The Crazy Cat Lady Next Door

a/n: I have no shame

Tadashi normally tried to see the best in everyone, but he was already drawing near the end of his patience.

He twitched as the cat lying on his couch gave him a look. It meowed - the smug, arrogant little bastard.

For the record, that was not his cat.

Another cat jumped through the window (how did that keep getting open?!) and landed softly on the ground, knocking over his plant. Apparently it wasn't satisfied with that, because it proceeded to knock over his precious collection of glass robotic figurines. It made a chirruping noise, like it was laughing.

That was also not his cat.

A large Russian blue rubbed against his legs, purring, and looked up at him, sweetly.

That could be his cat but it was not.

Because Tadashi Hamada did not own any cats.

Tadashi was pretty new to the whole area. He actually just moved into his apartment three weeks ago so the commute to the university would be easier. So when he found the apartment building, he was over the moon because the rent was really affordable and in a good location.

Should have known something was up, he would curse later. Cheap rent and a beautiful complex? Damnit, there was always a catch.

The second sign he missed was when he was pushing his couch down the hallway and a cat suddenly jumped on his head, causing him to squeal loudly, step back, and fall down the stairs where he proceeded to knock himself unconscious. Fortunately, the doctors at the hospital where he later woke up didn't laugh too much.

The rest of the week was pretty peaceful. And then one Tuesday morning, he opened his fridge, only to scream when a cat meowed at him from the shelf from where his plate of smoked salmon used to be.

It only escalated from there as more and more cats kept popping up inside his apartment, and when he tried to complain to the building manager, the man only laughed and said, "Oh, you're talking about Takachiho's pets! Yeah, they tend to be everywhere - we've all gotten used to them."

Turned out, that Taka-whatever, or the Crazy Cat Lady as Tadashi called her, lived in the apartment next door so he was the one who faced the brunt of the catapocalypse. She never seemed to there when Tadashi was home, though. He tried slipping a note underneath the door, but then he heard the noise of paper being shredded and delighted meowing. When he taped another note to the door, he found it being chewed up by another cat lying in the hallway.

When he tried locking his windows and taping them shut, the cats still got in.

Tadashi was a passive-aggressive person and hated confrontation, but the last straw was when one of his professors politely pointed out that, "Tadashi? There is a hairball on your suit."

That was it. The cats had to go.

Tadashi called in sick for work and proceeded to wait - two hours later, he heard a sudden onset of excited meowing and Crazy Cat Lady's door opening. Mouth set in a grim line, he grabbed the tabby that was sitting on his kitchen counter and marched out of his apartment and to the Crazy Cat Lady's, not so much as knocking but thunking the door. He was going to have words, dammit.

The cat purred under his arm and he glared at it.

Then the door opened and whatever words Tadashi was going to say died on his tongue.

"Tofu!" Behind the door was a wide-eyed teenager with a head full of fluffy dark hair. He was shorter by a head at the most, and he had the longest set of eyelashes that Tadashi had ever seen on a boy. The teen looked delighted and relieved at once as he took the cat from Tadashi's loose grip. "Oh, you little turd, you! I was so worried!" The teen rubbed his face along the tabby's and laughed when she licked his nose.

He noticed Tadashi still standing there and a shy grin spread across his face. There was a little gap between his teeth, Tadashi noticed vaguely. He felt dizzy and his face felt a little too hot. "Oh, you're the new neighbor. Nice to meet you, I'm Hiro Takachiho. Thank you so much for finding - um, mister?"

"Hi," Tadashi said. "Hi. Hello. Um. Cat."

Hiro blinked. "...Are you alright? Your face is really red." He tilted his head in concern.

"Oh my god," Tadashi said.

He was ashamed to say that he ran away.

GoGo threw a rice-ball at his head. "You are such a loser," she sneered. "I can't believe I'm friends with you." Tadashi had his face buried in his hands and he was making pathetic whining noises.

"The cat! And his face!" he sobbed.

Fred patted his back, picking out the stray rice bits from his hair and flinging them back to GoGo. "This is great, dude!" he said, sounding way too happy for Tadashi's comfort. "We were all kind of worried for you, man. I mean, no one needs romance to be happy, but we were thinking you were going to turn into one of those crazy lonely cat people, or something."

"He's living next to one," GoGo muttered.

Tadashi just kept crying. "He is so cute."

