Chapter 10: Kirigiri-sama and the Santo Smashers

"Hagakure, this is ridiculous." Kirigiri said bluntly.

"Two visions in a row! Yeah, the first time might be a mistake-" Hagakure weakly defended himself.

"All of your predictions are mistakes." Asahina muttered, "Besides, we have enough stalking to go around. Fukawa's been worse than usual."

"Hagakure, as punishment for your incompetence, you have to join me for another chapter. Let's see…" Kirigiri flipped through the file, "You Shook Me All Night Long. What kind of title is that?"

Asahina groaned. "I almost forgot about that one. I can't remember… but I don't think this one is as blatantly offensive."

"Righty then dudettes!" Cried Hagakure, "Let's do it!"

*'**"***"**'*

Chapter Two: Evil Ways

We all filed into the gym, me staying close to Kirigiri. Naegi was basically clinging to Togami,

Kirigiri: Whoever this chick is, I don't want her near me.

Asahina: You're not bothered by the Naegi bit?

Kirigiri: Fukawa would murder him eventually. If she didn't, I would.

and Togami looked annoyed as hell, but he wasn't pulling away from Naegi.

Hagakure: I don't get it. Why do they think those two should go together? Toges is a rich prick, and Naegs has the hots for- well, actually I don't know.

Asahina: That's because you don't notice the obvious things.

Maizono kept shooting jealous looks at Togami, but I could tell they were hiding a layer of disgust, almost homophobia.

Kirigiri: … *sigh* I doubt Maizono is homophobic. Stop villainizing her. She did one terrible action. That's all. She betrayed Naegi, something which I also did by lying during the fifth trial, which almost got him killed.

If I was stronger, I probably would've gone full Edge-mode and Speared her (an: watashi luvs wwe! edge is sugoi, y did he retire so soooooon). But, not only was I the size of an average Diva today, I was a lot nicer than that. Think less Chyna, more Brie Bella (an: im nt sayin brie is a bad diva desu! watashi's just sayin tat shes a good pointeru of referene to tell u how small kanade-chan is, sinc brie is a LOT smaller tan say her twin anesan nikki).

Asahina: What?

Hagakure: Those are wrestling references, duh!

Kirigiri: Are they accurate?

Hagakure: Not a clue.

Kirigiri: Well, that was pointless. It only proved that she's violent.

So, I restrained myself. But I made a mental note to put her in a Sharpshooter later, or even a Yes Lock.

While I was thinking, I heard the voice again.

"Hi, hey there, hello! Is everyone here? Good! Now, let's get this thing rolling!"

Asahina: Monokuma never fails to be convenient.

We all looked up at the front, and out jumped… a teddy bear? That's what it looked like at least. He was white on one side, and black on the other. I guess it was supposed to look terrifying or something, but it just looked absolutely ridiculous. He waddled to the front of the podium.

Kirigiri: Ridiculous is one word for Monokuma. A word that you would never use in his presence.

"I… Am… Monokuma! And I… Am your school's headmaster!"

"Excuse me?" I asked, confused. "You're a teddy bear. I don't think teddy bears can control a dust bunny, let alone a school."

"I am not a teddy bear!" Monokuma growled. "I am Monokuma!"

"Hold on," Kirigiri said, standing tall and fearless. I was so engrossed by her.

Hagakure: How come you guys get all the attention?

Asahina: Because they're more attractive than you.

Hagakure: I'm 21! I have that older, mature, kind of appeal!

Asahina: No, no you don't.

"How do we know you're not lying?"

"Easy!" Monokuma said. "First, none of you can leave this school, unless you graduate!"

"What do you mean by that?" Fujisaki asked, clearly scared. Mondo petted her head.

Kirigiri: You got that wrong! The relationships between all of us have not developed to that point yet!

Asahina: Yeah! Not even Sakura and I were friends yet!

"To graduate, you have to murder someone! Oh, but if you don't want to, you can stay here for the rest of your life! Bye!"

Monokuma jumped down, and left us all in stunned silence.

Hagakure: Pretty sure there were more rules than that.

Why would I want to kill someone? I was so afraid of all of this, I felt myself breathing heavily.

"Santo-san, are you okay?" I heard Celes ask. I couldn't answer, as the world turned to black a second time that day, and I fell.

Asahina: She's more of a wimp than Naegi. I mean, not that Naegi's a wimp, but he's a little…

Kirigiri: Passive. Not to mention he can reach a higher pitch than I ever could.

I woke up in a room, and I was confused. Where was I? I got up out of the bed I was in, and looked around. It looked like a hotel room, without a mini-fridge or a T.V. or a little cup. But it did have a bathroom, and it did have a few amenities, and it had my suitcase. There was a key and keychain on the table. Looking at it, the keychain was light pinku,

Hagakure: Pinku? What is that- a combination of pink and ecru?

Asahina: Ecru? You're making that up.

Hagakure: No, it's a real color! It's like a beige-y sort of yellow color.

Kirigiri: Huh, learn something new, I suppose.

apparently Monokuma needed to remind me that I had ovaries and was fine with that. But it also had my name, Kanade Santo, etched into the pink block with gold lettering. So, I concluded it was my room. I carefully walked outside, making sure to control my breathing. Outside my door, Celes was waiting for me.

"Santo-chan, are you okay?" Celes asked, concern flooding her voice.

