If you could see what I feel

If I had to pick up one sense I'd treasure above all, for sure it's sight. Trying to imagine that I'd never be allowed to see her ever again is unbearable. Because of the way she looks at me sometimes, the way she stares with anger, raising an eyebrow, every time I cross the line, the way she smiles reluctantly when I try my humor on her, the way she holds her tears with fierce will, the way light flows on her face when she thinks no one observes… I'd miss all that too much!

She just allowed me to touch her in a way I felt more intimate than ever, letting my fingers gently read surprise on her forehead and the premises of an uncomfortable smile on her lips.

Sensuality has never been more intense between us than during that precious moment!

I can feel a discreet touch of perfume and I know she's around. I recognize without a doubt her footsteps approaching the couch that has become my last refuge. I hear the subtle tone in her voice when she stimulates her troops.

And all that time, I "see" her.

Behind the barricades covering my wounded eyes, I see her, more beautiful than ever.

I'm aware I've been grumpy, grouchy, even nasty sometimes, as a spoiled kid deprived of his favorite leisure.

And yet, she's so much more precious to me than I'm ready to confess. Not yet.

Somehow, I also see in a superimposed image the terrorized look in that man's eyes as he knew he was going to die in front of me. What a weird sensation to experience both sunshine and darkness all at once. She could have been hurt too. I'm so relieved she was not. Given the choice, better me than her! Because I'm still able to play the images over and over again in my memory palace. The most peculiar consequence is that I found myself mentally raising my eyes to her face, although she's smaller than me. Probably because she's a lot more worthy than I'll ever be.

If blindness should remain my companion from now on, I hope I'll still be allowed to remain around. After all, I managed to find hidden truths with a blindfold on many times before. I just need people to give me a thorough description of what lies before me.

I'll accept any punishment for my past and even present attitude.

Yet, not seeing Teresa's smiling face ever again would be too cruel a sentence.

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I hope you've enjoyed that little OS which just popped in there... I love that moment when he gently tries to "read" the surprise on her face. That was "touching", in so many ways. Please tell me what you think. Thanks for visiting and reviews. Take care. L.