AN: Just want to give you some brief information before you start reading. The story starts where we left off in 3x11. The main focus is on Regina and her journey after everything she's been through, and of course this is an OutlawQueen story. Reviews are always appreciated but please be gentle. Thanks a lot to my lovely beta-reader A. Enjoy!

***

Often I wonder why I try

hoping for an end
Sorrow weighs my shoulders down

and trouble haunts my mind

but I know the present will not last

and tomorrow will be kinder.
(The Secret Sisters)

***

"My gift to you is good memories," Regina said and took Emmas hand. "A good life for you and Henry," she smiled and tried to hold back the tears.

"You have never given him up," Regina said and her voice started trembling.

"You have always been together." It was hard but she knew it was the right thing to do. As much as she wanted to take him to the Enchanted Forest, she knew that he did not belong there.

"You would do that?" Emma asked with surprise.

"When I stop Pan's curse and you cross that town line you'll have the life you always wanted," she said and ignored the bitterness that was suddenly spreading inside of her.

"But it won't be real," Emma said quietly. She still couldn't believe what was happening right now. This was exactly what she had always wanted but somehow it didn't feel right.

"Your past won't, but your future will," Regina said and took a deep breath. "Now go," she said and looked at her son. It took all the strength she had to smile at him. She didn't want her last moments with him to be stained with tears.

When she looked at him she suddenly saw the tiny baby she held in her arms so many years ago. Little Henry had been such a cute boy and Regina couldn't be prouder. It had taken some time until they eventually got used to each other and Regina had actually overcome her fear of not being a great mother for Henry.

"There isn't much time left. The curse will be here any minute," Regina said and the pain inside her chest made it difficult to speak. She took Henry in her arms and inhaled that scent of his, that she would always keep in her memories. She placed on last kiss on his forehead and let go. She watched quietly as Emma was forced to say goodbye to her parents again. For the second time in the womans life she was responsible for that. Giving her a life full of happy memories, a life with her son was the least she could do. She owed her that much.

As Regina watched the green smoke approach behind them her heart started hammering inside her chest. She heard nothing but the sound of her very own heart beat echoing inside her head when she took out her own curse.

"Where would this take them?" a voice inside her head asked, but Regina didn't know the answer.

She raised her shivering hands and concentrated on the curse, trying to slow it down just a little to keep everyone alive. It took everything she had. While she focused on her task with tears streaming down her face she realized how much she despised the color purple.

This was her magic, her curse and her failure. Without her need for revenge they wouldn't be in that place at all. She wanted a fresh start with everything she had always wanted and it wasn't until now that she noticed that all she fought for so dearly was gone.

She had wanted a child to fill the emptiness inside her heart. Over the years she had learned to love Henry more then herself. He was the most important part of her life, he was everything to her. At some point her love for him was stronger than her wish for revenge. In the far distance she could see them driving away and for an instant she wanted to be with them, to run away and never look back.

When the smoke surrounded them, her mind went blank. She felt her heart break into a thousand pieces when she realized that there was no going back. She had failed and for the second time in her life lost everything she loved so dearly. This time she sacrificed her own happiness to give Henry a chance of a life outside of Storybrooke, a chance to be with his mother. A normal life without magic and fairy-tale characters. He deserved it more than anyone.

She had given it all up to save the people she had cursed, tore from their lives in the Enchanted Forest and brought here in the first place. She knew that many years ago, she wouldn't have given a damn about them but she had changed. She knew it and felt it, she wanted to change for her son and the chance of a better life at some point in her future. She wanted to do the right thing but now she was asking herself if it was all worth it.

"Look where it got you," she heard that voice inside her mind, full of bitterness. She didn't want to go back to the Enchanted Forest. She dreaded that place with all her heart. She got used to Storybrooke and she knew that this was her home now. She never wanted to return to the Forest where all these terrible things had happened in her past. Where she'd been turned into a person she never wanted to be until there had been no chance of return.

She didn't want to be the Evil Queen any longer. She finally knew what it was like when people saw her as Regina, without fear or anger in their eyes. She was sick of people trying to fight her. She didn't want to fight. All she wanted was her son but he was gone. She slowly felt her power draining from her body and let herself fall into the darkness of the smoke and her destiny to be trapped in the forest forever.

The next time she felt her senses come to life she didn't know where exactly she was. At first there was a deadly silence and she wondered if she was still alive. She heard voices that faded as soon as they had appeared and then it went silent again. She felt a cold floor beneath her body and didn't dare to open her eyes, not before she mentally braced herself for whatever expected her as soon as she did.

She took a deep breath, every inch of her body aching with the effort. She didn't want to be here and her body was fighting it with every living cell in her body. She couldn't breathe properly, her chest felt awfully tight. She wasn't sure whether it was the aftermath of the curse or her wardrobe that had changed by the time she arrived in the Enchanted Forest. She tried to move but felt too weak to do so. Her fingers slowly moved from the dirty floor, touching the clothes that covered her waist. She didn't recognize the fabric and she certainly wasn't wearing that before.

She quietly sighed when she realized that she must be dressed in her Evil Queen garments. She didn't even have the strength to move her hand to change her appearance magically, before anyone could see her like this. She couldn't hear any familiar sounds and she started to feel real cold. The cold air settled on her face and her hands. She smelled grass; she could be close to a forest. Once more Regina tried to get up but her head was pounding with pain and she winced quietly. She didn't remember any time where she had ever felt this weak before.

Before she had the chance to try again, she heard footsteps in the distance. Her heart hammered against her chest. The cold floor beneath her sent a sudden chill through her body. Now that she was pinned to the floor by her own weakness, or being held down – she wasn't so sure of that – she felt something seeping through her veins that she had rarely felt before.

