word about this, okay?"

Maddie turned to Rayna, "Mom? Please?"

"Honey, you heard your father." She told her knowing full well her daughter would probably hate her for the rest of her life if something happened to Deacon, but if this was the price to pay to keep her little girl safe then so be it. "This conversation is over," she added for emphasis.

Maddie fell down onto the chair next to her and buried her face in her hands, sobbing. "I just don't want you to die, is it so hard to understand?"

Deacon and Rayna exchanged a look and then both crossed the kitchen and wrapped their arms around their daughter. Rayna couldn't help the tears that she felt coming and silently prayed to God - begged him - to save her man, fearing they'd never survive that kind of pain if he didn't.

If it's all I ever do

This is your song

"So..uhm...the girls and I have talked." Rayna handed Deacon a mug filled with hot cocoa and then plopped on the couch next to him, tucking her feet under her butt.

"What about?"

"I had a proposition for them, actually it was for you. I just wanted their opinion on it."

"Okay...?" Deacon's eyes darted to his right, eyeing her suspiciously.

"We talked it through and we all happen to agree about this," Rayna took a sip from her mug, "I want you to keep that in mind."

Deacon reached over and set the mug on the small table in front of him and then turned to her, "Rayna what's going on?"

Taking in a shaky breath, she wrapped her slender finger around his wrist and said "Maddie, Daphne and I would like you to move in with us."

"With you?" he cocked his head to study her face. "Like…uhm…here?"

"Yes."

"Well that is one thing that's not going to happen," he laughed bitterly and grabbed his mug again.

"What? Why?"

"I told you I don't want y'all to take care of me. Not to mention you lived in this house with Teddy for how long...? No, just no. I'm not moving anywhere."

"It would just make things easier and save us all the Belle Meade-East Nashville back and forth. It's not a big deal." She said with a shrug taking another sip of the now lukewarm beverage.

"Yes it is." Deacon retorted rising from the couch.

"Okay it is a big deal, but it was bound to happen at some point down the road anyway, don't you think?" She tried to study his expression for a second and then said, "You can have the guestroom if the master bedroom bothers you so much."

"It's not that," Deacon looked at her bewildered. "I mean...it's not just that." He lowered his head, finding his boots incredibly interesting all of a sudden.

"Then what is it? Would it be so bad to live all under the same roof?"

"No, it would be pretty great actually. That's not the point."

"It would be just a temporary thing, you know" Rayna began, getting up from the couch herself. "I've talked to the girls about the idea of getting a new place eventually, they weren't so against it," she walked to the kitchen aisle. "I mean, sure, this is the house they've grown up in and they love this house, but I think we could bribe them into moving out. A music room, a pony, I'll have you know my daughters can easily be bought," she said turning back to Deacon with a bright smile. "We'll come up with something."

"Not to mention," she kept on, walking in circles around the counter "Highway 65 is doing well - knock on wood - if things keep going like this I could probably pay the house mortgage off in say a year...maybe two. It's not going to be easy, but it's worth giving a thou-"

"-Woah Ray, slow down." Deacon whistled passing a hand through his hair.

She stopped in her tracks and spun around, like she'd been just awakened by a reverie. "What?"

"Slow down," he said putting his own mug down on the coffee table. "You're talking about a mile a minute, I can't keep up," he silently asked her to join him on the couch, patting the empty space next to him.

Rayna walked back to the couch and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, deciding to settle onto his lap instead. "You're making plans," he whispered looking up into her blue depths.

"Yeah, well...I plan. That's my thing."

"No, I mean...you're making future plans."

"Well, I figure we have to start somewhere," she said running a hand through his hair.

"Rayna I have cancer."

Rayna jumped up and off of him before he got the last word out,"Would you stop saying that?" she said flinging her arms out of her sides. "That's all I hear, all the time. Mother of Christ!"

