Guilty for all the lies, trusting that he's earned his place, Jaune resolves to tell his friends the truth. No matter how emasculating it is. That's kind of the point, though, and the crew will never look at the boy the same way again because, well-
Disclaimer: I don't own RWBY. It belongs to RoosterTeeth, and the memory of the master of computer animation. May your brainchild keep moving forward, Monty.
Chapter 3: More of a Decent Slumber Party, Really
"Do I even have a role in this?" Ren asked.
"Yes- no- huh. I didn't think that far. Nora?" Ruby asked.
"Hm… sure! He can be like our honorary gay friend!" Nora said with cheer.
"Nora!" Ren exclaimed, flushing a third time. (Three times in one day- was this a record? Was he sick?)
"Wasn't expecting that one," Blake admitted. Not from Nora at least.
"Oh, it's just just for one night, Ren," Nora waved off. "Just wear that dress of yours! You know, the silk one!"
"Ren has a dress?" Yang's eyes lit up with mirth. Two cross-dressers on Team JNPR?
"It's a hanfu," Ren began with dignity, "the traditional dress of the men of my people for-"
"Dress, handfull, same difference!" Nora said. "You can't be the only one left out of a girl's night!"
"Uh, I think I can," Ren tried. "Since, you know, I'm not a girl."
"I don't know," Yang said with a cheeky grin, as if she hadn't already pantsed him to know just that. "That's what Jauney Boy used to say, and look how that turned out."
"But that's- but I'm not- ugh," Ren said, giving up. "I don't even know how to do a girl's night."
"Ren's right," Joan said, nobly taking up the team leader's responsibility of standing up for her man. (And wasn't that a weird thing to think?) "He shouldn't be forced to participate. And since I don't know what a girl's night is either, I volunteer to keep him company."
She was immediately booed down.
"Didn't you ever get dragged into one by your seven sisters?" Blake asked.
"I have suppressed those memories," Jaune claimed.
"Come on, Jaune, it will be great!" Ruby urged. "We can paint our nails, and try on clothes, and talk about cute boys, like…" she trailed off, struggling to find an answer. Preferably one that wouldn't earn her a hammer.
"Like Ren?" Nora offered. "He's handsome. Not that we're together, well, we are together, but not together-together, because that would just be- wait!" She exclaimed, narrowing her eyes and pointing a finger at Joan. "You weren't trying to get alone time with Ren just now, were you?"
Ren's eyes widened. Joan's did as well, but her reasons were more for self-preservation. "No!" she exclaimed, fast enough that Ren's masculinity was bruised. "When I said Ren was like the brother I never had, I meant it! Family! Family!"
"Oh, okay then," Nora said sweetly. "Then we can talk about Ren."
But would anyone even want to now?
Ruby scoured her brain, thinking for any other guys their age they might know. A name came to mind, and she raised her finger and opened her mouth.
"If you suggest Cardin Winchester, we are no longer friends," both Joan and Weiss said simultaneously and with perfect seriousness. They looked at each other with surprise.
Ruby lowered her hand and closed her mouth.
Ren sighed as the girls began planning the best slumber party ever. Jaune now may be Joan, but things were still as awkward around her as ever. It promised to be a long, hard night.
...and now he wouldn't have anyone to share dirty jokes like that with. Damn.
"You seem really into this, little sis," Yang noted with some approval as Ruby applied the nail polish on Jaune's captive finger. Which is to say, Yang had the new-found girl in a submission hold, while Ruby painted the prisoner. "Trying to make up for something?"
"Well, Weiss was just joking when she said it when we got here, but this is my chance!"
"Your chance?" Blake wondered.
"To have a slumber party like a normal girl!" Ruby said. "Plus, I get to teach Jaune how to be a proper girl!"
"That's a scary thought," Weiss muttered. To think, Crater Face was now giving facial moisturizing tips for smooth, clear skin…
"You… do realize that I still consider myself a guy on the inside, right?" Joan said from her position trapped in Yang's bosom. "Like, I enjoy guy things. Video games, comic books, full-legged pants, that sort of thing. I don't like wearing dresses or skirts. When we go to class I'm going to wear pants, act like a guy, and respond to Jaune."
