Love Somebody

I know your insides are feeling so hollow

And it's a hard pill for you to swallow, yeah

But if I fall for you, I'll never recover

If I fall for you, I'll never be the same

~Maroon 5~

Raphael

As I lay in bed, I look past the patched up nightstand with a dozen blades sticking out the top of it, skim over the rainbow of papers neatly stacked at the corner of my desk, and pause on Lucy as she munches on her leaf beside them, before I rest my gaze on my bedroom door.

She's standing on the other side of it, I can feel her. The question is, how long does she plan on lingering before she summons up the guts to knock? Even more important how long can I lie here resisting the urge to fling it open and rip into her like she deserves?

I climb from the bed and come to stand by the door with my hand hovering over the doorknob. The truth is I already know what I'm going to do. I've already made up my mind. All that's left to do is tell her. My heart wrenches and aches as I throw open the door.

She steps back, and for the first time since I found her I allow myself to look in her stupid shining silver colored eyes. I hear her gasp and my heart crashes against my plastron as I yank her into my room, slamming the door shut behind me.

"Raph-" her coral colored lips part and I silence her with only a look.

"You, don't get to go first," I hiss.

Her eyes fill and I feel my resolve waiver, then I remember all the suffering I've endured for the past three months and clench my teeth. She's not getting off that easy. She bites her lip, and reaches for a strand of her hair, which is a mess of wild wet red waves that seem to just kiss the top of her hip. She's freaking beautiful and right now I hate her for it. Well, I wish I hated her for it.

"Okay," she whispers.

"What the hell Zoe? We've been through this again and again, I can't do this anymore! Every time we should be fighting together you run off and try to sacrifice yourself. I can't-" It's there, the damn lump, it's back and it's choking the air from my throat and there's something painful happening in the center of my plastron and for a second I wonder if I might be dying. "You're going to be the death of me ZOE! My heart can't take it, this- this- YOU!" I'm stuttering and waiving my hand from me to her and I'm so mad and yet horribly in love that I just want to grab her and shake her then kiss her and never stop.

"I'm sorry," her hand is open, resting close to her waist and she clenches it shut before opening it again then she drops her head and pulls her fist to her heart. "I never meant to hurt you."

"But you did!" As I find the fire that fuels my fury I grab both of her shoulders and pull her closer to me, then her damn honeysuckle scent rushes into my nostrils and my heart jerks, "You did hurt me. I trusted you. I told you how I felt, I said I wanted more and you left. YOU LEFT!" My voice was rising, my hands trembling and the smell of her was filling my head and spreading out like a disease, consuming me from within.

Her eyes close a second, before her cinnamon colored eyebrows knit together and she seems to force herself to open them again, "Raph, what can I do?"

"This is killing me Zoe, you have to stop because I can't-" I feel something breaking within me and the lump shifts from my throat and slams against the back of my eyes like flames licking against a window ready to bust their way out. "This hurts in ways I don't need, ways I don't want, this- what you did, it's everything I was trying to avoid. You can't do this to me," my teeth grind together and I lean so close to her my body presses against her, "I won't let you do this to me."

Her lip quivers as tears wet her eyelashes and she tries desperately to blink them away but they slip past her. She seems to crumble in my arms and as I hold her up those silvery mirrors peer into me and I burn, I burn so hot and so deep it's like the flames are devouring me, my skin is keenly aware of her warmth, the softness of her flesh beneath my fingers, the frailness of her, and I see her own bonfire has died down to a fading spark and it rips at my insides so deep I can't breathe. I know I'll never let her go, as long as there's breath in me I'll come for her, I'll fight for her, and I'll forgive her.

I would've never given up, because I couldn't, she was my destiny.

My eyes close as I lean my cheek against the side of her face and whisper to her, "I know this is a mistake... but I will never stop loving you."

"A mistake?" She pulls away, a stricken look on her face.

My words have hurt her and while I thought that's what I wanted, I know now, it's not, because her pain is mine too.

"A selfish mistake, on my part." I clarify.

Her storm gray eyes spill over and for a second she reminds me of a thunderstorm, her tears the rain falling from them, and her hair the fire from a lightning strike that only she could deliver. As I wipe away the seemingly endless downpour running down her fair cheeks, she manages to smile as she speaks the sweetest words I thought I may never hear again, "We're the most beautiful mistake I've ever made, and I'm not sorry for it. I love you Raphael."

I'm determined to kiss her, but before I can, she clears her throat, "There's just one thing."

"What?"

"Did you know this new bracelet you put on me won't come off?"

"Ya' don't say."

~Beautiful Mistakes~