"Well it's the goddamn truth Rayna," he got up too, bringing his face close to hers. "This is the reality I live in. I can't talk about the future, I can't afford it, okay?"

"We're going to beat this. Together." It wasn't a statement, more of a plea actually.

"Rayna, cut the bullshit. We both know there's a better chance I'll be six feet under in four months, than here with you. Let's just face it."

Rayna felt like the wind had just been knocked out of her and covered her mouth with her hand. "No," she shook her head as her heart started racing and her breath came out in puffs.

Deacon put his hands on her arms and rubbed them up and down, "Ray, I love you and those girls more than anything, but I can't pretend everything's gonna be fine and just move in with you."

"Why not? Our family needs you and it needs you right here with us. We'll be there to take care of you whether you like it or not, regardless of your address."

Deacon brought his head back and let out a long sigh, he blinked and a warm tear left the corner of his eye and ran down his temple, disappearing right above his ear. Rayna cradled his head in her hand and dried the wet trail left by that single tear with her thumb. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Uh...nothing. You…you just said our family." He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, "It's just...I don't know."

"Babe we do have a family now, you and me." Rayna cupped his face with both her hands, gently stroking his scruff. "Who stayed up half the night to help Maddie study for her history test last Wednesday? Who drove to the other side of town because all the grocery stores nearby didn't have Daphne's favorite Jen & Berry flavor? You are a good dad Deacon, a great dad, and your girls need you. All three of us." With that, she circled her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into her.

Deacon hugged her back and whispered, "I love you all so much."

"We love you too. Please let us be there for you."

He kissed her cheek and then her mouth taking her chin in between his index and thumb, "Let me think about it okay?"

"That's all I'm asking." She kissed him softly, her mouth relinquishing to the mixed taste of chocolate and Deaconess.

They didn't talk about that particular subject for a couple of days, Rayna didn't want to push it and Deacon didn't want to make any rushed decisions. Of course the girls had other plans and had been pestering both their parents about it at any given chance.

"So dad did you think about it?" Maddie asked for the third time that day alone as she was helping Deacon set the table.

He exchanged a smirk with Rayna and then asked, "About what?"

"Oh, come on!" Daphne puffed out dramatically.

"Uhm…I've given it some thought."

"And…?" His daughter prodded him.

"I haven't made a decision yet Maddie."

"What is there to decide? Honestly dad." Maddie started following him around the kitchen as he gathered plates and silverware in his hands. "It wouldn't be much of a big change, except you and mom wouldn't have to come up with some Ponzi scheme every time you want to make out or whatever."

Deacon turned around, a shocked expression on his face, "what are you even talking about?"

"There's only so many times mom's bedroom door can get stuck in one day and you need to fix it, before it gets suspicious." Rayna couldn't help the laugh that erupted from her chest as Deacon's face turned a bright shade of fuchsia. "Find a new excuse at least."

"That obvious?" She asked giving her back to them to check on the chicken roasting in the oven.

"I bought it the first couple of times," Daphne chimed in.

They all started laughing then and didn't stop for a good five minutes. Maybe they weren't as smooth as they thought they'd been or maybe their girls were smarter than they were giving them credit for, either way they'd been busted. Funny thing is, the girls didn't seem to mind. They probably had never seen Rayna so happy and carefree in a while, maybe ever. It was all because of Deacon and they knew that, that's why they'd probably agreed to let him move in with them and were even warming up to the idea of getting a new place. It was a big change, however natural and almost obligated that next step felt, it was a big change. Sure they'd been practically living together for weeks now, minus for the sleeping arrangements, but this would change their extended family dynamics forever. It was not just about the three of them, it was about Daphne and Teddy too and how they would make this all work without hurting anybody's feelings.

Rayna walked Deacon to the door for their usual 'goodbye', which could easily fall under the definition of 'necking' also. "I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked coming up for air, after a few minutes of intense making out.

"Yeah," she nodded. "What is it?" She asked when he didn't move, leaning into the doorframe lost in thought.