"See?" Ruby whined. "She's terrible! She doesn't even think girls can enjoy all that stuff! Is there anyone as bad at being a girl as her?"
"Penny?" Blake offered.
"She's a robot, but even she wears a skirt and acts girly," Ruby said. "We can't have Jaune be a worse girl than Penny."
"If you're going to treat me as a girl, could you at least call me by my name?" Joan asked. She was ignored, again.
"I agree," Weiss weighed in. "On our pride as women of flesh and blood, we can't let this travesty go on."
Ruby dared to hope. "Weiss… do you mean…?"
"Yes. By my name as a Schnee, we will make Arc into a respectable looking girl, or she will die trying," Weiss vowed.
Ren moaned. Joan moaned. You could even say they moaned together, with Joan's pants were covering Ren's face. Neither looked like they were having the least bit of fun as the girls brought forth yet another dress and talked amongst themselves.
"Too many clothes…" Ren moaned, letting the discarded pants block the ceiling lights. How many times would they take to realize that Joan just didn't have all the right curves in all the right places? And that he really didn't want to be asked to look at them, again?
"Not enough pants…" Joan moaned. Combat skirts were well and good, but what was wrong with jeans? Jeans were nice, durable, and modest. They were also a lot warmer against a cool breeze than, well, what the other girls wore.
Couldn't a girl just get a decent pair of pants?
"You remember when we went shopping last month? The good old days when it only took the two of us five minutes?" Joan reminisced.
"That was the best." Ren agreed. "Remember when we didn't have to try on every different combination of clothing?"
"Think it would go any faster if you just told them that something looked good on me?"
"They'd want reasons," Ren reasoned. "And then they'd try more. And Yang would smirk and crack jokes about us." He pitched his voice to imitate the bustier blonde. "Oooh, he thinks it looks nice on you Joan, you know what that means."
"That you have a basic sense of fashion?" Joan asked rhetorically.
"That he would like it better on the floor," Yang answered cheekily from nearby. "Now come here, Jauney-girl. Time to try this baby on for size."
Joan and Ren moaned together once more.
Somehow, some way, the night involved a sparring match. To test out Joan's 'new look.'
It wasn't going well. Joan was doing no better than she had before, and Ren was easily avoiding her every blow... or as easily as he could while only looking at Joan straight in the eyes. It was a handicap, but not as much as when he had let his gaze dip.
Joan still couldn't fight for beans, combat skirt or no. Coincidentally, and entirely unwanted, Ren had rediscovered just how much of a legs man he really was.
Yang growled in frustration as Ren dodged another blow. "What's wrong?!" she demanded of Joan, impatient. "You're a woman, aren't you? So fight like girl and kick his ass!"
Joan sighed. Somehow, expectations for her competence had only risen.
"So, Blake, you ever read about this in one of your books?" Nora asked from the side as their other friends were involved in a video game- apparently Joan was supposed to have any lingering misogyny beaten out of her with a crushing defeat to Team RWBY at a racing game. Unfortunately, Joan and Ren had teamed up and were dominating. Not even Yang's attempts to distract them with sexy flirting was working.
"What part?" Blake answered. "Slumber parties? Family drama of sexual conventions and overbearing parents? The stress of living a lie to match social obligations? Cross-dressing?"
Nora considered. "Yes!" she agreed.
"Never," Blake lied.
"Oh. Cause I was just thinking how this is so close to a cheesy stories in which one guy is surrounded by a bunch of women and how the story revolves around implausible and baseless hormonal crushes."
"And that guy is… Jaune?" Blake wondered. She also wondered at Nora using so many big words, but that was neither here or there.
"Please leave me out of whatever you're talking about!" a distant voice called.
Nora laughed. "Nah, it'd have to be Ren!"
"Please leave me out of whatever you're talking about as well!" another distant voice called.
Blake's eyebrow raised. "Ren as a harem protagonist?" she asked, ignoring the green man's appeal.
"Well, he's the only guy left," Nora reasoned. "Now that Jaune's part of the Harem and all."
Whut.
"Well, yeah, there's me the childhood friend. You know, the one who starts together with the hero, but not together-together, because that would be weird, not that Ren is weird you know, but-"
"Yes, I know," Blake cut off. "And the rest?"
