Hello, my loyal viewers, awesome reviewers, and welcome to newcomers! :D Old timers, I apologize most profusely for the late update. Inspiration simply doesn't visit very often, especially when my mind is off in the Old West. :( New timers, congratulations for making it this far on this ridiculous story! :D You win a cookie for your efforts. *Gives cookie* And to old and new timers alike, here's the latest silliness - er, I mean, chapter.
Captain's log, Stardate 1476.83 Captain James T. Kirk, recording
Having received a transmission from Starfleet granting shore leave to the crew of the Enterprise, we are now in standard orbit around Beta V, a class M planet much like Earth. We are preparing to beam down a landing party, to scope out the planet's suitability for the crew's relaxation and enjoyment.
I am very pleased with my crew - they are courageous, hard-working, loyal to a fault, and not one of them has ever shirked their duty or attempted to shift responsibility to someone else, and they all deserve a vacation. It is to be noted that my Chief Medical Officer is perhaps the most conscientious of his duties, and he is also the most relieved at the good news, having the interests and well-being of everyone on board at heart.
Captain's personal log, Stardate 1476.83 Captain James T. Kirk, recording
I made the ship-wide announcement about shore leave approximately ten standard minutes ago. I should be hearing from Bones any minute now...
On-board dispatch
To: Captain Kirk, personal quarters
From: Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sickbay
Who all is going to be in the landing party, Jim?
On-board dispatch
To: Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sickbay
From: Captain Kirk, personal quarters
Lt. Sulu, Security officers Lts. Barker and Yong, and Ensign Hudson the geologist. Why, do you want to accompany them?
On-board dispatch
To: Captain Kirk, personal quarters
From: Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sickbay
Not especially. I'm a doctor, not a warrior, and I have no desire to go scoping out uncharted territory. Who's going to lead this expedition?
On-board dispatch
To: Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sickbay
From: Captain Kirk, personal quarters
Why does it matter to you if you're not going, Bones?
On-board dispatch
To: Captain Kirk, personal quarters
From: Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sickbay
That's what I figured. Jim, I've said it a hundred and eighty-seven point fives times: You overwork yourself. You're just a human, same as everyone else on this ship, and you can't handle everything that you take upon yourself, not without a break. Why don't you let someone else lead this scouting party? It can't be that dangerous.
On-board dispatch
To: Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sickbay
From: Captain Kirk, personal quarters
A hundred and eighty-seven point five times is a very exact number. How did you come up with that, and where are you getting the "point five"?
On-board dispatch
To: Captain Kirk, personal quarters
From: Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sickbay
I asked Spock for a rough estimate, and the point five was that time when you deliberately spilled your coffee and short-circuited the intercom before I'd finished what I was saying. Don't change the subject. Why not let Spock lead the landing party? I'd say he was in love with that tricorder if I thought he had the capability of feeling that much emotion.
On-board dispatch
To: Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sickbay
From: Captain Kirk, en route to transporter room
Sorry Bones, the landing party is assembled and waiting in the transporter room. You should have said something earlier; there's simply not time to make alternate arrangements now.
Personal notes of Dr. "Bones" McCoy
"There's simply not time to make alternate arrangements now". He's the captain of the ship, dammit, he chooses when things like that get done! He's just trying to avoid me/the voice of reality that keeps pointing out to him the possibilities of an early grave if he doesn't lighten his load soon.
What am I going to do with that man?
On-board dispatch
To: Captain Kirk, bridge
From: First Officer Spock, crew's lounge
Am I correct, Captain, in my assumptions that Beta V is an unacceptable location for the crew's period of respite?
On-board dispatch
To: First Officer Spock, crew's lounge
From: Captain Kirk, bridge
On the contrary, Mr. Spock, we all thought it was a lovely place to take shore leave.
On-board dispatch
To: Captain Kirk, bridge
From: First Officer Spock, crew's lounge
May I remind you, Captain, of Starfleet regulations concerning shore leave? If any members of the scouting party are killed, the planet is unsuitable. If any report back injured, a second landing party must be sent to investigate further, or the premises must be vacated entirely and a different location sought. Lieutenant Barker has been admitted to Sickbay, having been attacked by a Thomomys bottae. The hostile inhabitants of the planet's surface clearly make it an entirely illogical choice for shore leave.
On-board dispatch
To: First Officer Spock, crew's lounge
From: Captain Kirk, bridge
Oh, do be reasonable, Spock. Lt. Barker tripped over a gopher and it bit him. That's all there is to it - he wasn't attacked or set upon by legions of the creatures. It's just like Earth, and I think it's a perfectly logical choice, since most the crew hails from that planet. Besides, rules were made to be broken.
On-board dispatch
To: Captain Kirk, bridge
From: First Officer Spock, crew's lounge
That is a technically incorrect statement, Captain. Rules were made to be followed for the safety and well-being of those who find themselves in the position to be operating under the aforementioned rules. It is, I believe, human nature to resist what one feels to be oppressive or extraneous rules, laws, or regulations, and when the rebellious party begins to feel guilty, they desire a justification to ease their regrets, so they resort to the adage that you quoted.
Captain's personal log, supplement
How is it that when I converse with my first officer - one of my best friends - I so often find the conversation has gotten away from me?
On-board dispatch
To: First Officer Spock, crew's lounge
From: Captain Kirk, bridge
That may be true, Spock, but I care more for the comfort, well-being, and morale of my crew than I do Starfleet regulations. Shore leave will take place on Beta V; those are my final orders.
On-board dispatch
To: Captain Kirk, bridge
From: First Officer Spock, crew's lounge
As you wish, Captain.
Dear Diary,
The landing party returned from the planet's surface not long ago, and Lt. Barker was telling me about it while I was disinfecting and dressing the bite on his ankle. He mentioned something about a beautiful lake surrounded by weeping willow trees - a very romantic spot, from the sound of it.
I wonder if Vulcans are ever sensitive to the effects of moonlight...?
Christine Chapel
On-board dispatch
To: Lt. Bauer, botany lab
From: Lt. Riley, engineering
Hey Joyce, Lt. Yong was telling me about the scouting trip earlier, and he told me about a lake surrounded by sheltering trees. It sounded like the ideal place for a private moonlight rendezvous - I mean, a good place to go talk things over without being interrupted by anyone. Will you meet me on the eastern side at 21:00 hours, whenever we get to beam down?
On-board dispatch
To: Lt. Riley, engineering
From: Lt. Bauer, botany lab
Drop dead, Riley.
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