"Maybe I'll sleep over tomorrow night? See how that goes?"

Rayna literally jumped in his arms, he almost didn't catch her, "Really?"

"Yeah, I mean…why not." He wrapped his arms more tightly around her midsection.

"The girls will be so excited," Rayna kissed his cheek, patting his shoulder to signal him to put her down.

He smirked, "just the girls?"

Rayna brought her mouth to his ear and sultrily purred, "I hear the guestroom's door needs some fixing as well."

And the rain comes down

There's no pain and there's no doubt

"Babe?" Rayna knocked on the door for the third time.

"Just go away!" He growled again.

"Deacon, please let me come in."

"I'm fine, just g-" he started to retch again. Rayna leaned her forehead against the bathroom door and squeezed her eyes shut, as she closely listen to Deacon puking out his guts on the other side of that door. It was unbearable.

"Babe?" She tried again, when she heard no sounds coming from inside.

"Deacon, open up come on," her knuckled tapped the wooden surface again.

"This is ridiculous, just open the damn door."

She heard a thud at first and then a soft bang coming from behind the door. "Deacon!"

They were supposed to stop by the Highway 65 offices today, Deacon had insisted she needed to go back to work and so did he. Sadie and Avery had asked Rayna if she could put Deacon on the payroll and feature him as lead guitarist on her album. It goes without saying Rayna had the papers printed before Sadie formally asked. It seemed to do Deacon good, getting back in the studio, playing, it kept his minds off things. Today their second to last recording session was supposed to take place, they were laying the last couple tracks down and his help was precious for Avery, but Deacon had felt sick all night long and Rayna called in saying he wasn't feeling too well and they'd have to reschedule. Deacon was hell-bent on getting into that recording studio that day, it took Rayna over two hours to convince him he was in no condition to leave the house. Despite the cold shoulder treatment, she held her ground.

"Hey," she softly whispered smoothing his hair back.

"Ray? Wha-where am I?" He asked confusedly, trying to push himself up on his elbows.

"Hey now, stay down," She gently pushed him back down. "You're at the hospital. You passed out and hit your head."

"Well that'll explain the pounding," He said drily bringing his hand to his temple.

"Yeah," she smiled warmly, "You had a little concussion, but they did a CT scan, you should be fine."

"How did it happen? I-I don't remember anything."

"You'd been vomiting all morning long, you were dehydrated and a little lightheaded I guess. You just passed out."

"I'm sorry Ray."

She kissed his mouth, lingering for a moment, "Hey, it's okay."

"I won't lock myself up in the bathroom the next time. I'm sorry about that too."

"Babe, I'm here to help you, but I can't do that if you won't let me." Rayna sat on the edge of the bed and gingerly rubbed his arm, before sliding her hand into his palm and locking their hands.

"I didn't want you to see me like that."

"That's what I'm here for. I'm your support person remember?"

"You always have been," he finally looked her in the eyes and offered her a rueful smile.

"And I always will be," Rayna leaned closer and pecked his lips once more. "Get some rest now."

Deacon's health was deteriorating fast. Nobody dared to admit it, but Rayna knew. His skin color was different, his eyes weren't so clear and the blue in them had lost its brightness. It was easy to ignore the signals, especially because he stood so tall and strong, but they were all there mocking her delusion nonetheless. Maddie and Daphne had stopped jumping on him on the couch or asking him to give them piggyback rides. Rayna started to refuse to try sex positions that could possibly hurt him or wear him too much out. Deacon wasn't too happy about any of that, especially the latter, but he seemed to have started to grudgingly accept the reality of the facts. Doctor Rand was on speed dial on Rayna's phone, she talked to him almost every day, even more often since Deacon started experiencing severe nausea all of a sudden. According to him the lack of appetite and nausea were all liver cancer side effects and there was little he or she could do about it. Rayna hated that feeling of powerlessness that had been trying to choke her since the day Deacon told her about his cancer, but more than that she hated the feeling of hopelessness that had recently started keeping her up at night.

