All Men Are Afraid in Battle-

The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty
~ George S. Patton

A/N: I don't know what I'm doing. I mean I know what this story is going to be about, I have it plotted out and I know it's going to be painful and there's going to be all kinds of trouble for the main characters, and – despite what the first chapter suggests – it's going to be Severide-centric. It's mostly going to focus on his and Casey's friendship, but it will also include some trouble for Casey and Dawson and other Severide friendships – namely that with April Sexton and Erin Lindsay (not with Scott Rice) – because he's going to need all his friends if he's going to survive what I have in store for him.

What I meant by "I don't know what I'm doing" is that I don't know if I really should delve into yet another fandom. And if this fandom really likes Severide hurt (lots of hurt) / comfort, or is it just me?

So. This may be just an experiment. *shrug*

ETA: As you can see, the story is being continued. I'll try my best to see it through to the (happy) end. If you enjoy, please, keep leaving notes. :)

Disclaimer: Not mine. I borrowed them and I broke them. I'll try to return them fixed

Chapter One
Academy Dinner

Fancy dinners were not one of Matthew Casey's favorite activities. Being forced to dress up nicely and parade in front of all other nicely dressed people made him feel self-conscious and he always, always developed some unfortunate itch in the most inappropriate moments. The collar would be too stiff, the cuffs too tight or the belt – the belt! – would suddenly become constricted in the middle of the dinner.

Kelly Severide was much better with formal activities. He actually rocked that suit, Matthew thought with a tinge of petty, teenager-like envy as he watched his friend and roommate check himself in the mirror. Katie Nolan, Severide's sister whom he invited to come with him to the Academy Dinner this year, fixed his tie and glared at her brother with such admiration that Matthew thought she must have regretted being related to him. Or maybe not. Maybe she was simply proud. Matt smiled to himself, half nostalgic about his own sister, half happy for his friend. If anyone deserved some happiness in their lives it was Kelly and Katie obviously made him happy.

She looked good. Kelly had commented on it the other day. She seemed to have moved on after the assault, moved to New York after a couple of months spent in Colorado, recuperating, and now together with some friend of hers she was running a restaurant in Brooklyn. Kelly was obviously relieved; Matt knew that he had carried a lot of guilt for what had befallen his little sister.

"You ready, or what?" Kelly's cheerful voice brought Matt back to reality.

"Yeah, sure, let's go."

"What's the address of your bae again?" Kelly joked. He was merciless in teasing Matt about his conquests ever since he and Gabby split up. One evening, when they'd had five too many beers he had even confessed that he'd thought Matt and Gabby never should have broken things off and offered to set up a blind date for them or something, so they would come to their senses. Matt had retorted that it wouldn't have been a blind date if he knew about it, now would it? Kelly had promised then that he would keep it a secret. He had been drunk out of his ass. At least now he promised he wouldn't be drinking, instead he served as their chauffeur.

And Matthew was going to the ball with a beautiful Cassandra Mendez. A petite girl with dark hair, dark eyes and a dazzling smile.

A girl that looked way too much like Gabriela Dawson for it to be healthy, as Matthew realized seeing his date shake hands with Gabby in the hall at the Academy.

Gabby Dawson was in love and no amount of eye-rolling from Sylvie was going to change that. Arthur was charming and easy-going but responsible, sensitive under a strict demeanor of a bodyguard of one of Chicago aldermen. He was tall and lanky, his built didn't betray the undeniable strength underneath and his dark hair and green eyes woke each and every one of Gabby's protective instincts. And if Sylvie claimed that the man could be Matthew Casey's clone – character wise – Gabby readily retorted that at least he looked nothing like Matthew, contrary to Matthew's flame.

"Ouch." Sylvie crinkled her nose. "Flame? Someone might think that you're jealous."

"Are you sure you want to go there with me?"

"Hey, I said 'someone'. Not me, I do not think that! Just... saying. Ignore me."

Gabby wasn't jealous. She simply did not like this Cassandra character.

"Would you pass me the salad?" Cassandra's voice was strangely curt and cold all evening. She barely spoke to Matt at all, and when she did it was all formal. "No, not this one, you know I'm allergic to tomatoes."

"I'm sorry." Matt reached for a bowl handed to him by Gabby's date. Andrew? He couldn't remember the guy's name but he was so damn nice Matt wanted to punch him.