"Well we all fill a gauntlet of archetypes," Nora pointed out. "Ice Princess tsundere, Blond Bombshell party girl, mysterious catgirl ninja maid cosplay-"
"It's not cosplay," Blake hissed, ears raising. Nora just looked skeptical, since she hadn't been talking about the ears, so Blake moved on. "So what does that make Joan?" she asked.
"The crossdressing false-flag yaoi option," Nora reasoned, streaming way too many tropes together. "Starts off as your best friend, gets close to you to make the forbidden appeal… and bam. Turns out it was safe to crush on 'em all along."
Blank didn't know what to say. "And you think… this is going to happen to Ren?" she asked. "Just because he's the only guy around?" If you ignored Sun, and Neptune, and plenty of other guys around, and pretty please ignore all of Team CRDL…
"Didn't Joan say that Ren was like a brother?" she remembered.
"Not blood related," Nora shrugged. "Ren's from the East," as if that explained anything, or everything. Blake was torn between being disturbed or impressed by Nora's delusion, and settled for relieved when Yang walked up.
"What's this about Ren?" Yang asked. "That guy's a tough cooky, but I still want to see if I can make him blush a fourth time tonight," she said with a predatory grin grin.
"Why?" Blake wondered.
"Because Jauney Boy's no longer a boy and so not longer counts for flirt points?" Yang asked.
Blank didn't understand, and didn't want to. "I don't think that's respectful," she said instead.
Yang scoffed. "Respect? This is about fun! He's one guy surrounded by seven- well, six and kinda with Joan- girls. We should help him live the moment!" Blake was unmoved, and Yang gave up. "Gah, so boring. Since when did you care about respecting him so much? You've barely ever talked to the guy!" she said as she left.
Blake considered her friend's words. It was true they had had never spoken past idle greetings, but she had a positive opinion of Ren all the same. He was polite, competent, and quiet, respecting her privacy and desire to read in peace. She had never looked at him with any interest, having been more than happy to let Nora's crush (or whatever it was) be unobstructed, but she'd admit he wasn't unattractive. His eyes were quite distinctive, much like her own-
Blake's eyes opened in horror as she realized the taint of Nora's topic. Purging her mind of the thoughts, she resolved to think of anything else, even Cardin Winchester. She would not go down this damned path. No no no no no no no no no.
Never.
No slumber party would be complete without truth and dare, or so Yang kept insisting, but was overruled by her tired friends. They remembered the last time she had convinced them to play along with her, and would rather not.
Which didn't keep her from demanding one question, of course.
"Pyrrha!" she demanded. "You've been quiet all night- when did you know?" she wanted to know. Given that the Champion hadn't burst into tears or been the least bit surprised by the confession, she had been the first to know… but when?
"It was probably during their sparring matches," Ruby assumed. A single stumble, an accidental rip of clothes, or some grappling... wait, when had she turned into her sis?
"Or at the dance?" Weiss wondered. Pyrrha had always only had eyes for Jaune, and would have been looking the hardest when he/she had shown up in the dress.
"She could have just told her," Ren suggested reasonably, looking to Joan for confirmation.
Joan laughed awkwardly. "I'm not really sure I should say," she claimed when eyes turned towards her.
"It's alright," Pyrrha said with a smile. She turned to them. "Jaune told me when I confessed to him."
Six pairs of eyes widened at the realization, and Yang's whistle was accompanied by the others' sounds of surprise. Now this was juicy gossip worthy of a girl's night!
"I felt I owed her the truth," Joan admitted sheepishly. "After everything she helped me through- and to hear her confess- she deserved to know." Joan said, putting her hand over Pyrrha's giving a grateful squeeze. "She accepted me, and then convince me to tell all of you," she leaned into her partner with a smile in an expression of intimate trust, and Pyrrha leaned back in solidarity.
"You go, girl," Nora applauded, pleased that Pyrrha had made the effort from start to finish.
"Shame about the reveal, though," Yang said with a moment of pity, but only a moment. Then she leaned forward. "So, how did you react when you learned he didn't have the goods?"
"Yang!" Weiss and Ruby scolded.
"It must have been awkward," Blake said with sympathy. "Did you take it hard?"