"Seriously, how old is this kid?" Wasabi muttered from where he was sitting, working on his own project. Honey Lemon giggled to herself, quietly recording Tadashi's misery.

"Hi neighbor! Um, I hate to ask but..."

Tadashi resisted the urge to slam the door into Hiro's face. Instead, he hoped he wasn't blushing and wondered if he should have shaved this morning.

Hiro bit his lips and peered behind Tadashi's body. A look of embarrassment came over his features. Tadashi swallowed thickly and stepped aside; the boy rushed in, picking up cats as he went along and babbling.

"Bulgogi! Miso! Ramen! You guys need to stop wandering into people's homes," he scolded as he stuck one cat on his shoulder and another he carried in his arms. The last cat followed him as he went back out to the hallway, and he shot Tadashi a grateful look. "I'm really sorry about this," he said apologetically. "I hope they didn't bother you too much. I didn't realize they were coming in."

Tadashi had almost forgotten. "About that," he started and rubbed the back of his neck, a habit he gained whenever he was feeling flustered. "Um, these...are… a lot of cats…"

Goddammit, way to state the obvious. Tadashi wanted to hit himself.

Hiro beamed. "Yeah, I just can't help it! They're so cute, right?"

Wait. What?

Tadashi's eyes bulged out in shock. "You can't help - wait, these cats are all yours?"

"Yee-ees?"

"What do your parents say?"

Hiro frowned. "They don't really care. I mean, I live alone so it doesn't really matter."

Holy shit. Crazy Cat Lady was Hiro?!

"What? But you're -"

Hiro looked seriously annoyed by now. "I'm twenty!" he snapped.

He's legal! a dark part of Tadashi's mind cheered. The rational part pushed it down and -

"You have a problem," he said without thinking. He flushed, slapping his hand over his mouth.

"What," Hiro stated with deadly calm. "What. Problem."

"I mean-" Tadashi's arms flailed, gesturing to all the cats that surrounded them. There were more of them now, emerging from Hiro's room. "Look at them! There are so many! You can't just keep hoarding all these cats, Hiro. That's a health hazard! This is a serious problem. "

Hiro's head was bowed low, his hair shadowing his face. Slowly, he looked up and Tadashi couldn't help but flinch at the unholy gleam in his eyes.

"A problem, huh. I'll show you a problem, you animal-hating bastard."

"You're so pathetic," GoGo choked out between bouts of laughter. Tadashi looked miserable as Honey Lemon placed another band-aid to the scratch on his cheek.

"He hates me," he cried.

"Aw, cheer up!" Honey Lemon winked. "At least he's legal, yeah?"

"He threw a cat at my face!"

"Maybe he was flirting?"

"I like him already," Fred said. "He sounds like a cool bro."

Wasabi looked disgusted. "Do you know how many germs animals carry?"

Hiro was once again standing on his door-stop, a plate of cookies in hand. His face was beet-red as he shoved it into Tadashi's hands.

"I overreacted," he admitted. "I - you - you were right."

"Oh," Tadashi blinked and he smiled, a tendril of hope entwining around his heart. "Hiro…?"

"Sorry about throwing Miso at your face!" Hiro blurted out. His hands were twisting at the bottom of his hoodie, slender fingers curling tightly into the fabric from where they peeked out from long sleeves.

….Tadashi sort of wanted to kiss them.

"No, it's fine! I should be sorry, I didn't mean for my words to come out the way they did yesterday." Tadashi forced his attention back to Hiro's face. He stepped aside, letting Hiro inside his apartment and set the plate of cookies down on his counter. "Heh. Do you wanna start over?" He stuck out his hand. "Hi, my name is Tadashi Hamada."

Hiro smiled gratefully and took it. Tadashi gulped. "Hiro Takachiho." Hiro shyly glanced up through his lashes and -

Tadashi. Was. Doomed.

He took his hand back, hoping that the younger male wasn't too disgusted by his sweaty palms. "So, about the cats -"

"I CAN'T HELP IT." Hiro suddenly blurted out. The older took a step back, alarmed at the wild look that had appeared in those brown eyes.

"Mreeeow?" One of the cats interrupted them and Hiro quickly snatched it up, cuddling it to his chest.

"People are monsters!" Hiro yelled. "They just keep abandoning cats when they're not cute anymore and I see one, and I have to take them home."