The dinner was turning into a disaster. Even Severide looked uncomfortable, but for entirely different reason – Scott Rice was grilling him all evening.

"You should have brought April, is all I'm saying."

"How many times do I have to tell you, me and April are friends." He threw a napkin next to his plate. "I don't want to ruin it by some ambiguous invitations." He unbuttoned his right cuff and scratched the inside of his wrist and Matt suddenly felt that his own sleeves were too tight and uncomfortable and how strange that Kelly perfect Severide had the same reaction to distress as he did. Matt chuckled into his steak.

"At least you're enjoying yourself," Cassandra muttered.

"You know." Matt suddenly turned to her. "I think we need to talk..." he waved his finger and looked around. Everyone at the table fell silent and they were staring at him. He felt an itch between his shoulder blades and wondered what would make Severide feel that as well. "Outside." He finished and pushed away from the table not waiting for Cassandra's acquiescence.

Arthur was sweet. And charming. And nice.

And clingy...

Too clingy – when they were slow-dancing after dinner, he kept entwining himself around Gabby and pressing into her and... He was suffocating her.

"I need some air." She pushed away from him, full arms length. "Let's go to the balcony."

"Oh, I'm making you hot, don'I?" Arthur slung his arm around hers and snuggled closer pressing his nose into her ear and twirling.

Gabby felt creeps crawl up her spine and she jumped away with a squeal.

Arthur grinned.

This was not the reaction she wanted from him. She wanted him to give her some damn space.

"You know, I think we need to slow down," she said putting both her palms up in a gesture that wasn't meant to be defensive, but kind of came off that way.

Arthur's smile vanished and he furrowed his brow. "Is it because of that guy?" he seethed through suddenly tense lips.

"What guy?" Gabby breathed out. Maybe she shouldn't have pretended she didn't know what he was talking about, but she wasn't ready to face plain truth yet.

"That fireman?" Arthur clarified.

Not enough, considering. "They are all fireman here!"

"The blond one, don't play stupid with me!"

Now that was like a slap to the face. The insult being truth didn't make it any less stingy and Gabby's latina blood boiled.

"What? I-"

Arthur was on a roll though and he didn't even let her complete the sentence.

" I saw how he looked at you, and his girlfriend could be your carbon-copy!" he yelled.

"Are you out of your-"

"Is he your ex?" he prompted, still too loud for Gabby's liking.

"Wha-"

"I bet he's your ex and that you're still pining for him! And he's pining for you for all I can see! You know what, I'm tired of being someone's replacement token for you!"

Arthur turned around and stormed through the room full of people, some of which heard their heated argument and were now staring at Gabby. She didn't need him to make her a center of attention! And he didn't even let her defend herself.

Gabriela Dawson, her blood still rushing in her veins, turned as well – in the opposite direction – and pushed open the door to the balcony.

Yes, she was too hot, yes, she needed to cool down.

Unfortunately she wasn't meant to. Because there, on the balcony, leaning against the railing, she saw a familiar figure of Matthew Casey.

She strode toward him, her high heels tapping the tiles with each angry step.

"It's all your fault!" She smacked Casey in the arm just as he was turning around to see who approached him.

His eyebrows, lifted in question, quickly lowered in fury matching hers.

"My fault? It's my fault? You're the one parading a bodyguard in front of everyone, while you can't stop from staring at me and my girlfriend."

"Yeah? Because why does your girlfriend look exactly like me?"

"Maybe I have a type, what's wrong with that?"

"So I was only a type for you? Like, all that matters for you is how a girl looks?"

"I never said that!"

"You're just like all the men! All that counts is a body, you don't care about a character, or... or... I hope she knows that, your girlfriend!" At least Matt let her shout out all her rage. "Where is she anyway? I'll tell her myself."

"You won't find her. She left. Because of you! Because you couldn't stop from glaring at her like she was some specimen in a zoo!" Matt waved his arms, letting out a lot of steam as well. They were like mirrors of each other, both angry, both dating people that reminded them of the other.

Both, apparently abandoned by said people.

"Did she break up with you?" Gabby asked under her breath.

"No!" Matt shook his head. Then pouted and corrected himself. "Yes. And where is your... bodyguard?"

"Well... he... Broke up with me."

"Did he?" Matt looked at Gabby with a different fire in his eyes and bit his lower lip.

And before she knew what she was doing, Gabriela closed the distance between them and kissed him like she hadn't kissed anyone in over two months.

t.b.c.