For a second she wanted to scream, but kept quiet. She tried to be as still as possible. She opened her eyes slowly but could hardly see a thing. She could tell that it was dark, the stars glistened like diamonds, looking rather pretty, but she couldn't make out where she was. She listened carefully as the footsteps grew louder, her body trembling with fear.

He wandered around the outskirts of the castle, just like he did every evening to make sure that no one tried to invade it. So far it had been a quiet night and he didn't expect much when he had stepped out of the front door earlier. The truth was that nothing ever happened around here lately.

He walked through the grounds of the castle that once belonged to the Evil Queen, so he heard. He had never met her in person but even in Sherwood Forest, people had talked about her with fear in their eyes.

She had had quite a reputation that went far beyond the borders of this realm.

By the time he and his Merry Men arrived in the Enchanted Forest, this place had been deserted. There was nothing left and he didn't complain. Especially in the winter, the castle was a better shelter then a tent in the forest. And the absence of the Evil Queen suited him very well.

He wasn't so sure if he actually wanted to meet her. Not from what people had said about her. She was surely a person to avoid.

The night was quiet and he had almost finished his round when he heard a loud noise from somewhere outside the castle. He quickly hid in the shades to make sure he wouldn't be discovered. He listened closely and heard a few voices though he couldn't make out how many people they were and what they were saying.

He needed to have a better look. As quietly as possible he set out to cut through the inner courtyard and hesitated when he saw someone laying on the ground. He was certain that, whoever this was, had not been there the first time he came across this place. Slowly, he raised his bow and approached. In the dim moonlight he realized that it must be a woman. She was wearing a dress, but she didn't move.

"Hello?" she heard a man's voice asking from afar. She didn't know that voice, it sounded deep and soft and there was something about it that calmed her a little.

"Are you alright?" The man asked with a lovely accent to his voice that she couldn't place anywhere in the Enchanted Forest. She heard the dirt crunch beneath his feet as he approached. Had she heard his voice before? It seemed oddly familiar.

"Are you okay?" he asked again, but the woman didn't move which worried him a little. He took his bow down and kneeled beside her. The first thing he noticed was her dress. It didn't look like anything he'd seen anyone wear before and it certainly didn't look very comfortable. Most of all it seemed a little out of place, considering that she was entirely on her own, on the ground in the middle of a dark and deserted courtyard, in the middle of the night. The air was rather chilly and he was certain that she must be freezing.

Robin wasn't sure what to do. She was shivering and struggling to get up but something held her back. Slowly he raised a hand and placed it on her forehead. Her skin felt ice cold to his touch. Regina frightened for a moment when she felt his hand on her forehead.

"What was he going to do to her?" She slowly turned her head and opened her eyes, blinking several times. Her sight was still slightly blurred but when it slowly sharpened she looked into the eyes of a stranger. She knew she hadn't seen him before. Regina was sure she'd have remembered him.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he said quietly when he realized that she was feeling uneasy and for some strange reason she believed him. There was something soothing about his presence and the warmth of his hand against her cold skin. Many years ago she probably would've torn him to pieces for touching her like that but she didn't care. The soft touch was quite welcoming and she didn't have much to loose after all.

She tried to get up and didn't protest when he helped her.

"Who are you?" she asked and her voice sounded a lot weaker then she had intended to.

"My name is Robin Locksley, Milady," he said. "To whom do I owe the pleasure?" he asked although it slowly dawned on him that he already knew the answer.

"My name..." Regina said quietly while she tried not to shiver too hard from the cold. "I am... the..."

"The Queen," he finished the sentence for her and she looked at him with a puzzled look on her face. Of course, she thought. The dress must've given her away but the first thing that came to Robin's mind was a drawing of a much younger person that he had found in the castle a few days ago. He was certain it showed the Queen at some point in her life.

Regina looked around. From her current position that place suddenly looked oddly familiar.

"The Summer Palace," she whispered, more to herself.

"Excuse me, Milady?"

"This is my Summer Palace," she said softly and he could tell that she was either very weak or tired. Probably both. It must've been the last thing on her mind before the curse took them all away. It was better then camping out in the forest with unknown creatures creeping through the woods. As much as she despised all of this, they had to find shelter somewhere.

"I suggest we find a warmer place for you, your Majesty," he said and took her hand to help her to her feet. She noticed that he had addressed her differently but she was too exhausted to care. The emptiness inside of her was only replaced by the cold that was now seeping through her veins.

Regina struggled to her feet and tried to focus. It irritated her a lot that she didn't even have the strength to walk and before she could do anything about it she felt herself being lifted in his arms as he slowly carried her toward the castle. She didn't use any magic nor did she intend to do so. She didn't fight when he lifted her into his arms.

Robin didn't care what kind of stories people where telling about the Evil Queen, ignored how ruthless she was supposed to be. The woman he now carried in his arms was nothing close to that. All he saw was someone who didn't even have the strength to walk, shivering from the biting cold.

He wondered what had happened to such a powerful woman, how had she ended up in that courtyard after all? He wanted to ask so many things but now wasn't the right time. The only place she needed right now was a warm place to recover.

When he reached the door, he hesitated for a second. The warm light of the candles fell softly on her face. She had her eyes closed, looking rather calm. He couldn't help but admit that she was quite beautiful. For a moment he wished that she would open her eyes so he could look into them once more, but she didn't. When he slowly climbed the steps he actually wondered if he had met her before, because there was something about her that seemed familiar.

He pushed that thought away and carried her into the castle.