Pyrrha shook her head with her constant smile. "I was surprised, but it didn't matter to me. I fell in love with the good man inside, and that didn't change." It was a soft, contented smile without any doubts or shame about so openly admitting the feelings she had held.
"Whoa," Ruby was taken aback by the frank and unembarrassed admission.
"That's impressively mature," Weiss admitted, impressed. Even Blake was nodding.
"Shame it couldn't work out," Yang said.
Pyrrha simply continued smiling from her position leaning into Joan. Joan herself was embarrassed and looking away… but still leaning into Pyrrha, and still holding her hand.
"Whoa," Yang said, eyes widening. "No. Way."
Pyrrha said nothing, but her smile took a turn for the enigmatic with a touch of the cat who had caught the canary.
Yang woke up like she did after any good night of fun- unwillingly and uncomfortably. Thirsty, cotton-mouthed, and aching in the way that suggested a good fight. With a moan for good measure, she rolled herself off her bed.
"Morning Yang," her sister greeted.
"Morning Rubes," Yang greeted. "I just had the craziest dream. Jaune called us all together and confessed his big secret. Then we had a slumber party. And I think I had too much fun."
"Er… but we did have a slumber party because of Jaune," Ruby said. "Don't you remember?"
Yang startled more awake. "Whoa, that was real? You mean- Jaune really is-" she trailed off.
"Yep," Ruby said cheerfully, pulling out her scroll. "Want to see the video?" Good thing Ren hadn't deleted it.
"No, no, I'm good," Yang denied. "I'm just still surprised. I can't say I was expecting, but I certainly didn't expect the first of us to hook up with a girl would be Pyrrha."
There was more than a beat of silence, long enough that Yang turned her head to look at her sis. "What?" she asked. "There's nothing wrong with that."
Ruby looked perturbed none the less. "…Yang? What are you talking about?" she asked.
Yang smiled at how innocent Ruby could be. "You know. Last night. Pyrrha. Jaune. Sweet Amazonian love."
"Wouldn't you need two girls for that that?" Blake asked from the side.
Yang sat up straight. "What, did Pyrrha turn out to be a boy the whole time?" she asked. What had she missed last night? Heck, how would that even be possible? Jaune could be an flat girl, but Pyrrha's assets were way too big to-
"A boy- Yang, what are you going on about?" Weiss interjected from afar.
"But- she and Joan- it was so obvious-" Yang stumbled.
"Who?" Blake asked.
"You know. Jaune. As a girl. Which he is." Yang said. "Which she called us together to confess," she reminded when her teammates continued to give her a silent look.
"Yang, you're clearly out of your mind, drink some water," Weiss ordered. "Ruby, show her the video."
Ruby presented the scroll, which had a familiar scene from last night. It showed the scene, shot by Ren, of them resolving to hear Jaune's confession with an open mind.
In entered Jaune, caught in the video's shaky footage. There he was again, preparing to confess his hidden secret.
"Guys," Jaune prepared to admit, "I'm actually-"
Fin
Author Notes:
What is Jaune actually confessing? Is he a faunus? A time traveler? A badass playing dumb for Reasons? Working a part-time job? The world may never know… unless you take this challenge and write your own Jaune's Confession scene. Drop a review and let me know how that works out if you ever do. Drop a review even if you don't- it always seems strange to me that I always have nearly twice as many people who favorite or follow a story than who actually review it.
Some notes about this before I go.
This was the product of sleep deprivation, a bug, and a RWBY marathon post-Monty. Chapter 1 was the initial conceit, with Jaune's friends more or less coming together as his friends before finally confessed his deceit to all of them. It originally ended the same way this one ends, with Jaune's confession being a blank. Chapter two would have started the 'I'm actually a woman' bit as a brief gag chapter, with subsequent chapters each being their own 'Jaune admits to X.' Faunus, White Fang, having a part time job for Junior, etc. But I never felt like writing all those out. Then the 'I'm a woman' confession went on twice as long when a few didn't-quite-fit jokes (like 'So fight like a girl and kick ass!' and the Ren Harem) ended up snowballing into this. So the fic became 'Jaune is a woman' rather than 'Jaune's friends have a moment, and then get surprised by unexpected confessions.'