"I-I get that. H-Hiro, c-calm-"

"Look!" Hiro shoved the animal at Tadashi's face. "Apple Pudding was just a kitten when she was thrown into the gutters to drown!" There was a fire in his eyes as he continued to rage. "Can you believe that?! People should be the ones neutered! The human race cannot possibly be compared to the superiority of cats!" Hiro cradled Apple Pudding back to his chest, cooing nonsense words to her, and that was when Tadashi realized -

"He's crazy. I hate to say it pal, but he's insane." GoGo blew a bubble and popped it, smacking her lips. "Congratu-fucking-lations." She twirled her finger around her head.

Tadashi shook his head. "Don't say that," he weakly protested. "Sure, Hiro's got a little problem but that just means he cares."

"Little problem? The kid's shacking up with forty-"

"Thirty-eight."

"-Thirty-eight cats and you think that's a little problem?"

Fred grinned. "At least he's interesting!"

Wasabi shuddered. "T-thirty-eight…"

And sitting across from him, Honey Lemon looked thoughtful. "Hey, I have an idea…"

"Adoption?!" Hiro looked horrified. "B-but!"

"We'll interview them all and even check out their histories," said Tadashi, patiently.

"Well, I suppose…"

"Great!" Tadashi grinned. "I know a friend who's got a couple candidates lined up already."

Hiro hesitatingly smiled back and he reached out a hand, tugging at Tadashi's sleeve. "Thanks for doing this for me," he said.

"N-no problem." Flustered, Tadashi, scratched the back of his neck and hoped that this would turn out well.

It turned out better than well, actually.

The only hard part was getting Hiro to stop crying after letting go of each cat. "Goodbye Beefsteak," he'd sob or, "Be good and don't knock things over anymore, Orange Juice." It didn't help that he would glare at the new owners and hissing out that if any of them mistreated the cats, he'd reign hell-fire upon them all.

It only took two weeks to get all thirty-eight cats adopted. A great accomplishment, if Tadashi had to say so himself.

The best part was when Hiro leaned up on his tippy-toes and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek.

"You're the best neighbor ever," he said cheerfully and skipped out back to his room, leaving Tadashi standing dazedly by the door.

"He looks gross."

"Don't say that, GoGo. He's in love~"

"Yeah. Gross."

Tadashi ignored them all and continued to dreamily stare off into space, hand pressed to his cheek. He sighed and his friends looked at each other, amusement written on their faces.

"Mr. Hamada! There you are, I've been looking for you."

Tadashi blinked and turned around, straightening up when he saw Callaghan walking toward him. "Sorry, professor. I was just heading toward the lab."

"Good, good. We'll go there together. I have some great news!"

Tadashi smiled, Callaghan's happiness being infectious. He wondered if they finally got the budget approval for the robotics lab. It'd certainly make the road to getting his Masters a hell lot better. "What's up, Professor?"

"I got into contact with a close friend of mine and he agreed to come teach at the university," Callaghan explained. They turned a corner, the lab doors in sight. "He's amazing, a true genius! He'll bring a lot of new ideas to the lab that will benefit a lot of the students. He came in today - he should just be inside."

He opened the doors and they walked in.

Tadashi turned his head and his smile faded, recognizing a familiar face.

"Robert!" Hiro skipped over, looking excited.

"Long time no see, Dr. Takachiho. You don't come around as often as you used to. Still preoccupied with all those cats?"

Hiro sheepishly reached up to tuck a strand of his hair behind one ear.. "Aha, well…" His eyes roamed over to Tadashi - who was standing like a statue - and lit up like a beacon. "Tadashi? I didn't realize you were a robotics student. That's wonderful!" His eyes flashed mischievously. "I guess now you have to call me 'Professor', huh?"

GoGo actually looked sympathetic. "So Crazy Hiro turned out to be Crazy Genius Professor Hiro, eh? Gee, you have some terrible luck, Hamada. But hey, as long as you're not caught it should be fine."

Tadashi just sobbed into his knees.

Although…

"Hey, wait up!" Tadashi stopped, letting Hiro catch up to him.

"Hiro? I mean, Professor - I mean. Huh?"

Hiro actually laughed, nervously, and gestured Tadashi to lean down. The older man complied, curious, turning a little red when he felt Hiro's breath on his ear.

"I'm actually just teaching for two months," Hiro whispered. "You can take me out on a proper date afterwards, but it'd be pretty fun sneaking around for now." He stepped back, gave a suggestive wink, and then sauntered away, leaving Tadashi gaping after him.

I am so doomed.