Asahina: Since when did Celes ever care about other people? I mean, she warmed up to us after a while. A long while. You know, before the killing game.

"Yeah, I am fine," I lied. How could I be fine? I could die at any moment. But for some reason, I trusted Celes.

Hagakure: Why?! She reeks suspicious!

Kirigiri: You're only saying that because she framed you for murder.

"Celes-chan, what happened after I passed out?"

"Well, Owada-san knocked Naegi-kun out, it was so fast. I believe Naegi-kun was trying to defend something Togami-san said?

Asahina: Wrong! Togami was being a prick and Naegi was trying to stop them from fighting! How hard is it to get these details wrong?!

Kirigiri: According to all of these, it's really easy to get it wrong. Even worse than Hagakure's prediction rate.

Hagakure: 100% accurate, 30% of the time guys!

Then Monokuma gave us all our keys to our rooms, and told us to read the rules. I believe Owada-san nearly got killed by Monokuma becoming a bomb… But the rules said you couldn't sleep anywhere that wasn't your dorm, so Kirigiri-san carried you here. She had to leave to investigate, but she was concerned about you."

"Well, it's nice to know someone cares about me," I said, trying to contain my doki doki. Kirigiri-sama… liked me?

Kirigiri: Kirigiri-sama wants to barf.

"Hey, uh, I'm gonna put on my Hime-kami front, so I'm gonna act… kind of bitchy. Don't take it personally, okay, Celes-chan?"

Asahina: Meaning that she'll act like Celes.

Hagakure: Isn't that mean to say?

Kirigiri: Not really. Celes put up a similar "Princess" front.

"Okay, Santo-san."

When I entered the cafeteria, I saw Naegi talking to Sayaka. Naegi waved to us, and when Celes waved back, Sayaka sneered at me. Of course she'd hate me, ChiUta sold more copies of "Silent Cicadas" than Sayaka's band did of their single, "Smile for Tonight."

Asahina: Maizono wouldn't hate a rival band! She would enjoy the competition to hype up the press and keep the attention going to raise sales! I know I like having a good rival to keep me excited and on my A-game!

When everyone filed in, I stood up.

"Listen everyone, I demand your attention!" I shouted, in my most demanding voice. "My name is Hime-kami, and I wish to be addressed as such! You may also call me Kami-sama, Ohime-sama, Hime-sama, or Hime-kami-sama! I demand to be treated like a princess, as I am such! You must cater to my will, understand?"

Hagakure: Nobody would put up with that. Not even Naegi, and he puts up with everyone.

"And if we don't?" Togami asked. He looked at me, and I could understand where he was coming from. I was kind of a bitch, but I couldn't let him win. I gasped loudly.

"How dare you even SUGGEST such a thing to the one and only Hime-kami! I am the number one princess, and I deserve to be treated as such!" I turned my nose at him.

Kirigiri: Can I kill her?

Asahina: You'd have to join the club.

Kirigiri: I'd be the president of that club. Kirigiri-sama and the Santo Smashers.

Hagakure: It's gotta ring to it.

Asahina: Kind of sounds like a rock band name or something.

Hagakure: Better name than ChiUta.

"The only two who are allowed to adress me as Santo-san and the like are Celes-chan and Kirigiri-saaaaaaa-n!" Phew! I almost called her Kirigiri-sama! that would have been embarrassing!

Asahina: Favoritism, much?

A few days passed, nothing much happening, other than talking to people, and everyone was already fine with me being Hime-kami.

Kirigiri: Lies. Someone would have murdered you. Probably Celes.

In the morning, we all gathered to eat breakfast. I made everyone waffles, and everyone loved them.

Asahina: Nope! The only breakfast food for me are donuts! Waffles are nothing but a sad, pathetic imitation! They are nothing but despair!

Thank god for easy-to-follow directions. On this day, we talked about things that we saw, when we heard the grating voice.

Kirigiri: Grating? I wouldn't call Monokuma's grating, per se…

"WHY ARE YOU ALL STILL ALIVE?! THIS IS BORING AS HELL! Trapped in a small space with a bunch of high schoolers? I would have offed you all off faster than you can say 'cyanide cookies'!"

Hagakure: What the hell? The tone just kind of… shifted.

Kirigiri: That's almost… kind of funny.

Asahina: I mean, it sounds like Monokuma, but Monokuma never said anything like that.

Monokuma griped. I rolled my eyes.

"Monokuma, why have you decided to interrupt me, Hime-kami, and my breakfast?" I asked. Kirigiri rubbed my arm, calming me down.

Kirigiri: I would not touch her, unless it was incapacitating her in some fashion.

"Well, I have something to kick this killing game off!"

Asahina: Yeah, we know, the videos.

Hagakure: What was in your video?

Asahina: Well… it was… my little brother being in danger.

Hagakure: Yeah, for me, it was my mom.

Asahina: I don't know why, but it's weird to think that a guy like you has a mom. Is she anything like you?

Hagakure: Nope!

Kirigiri: Well, we're done here. Asahina, want to hit the gym?

Asahina: Sure! That's a little unexpected of you.

Kirigiri: I need some stress-relief.

(AN: It's sad, but I can't get this image of Kirigiri-sama and the Santo Smashers out of my head; Naegi on lead vocals, Kirigiri on lead guitar, Asahina on drums, Hagakure on cowbell, with Togami as the manager and Fukawa the groupie.)