"Rayna?"

"Oh, hey Scarlett," she greeted her with a hug.

"Hey. How is he?" She asked in a whisper looking at a sleeping Deacon.

"A little disoriented, still a bit nauseous. They tried to make him walk but he has balance problems. I think they'll keep him overnight just for good measure, you know. He was pretty dehydrated, he's on his second round of intravenous feedings already."

"He's starting to look…" Scarlett trailed off tearing her big blue eyes away from her uncle.

"Sick?" Rayna filled in.

"Yes. Has he lost some weight since the last time I saw him?"

"Yeah. I've been trying to get him to eat more but he's either nauseous or can't keep the food down...I mean...It hasn't been easy." Rayna sighed sitting down in the chair next to his bed again.

"Damn." She cussed clenching her fists. "Hey, I've got nowhere to be, so if you need to go home or pick the girls up at school or-"

"-No, It's all taken care of," She smiled up at her and reached for her hand. "I'm good here."

"Are you sure? I could stay, it's no problem at all."

"I appreciate it, but it's fine really."

"You should listen to her, go on home Ray." Came Deacon's groggy voice.

"Hey, uncle Deacon," Scarlett took a step closer to his bed and leaned down to kiss his cheek. " How are you feeling?"

Deacon didn't even open his eyes, "dizzy mostly."

"I'm sorry."

"Shhh," Rayna hushed him, "go back to sleep babe."

"Rayna I'm okay," he grumbled.

Scarlett kissed his cheek again and then excused herself, "I'll go talk to Caleb real quick."

"You should have taken her up on that offer. Baby, I love you, but you look beyond exhausted," Deacon said squeezing one eye open.

"Thanks for the honesty, I guess."

"Have you talked to Bucky? You were supposed to stop by the office today. You say you're working from home, but I know it's not true. They need you over there."

"Everything's fine Deacon, you don't need to worry about any of that."

"I do Ray," once again he tried to push himself up higher on the bed, but failed. "This label is all you ever wanted and you invested everything you have in it. You need to take care of this business, you can't leave it all in Bucky's hands."

"I need to take care of you."

"No, you don't. I've got pretty nurses here who fawn over me like groupies, you don't have to worry about me," he said with a choked laugh.

"I don't, huh? I don't have to worry about that brunette nurse whose top button unexplainably popped open the second she walked in here an hour ago?" She jerked her thumb towards the door that was just a few feet away from the nurse station.

Deacon got a serious look on his face and before a gasp of laughter hit him, held up two fingers and said, "It was two buttons."

Rayna gasped and slapped his thigh, "Deacon!"

"I'm just messing with you," he coughed, his laughing dying down. "In all seriousness though, I want you to go back to normal, okay? Don't let this illness get in the way. We're talking about your future and Maddie and Daphne's future here."

"I don't know what normal is," she confessed in a whisper, looking out the window. "Not anymore."

"Why's that?"

"Because…" she sighed, searching for the right words. "Because I am terrified Deacon. Completely utterly terrified. I wake up three or maybe four times at night to check if you're still breathing. Every time I'm not with you I cling to my cellphone scared to death that it will ring and I'll find out something's happened to you. I think my heart stopped today when the paramedics pushed that door open and I saw you face down on the floor." Tears were now irremediably running down her face, she didn't even bother to wipe them away. It had been a long day and she needed this small relief.

"I spend every minute of every single day scared that I won't be the last face you see," she hiccuped covering her face with her hands. "I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes."

"Hey. Look at me," Deacon beckoned her. She took a couple of long breaths and then finally met his eyes. "No matter what happens, you will be the last face I see. I can guarantee you that."

TO BE CONTINUED…

The song I used is "Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You" by Stevie Nicks.

The second chapter is already done and will be posted some time next week before Nashville returns,

XO